Sexuality Happens

This week, we have Vai, one of my favorite vistors to the Crash Pad Series. However, this week, she’s on WiredPussy.com  over at Kink and is really getting the ride of her life. From being fisted to licking some cunt, not to mention taking an electrified strap-on, she’s getting a good work out all over, and looks damn hot while doing it.

Click here to see all of Vai’s super hot, electifying scene on Wired Pussy!

Hey all fellow Arizonians (more specifically, Phoenix peeps).

This Thursday (May 13th), I’m putting on a class for Fascinations, a free Let’s Talk Sex seminar entitled Navigating Love: Relationship Mapping. It’s at 7pm, at 14747 N. Northsight Blvd in Scottsdale, and is FREE for everyone 18+. Plus, everyone gets a free $10 gift card for attending, and we’ll have snacks and drinks.

What’s it about? We’ll talk about how to balance all relationships in your life (love, friends, job, family, and more), and how to figure out what types of relationships you do well in and can sustain without harming yourself. And for those of you wanting to learn a little about non-monogamy, we’ve got that covered too.

Not in AZ? It’ll be streamed live at 7pm PDT at http://ustream.tv/fascinations. Feel free to watch. Or, if you live in the Portland area, I’ll be doing this workshop next week on May 20th. Would love to see you at either!

-Essin’ Em

Hey all!

As you may remember, I was working (and still am) on an anthology about sexuality and disability, tentatively titled Sexual Ability. I posted a Call for Submissions, I had people repost it, but got very few essays.

For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why. Similar anthology calls were getting dozens if not more pieces submitted. I’d made sure to mirror mine in a very professional, academic way, covering many of the topics, and all of the requirements.

And a few months back, a message I got on FetLife answered my question. And I feel so stupid for having not realized this.

Because of the subject matter, I was screwing myself over. I wanted people who had disabilites to write about their struggles with them, and how it was sometimes difficult fitting sexuality into their lives…in an academic way, with lots of thoughts and edits and _____.

There are many problems with this. First of all, it was a classist call. Why? Because not everyone has the background and/or ability to write an academically styled essay. If you didn’t have the opportunity to go to college (none the less grad school), how would you even know where to get started?

And secondly, I’m asking people for who (in some case) they may get completely drained just getting to the kitchen to put forth a huge amount of thought and effort. How unfair is that?

So I re-examined, re-looked at my concept, and have decided to do a survey of people with disabilities and their partners, where they can just fill in a sheet of questions when they feel up to it, as much or as little in the way of answers as they’d like. And then I will put this information I gather in this informal qualitative survey and put it together into a book celebrating sexuality and dis/ability. Thank you to Tristan Taormino for her suggestions on survey length, approaching people, etc.

So without any more rigamorale, here is the Sexually Able Call for Participants. Please feel free to re-post anywhere and everywhere. I’d love to get not only a large number of responses, but also a very diverse one.

-Essin’ Em

A disclaimer; I would never ever in a million years compared being robbed to being raped (on the same way, I would never declared this ridiculous law in Arizona to Nazi Germany where they killed over 11 million people just for their identities).  We tend to be guilty of hyperbole.

That said, I feel violated. I feel ripped apart. I feel numb. I feel like someone has taken part of my life, flipped through it, and thrown it into the trash.

I don’t like that.

April 29th, I walked out to my car, and saw the right side window smashed, glass all over my car. It seemed as though nothing was touched. Even the glove box, with GPS in it, was still closed,

And then I remembered. The night before, I’d gone into the apartment, and realized that I’d left my purse on the floor of the front seat.  My knees hurt, and I didn’t think I’d make it up the few stairs and out to the car and back again. I thought I’d wait till morning. I though living in a gated community and one with a security guard walking around made it ok. I was wrong, and I woke up to find a big part of my life missing.

You think I’m guilty of hyperbole now. I may be, but my purse, it had EVERYTHING. My pill case with all my multiple medications. My credit and bank cards, my current license, as well as my old ones from PA and CO. My old Colorado College school ID. Numbers for old doctors, physical therapists. My business cards and those of important contacts. Pictures of my deceased father. Medical reciepts. An Anne McCaffery book I was in the middle of reading. My camera, with a ton of pictures on it, including un-duplicatable ones from Queer Prom. Filled out frequent buyer cards.  Gift cards for restaurants and grocery stores.  $16 of cash. Make up. Chapstick. A leopard print nail file. And more. I kept my life in that purse.

Moreover, it was the perfect purse, the one I’ve been looking for over a long period of time.  Q got it for me as an anti-valentine’s day present. It had tons of pockets, the right number of pockets, but wasn’t too big I couldn’t carry it. It was leopard print, and made of a parachute like material, so it was harder to destroy.  We found it for $50 on ebay, it was over $100 retail. I don’t think they even make it anymore, and if they do, I sure can’t afford it.

Thankfully, Q’s car wasn’t touched. Thankfully, my car was still there. Thankfully, no one was hurt. I have many things to be thankful for, I know.  But I also want my stuff back. I looked in the dumpsters with Q’s help, hoping they took the wallet and camera, and dumped the rest. No luck.

I feel gross, knowing that someone knows all about me. Knows where I live, where I get my frozen yogurt, that my dad and I used to ice skate together. I feel gross imaging them flip through the images on my camera. I feel gross knowing that someone is perusing my life, someone I don’t know, and to whom I didn’t give permission.

Thank you to the community for yours immense support. It is so much more than appreciated. However, no amount of love and kindness can make me feel untouched and safe again. I still tripled lock the doors. I still jump when I see someone walking by my apartment. I still am saddened when I realize what else I’m missing. And I still feel violated. And I don’t like it.

-Essin’ Em

To add to my current collection of sex toys, I now have my very first Ophoria toy ever; the Beyond 1 G-Spot Vibe.

Who is Ophoria? They are a company who has been around a little over a year, who happens to make toys only made out of 100% medical grade silicone.  As far as “luxury” value, I’d put them a step below Lelo, whose rechargable body friendly toys are really challenged by none, but way above any of the main manufacturers. They make good, solid, body safe, and fairly affordable toys, including both dildos and vibes.

Where to begin? I was a little nervous, since Hey Epiphora had recently reviewed the Beyond 1, and found it lacking.  However, I, as always, was willing to try it out, regardless.

The packaging? Stunning. I know people get all bored when packaging is discussed, but let me tell you, it was beautiful. First, the shipment box of cardboard. Then the inner box, with the logo and embossed bubbles.  You could have stuck a cheap ass Cal Exotics toy in there and I would have still at least given it a look because the packaging was smoooooth. Once you open THAT, there is a black box of good quality you can use to store it, with the toy packaged in foam, and a storage bag and batteries underneath. A) Yes, it came with batteries (thank you!) and B) A nice storage bag to keep it lint free. I’m glad companies are finally listening to people’s feedback.

It also has a 1 year warranty (yay!), and 9 vibration modes. The first three are your average low, medium and high, and then it gets into the crazy patterns. I literally had the instruction booklet by my bed to help me figure them out. Are they better than the regular mode? Perhaps, but we tend to just prefer the regular three anyways.

We had a similar problem to Epiphora regarding the handle. While Q did ok if she was using it to masturbate, it made it very difficult to hold on to fuck someone.  Once lube (water based only of course) entered the picture, it was damn near impossible. Even without lube, it hurt my hands to hold it for any period of time.  Plus, the angle had to be very specific, or else it hurt, and that angle is hard to keep up when you’re fucking someone, your hands are cramping up, and you are holding onto the toy for dear life.

That said, it makes a good masturbation toy you if you like vibrating insertables. Mine is fairly quite (not whisper, but definitely not loud), and it packs a good deal of power for two AAA batteries.   If you’re looking for vibrating G-spot play by yourself, I’d suggest this (or the Gigi!). I do want to try the Beyond 3 though – it has a better handle, and is a dildo, so may be better for active fucking.

4 stars for solo play, 3 stars for partner play (out of 5).

Click here to get your own G-spot vibe.

-Essin’ Em

I’m in Arizona (please don’t throw rocks at me — I’m not here choice!). It’s getting ridiculously hot here, and our pool isn’t fixed yet. I do NOT like this.

However, our friends have a pool. And a hot tub. And Q and I and two of their triad went to go enjoy the hot tub the other night, when it was still fairly cool, and one of them got this picture of my feet.

We know I’ve never been a big foot person. Not ever. Not mine, not anyone elses. However, I’m learning to enjoy having other people touch my feet; paint my nails, give me foot massages, etc.  And I’m celebrating my new found enjoyment of feet by particpating in a Phoenix area foot party hopefully in June.  So if you’re interested and local, come on out!

And for everyone else, enjoy my feet if you like them, scroll down away from it if you don’t, and have yourselves a very happy half-nekkid Thursday!

-Essin’ Em

This week, we’ve got Madison Young and Dylan Ryan again, in a less kinky but still super hot and super queer shoot. Where’d I get these hot pictures of a tall blonde sex goddess and a kinky gorgeous redhead? Why, at Madison Bound of course!

I love these two ladies, because they are the epitome of sex positive porn.  Intelligent women who shoot the hot sex they enjoy having, with people to whom they are attracted, regardless of their co-stars genders, orienations, and so on. They film the sex they like to have, and you can really see, both in picture and on film, how much they enjoy it.  Plus, off camera, they are both sweet and smart, fun to talk to, and get a drink with.

But all that aside, these pictures are bloody hot! Enjoy:

Click here to see more of Madison, Dylan, and all the other hot porn people who fuck and suck and have fun on Madison Bound!

The other day, as we lay together in bed, I asked Q if she’d be willing to be a bit more romanctic. I told her that while I knew how much she loved me, and that I loved her an incredible amount, that we’d settled into a routine, and that I needed to be romanced more.

She wanted to know what that meant, and pointed out we didn’t have a lot of extra money running around (and this was even before I was robbed, which cost us $400+ in glass relacement fees, replacing cards, IDs, the cash stolen, my camera, etc).  It was hard to say what it looked like. It was Dylan Ryan tweeting about her partner bringing her a “almost done with your thesis cake.” It was other people talking about massages before bed, or wildflowers their lovers had picked to cheer them up. I had no easy answer, just that it didn’t have to involve money, just SOMEthing romantic.  Big help I was, I know.

Wednesday, she texted me that she’d been driving all around town looking for a sunshade for me. It’s 90+ degrees in Phoenix, and apparently, it’s still too cool for place to sell sunshades for cars. So she went around, desperately trying to find one.  She couldn’t, so she texted me again, telling me that THIS was why she wasn’t romantic, that THIS was romance FAIL.

But it wasn’t. To me, it was more romantic that she cared enough to try multiple places to find me a damn sunshade, more so even than if she’d found and bought one at the first place she stopped. Romance was the fact that she faced adversity and frustration trying to find something for me that would help make my life better.

Romance was when I woke up to find my car window smashed and much of my life (all in my purse) stolen, and she stayed home from work, calling the insurance and glass companies while I cancelled my credit cards.  It was her lending me money to replace my IDs, and still taking me out for Dining Out For Life that night, because she new how important it was to me.  She told me that this is what anyone would do. I beg to differ. I had an ex (F) who wouldn’t even postpone a weekly kink mentorship for an hour to come comfort me when Athena died. Yet here was Q, my knight in shining armor, helping me fill out the police report, and arranging for my window to be replaced within 3 hours of finding it smashed.

So what IS romance? I don’t know. I feel like I sound like good ol’ Justice Stewart when I say “I know it when I see it,” but it’s true. Romance is what happens when relationship go outside of the head, and trickle back down into the heart, when routine is broken, when someone goes out of their way to show their love for you. It doesn’t have to involve a single cent (although I’m still holding out for a bouquet of black calla lilies one day…for now, I buy myself my own flowers), but it does have to involve heart.

And Q is no Tinman. Her heart is there, is beating, and is plenty big enough for me. And her romance? It’s just my style, even if I don’t quite know what my style is.

What is romance to you?

-Essin’ Em

Photo courtesy of Emmy

Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #13? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Flesh – Her mind awash with the thought of fucking. The smell of his scent stirring her cunt, her skin alive and encased by lust.

Putting energy in – Play is energising, at its best; so when both of you are tired, sex or spanking can be a way to get away from it all, rejuvenate your emotional connection and stimulate body and brain with a flood of hormones and endorphines.

A Rude Awakening – In the depths of the night, I half wake to the feel of her cool skin wrapping itself around my back. Soft breasts pushing against my ribs and her groin moulding itself to my buttocks.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Shouldn’t – It always starts off so inconspicuously. Innocent, like the sort of teasing that might occur now and then between any other pair of friends who share a hint of attraction to each other.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Comfort – She’s so strong and yet, when we lie down together, she makes herself small and vulnerable for me. ”Hold me” she says in a tiny voice

See also: Pleasurists #73 and #74 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Writing

Back Story

bodystocking blowjob

Bella Durmiente

Began my day

Bubbleland

Current events

Fiction: Growth

First Meetings…

Game On

“I want your cock in my mouth”

“Make Me”

Mauled at Noon

Monday Morning Flash – “Bathtime”

musing/not asking

Negotiations

Oh, What a Night

One Last Surprise

Over-Ruled?

Park ‘N Ride Me

Slut with Wine Bottle

Stardust

Satin Met a Laddie

Unravelled

Wednesday meeting with V

Kink & Fetish

BDSM Advice Series: Gags

Domme for a day

FetInRealLife #12 – DIY Flogger

First Memories

Impact

Last Night

New friends and intense, sweaty, loud orgasms

Out with the Old, in with the New

Sluts, Squirts and Swing Clubs

Steel

Submissive Skills: Hunt Slut

Trust

taking her as My girl, discovering the Dom within

“Welcome to SpankingCast, our spanking podcast”

Sex News, Interviews, Politics and Humor

Building Community for Sex-Positive Sexuality Professionals

Soaking — Marinating in the Cunt of Christ

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Gay Pride

Going Bareback

I Can’t

Ladies, what do your genitals say about you?

My Identity is Erased

More Bad Advice

My Rape Story

Read and you may learn…V-massage

Psychology of Rape Fantasy- An Overview

Support Survivors

Top 10 Good Things About A LDR

You Shur Got a Pretty Mouth

This is a question I got in my email from a reader, and my answer. I’d love to hear other people’s ideas, experiences, suggestions, etc.

-Essin’ Em

I started following your blog this year and really love the stuff you post.  I’ve asked this question to a few people who I would think know a grounded answer, such as my school’s Sexual Information Center staffers and the staff at my school’s Student Health Center, but I think the first just didn’t have enough background knowledge and the second actually tried to make me feel stupid, asking if the lubricant I used was food when I specified and repeated that it was meant for sex.  I also asked a few friends, but they all came up blank.  Anyhow, I was back on your site and remembered that you work as a Sex Educator and seem lovely and smart and are maybe more knowledgeable on the subject matter.

So, my question….I had a vaginal yeast infection a few weeks ago, which is all cleared up (I did a follow-up appointment and everything, cuz I was slightly paranoid). My favorite lube is Probe, which has vegetable glycerin and I was wondering whether or not I should continue to use it.  I’d been using Probe for months before I got my yeast infection and hadn’t had any problems.  When I was diagnosed at a Planned Parenthood, I apparently had one of the mutant strains that’s more resistant to OTC treatment and home remedies and also presents differently, which they think is why I didn’t know I had one until it got really bad (my main symptom was dryness and I barely had any discharge until I was seen).  They think it could have possibly started in January when I went on antibiotics after I had my wisdom teeth extracted even though I was taking an acidophilus supplement and eating yogurt.  Damn mutant yeast.  Also, the two glycerin-free lubes I’ve tried since, Pink Water and H20 both make me sting, which is weird and concerning.  Nothing on either bottle says that there should be any sort of “warming sensation”–which I avoid because I think it’s a little weird on it’s own.  Advice? The lubes that sting me are getting chucked or given away, cuz I don’t trust them.

Sorry for the super long email.  Good luck with the blog!  Also, you can feel free to post this as a question from a reader on your blog to get a survey answer.

Me:

Odd answer for you, but have you had them check you for bacterial vaginosis?  Because I’ve had that before (right after a yeast infection, so it didn’t get diagnosed), and I had similar symptoms of burning/stinging/warming with my favorite lubes…but no itching or fish smell (usually present with BV). However, once they tested me, they found out I had it.  It’s happened now a total of 3 times…they have no idea why, but I don’t get the normal symptoms, but have the lube issue, and when I get tested, I have had BV. BV is one of those weird things you can get randomly, even if you’re not having sex, and sometimes can be a pain in the cunt to get rid of.
 
Otherwise, I’d try something organic (like sliquids organic) or more gel like and still glycerin free (like Maximus).
 
I hope that advice helps…