Sexuality Happens

Last month, I presented a workshop at one of the Fascinations stores in Phoenix entitled “What’s In Your Toybox?” It was recorded, and now is online for everyone to see, in case you missed it, don’t live in Phoenix, etc. Enjoy!

-Essin’ Em

(Special thanks to Matt at Fascinations for rocking out with the video stuff!)

Was linked to this picture below via a friend who found it on this here blog.

Half of me finds it really funny. Why? Because I’d heard all of these, and had all of them done to me/used on me.  Far more often than I’d like to admit.  And I think that in many cases, humor catches people, starts conversation, etc.

The other half of me wants to find a better name for it. Because not all straight men (not even all stupid straight men) say these things…and honestly, dykes say really bigoted things too, like knocking down “breeders” and kink people often tell “vanilla” people that they just haven’t found their kink yet. I wrote about this type of discrimination here on my professional site.

So yes, it’s funny.  But I think that when we share funny things like this, we also need to have some sort of discussion about how we can change this, and how we can ourselves not be discriminatory to other groups because we hold on to our own identities so strongly (as do the “stupid straight men” represented here).

Just my two cents…

-Essin’ Em

The other night, after my Let’s Talk Sex workshop at Fascinations, Q and I were cuddling in bed. I can’t remember why, but we started talking about vagina. Not about vaginas you see, but about the WORD vagina.

Q doesn’t like it. I personally think it’s an awesome word, and while I prefer cunt, I think vagina is just fine-a. Q disagrees. She thinks it is an uncomfortable awkward word, and wanted to know where it came from. I explained that it came from the Latin word for sheath. She quickly poo-poohed this, and went on to ramble on and on about how they should take the Latin word for “loving, granting,…”

And then she trailed off.  She couldn not quite articulate what she wanted the word to be, but she knew she just plain ol’ didn’t like the current term of vagina.

Now, I personally dislike most terms for vagina. I’m ok with pussy, but it’s not really sexy to me. No-no place is a no no,  hoo-haa makes me cringle, snatchula is awesome but only in a funny “oh, did you fall down and accidently kick your little snatchula with your skates” (at roller derby practice) way, snatch and crotch seem so high school, cooter just makes me want to gag, and so on. Both of us love CUNT, but there are times and places where it’s not quite as appropriate to say.

So we talked about it, trying to figure out what she didn’t like about the word vagina. I may have rapped about vaginas. Really. And sung some vagina opera for her. Yes, yes I did. But nothing could sway her mind. She did NOT like the term vagina, and nothing I said or did could change her mind.

I asked her what type of term she’d like to replace vagina.

“Something either awesome and powerful, like cunt, or more soft and flowy and nice.”

I asked her again, like what.

“I don’t know like gorgonzola.”

I started at her for almost a full minute, eyes big, and then we both burst out laughing.  Once we regained our breath, she explained that she had no idea why that came out, and she didn’t like it at all, especially for vagina, since it’s a strong smelling cheese, but it’s now a fabulous inside joke.

That said, what word SHOULD replace vagina, if we were going to make up a completely new word? Cave of wonders if pretty awesome, but it’s a bit long…

-Essin’ Em

Lots of people have posted this…so I’m going to be a total sheep and join the group. Yup. My apologies for a less than original post, but at least you’ll get to know a bit more about me.

-Essin’ Em

1. Your role?

I know people want the answer to be dom/dub/mistress/switch/bottom, etc. I DO pro-domme, and then, I identify as Mistress. Otherwise, my role is as a pervert or kinkster. I like what I like, I wanna try new things, I like to pull duct tape off my Moose, and I like to tie Q up, and I love getting fire cupped and lit on fire and I love it when Q puts her hand over my mouth or around my throat. Ergo, no roles. Just kinkster.

2. Current relationship?

Mostly monogamous with Q. I play kink wise with other people, and I fist people for classes, and I shoot porn with other people. However, as far as having sexual and/or emotional relationships (other than close friendships), Q and I are currently exclusive.

3. Your favorite type of play?

Oooh.  Fire play or knife play. Maybe the violet wand, but I haven’t done it enough.

4. Your most hated type of play?

Not interested in trying roman showers at all. Ever. Either side.  Also, I’m against play involving bad grammar…so M/s or D/s relationships that involve typing W/we and Y/you.

5. The most annoying habit of your owner/slave/whatever you call your SO?

I call her my lover mostly. Or partner. Anyways…umm. Lately, she’s been to tired for sex. That makes me sad, although I completely validate it. Annoying? Hmmm. Not putting enough towels under me…I always soak the bed.

6. Your deepest fear?

Spending my life alone.

7. Your most memorable public experience (or what you would like to do in public)?

I like having public sex. Q does not.  Ergo, my favorite public experience is my fisting class at the Denver Sancuary in January. 50 people came to see me fist someone – standing room only! (visit ShannaKatz.com for more classes/workshops)

8. What gets you in the mood?

Anything to do with my neck. The sounds of a hitachi. Fire.

9. Favorite method of masturbation?

I honestly can’t remember the last time I masturbated.  Almost a year maybe?

10. Scariest thing you’ve seen or heard of in BDSM land?

People doing suspension involving neck ties because they were “edge players.”  Also, people putting things in butts that didn’t have a good base.

11. Number of hours you spend on Fet when you should be doing other things?

Too many.  Actually, it’s not really that bad. Are you my fetlife friend?

12. Thing that was hotter in fantasy than it was in reality?

Threesome. For sure.

13. Most longed-for experience?

Queer gang bang.  Preferrably on film.

14. Ouchiest toy?

Canes. I like hitting people with them, but do NOT want them to touch me. Period.

15. Book or movie that every newbie has to read/see?

Opening Up, by Tristan Taormino

16. Thing you’d like to change about yourself?

I’d have less chronic pain in my knees and body as a whole.

17. Thing you’re most proud of?

Continuing to hold my values and ethics as I become a professional perv.

18. Funniest dom name you’ve ever heard?

90% of scene names make me laugh.  I validate them, but SO not my style.

19. Do your family and friends know?

Yup. Everyone except my extended family in FL and Israel.

20. Is twenty questions too many?

Obviously not.

Hey all!

It’s been a while since I’ve had a contest on here – my apologies! Luckily for you, SexToy.com has provided a rocking blue glass butt plug for a giveaway.  Now, as we know, I’m not the biggest butt person, but a lot of you have been asking for more anal giveaway prizes, so here you go.  Tristan, this one is in honor of you, oh anal loving goddess!

What is it? If you win, you get this lovely blue glass plug (if you’re out of the states, you must pay shipping):

How can YOU win this very awesome plug (which, by the way, I think looks bigger in person than the picture does)?

Three ways! And yes, that means you can enter THRICE!

1) Tweet this phrase on twitter: “Holy moly! @EssinEm is giving away some butt love. http://essin-em.com/2010/01/glass-plug-contest. RT to enter and win!”

2) Become a fan of me on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/EssinEm, and then invite your friends by posting about the contest on your page, linking to my fan page (hint: you can use the @ trick, or put my fan page URL in it).

3) Leave a comment here about why you want to win a buttastic prize.

And I love you so much, I’ll even through some lube in there as well, so you get going as soon as you get it.

Deadline: Feb 14th, 11:59pm MST.

Three ways to enter, all super easy. Tell your friends, tell your family, tell your lovers.

New to anal? Check out my anal basics post here.

-Essin’ Em

Some people like birth control. Some people hate it. Tons and tons of people are on it for a variety of reasons.

People are always shocked when I tell them I’ve been on the Nuva Ring for years…and am STILL on it. I’ve been on birth control of various sorts (different pills, the patch, the ring) for seven years now. I went off of it for 2.5 months this fall as a test…and guess who is planning to go right back on it?

I love that people assume that birth control is only used by women who are having sex with cisgender men.  I haven’t been sexually active with a cisgender man AT ALL in two years (well, there was a kiss on New Year’s Eve last year), and haven’t had any type of sex that MIGHT possibly make babies in almost four years.  Yet I’ve been on hormonal birth control for the better part of a decade.

Why? Because I get horrible, life consuming (and calling out of school/work) cramps pretty much any time I bleed.  And the whole bleeding thing? Well, I’ve been off hormones from the Nuva Ring for about 75 days.  I’ve been bleeding for at least 30 of them. My body doesn’t get it, never has. I first started on the pill because I had three weeks of bleeding in six weeks when I was 17.  Yeah.  I hadn’t been off the hormones since then, and clearly, it didn’t learn anything.

I wish there was a better answer than using CBC (continuous birth control) where I go from ring to ring, only taking a break to bleed twice a year, or when my body decides to tell the hormones “fuck you” and I bleed anyways.  I wish I could get an IUD or an implant or something…but those are to prevent babies, not to stop your period, and that’s all I use BC for.

I hated the pill – I could never remember to take it at the same time, and if I was off by more than an hour or two, I’d start bleeding (I know, right?).  I tried the patch, but a quarter of a corner would peel up, and bam – I’d start bleeding.  I love the ring.  I can accidentally leave it in an extra day, and it’s not blood bath and beyond right away. I never feel it.  I just change it once a month. I’m one of the lucky ones who doesn’t get a headache from it, and it helps my skin out (as I figured out when I got off of it and suddenly had acne like I was a 15 year old again).

So I raise my glass to you, my $40 a month Nuva Ring. Thank goddess I found you so that I can function, and not be participating in Shark Week for a few weeks of every month.  I wish you were cheaper, I wish I didn’t need you, I wish people didn’t make assumptions about me because I use you…but regardless, I am glad that you exist.

That is all.

-Essin’ Em

This is the G-Pop.  After more than 3 years of reviewing (and 6 years of trying out) various sex toys, I can in fact honestly say that I have truly never seen anything like it. Period.

I mean, I’ve seen crops that look like lollipops. And lollipops that look like they shoul be inserted (but really shouldn’t be, because that’s just asking for a yeast infection). But in all my sexplorations, I have never seen a dildo that looks like this. A lollipop for your G-Spot.

Right. It’s a long metal rod, with a giant (it comes in three diameters; 1.5″, 2″ and 2.38″) steel ball on the end. Yup.

That’s the G-Pop.

I got the 1.5″ in red. You can also get it in pink or silver (the ball – all the rods are silver with a black handle).  It doesn’t look that big, but it was a little tight going into the cunt.

Q did NOT like it.  When I oh so sexily tried to slide (or rather, POP) it into her, she gave me a look. Once inside, I tried doing fun and exciting things with it. She was very much NOT impressed. I tried more things.  Wiggling it, fucking her with it, bopping with it. Nada. She put it very politely when she said “I’m sure SOME women would like the sensation of this…but not me.”  However, I enjoyed using it as percussive toy, and used it to gently beat her ass and chest.

So I figured I’d try it. I like g-spot stimulation, and can even squirt/ejaculate (edit: I can pretty much only squirt/ejaculate with her – it’s an unstoppable force of nature). In it went – pop. It felt a bit uncomfortable going in (and keep in mind, I put fists in my cunt), but once inside me, it felt to be a good size.

Squeezing my kegel muscles around it felt good. I grabbed the rod and moved it to and fro, in and out. Over all, it felt fairly good…some angles were definitely better than others. As a warning, be careful with the speed and intensity – it’s a pretty heavy steel ball in your cunt, and too hard or fast kind of hurts.

When I had the right angle, it definitely stimulated my g-spot. In fact, it’s the closest I’ve ever come to having Q’s hand in me (which, trust me, is a VERY good thing).  More over, after I played with it, Q fucked me, and I ejaculated a RIDICULOUS amount (soaked through multi layers of towels) which Q says is in the top 3 amounts of fluid…ever. Ergo, I think the g-pop does a great job of stimulating the g-spot…in people who like that kind of stimulation. I don’t know if I could really use it to get off (although possibly with a lot of foreplay, and no one watching), but it was a fun pre-fucking kind of toy.  I like the 1.5″ – you’d have to hav a fairly large cunt to fit those much bigger…especially since metal isn’t squishable like hands and silicone. Just a thought.

I’d actually give it 4 stars (out of 5). I was way more impressed than I thought I’d be, and definitely more than Q. It’s a different, creative, and pretty toy, and one that gives my g-spot a very lovely massage. I’d recommend it for anyone who loves g-spot stimulation!

Click here to get a 1.5″ G-Pop

Click here to get a 2″ G-Pop

Click here to get a 2.38″ G-Pop

-Essin’ Em

4 comments

Need a reason to have sex? I mean, other than just the tried and true “I want to have sex” one?

Luckily for you, there is now a calender…you know those tear-off-a-day-every-day calendars? This one is special – it provides 365 Reasons to Have Sex. Yup. Furnished to me by the awesome, sex-positive toy company Babeland.

Now, I’m bad at these calendar. You’re probably asking yourself (and me!) how one could be actually bad at a calendar. Well, I, like many people, have a bad tendency to forget about my day-by-day part of the calendar, and never remember to tear off the bloody days.  Luckily, this calendar is a bit different than ye olde Far Side day-by-day calendars. It has reasons to have sex. Ergo, I am much more excited to tear off the days, as I want to see what reason they have next. Even if it isn’t something I can use or even want to use, perhaps I’ll text it to Q to give her a good laught(and hell, sometimes it works!)

So…the reasons.  The whole, well, REASON for the calendar.  How are they?

Some of them are brilliant. Some of them are silly. Some of them are kind of ridiculous. And some…well…meh. But that’s to be expected with 365 reasons. I liked that each page also had a way to communicate the reason to your partner/possible partner including how bad you want sex (please/pretty please/or else/etc), where and when, what to bring, etc.  I also liked the pick up line options on the bottom.

Some were offensive. They were.  I’m going to put that out there. I don’t know how I would feel about having gotten this as a gift. However, it is very gender neutral, and if you have someone that has this type of sense of humor (not always PC), this would be a great gift for them, for sure!

Click here to get a calendar for yourself, for a friend, for family. Everyone could always use another 365 reasons to have sex.

-Essin’ Em

I finally took all my Halloween picture off of my camera. It was so crazy during the move that I *just* now got to them.

Q went as a queer Hugh Hefner (asking permission to post a picture – she looked AMAZING), and I in turn went as a queer playboy bunny. We felt it was quite amusing, and perfect for us, and everyone of our friends “got” it and thought it was hilarious. Plus I got to wear ears and a tail and a corset!

I actually think I looked pretty darn cute. And it was comfy…except for it was cold, since that was the giant Denver Snowstorm of Death right before we left.

Enjoy!

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday to you all!

-Essin’ Em

Photo Credit: John Foley

What? Vagina Fisting For One and All

Where? The Denver Sanctuary

When? January 14th, 7pm-9pm

Cost? $5 per person

Who? Sex Educator and Professional Pervert Shanna Katz (aka Essin’ Em)

More info on Fetlife

Description from FetLife:

Thursday, January 14th 2010

The Denver Sanctuary kicks off the new year with a class on one of my personal favorite activities – FISTING! Vaginal fisting that is.

Presenter Essin’ Em/Shanna Katz will be in town for a few days to offer the class that she had to cancel when she moved from Denver to Phoenix.

She taught this class for a WICK’D Party one night and I had the honor of being the bottom for that class. I can honestly say first hand (or fist) that she is a fabulous presenter on this topic.

I, personally, find fisting an activity that results in the most intense experiences. I also find it often results in ejaculation from the increased stimulation. However, there is a technique to it and safety concerns that need to be addresses. Essin’ Em covers them in a manner that has everyone at ease, even laughing.

This is a class not to be missed.

I hope to see some of you there. Feel free to repost!

-Essin’ Em