Sexuality Happens

This is part of my 30 Days of Letters endevor. This is supposed to be a letter to your dreams.  I didn’t know if they meant like dreams you have at night (which I have been having some freaking crazy ones as of late), or dreams like your hopes and goals. I decided to go with the latter.

Dear Dreams…

It’s so interesting how you’ve changed over time. When I was five, I wanted nothing more in the world to be an archaeologist, like Indiana Jones. Then, it was a vet. When I got to high school, I decided I wanted to be a counselor for gifted children, and went into college expecting to do so. Somewhere in there, I discovered sex ed, and dreamed of working for Planned Parenthood, which brought me to grad school. From there, I fell into the world Feminist Porn and Porn for Women, and then into the world of sex toys. I wanted to be a feminist pornographer/sex toy shop owner with a studio/dungeon in the basement.

And now? I’m not sure. I am a sex educator, I am a feminist pornographer, I am a blogger, I am a writer, I am a reviewer, I am a marketer. I’m not sure what direction the tide will take me next; things are always changing in life, and it seems even more so in the sexuality field.

I had dreams of living in Europe…not likely with my three cats and partner now (although a long term visit may be in order). I had dreams of owning a house, which I almost did back in Philly. Now $15,000 of medical debt is going to push that one to the back burner for a while.

I have dreams of being able to easily walk up stairs, and maybe go for a jog. A realistic dream in the long run perhaps, but very expensive and time consuming and difficult to find a doctor who will do knee replacements on someone this young. This dream seems like a more long term one.

So for now, as I look at it, my dreams are:

*Getting out of the epic amount of debt Q and I share

*Moving back to Colorado by May 2011

*Celebrating our love with a wedding in October 2011

*Speaking at more colleges and universities (long term – be as cool as Tristan and Ducky and Nina Hartley and Midori and Megan Andelloux and the rest of the heavy hitters of sex ed)

*Traveling with Q to Europe – she’s never been, and I miss it badly

*Eventually owning our own home (10 years?)

*In the next 10 years, owning a Hybrid

*Add more states to my “I’ve been there!” list

*Try more cupcakeries and vegetarian restuarants across the US

*Figure out what to do about further education. I always thought that I’d want a PhD, need a PhD, have no other plan than to finally get my doctorate. Now I’m not sure.

*Meet many more amazing people, both online and in real life

*Live an outstanding, crazy and fulfilling life with Q and our kitties

*Enact change and fight for social justice and equality.

Dreams, I will try my best to reach for you, and honor you, but I don’t want to be so specific anymore. I want more of a concept and less of the exact science. I want to dream big, and aim in many directions. Thank you dreams, for being there, for changing with me, for helping me grown.

-Essin’ Em

I’ve now seen this on both Britni’s blog and They Belong to Us, and I’ve chosen to participate in honor of a new month and such. Basically, the gist is that you write a letter a day for 30 days. It’s part self-awareness/reflection, part writing prompt, part free therapy. Now, don’t worry, I’m not going to subject you to 30 days full o’ letters; your regularly scheduled toy reviews, thoughts, rants, and eye candy will still be available. These will just pepper in throughout the weeks/months. If you too decide to join in, please comment and let me know. Day 1 will start sometime this week.

-Essin’ Em

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

Day 2 — Your Crush/ Partner(s)

Day 3 — Your parents

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

Day 5 — Your dreams

Day 6 — A stranger

Day 7 — Your Ex-partner/love/crush

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Day 23 — The last person you kissed

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Another post-Thunder in the Mountains picture from my night as Super Queer, showing off both my rainbow-tastic socks (bought while checking out the pier in San Francisco with the lovely Margaret and her family) and amazing rainbow zebra print shoes (apparently, they are called Zebracorns, due to the rainbow zebra unicorn inside, and come in both flats, which I am wearing, and heels).  I was so glad that the socks fit over my giant swelled up legs, post SynVisc injections, and that they continue to make cute shoes in flats, as I’m not longer allowed to wear heels for many medical reasons.

I have thoughts on rainbows; I don’t quite get why some people are so obsessed with wearing them for the queer/LGBTQ movement, and why some people are so incredibly against them as a symbol of this same movement. I have my own thoughts on them, but for now, I wear them where I am Super Queer, the queerest super hero/moose topping machine of them all.

And with that, Happy HNT to you all!

-Essin’ Em

First, we have Drew Devereaux and Buck Angel talking about important health care exams for people who identify as trans.

And this one is 100% Buck Angel and his awesome-sauce-ness about trans guys, and their health care.

Thank you to both of these fabulous performers for bringing attention to such an important sexuality issue. Way to go you two – thanks so much for talking about trans men with cervixes, and trans women with prostates, and all sorts of other differences that might keep people out of the doctor’s offices, when they really need check ups just as much as anyone else.

If you have good suggestions for resource lists for doctors who are LGB and especially T and Q friendly, please feel free to share!

-Essin’ Em

At Thunder this weekend, before all my knee drama, I had two scenes planned, one with my moose, and one with a woman who had contacted me on FetLife.

I needed to do it up. I missed getting dressed up for local scene parties in Denver, which I have yet to find the same of in Arizona I miss doing it up, being silly, adding on the theatrics. So I did it up, and went as Super Queer, cape and all. I punished my moose for not masturbating for FIVE whole days while wearing rainbows and glitter and my Super Queer cape. There had even been plans to cock beat her with her own cock.  It was pretty fabulous.

And so, see above the upper half of my Super Queer outfit (more to be published in the future).

-Essin’ Em

My sexy pose

Sorry I didn’t get a review up today — promise I’ll have one next week. For now, enjoy the cuteness of this pussy’s sexy post!

Let me put out there that Q wanted me to write this post. Otherwise, it was just an idea bouncing around in my head that I tended to share everytime certain songs came on the radio.

Do you know who Justin Bieber is? I had no clue until I spend Christmas with Q’s family in Long Island, and her teenage twin cousins gushed about him, how amazing he was, etc. When I first heard his music, it sounded very similar to a lot of dyke performers I’d heard, and so I assumed it was either a women named Justin, or someone trans/genderqueer, etc.  I was told that this wasn’t the case, just someone who had a higher voice. Gotcha.

I heard his songs on the radio occasionally, and never really thought about it again.

Until this website, Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bierber, innundated my inbox, twitter and facebook. There are a lot of dykes out there that look like Justin, and he even tweeted that he’d been ask if he was “that chick from the L-Word” before.

So my thought was this…what if Justin wasn’t a cisgender teenage guy? What if he was someone who transitioned and passed easily as male? Or what if he is someone genderqueer identified? Would it just be wonderfully amazing if this teenage heart throb that teens and tweens (mostly girls, but I’m guess some guys too) are just pining over happened to be genderqueer or trans in some way? Wouldn’t it be wonderful if they could show the world that lust/love/passion etc is based on looks and “personality” (I mean, do you ever really know the personality of a celeb?), rather than “gay” or “straight” or “man” or “woman?”

I am in no way saying that Justin is trans or gender queer or queer at all. It doesn’t really matter what his gender is in relation to his fame. I was just thinking about how amazing it would be if we could get more awesome genderbending and/or trans people into the lime light, groupies and all, and show the world that people fall in love with the emo look (or the metal look, or the pop look, etc) and the music, and the persona people present, NOT in love with someone’s birth sex/genitalia. I mean, look at the drama about Lady Gaga — people still love her (and I love her for never actually confirming OR denying the story, just saying that it didn’t matter), but they had to tell themselves so many times out loud that there was just no way that she was trans or intersex.

Why the hell should it matter? We love celebs, especially musicians for the art they make, the way they make us feel. I love that Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber and other artists are starting to blur the line of feminitity and masculinity, and slowly but surely change the way our culture looks at people.  Ten years ago, both these artists would have been laughed at, as people tuned to NSync, the Backstreet Boys and other bastions of “proper” male sexuality.

So you go Justin (and all the lesbians who look like you); way to queer pop music just a little, even if you didn’t mean to.

-Essin’ Em

Note: This post was written while on pain meds. Please excuse any ridiculousness.

My friend Maren Bergeson (who doesn’t yet have a website, but is AWESOME) designed me this awesome piece (above) for promoting safer sex. If you like it, feel free to repost it. If you think it’s hilarious, you can get it on t-shirts, tote bags and more on my cafe press site.

I’m a big fan of safer sex, and I love that I now have a super fantabulous and awesome way to promote it.

Thanks Maren, for your super fanabulous and ridiculously awesome (and a little silly) design skillz. Oh yes, with a Z.

-Essin’ Em

Image Source

I haven’t gotten to celebrate May Day since I was a small kid and my school did some version on playground equipment with crepe paper streamers. But May, for the most part, is a good month.

April is not, was not, never is a good month.  In April was the Oklahoma City Bombings, Columbine, my father’s death, the passing of ridiculous legislation in AZ (SB 1070 on racial profiling), OK (incredibly horrible abortion laws), LA (rejecting LGBT adoption), etc, it was the leaving out of a non gender conformin student from their senior year book, it was hateful prom drama for lesbian teens, it was car frustration and drama, it was getting left behind while Q went to NY without me, it was being robbed and violated, it was, as always, just a bad month.

But May? May I can do. Sure, in the past it contained finals, and graduations where no one seemed to care (I’ve never gotten cent for gradution; not HS, college or grad school…hell, when I finished grad school, I didn’t even get a greeting card or an email “congrats”).  Sure, in 1999, my house burned down, killing my two kittes, and messing up my life as we lived in a townhouse while our house was rebuilt.

That’s not all though. May contains flowers, and celebration, and re-birth, and fertility (not only in wombs, but as a whole). May can be an incredibly beautiful, wonderfully affirming  lovely month.

And despite the ridiculous heat in Arizona, despite the racial tensions almost at a boiling point, I have decided to make May an excellent month.

I’m teaching two classes for Fascinations, both in AZ (May 13th) and Portland (May 20th) on Navigating Love: Relationship Mapping. I’m going to attend, and lead a workshop on sexuality and disability at Sex 2.0 in Seattle (and room with Megan!). I’m going to shot 4 episodes on reclaiming the hottness of masturbation in porn for Point of Contact. My adorable little Moose is coming to visit me (and shoot for POC).

April is over, and there is no fondness in my fare thee well. But May is here, and pole or not, I celebrate this coming month!

Last month, I presented a workshop at one of the Fascinations stores in Phoenix entitled “What’s In Your Toybox?” It was recorded, and now is online for everyone to see, in case you missed it, don’t live in Phoenix, etc. Enjoy!

-Essin’ Em

(Special thanks to Matt at Fascinations for rocking out with the video stuff!)