When my marriage was in turmoil, he would hold me, listen to me moan on and on tearfully and then say just the right things to put me back together again.

He has turned me from a woman who hated her body into the glorious vixen that you all know today.

Every night, he will read me a bedtime story from a book he chose especially to help me to deal with all the stresses that I put into my life.

He doesn’t have much money so, for my birthday, he spent the whole day pampering me – massages, food and, of course, fucking :)

Romance is when someone goes out of their way to give something of themselves because they love you.

I think the core piece of what makes an act romantic or not is whether there is thought, love and attention paid within the act. That the lover’s preferences, values and nuances are paid attention to. The romantic act can be a huge gift or a tiny moment, but the presence of thoughtfulness is what makes romance to me. The experience of being romanced can make a person feel both seen, valued and taken care of in a moment.

I think there are four main styles of expressing romance: surprises, gifts, pre-arranged events or trips and everyday romance. Of course, there are always bonus points for originality, creativity and things that are hand-made. Romance is certainly a case where size of an act doesn’t matter, but the thoughtfulness behind the act that makes magic.

My favorite style of romance is in the everyday moments, where you get into a practice of constantly mining your conversations for ways to contribute to one another. I don’t drink coffee, but often I make my partner her morning coffee and bring it to her as a ritual of love. She will often get me a sweatshirt when she suspects I might be cold without my asking, or asks if she can bring me anything as I sit reading on the couch. They are small moments but always make me feel so loved and cared for. To me, the constant act of tending to one another’s needs and desires as best you can is romance.

I also like that we often seem to end up holding hands when we are watching something on the box :)

xx Dee

Romance is when he snuggles up to me at night in his sleep.

Romance is when he gets up and showers first so that I can have 10 minutes more of sleep.

Romance is when he starts the coffee in the morning, even though he doesn’t drink coffee.

Romance is when he reaches over and holds my hand as we’re driving down the highway.

Romance is when he lets me take his new car (convertible) to the store.

Romance is the way he reaches over and runs his fingers through my hair while we’re watching TV … just because he needs to touch me.

Romance is when he emails me in the middle of the day just to say that he hopes my day is going well.

It doesn’t have to be the grand gesture. It’s all the little things that show that he wants me, needs me, loves me.

It seems that it’s that way for you, too!

In the end no, it’s not the money. It’s the time, the effort, sometimes nothing more than the thought.

Someone I love taking the time out of their busy schedule to help me, listen to me, and comfort me ranks high on my romantic scale.

I had an ex who always, no matter what, came with me to my psychiatrist appointments. Just to support me, or correct me gently when I gave the standard response of “okay.” It was amazingly romantic.

He would also give me greeting cards at random times just to see me smile. That helped in the romance department as well!

I was beyond crushed at having a friend/lover I’d trusted with a lot of emotional intimacy tell me he couldn’t risk associating with me in a public way because it could damage his career. It was the original partner who was there to take care of me during that split. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt more special and cared for than having someone (who was still so angry at me we couldn’t even talk about the fight) spooning me and comforting me and telling me how amazing I am anyway. That means more to me than all the words in the world.

What he’s always lacked in “romance” and saying adorable things, he’s more than made up for in always knowing when to *do* something right. In March/April, I basically had a showdown between Mr. Flowery Sweet-talk and Mr. Reliable, and guess what? Deeds matter more than words. I’ll never again feel quite so fussy about wishing for more verbal romance.