Sexuality Happens

Ever Changing

Relationships are constantly and consistantly changing. Period. Anyone who thinks otherwise is deluding themselves.

When I say relationships, I mean everything from friendships to lovers, play partners to family, etc. Relationship means two (or more) people in relation to one another.

Think for a moment about your best friend from 1st grade. Do you still talk? Do you still have the same dynamic? What about your parent/guardian? Is your relationship the same now as it was last year, three years ago, five years ago? Or your last lover/hook-up/ex? How has that relationship changed since you are no longer together?

Relationship change, everyday. I don’t understand when people say things like “this is perfect– let’s never let our relationship change.” How is that possible? Even if both (or all) people didn’t want any change, change is inevitable. As other parts of our lives change, morph, grow, crash and burn, etc, this all has an effect on each and everyone of our relationships. Resisting change is futile; only when we can accept it and work with it can our relationships truly blossom and change.

Take my moose Evey. When we first met, her primary partner was essentially trying to convince me that she would be an ideal fisting partner. However, despite that move on his part, we wound up becoming more of play partners in the kink scene. At first, it was a bit more serious styled, and then we both discovered our love of silly, amusing scenes, and we went from there. At one point, we had sex (well, not according to formerly mentioned primary, but we did according to us), and decided that we didn’t think that’s where the relationship needed to go. We didn’t repeat that experiement.

Sometimes, she’s more a service moose, helping me get around, bringing me ice, planning things, bringing people to see me. Sometimes, she’s just a moose, and we talk in ridiculous accents and plan our scenes. Sometimes, she bottoms to me, letting me play tic tac toe on her arms, or beat her up while wearing a cape. Our relationship constantly changes, depending on where each of us are (physically, emotionally, mentally, and locale-wise).

Recently, our relationship changed again. We had some play time planned at Thunder, and in the middle of it, she realized that her submission to her primary, her Master, now made it very difficult, neigh on impossible for her to get into the right head space to bottom to or submit to other people. My moose decided that while she was still open to play with others, she planned to focus more on topping.

For a moment, I was sad. I now have a bunch of beautiful new custom canes, and no one to use them on (Q doesn’t like pain). I have no one to be a silly bottom to my ridiculous top. However, then as I sat for a moment, and really thought about, I saw that this is just one more change in our relationship, one more facet for us to figure out, one more branch of growth.

Without change, relationships can grow old, and stale, and wither. It is only with change, and embracing it, can we grown, both on our own, and in our relationships.

-Essin’ Em

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6 Comments so far

  1. Aida Manduley July 31st, 2010 7:51 pm


    I love this post.

  2. Diasia July 31st, 2010 11:21 pm

    A beautiful post hon.

  3. Jey August 1st, 2010 3:01 am

    “When I say relationships, I mean everything from friendships to lovers, play partners to family, etc. Relationship means two (or more) people in relation to one another.”

    Exactly! I think that all the time. Eveything’s a relationship.

    Funny scenes sound fun.

  4. Essin' Em August 2nd, 2010 6:40 pm

    Thank you for the positive feedback all :)

  5. Evey August 3rd, 2010 9:58 pm

    I love you, no matter what mode we’re in. I love you when I’m a moose, even when I’m a bird and a little girl. I love you when we’re not talking and I love you when we’re having complicated communication breakdowns. I love you when you’re hurt and frustrated. I loved you during all the shit we went through together in Denver. How I got so amazing to have a douchebag partner offer me up for sex to a stranger? I’ll never know. But everyday I know you I find different reasons to love you. :)

  6. Essin' Em August 8th, 2010 4:22 pm

    I love you too…my favorite Moose, Bird and sassy teenager. <3

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