Sexuality Happens

I was pretty excited to try out this game. Why? Because it was written by Susie Bright, who is awesome and cool and super fabulous, and I’m sick of games and romance-y things being all couples-centric in a hetero-centric lifestyle. I’ve played many a game, and while some have been at least pretty good, others have just stunk of hetero privilege.

This one? Awesome. The I Dare You game made very few assumptions. Questions were wide open, like “tell me three of your sexual experiences from the past” (as compared to “who were three people you had sex with in college?). I loved the questions and the dare, because I felt we could develop them to work for us, and there weren’t any I found (yet – we’re about halfway through it) that I couldn’t participate in due to my disability. That was also really nice.

It comes in a really nice box, which actually we’re now using to store an Onye. It’s the perfect size, and definitely worth keeping for storage. I didn’t like that each one was in a sealed envelope – I was hoping the envelopes wouldn’t be sealed, so we could reuse them. You know me, I like being a little sustainable, and having 30 envelopes I cannot reuse at all was kind of a downer.

That said, we loved the questions, loved the dares, loved the overall package (evenlopes aside) and loved that it could actually apply to us, instead of having to change pronouns, and all of that ridiculousness.  Of the couples games we have tried throughout the last year and a half, this is by far our favorite, and it certainly did spice up our sex life for that night; something that we desperately needed. So thanks Good Vibes and thanks Susie!

Click here to get your very own “I Dare You” game and have just as much fun!

-Essin’ Em

Last year, I was part of two different Vagina Monologues casts. Sadly, there was no where local to particpate in PHX, so I wasn’t involved this year.

However, I just stumbled across my “LOL Vaginas” photo album, where I LOL isized some pictures from before, during and after the show.  Thought they might get you through this Thursday.

Enjoy!

And Happy HNT to everyone, even you!

-Essin’ Em

Hey you - 

Are you in Portland, or the surrounding area?

Come see my FREE workshop tomorrow night.

The details:

Title: Let’s Talk Sex — Navigating Love: Relationship Mapping

Place: Fascinations
9515 SE 82nd Ave
Portland, OR 97266
Time: 7pm

Date: Thursday, May 20th

Cost: FREE

Description:

A basic training with resident sexuality educator Shanna Katz, M.Ed (that’s me!) on the basic types of relationships that people have (primary, secondary and tertiary) in their lives, how we can map them, patterns to look for, and what we can get out of these maps when we try to balance life, love, friends, work and more. Also, we’ll talk about polyamory/non-monogamy – its various facets, how to get into it, whether or not it is for you, and most importantly, how we can make it work when there are more than two people involved.

Food and drink will be served, and a free raffle will take place!

This class is in the series of Let’s Talk Sex workshops put on by Fascinations. Like other workshops in this series, they are all free, and 18+.

All attendees will get a FREE $10 gift card to Fascinations, just for showing up!

We all know how much I love the Crash Pad Series, so I’m using these pictures, the last of their hosted galleries this week to show you the hot action of Joie and Dorian. This couple is hot, steamy, and a little kinky…and of course, like all my eye candy, they’re queer! Enjoy the pictures from this super hot and exciting episode!

Click here to see the whole thing!

There have been a fuck ton of posts this week about what’s currently going on, and has been going on for years at Eden Fantasys. They are written by bloggers, reviewers, educators and former employees. More keep popping up. Who’s writing these?

AAG

Ask Garnet

That Toy Chick

Sarah Sloane

Sarah Bear

Epiphora

Brit Is Shameless

And others. I, of course, wrote one solitary post on them back in 2008, and then was accused of libel and slander, despite what I feel was a fairly upbeat ending. When that happened, AAG and That Toy Chick and I seemed to be alone in our plight, supported by a few others (including those associated with the sex blogger calendar, and whose info was leaked), and I was ridiculed via email for caring that a company that wanted to re-sell generic Chinese sex toys as brand name, who was angry at me for having a blog outside of work (which I had before I started), for taking a friend/victim of domestic violence to the ER, you name it. I was told I was being silly.

And now, it has all surfaced again.  EF has banned, with seemingly little reason, one of their top reviewers/forum participants from everything.

I’ll put out this: I do not know Epiphora. I respect her as a reviewer, and a blogger.  However, we haven’t ever chatted much, I don’t always read her site, and while I know of her and about her, I wouldn’t consider her a friend. This post is not written in anger of her banning (although I strongly feel she deserves to know exactly why, and aruge for reinstatement if she’d like, and at least her affiliate money), but more so, this post is  just reminding people of this history behind this company of silencing and screwing over members of OUR sex-positive and OUR blogging community.

A list?

Let’s see. AAG had to take them to court to try and get the remainder of her pay which they denied her, and then they screwed her over by sending an expensive lawyer to the midwest to try and prove that she had to sue the company rather than the owner, and do it in NJ. I promise that cost them a lot more than the $1200 they owed her, but they did it. AAG STILL hasn’t gotten her last 2 weeks of pay.

They tried to get out of paying me hundreds in affiliate money, claiming they had shut my account months earlier. When I sent them screen shots taken that day of my open account with money in it, they had their current affiliate manager sending me a strongly worded hurtful letter, accusing me of slander and libel.  Everything I said could be backed up by other employees, and I told them this. I got paid.

The Cock Wrangler, who was my replacement, was screwed over by them.  He’ll be putting up a post on AAG’s blog shortly.

That Toy Chick had to get multiple people involved to get her back pay. A woman from the government helping out TTC recused herself from TTC’s case because the owner (Fred Petrenko) was so vile and misogynistic to her.

Sarah Sloane left her full time position. I don’t know why, but I know Sarah and I know she is very dedicated to any job she does, so I’m going to assume (not say, but assume) that she fell victim to Fred’s common “I say one thing, in writing, and you do it, and I change my mind, and get angry at you” ploy, or to the “I’m not going to pay you what you’ve earned” schtick, or something else equally frustrating that many (not all, but many) EF employees have to put up with at some point..

Matthew, so I hear, needed to take emergency time for family. I’m not sure of the details, nor will I share them if I hear them. It doesn’t matter – family emergencies fall in the same category as domestic violence emergencies in my mind.  He was fired, just as I was yelled at for taking my friend to the ER and to file a police report (having told the boss I was doing so).

Delilah Douglas was there before I was — she hired me to help her out. She was “let go” randomly one day, about 4 months after I started. Why? Because he thought I was doing a better job and she was being “lazy” by fact checking and editing reviews, articles, etc.

That’s a lot of people who actually worked for them, aside from reviewers, members, etc.

I worked there for 1.5 years. I took my work home with me, and put in multiple extra hours on the weekends, I promoted it everywhere, I used my blog status to get other bloggers involved. I gave my heart to EF. I was instrumental in creating the profiles online, the online forums, the ability to be ranked, the have vrooms and bees, to learn about materials.  I wanted EF to be the best.

And it is the best site out there as far as functionality. I would never argue that point. Their custom made platform (made by web designers back in Moldova, at least while I was there) is rivaled by none. Fred’s son used to take the pictures, do the video, etc. I don’t know if he still does. Fred’s partner/girlfriend at the time used to be the head buyer, as well as run much of customer service, etc.  I don’t know if she still does. Keeping it in the family, and using cheaper out of county labor makes it much easier and cheaper to create an amazing site.  Giving people raises, and then taking it away a month or two later due to the “economy” (which happened to me and TTC, way before the recession), makes it cheaper. Adding things to job descriptions does the same. I was hired on as a review editor, and left as the PR Liason/Review Program Manager/Affiliate Manager/Community Outreach Educator…with no change in pay.

So no. There are no other sites that rival EF’s forums and searchability and materials listings.  Many don’t offer as high payouts on affiliate programs (although Fascinations just launched their affiliate program last week with 30% payout at GoFunLove.com and GoodVibes offers 25% for brand ambassadors with exclusivity). But other programs treat their staff well.

Babeland is known for doing so. Good Vibes is known for doing so. Smitten Kitten is known for doing so. Early to Bed, Tool Shed, Oh My, Enigma, Sugar, etc — they all have positive employee history. Heck, most of my Fascinations co-workers have been working for the company for between 4 years and 15 years.  At EF, very few non “in the family” people were there more than 9 months or a year.  What does that say?

There has been comment drama on other sites about phthalates. Lots of sites sell jelly toys. That is no what this is about.  This is about a company that treats their employees well, that treats the community well.

Not only did he blatantly outright lie in 2008 about never having had google docs (which I know multiple former employees will attest to), but then he said this, in the forums:

“I can tell you that there are far more efficient ways to spend an advertising budget than via community support. You might be surprised by how insignificant the business generated by affiliate deals with sex blogs actually is.”

He doesn’t care about the sex blog community.  I was used to bring in bloggers on board because I could and because it helped get him traffic. AAG was the same way. Then they realized they could bring in big name bloggers by wooing them (see AAG’s post above) and get them to bring in other community members for free, without having to actually pay someone. How many people promote EF/Eden Cafe/Sexis on their blogs, on twitter, on facebook, as they are writing for them, or trying to win a toy, etc? Tons. For free.

Now all sites have similar review programs, contests, etc. It’s the age of social media. But how many sites also say publicly that they don’t care about the community, don’t need the community, lie about members of the community, block reviewers/forum posters without any information, etc.

Just take a second, and think about how many complaints you’ve heard about Babeland and their treatment of the community. How many have times have you heard something negative about Good Vibes and their community relationships? Have you ever heard of these places blantantly fucking over members of the community? I haven’t.

Yet there are countless people who have been mistreated by EdenFantasys, and those are only the vocal ones. The ones with blogs, the ones willing to stand up.  I’m sorry, but what does that say about a company?

I don’t shop at Walmart. Why? Because people spoke up about their mistreatment of employees, and I don’t support that. I try to shop local or at least regional whenever I can, because I can enquire as to how people are being treated. I no longer trust any claims that Walmart might try to make, because they’ve been proven to screw people over…over and over again.

I don’t shop at Eden Fantasys. Why? Because people (myself included) spoke up about the mistreatment of employees, and I don’t support that. I try to shop smaller sex toy stores/sites, where I can enquire as to how people are treated. I no longer trust any claims that EdenFantasys might try to make, because they have been show to screw over people, members of my community none the less, over and over again.

I am not telling you what to do. I’m just giving my opinion. I don’t judge those who shop at Walmart, and I don’t judge those who shop at EF. Just educate yourself first.

-Essin’ Em

photo courtesy of Ms Scarlett

Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #14? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Stuck – Since I first saw the picture he sent me I have had this visual stuck in my head, like a sweet thing lingering in the mouth…. wrists bound, tied to headboard–ankles bound, tied to baseboard– naked, exposed

Animalistic - I grabbed the back of your ponytail like I owned you. No protest. Only a moan. Fuck, how aroused were you? Even your kiss was desperate, wet, passionate; your body was on fire and it showed.

A Hot Afternoon – She took Grady’s hand and guided it between her legs. Grady’s instinct kicked in as soon as she touched Hatty’s tender clit and felt the wetness gathered there.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Confessional: Fixation/Addiction – In porn, both video and photo, I have little interest in the men. It’s the women who get my full attention, who arouse me. I seek them out. I flick past hetero couplings, bored. Blow jobs? Meh. Oh wait, close-up of her pussy? Her coming? Ok I’ll watch now.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Thanks for the mansplanation, but I greatly prefer my vibrator – His views on female masturbation (derived, clearly, from absolutely nothing legitimate) are so fucked up, so irritating, and so detrimental, that I want to punch him in the face. It is, truly, mansplaining at its finest.

See also: Pleasurists #75 and #76 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

A Pondering

An I thought us girls were supposed to be the confusing sex?

I get ragingly horny watching gay porn

Menopausal Body

Over-Rated

Snotty Blowjob

The Ethical Slut

What counts as kinky?

What Is Romance

Why We Swing

Sex News, Interviews, Politics and Humor

Strip Club Series – Part One – Club Super Sexe

Kink & Fetish

An Anal Fairy Tale

How I Turned My (Ex)Husband Into a Pervert Pt.1

In Her Place

Kinky

Love that Thang He Does

On Productivity, Insanity and Grilled Cheese Sandwiches

Rights and Responsibilities

Shoe shopping

Show Me Your Teeth

The Greek Slave

Voice

Erotic Writing

A Recurring Fantasy

almost

Awakenings

A Helping Hand

Bite me

challenge

des fumes

Exposed

Frankie Says Swallow

For your prompt review

Gardening

Glass Elevators

Haze

In The Boardroom With Brock

Microfantasy Monday, week 77: Rain, part 2

Monday Morning Flash – “Homebaking”

One of the Hottest Moments I Had as a Prostitute

Seven

the feast

Unexpected Pleasures

Used

Wet

A poem for Q.

How do I find you sexy? Let me count that ways…

*When you open the car door for me, and close it after I’ve eased myself into the seat, I find you to be chivalrously sexy.

*When we lie in bed at nice, and you are the big spoon, holding and protecting me, the little spoon, your whole body up against me, skin on skin, I find you to be comfortingly sexy.

*When you make silly faces with me, or quote Glee and How I Met Your Mother, and our eyes connect, and there is that spark, I find you amusingly sexy.

*When you’re fucking me silly, and I look at you, deep in concentration, a bead or two of sweat rolling down your face, I find you earth shatteringly sexy.

*When I’m fucking you, sliding in and you, making you moan and groan and make those noises I love, I find you just fucking sexy.

*When we cuddle afterwards, and we are just a pile of skin and sweat and shakey-ness, I find you handsomely sexy.

*When you talk to our cats although they were our children, I find you fatherly sexy.

*When you are in my life, you make it so much better from making me food to stroking my hair, from keeping the worst issues at bay and celebrating the best. Everytime I see you, my heart jumps just a little bit. I still get those butterflies in my tummy when I see you in a tie, or you kiss my neck. You are, without a doubt, the sexiest person I know, and when I see you, or hear your voice, or get a text from you, I find you sexy. Always.

I have been craving this Off With Your Head Hitachi cover by Vixen for 2 or 3 years now, since it very first came out. While I do love sex toys as a whole, this is genius. It’s a sex toy accessory that is designed for exactly one purpose; to replace the original head of the Hitachi.

Now, this might not seem like a much needed item, but oh, please let me assure you that it IS. Why? Because the Hitachi, while the most brilliant vibrator on the market, is not sterilizable. Nope. Its white squishy head harbors bacteria more than most harbors harbor ships. That’s why I always have to use condoms on my Hitachis (I actually re-gave myself bacterial vaginosis once, because even reubbing alcohol didn’t get it off the head of the Hitachi). As someone who doesn’t need condoms to prevent babies (although I keep telling Q her eggs might morph into sperm one day), and who is currently fluid bound to my partner, having to find/buy/win condoms to use on sex toys is annoying as all things.

That, my dear readers, is why this particular toy is just brilliant. Unlike some other Hitachi cover, this one actually REPLACES the original head. Yes, I had to pull off the squishy white part (breaking a nail in the process) and replace it over the metal motor with this fantabulous Vixen invention.  How does this help things?

Off WIth Your Head is 100% medical grade silicone. This means that while soap and water can clean it, you CAN sterilize it by wiping it down with a 10% bleach solution while it’s on the toy, or just pop it off, and boil it or run it through the dishwasher (top shelf, no soap) to rid it of all bacteria and viruses.  Ergo, you can now easily share your Hitachi with partners, no condoms needed. You can get rid of the fear of re-infecting yourself. You can have a dirt free, totally awesome Hitachi.

Q and I are very happy. We had a “no more condoms” dance, as 99% of our toys are sterilizable. The Hitachi was the main hold out.

As far as feeling, it translates the vibrations very well.  It does mute them slightly, but still operates at about 95% of previous function, which works for me. Plus, it has different textures on different sides, so you can mix it up like never before.

I love it, you probably will too. Click here to get one!

You saw me wearing these fancy little leg warmers I got with Margret in San Francisco back in February, when it was cold and rainy.  And some of you asked why I’d buy them, knowing I was living in a state with so much heat and sun.  Firstly, I plan to move back to Colorado as soon as she can find a job there. With new higher education budget cuts, she has no job secruity, not to mention this state is a bit racist, and homopohobic, and she isn’t comfortable even going to the bathroom in her office building.

But all that aside, I just wanted to show y’all I can wear them in hotter temperatures too in order to absorb the ridiculous amount of sweat I now have dripping down my legs. Yuck.  But still classy, yes?

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

-Essin’ Em

The other day, I twittered something about how I was having trouble finding the right red corset/skirt/bustle combo, and jokingly suggested that I go onto a certain wedding show on TLC to have them help me find the perfect dress, and say YES to it. Some of my followers thought it was a great idea, and so I half-jokingly applied online, making it clear that I am a queer, plus size woman who does NOT want a white dress, but have my heart set on a red dress. I made my application a bit political, telling them I thought it was important for them to have more orientation and size diversity.

You can imagine my surprise when I actually heard back from them. They loved my story, and wanted to know more about me and Q (my partner), and get more pictures of me, and of the two of us. I sent them.

The casting producer seems to really like me, and Q and I were actually getting really excited. However, I had only budgeted $500 for my outfit, and while we could probably save $1000 for it, that was it. The dresses at the store on the show (which is on TLC) start at $1500. Ergo, my budget needs to be $1500-2000 to get to go on the show.

At first, I was like “this is crazy. Spending over a grand on a dress that will only be worn once (or a few times, for costume parties, etc, in my case) is out of control. I guess I just won’t go on the show.” But then everyone I talked to pointed out the importance of having a plus size woman on TV, and a queer woman (with a gender queer presenting partner), on NATIONAL TV.

So I’m going to try to do it. Many people offered to put a few dollars towards the dress. I’m going to use my frequent travel miles to get there, and stay with my partner’s family. So the cost is all the dress. Ergo, I’m trying to raise as much as I can towards the dress, and hope to bring attention both to size diversity and same-sex marriage on national TV.

I just spoke to the producer, and my filming date is June 12th in NYC.

If you’re willing to help me find the perfect red dress, and queer weddings shows on TLC at the same time, and have a couple of bucks lying around, I’d love it if you’d be willing to donate. If not, I completely understand. Just please don’t threaten me (one person on twitter said he’d like to shoot me in the head for being a queer plus size woman trying to get on TV). If it’s $5 or $50 (or $500? *looks around hopefully*), every little bit counts, and I would appreciate it very much. Please don’t donate anonymously — if for some reason this doesn’t go through, I want to make sure everyone gets their money back.

So without further ado, here is the donation button to get a queer, plus size (disable) woman on national TV trying to find her wedding dress. Please, and thank you, and please pass it on if you’re willing.

Thanks,

-Essin’ Em