Sexuality Happens

Having lost my father at the age of 13, I never really got to celebrate Father’s Day when it was my idea of what to do, what to get him, how to tell him how awesome he was. Basically, my mother made dinner plans, bought presents, and my sister and I signed the cards.

Lots of people don’t have fathers; they have lost them physically (due to death, as in the case of my father), or emotionally. They have been estranged, have distanced themselves, have been kicked out due to their identity or relationships, or perhaps they were raised not by mother and father, but just by mother. Or grandparents. Or aunt and uncle. Or uncles.

So if you have a father, one still alive, and in your live, who care about you, and whom you care about, go forth, and wish him a happy father’s day.

But for everyone else, who doesn’t have (or maybe never had) a father, please take a moment to think about someone in your life, someone with masculine energy, who has been a mentor to you, who has been a role model to you, who has been there for you. Perhaps you’re blood related, perhaps not. Who knows when you even spoke to them last. It doesn’t matter. Think about that person (or hopefully, those people) who has cared for and supported you in similar ways to a father, who as been there for you.

Please take a moment to celebrate with them. Maybe that is just a quick email, a handwritten note, or a phone call. Maybe it’s walking into the other room, or maybe it’s placing a long distance call internationally. Maybe it’s a present, maybe it’s dinner, maybe it’s just sitting in some rocking chairs on a front porch. Whatever it is, let them know you recognize them, and thank them for their care, their support, their guidance.

We don’t all have fathers, but every single one of us has had a mentor, a role model, or at the very least, someone older than us (by a day or by 70 years) who has taken us under their wing, and given us care. I want to take that day to recognize and thank these people.

That’s all.

-Essin’ Em

I was a virgin until I was 21 (last year) and because I didn’t have a partner, I had fun by myself. I explored my body and what I liked, but never tried penetration, for reasons I don’t really even know. Anyways, after a long time of trying (seriously, it took a while!!), my (first) girlfriend managed to break my hymen and I started getting used to/liking one of her fingers inside of me – probably around last september. However, the orgasms that I was used to having from my clit were nowhere in sight. By now, I usually enjoy what she is doing to me a whole lot and am even able to enjoy more than just one finger (three at the most), BUT it never feels like I actually come. I can go for a really long time and I get to a point where it’s just too much, but I don’t feel like I orgasmed. I’ve tried getting myself off on my clit with her inside of me, but usually it doesn’t work because I can’t seem to come with her inside of me. When she pulls out, I do actually contract quite often, but I don’t really do that with her inside of me – is that possible or do I just not feel it? Often, I will feel like I have to squirt (I managed to get her to squirt a few times already :D !!), but no matter what I do (relax/push on it/…), I never do. When I try to push or when she fucks me really well, it literally hurts inside of me – I think my g-spot might be what is hurting!?! I don’t really understand why that would be happening or what that could mean, but it bugs me. She is really good in bed and she takes a lot of time and energy to pleasure me, but since I’m not able to fully, completley get off from it, I sometimes just say no to sex because I don’t want to be frustrated. When I have fun by myself, I always come. I have tried using our toy by myself (Lelo Gigi), but when I turn it to a setting that makes me feel like I could come it hurts too. I know that some women can’t come vaginally, do you think that’s what it is? I have tried to show her how to get me off with my clit, but I can only come with the right speed/pressure combination and even with good instructions she doesn’t get it quite right, because she doesn’t feel what I feel. D’uh! So I got tired of trying that, because it just made us both frustrated.

Anything would be greatly appreciated!! I’m out of ideas and no research on the internet has brought up anything useful yet.
Thank you so much!

-Needs Help

Hey N.H:

Thanks for writing.

First of all, you can always continue to get off by yourself, with clitoral stimulation, the way you like it.  Just because you have a partner doesn’t mean that you can’t masturbate anymore.  You can masturbate on your own, you can both masturbate lying in bed together side by side, you can have her play with your hair, neck, breasts, kiss you, etc while you masturbate. Plenty of ways to make that work.

Not everyone likes penetration, and some people like it, but very gently. Lots and lots of women of all orientations don’t get off from penetration.  So there is nothing wrong with either your or your girlfriend — it’s just trying to figure out the puzzle pieces of what feels good to you, and then practicing. A lot :).

Perhaps have her put her hand over yours while you’re masturbating, so she can see exactly where you put it, for how long, etc. Then have her try, with your hand over hers, guiding her in direction and pressure. You’re creating sexual energy and pleasure together, and you’re getting the stimulation you need while she’s helping give it to you.

It sounds like you may have a sensitive cervix. I have one of those – touch it and I want to punch someone. Q, however, likes having her cerix touched. It’s different for each person.  If you’d like, try penetration with toys on your own, but feel around for your cervix first and avoid it. See if that helps.

If you’re enjoying the sex between the two of you, why not use her enjoyable fucking of you as epic foreplay, and then have her watch you as you get off for her, your way at the end, so that everyone has fun and is satisfied.

Let me know if you try these and how they work for you. I wish you luck.

-Essin’ Em

Photo courtesy of Sexy Tiger X

Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #16? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Evolution – Open Marriage, Swinging, & Polyamory – Do we REALLY believe that there is one love for us? Do we really believe there’s one cock or pussy to fuck for the rest of our life?

Sweet To Taste – “I’m dinner tonight,” she breathes. “So don’t let me get cold before you start feasting.”

Having a boyfriend makes me feel fat - I know my worth as a person isn’t devalued by my weight – but I can’t get past the notion that my worth as a partner is.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Fucked by a Stranger – For as long as I can remember, I’ve had this bizarre, twisted fantasy. The roads leading to it were different, but the end result the same: a stranger fucking a very willing me in my bed in the dead of night.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

At Her Mercy – “You have been such a good boy today. Where do you want me to put your cock next?” she said with a wink.

See also: Pleasurists #78 and #79 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Writing

A Taste of Honey
A Collaborative Fantasy
Dirty in all the Right Places
Fuck my face
I miss your cock
I Didn’t Think I Was Ready…
In a nightclub
Just can’t get enough
Let’s Not Waste That Morning Wood
Morning Lust
Nothing Personal, prologue, part one
Possess Me
Stowaway Dildo. Confession #477
The Black Sheets
The Sitter
Waking Up

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

EdenFantasys: A pattern of deception
HIV, Lube Quality, and Anal Sex: Scare Tactics at the LA Times
I Bet Nick Cage Won’t Eat A Preying Mantis
Interview with Scott Owens of EroticBPM
Reaching a Goal

Kink & Fetish

Another Night of Debauchery
Batteries with a Hook
Chastity and the ensuing Punishment
Differences in Submission
I can feel him punch-fucking me
Patient Griselda
Please hurt me
Please, Sir
Remembrances
Story: The Price (FM/M)
Summoned
The Submissive & My Paddle
Visceral and cerebral
Whippings at the Royal Palace

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Answers with an Agenda 3- Dental Dams
Acceptance
Getting Started – Their Profile
How Swinging Gave Me Confidence
My View on Monogamy
Roxy’s April Visit: Collaring My girl, the Ceremony
Sometimes Simplicity
The Sad Seal Lady & Other Precautionary Tales
The 4 of Swords

There is just something about being in a hotel room that makes me want to take pictures. Perhaps it’s the decor that is different than my usual space. Maybe it’s the clean white sheets, or the feeling of being someone out of the ordinary. Who knows; it could be the interesting designs of the fabric, the oh so blah pictures on the walls, or the fact that I’d love to stand up against the full length window on the 22nd floor with Q pushed up behind me.

I don’t know. 

But here’ s a hotel picture from my recent trip to Pittsburgh, with my long and lovely legs.

HHNT to all!

-Essin’ Em

A fabulous reader of mine turned me unto this project, and I think it’s amazing. Similar to the concept of Queer Eye Candy, whose goal was to present visible queer people to the world, this project is reclaiming and celebrating queer bodies as what they are. 

This whole project is done by a undergrad student named James, who is running this project to collect pictures of queer bodies, however they may be; butch, femme, boi, grrl, different abilities, different sizes, different gender presentations, etc. Here is a little info from the queer bodies project page about the project:

Queer communities counter, reject, and reinvent ideas of family, home, love and beauty. We try to make spaces for ourselves: for bodies and desires and lives other than those we were taught. Our bodies become our stories of assimilation and resistance and redemption and gender and love. They bear the scars and stretch marks and laugh lines of lives in progress, and I feel such love and pride for each of us, these queer bodies, these people who are so marked.

I want to document the variation and ferocity of queer experience. I don’t want to situate queers in opposition to straight people. This isn’t about them. We do not need to justify our existence. We are people, and that is enough. I want to paint people who are making and working and loving and becoming whole, happy, and healthy. I chose portraits because I know that there is no one person or image that shows the whole of queer experience, it is different for each person. There are only small snippets, pieces of the greater picture, that can be found in each individual queer life.

I’m collecting images of queer people to paint so that I can document some part of queer experience. 

I think this is a brilliant idea, and I highly encourage everyone who is willing, to partcipate and bring more visibility to queer bodies.

-Essin’ Em

Here is my queer body…Photo by Michael Barone

We all know what a huge fan I am of Jiz Lee, queer porn star, social justice activist and deep thinker.  I also have a special place in my heart for Dylan Ryan, queer, fematistic, sweet as honey, and another fabulous porn star. These two have been taking the industry (both queer and mainstream) by storm, both securing AVN nominations this past year for their work. This hot scene really showcases the chemistry between them, and if this isn’t your queer cuppa tea, I’m not quite sure what it is. Make sure to visit NoFauxxx for more hot picture of these two, and tons of other queer models and more.

-Essin’ Em

In the past year, year and a half, I’ve begun to realize how many sides there are to my sexuality. When I first started to figure out who I was, I was a bisexual submissive. I’ve turned into a queer pervert.

I am a bit sadistic sometimes. Not in the way that you hear/read/see about with serial killers. Not in an evil kind of way (although I do laugh a lot, which might make me seem a little bit more evil). I don’t like hurting people that don’t like being hurt.

When I play with my moose, I like to play rough. I get a little bit more sadistic. Why? Because she makes the most delicious noises when I run my knife across her smooth skin, when I smack my hand across her perfectly formed ass, when I rip the duct tape bonds from her…whenever I do something that I don’t think I’d much like on myself, she makes she squeaky, happy coo-ing noices. She laughs, she smiles, she makes me feel like I am fulfilling her.

When I am with Q, I am a different kind of a sadist. Q doesn’t like pain really, although she occasionally likes her nipples pulled. No, no, I’m much more of a situation sadist with her. Playing with her nipples is a) an instant way of making her horny, but b) is a great way of frustrating her…I like to play with them right before we leave the house, doing it sneakily while we’re out and about, play with her right before we fall asleep. Even though it’s not a pain situation, she makes these delicious moans and squeaks and tries to push me away and we tussle and I love trying to best her. She wins about half the time, I win the other half.

I never really thought of myself as a sadist. I mean, compare me to K, or someone who leaves someone bloody from time with a single tail. No, I’m not in that category.  But that doesn’t *not* make me a sadist per se. I can be sadistic (and very much ENJOY) being sadistic when in the right situation. When I’m teasing Q to the extreme and making her want me and know that she can’t have me at that point in time (because she knows that she can always have me in the end), I feel a rush. When I have my moose in front of me and I’m hitting her or biting her or tickling her, I feel a rush.

I’m not always ready for that side. It’s not always a part of me. It comes and it comes, and a lot of it is based on who I am playing with in that moment in time. Q and Evey (le moose) tend to bring it out in me more than anyone else ever has, and I’m slowly, but surely, learning to embrace this side of myself, this fun, amusing, laughing, fun loving, rush-filled sadistic at times side of me.

As you may remember, I have very good things to say about the Jimmy Jane Form 6 (review), and I had high hopes for the Jimmy Jane Form 2. I mean, I loved the Jimmy Jane Massage Stone (review), as well as their absolutely amazing Jimmy Jane Afterglow Massage Candles (review).

We got this in pink, because that is what we were given (thanks for the toy Jimmy Jane!).  However, it also comes in a sexy slate black, as pictured above. Obviously, Q and I prefer the back, but a toy is a toy.

I was a little nervous going in, having read Epiphora’s post on the Form 2 Fail, and having heard many stories from various people about how their Form 2s seemed to eventually get a mind of their own.  I was determined to give it a good chance, as I love the Jimmy Jane brand.  We plugged it in, it charged well, and we took with with us to the hotel.

In the hotel, it was amazing. Q loved it.  It had a different type of vibration them I’m used to. Is it powerful? Oh yes, very much so.  But because of the shape, it more hugs the sides of the clit then doing a direct simulation of it (which I tend to prefer, as I am very much a Hitachi Girl). Q preferred that, because the Hitachi is often a bit too much for her (which is sad, because I love the Hitachi). We tried to replicate the issues that Epiphora had, but weren’t able to do so, making me think that maybe hers had been a fluke.

And then, Q used it while I was gone at AASECT. And when I came back, she told me the sad truth; it had started changing vibration randomly on her. Depending on the angle and the pressure, the vibration and type would suddenly change, and then go back, and then change again, and that is was incredibly frustrating. I’ve talked to other Form 2 owners, and have heard similar things from them, as well as from one woman who told me hers sometimes makes a screaming like noise as it changes vibration levels.

And if that wasn’t sad enough, we’re having a hell of a time recharging it. The cord doesn’t stay in the charge pad, and then when we force it in and are able to get it to stay, it’s so touchy to get it to charge. It has to stay exactly right on the pad to charge, otherwise, no light, no go.

It says it can be submerged, but we haven’t even gotten there yet, due to the issues. It IS, fabulously enough, made of 100% medical grade silicone (so body friendly and phthalate free), and can be sterilized with 10% bleach solution.

I love Jimmy Jane, but I think the Form 2 might need a little more refining before it’s as awesome as the Form 6.  Make your own choices, but I feel the Form 6 is a much better option right now.

-Essin’ Em

Click here to get your own Form 2, or try your hand at a sexy Form 6.

Guess who is coming to visit me in Phoenix today?

Why, my favorite moose of course! That’s right, my secondary play partner/primadary friend from Denver is coming to visit this weekend.

Did I ever tell you how I met? I was having dinner with two members of the kink community; one in Denver, one visiting, and I mentioned I liked fisting.  The gentleman I was with suggested one of his partners was kind of queer, and would probably like fisting.  I smiled and nodded, and kind of let it go.

Later that night, I went to a play party at the RACK Room, to play pinata with my visitor from Utah. We put candy all over her, and beat it off her.  Afterwards, I met Evey, my soon to be moose.  It was one of those “ohhhh, so you’re the girl your partner wants me to meet and possibly fist, right?” moments of complete awkwardness. Remember, I’m incredibly awkward. 

She let me do a spanking and paddling scene with her. It was fun and entertaining.

Since then, we’ve built our relationship in various directions. We’ve played together, I’ve played tic tac toe on her with a knife, we’ve had sex, I’ve tied her up, she’s cleaned my apartment, we’ve cuddled, hugged, chatted, cupped, fired, talked, and much much more. I love her to death, and view her as a partner, even though we’re no longer sexually active.

I can’t wait to see her, and spend the weekend with her. I have many a plan, and look forward to enacting them.

She writes her own blog; Voyeur on Display – you should check it out!

And with that, I’m off to go have fun with my moose! I have some surprises in store.

-Essin’ Em

PS.  Isn’t she adorable?

You all know how much I love lube. Lube is very important to me, and when I teach, lube is always involved. Have you read my lowdown on lube yet? If not, do it.

One thing I’m always looking out for is glycerin free and paraben free lubes, because a lot of people have sensitivities to these ingredients.  I never did before, but lately, it’s been more of an issue.  Glycerin-free lube is much more available now, water-based lubes are compatible with all sex toys, and it’s around the same price as lube with glycerin, so why not try it out.

I was sent Sliquid Organics Lube to test out, and I was really excited, but a little nervous too. The last organic lube I tried out have vegetable glycerin in it, which resulted in my first and second ever yeast infections. However, this organic lube IS glycerin free and paraben free, so it was worth a try.

Upon opening it, I did the tests I always do; smell and taste. Given that it is made out of all natural/organic botanicals, I expected there to be at least a smell OR a taste, but there were neither, surprising both me and Q.

As far as water based lubes go, it wasn’t my favorite; that spot still belongs to Maximus. However, compared to other organic water based lubes (like the Organic Naked lube from Babeland), this Sliquid Organic lube is pretty awesome. It’s nice and gooey, has a pourable click-top bottle, as compared to the screw top bottles of some other lubes that tend to get really annoying, and it it had a pretty good lasting time before it got too sticky. Like all water based lubes, when it started to get sticky, water reactivated it just fine.

Unlike the long term results of the Organic lube from Babeland, neither Q nor I have ended up with a yeast infection, which makes it much more of a success. While neither of us have much of glycerin sensitivity or issues with parabens, this is a great lube for anyone who does, as well as anyone looking for a vegan lube (Good Clean Love is NOT vegan), or an organic lube.  Plus, it’s a cute, classy bottle, it travels well, and has easy clean up. My favorite organic lubricant is Sliquid Organics.  4 out of 5 stars.

-Essin’ Em

Click here to get your own bottle of Sliquid Organics.