Sexuality Happens

Bloggers Who Make You Think: Nominations

Bloggers Who Make You Think 2010

I’m creating a list. A list of sex/relationship/LGBTQ/kink/social justice/feminist/humanist bloggers who have put up at least one post that has made you stop for a moment and think. Perhaps it was about sex and gender, or about your views of relationships, or some privilege you have that you hadn’t realized that you had yet. It can be anything that made you think, analyse, re-examine, say “oh!” — whatever it is that made you stop for a moment and step outside of your own view of the world.

Often, sex bloggers get boxed into a, well, a box. We’re suppoed to write reviews, erotica, and post pictures. Lots of people who are called “sex bloggers” don’t even identify as such. However, just because someone isn’t writing about the sex they are having, but rather about navigating relationships, combating sexual violence or struggling with gender, this doesn’t mean they they aren’t an amazing blogger that can really make you think.

This list is for all bloggers who write in the field of sexuality and social justice. When posted, it will not have a numberical order — rather, it will just be in alphabetical order, because I don’t know how you can really judge the quality of someone’s writing, as everyone has such a different style.

The few rules:

*Please don’t nominate yourself.

*Blog must have at least 15 posts on it, preferrably at least 6 months old (younger blogs often disappear, and then many of the list links are dead).

*Please comment with: The blog URL, the blogger’s online name, and at least ONE link to a post that made you think. You don’t need to explain why, but please include at least one think-worthy post.

*You can nominate up to 10 bloggers. Please do one comment per blogger, for ease of actually creating the list.

*Bloggers must be somehow related to the fields of sex, sexuality, relationships, parenting, kink, poly, monogamy, social justice, equality, etc.

You have until November 30th at 11:59pm to nominate. Feel free to post about this on your blog, tweet/facebook about it, ask to be nominated, just remember that you cannot nominate yourself. Please grab the button above (made by the AMAZING Dangerous Lilly) — just please host it yourself (thanks!).

And so it begins…

-Essin’ Em

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51 Comments so far

  1. Violet October 25th, 2010 12:23 am has definitely got to be one that helped me see things a little differently, and also gave me a huge boost towards accepting the body I have and being proud of it.
    Also Dangerous Lilly, Mistress Kay and Pretty Power Tools to mention just afew

  2. Kayla October 25th, 2010 10:36 am

    Almost all of her posts include something that makes me reflect on my own D/s relationship, but I just randomly picked one of the easier ones to find:

  3. Kayla October 25th, 2010 10:39 am

    Carrie Ann
    I enjoy most of her posts, especially her reviews, but this one stuck out at me:

  4. SilverDreams October 25th, 2010 10:48 am

    I don’t read that many blogs as religiously as ButchtasticKyle. This gets my vote every single day!

  5. G October 25th, 2010 10:56 am

    Jack Stratton

  6. G October 25th, 2010 11:05 am

    Coyotetoo I enjoy gaining his knowledge and wisdom

  7. Paula October 25th, 2010 11:32 am

    Mollena Williams: Her website postings never cease to recharge my thought process.

  8. Paula October 25th, 2010 11:33 am

    Mollena Williams: Brain food=win!

  9. Britni TheVadgeWig October 25th, 2010 11:46 am
  10. Aiden Fyre October 25th, 2010 11:55 am

    Lee Harrington –
    His posts never cease to awe and inspire me.

  11. Kyle October 25th, 2010 12:53 pm

    I’m nominating Roxy for UncommonCuriosity… yes, she’s my lover and partner, however, she deserves recognition for her contributions to blogland. She writes with honesty about very personal and, sometimes, painful truths in her exploration of identity, relationships, sexuality. She writes about parenting, navigating an abusive relationship, separation and trying to keep it all together. Oh, and she writes sexy poetry and stories and takes awesome pictures.

    Here’s a great recent post highlighting her openess and authenticity: I know you are, but what am I?

  12. CoyoteToo October 25th, 2010 12:59 pm

    Her blog Naked Confusion deals with the real life aspects of D/s relationships. Kids, the daily move between roles, maintaining a long term relationship, and many other things which always make me think, even as I enjoy her writing style.

    Post: What happens to seduction when your Dom can ask you to do anything, and you want to do anything he asks? There’s a joy in being persuaded, and in seducing. Can you have those in a D/s relationship? No answers, but lots of things to think about.

  13. Roxy October 25th, 2010 1:30 pm

    I’d like to nominate Kyle. Yes, he’s my partner, but a lot of the reason I love him so much is that he has so much to say that is thoughtful and ground-breaking. He’s taught me a lot about the world I didn’t know, and given me insight into living life out loud.

    SilverDreams already nominated his piece on gender policing, which was excellent, so I will nominate this piece which describes the incident that inspired it:

  14. Roxy October 25th, 2010 1:38 pm

    My second nomination goes to Jolie, a blog that I have only just started reading, but one I very much enjoy. Jolie writes about navigating life, love and partnership as as a high femme genderqueer. She read a post I wrote about gender and wrote her own twist on it here:

    She’s able to cut to the heart of the matter every time and I find myself nodding to myself as I read. She poses questions and offers answers and never soft-pedals it when she feels strongly about a topic.

  15. Roxy October 25th, 2010 1:46 pm

    My third nomination is you, Essin-Em, and it’s damn hard to pick just one post. I am constantly impressed and inspired by your ability to be gentle, encouraging and fierce all at once. Even this list of Bloggers Who Make You Think is an example of the way you respond to something ugly by creating something beautiful instead. You have a light touch and a thoughtful way, and your truth is always looking forward and full of hope, even in difficult situations.

    Again, I could pick dozens of posts, but I especially liked your coming out post for the way you emphasize the process and not the label. I wish I could have read it at 13 when I couldn’t work out what it meant to be straight but like girls on the side.

  16. Jey October 25th, 2010 2:16 pm
  17. Tiara the Merch Girl October 25th, 2010 9:33 pm

    Thanks Jey :D

    As for me: man, so many bloggers I know (esp on Tumblr) could go on here. But for the sake of this post I will nominate Definatalie (Natalie Perkins), who writes a lot about body acceptance, fatshion, and Health at Every Size.

    Here’s a post about something that doesn’t tend to get written about in body-positive circles – acne:

  18. julia October 25th, 2010 9:59 pm

    they don’t talk about sex very often, but sexuality yes. and always critical discourse.

  19. FrumiousMe October 25th, 2010 10:00 pm
  20. Tiara the Merch Girl October 25th, 2010 10:21 pm

    A lot of my blogs aren’t really going to be sex-related, more on the social justice angle!

    Next one: Jhameia of Intersectionality Dreaming:

    Writes more about steampunk, race, kyriarchy.

  21. Jey October 25th, 2010 11:34 pm
  22. Jey October 25th, 2010 11:40 pm
  23. Jey October 25th, 2010 11:43 pm
  24. Jey October 25th, 2010 11:45 pm

    Essin Em (was going to ask about nominating you!)

  25. xMech October 26th, 2010 8:39 am

    I’d have to say Kinsey Hope (aka GenderBitch) because she makes me reevaluate my thoughts constantly.

  26. Janie October 26th, 2010 1:15 pm

    I’d like to nominate Britni:

    I have learnt a lot about domestic violence and BDSM from her blog and it’s combined with fun posts as well.

  27. Radagast22 October 26th, 2010 2:01 pm


    SilverDreams posts are always thoughtful, thought-provoking and relevant!

  28. Jey October 26th, 2010 11:18 pm
  29. Ned October 27th, 2010 12:33 pm

    Maggie has a witty, geeky, insightful, and wonderfully perverse perspective on sex that avoids most of the bullshit that comes with the “blogger community”. She covers difficult issues with depth, and commonplace sexcapades with irreverent charm. From lighthearted cynicism to giddy excitement, I can follow the emotional trajectory of her posts and learn something from them without ever feeling like I’m in a high school lunchroom. Her work is often about herself, but unlike most blogs I read it isn’t written for herself but for her readers.

  30. Erinkyan October 27th, 2010 9:51 pm

    Thank you Jey!

    I’d like to nominate Nio at . She’s brilliant in a lot of ways but I’m going to point to this post as one that made me think:

  31. namelesschaos October 29th, 2010 5:18 pm

    I have four nominations
    My First pick is Brit shameless (
    Strangely although she was the first person I thought of she was the hardest to single out an example of when she made me think it more of the whole package kind of thing but I decided on this post: . Much of what I have learned by reading her blog has been about domestic violence and rape culture and this is a good example that made me think as I probably would be like many that wouldn’t make the call.

  32. namelesschaos October 29th, 2010 5:19 pm

    My Second pick is Charlie Glickman (

    His posts have made me think on multiple occasions but the post that popped into my head was: This post on The Technology of Gender: That, the ruling discussed in that post reduces gender to technological issue is something I would have never thought of.

  33. namelesschaos October 29th, 2010 5:23 pm

    Third pick is the sexademic (

    I’ll select this post about the Myth of Orgasm Types ( ) as my pick. I would explain why but the explanation make your spam filter uppity. :(

  34. namelesschaos October 29th, 2010 5:24 pm

    The fourth is Emily Nagoski :: sex nerd (

    My example of a post that made me think is this one: about how our sex drive isn’t really a drive but an incentive motivation system. Fascinating stuff that gets my brain moving.

  35. Jessie November 1st, 2010 7:13 am

    I nominate

    it’s amazing. Olga rocks.

  36. morwen[P] November 1st, 2010 12:35 pm

    I nominate Lisa Harney and Queen Emily of Questioning Transphobia.

  37. Mercedes Allen November 1st, 2010 1:26 pm

    I’ll second Questioning Transphobia.
    Since morwen[P] didn’t point to an example:

  38. Mercedes Allen November 1st, 2010 1:28 pm

    Another choice:
    Zoe Brain
    i.e. her dissection of the Equality Act (UK)

  39. Mercedes Allen November 1st, 2010 1:28 pm
  40. Jolie November 1st, 2010 2:33 pm

    Thanks Roxy! *blushing*

    I’d have to nominate Holden, of Packing Vocals:

    This post:

    As well as many, many others. Holden has probably done more than any other blogger out there to help me think through and understand gender and identity in relationship to sexuality, the butch-femme dynamic, and my own presentation and issues.

  41. Dana Elmendorf November 1st, 2010 7:17 pm This post from the blog written by, of course Thomas Waters made me think about social justice work in a new way as it discussed the difference between advocacy and activism. The post discussion has resulted in my own work per social justice and LGBTQ rights much more focused. This work can be tiring so being able to be focused and clear with my intentions is essential or I can become easily scattered and overwhelmed.

  42. Gore Gore Girl November 3rd, 2010 2:53 pm

    1) Steven – Bijou Video blog

    This is that rare blog that provides accessible but rigorous historical and cultural articles about gay porn media and gay culture. It’s a true gem of a blog, and I find it invaluable and fascinating. The post that got me hooked was this one on the history and influence of bareback films (though they are all great):

  43. Gore Gore Girl November 3rd, 2010 2:54 pm

    2) Nio @ Feminism. Art. Porn. Sex.

    Nio covers a range of pro-sex feminist issues, all with a personal style and incorporating her own artwork and anecdotes. Here is a particularly good post about being sexually submissive and feminist:

  44. Gore Gore Girl November 3rd, 2010 2:54 pm

    3) Olga @ Cuntlove.

    Olga writes in an intimate and honest way about gender, sexuality, and body politics that I find refreshing. Appropriately enough, her most recent post on the importance of visibility is simple, beautifully-written, and made me think:

  45. Gore Gore Girl November 3rd, 2010 2:55 pm

    4) An unnamed guy from Melbourne @ Critical Masculinities.

    This poster writes about all issues that pertain to masculinity studies, as well as providing really useful links to current articles and offering his take on them. I like this piece on the arguments over masculinity studies in academia:

  46. Olga Wolstenholme November 8th, 2010 11:57 pm

    I’d like to nominate Arvan Reese @ Sex Gender Body

  47. Olga Wolstenholme November 9th, 2010 12:03 am
  48. Olga Wolstenholme November 9th, 2010 12:09 am

    Rachel Rabbit White @

  49. Evey November 29th, 2010 5:33 pm

    First up is the lovely Red Headed Slut. While a new blogger, she has a great perspective in the experience she shares with her readers. I also love how openly honest she writes about some of her experiences.

  50. Essin' Em December 1st, 2010 7:24 pm
  51. Dierdre Ledec January 4th, 2011 6:12 pm

    Oh, man! What a bummer! Where do we go now? Thanks for the brain storms. It hasbeen fun to let it all hang out. This was a no-holds-barred mental jamboree that willbe missed.

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