Sexuality Happens

…The mouse will play!

I was at Q’s the other day, and I think she had hopped into the shower before we headed over to the Farmer’s Market – and so I decided to do a little naked photo shoot on her couch.  Last week’s striped panties picture was also a result of said naughtiness.

So please, enjoy the boobies, and one of my favorite necklaces, and my crazy hair when I’ve just woken up in the morning.

And a Happy Nekkid Thursday to you all!

-Essin’ Em

I am a nerd.

When I go to Pride Fest (Denver, Colorado Springs, Philadelphia, New Hope, etc), I do it up. Now, I don’t own rainbow belts or fancy clothing like that, but I DO have a fuck ton of eye shadows in different colors.  And rainbow ribbon.  And a FetishMovies.com tank top. And a BDSM/Leather pride key chain. And bandanas in my ass pockets of my skirt, to flag kink and fisting.

Ergo, interwebs at large, please enjoy my Pride outfit, my show of Pride, my outdoing of myself in rainbows, and of course, my cleavage (as if that was going to not be here – I have a lot of pride in that as well).

And that is all, for now.

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

-Essin’ Em

I love this picture.  Not because how I look. I’m kind of meh in this photo.

But I love my hand, and Q’s hand. Together. Just chilling, resting upon each other.

I love her. And it’s easy to do. I never feel forced to tell her, I never feel or love is forced. It’s just comfortable and it works.

Also, Q’s cat is on the table.  I love him. Not quite as much as I love Kinsey or Kali, but I definitely have a big spot in my heart for him.

So yeah. This is why I love this photo.

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

-Essin’ Em

This is me being silly in the kitchen while playing around as Q cooked a delicious dinner for me.  In hindsight, my lime green underwear doesn’t *really* go with the black bra and leopard print apron, but it was mainly a spur of the moment thing.

Oh, and Q wanted me to post this photo too, because she likes it better than the other one I posted.  As a side note, she now has a fairly hawky-fauxhawk and I want to take more pictures of her (and will….if you tell me it’s worth it to post more of her incredible deliciousness) and her new hair.  But this is us together in the kitchen while she cooks:

See, we’re sooooo cute.  It’s kind of gross how cute we are, but I mean, what can you do?

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday to all of y’all, and let me know if you want more pictures of my lovely partner.

-Essin’ Em

So I live in Colorado.

Many people think we’re a snowy wasteland of white death.

We are not.  I think this year, it snowed maybe five or six times all winter.  Some days in January and February were in the 60s and 70s.  Doesn’t mean it won’t snow in May, but it’s definitely not Antarctica.  In fact, we have 300 days of PURE, unadulterated sunshine.

We had a nice snow a week or two ago. I decided to go out a do a mini photo shoot in between drinking tea, eating cupcakes, and watching the BBC version of the Silver Chair that the oh so hot, and even nerdier Natt Nightly gave me for a late birthday present.

The muff (not my cunt, my muff! As in stuff it full o’ chestnuts and carry them around to warm your hands muff) is OBVIOUSLY fake fur. I’ve had it for years and years…maybe almost a decade. But I only really use it when I’m wearing my giant velvet cloak (project for a theatrical costuming class in college – 18 yards of velvet and satin – it’s HUGE). Ergo, I was psyched to bring it out for a shoot.

Here are my boots:

They’re these ridiculous things my mother got me a few years back.  Faux Uggs (ugh) WITH SNOWFLAKES BEADED ONTO THEM.  I think I’ve worn them about three times in my life, usually as a joke.  But they served quite well to get me out onto my balcony in the snow.

And then…there is my scarf. One of my two best friends knit it for me in college, and I LOVE it.

Take a good look:

What do you think of?

The correct answer is Gryffindor, from Harry Potter. She knitted herself one in the Ravenclaw colors before the second movies came out our first year, and when we all (the theatre kids) went to the midnight premiere dressed up, I wore my muff, my aforementioned cloak, and of course, this scarf.  Oh yes, I am that nerdy.

However, Q holds that it is my “DU Scarf.”  DU as in University of Denver. As in the arch rivals (in hockey – men’s and women’s…and I played women’s) of CC (Colorado College), which is where I went to undergrad.  I wore it one day in the elevator in my building, and since I live near DU, some woman asked if I was a DU fan. I am not. I am an ANTI-DU fan. At least for hockey, and men’s rugby. Which is odd, since I used to figure skate there when I was younger, but you can’t really choose your rivals.

Anyways, I told Q this story, and she thought it was amusing. I showed her these pictures, and she didn’t tell me I was cute, or hot, or adorable, or even silly for taking pictures all by myself in the snow.  No. She said “awww…look! You’re wearing your DU scarf.”  She is a brat. Just putting it out there.

Gryffindor scarf debate aside, I enjoyed my snowy day photo shoot.  Hope you enjoyed the pictures!

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

-Essin’ Em

I was out drinking boba tea with my derby wife when Q texted me.

“Still want to bang?”

“Of course.  Come over.”

“I can only stay till 10.”

“Fine, I’ll have you home by 10…pumpkin.”

I looked at my lovely derby wife.  ”Three hours? What the fuck am I supposed to do with three hours?”  I had been planning for six or seven, and I hated having to condense my plans like this so last minute.  She looked at me.

“Um. Have sex? And then you could kill time with a movie?”  She didn’t get that my complaint was that three hours wasn’t ENOUGH as compared to it being TOO MUCH.  I grumbled a bit more about having to fuck on my feet, and headed home to meet Q.  We played a bit of tag as I went to the front door and she to the back, and then reversed, but finally, I had her inside.  Two to three minutes of small talk later, I was slowly trying to undress her.  Trying was the key, because she wears layers like they’re going out of style, so it’s much easier to just pull everything off at once. However, I’m trying to stop looking like the 15-year-old hormonal boy who just wants to fuck, and actually be more sensual. Right.

“I’m kind of tired, so I’m not going to top you tonight. Unless you want me to. I mean, what do you want me to do?” She referred back to this ongoing conversation we’d been having about her topping me. I didn’t think it was feasible, she holds that it is, and so this play date was supposed to have been a fight for the domination.  But you know, if someone is asking you if you want them to top you, it’s usually a sign that they’re not in a top mode. No sweat, I had it covered.

As I took the last of her bloody layers off, I discovered a giant bruise on her chest. “What the fuck is that from?”

“You.”

“No fucking way.” We hadn’t hooked up in a week and a half, and I was pretty sure I’d remember leaving a bruise like that.  Guess not.  She asked me to be a little more gentle, and no biting for the night, and I acquiesced.  I like having people want to come back – hurting them when they were tired never did anyone much good in that case.  I picked up a pair of police issue handcuffs, safely putting one key on a necklace around my neck, the other on my key chain.  Bringing her hands in front of her, I cuffed them.  See, I had thought ahead. I wanted her to wear them for sometime, but I also wanted her to have used of them. 

Pushing her up against my pantry door, I started to play with her incredibly sensitive nipples. “So I put your hands in front of you for a reason.  Can you guess what that was?” She was already so distracted by me playing her her. “Hey! Hands. You. Think it through.”  Perfect – she started playing with me through my jeans.  I was brilliant.  Till I realized her jeans, shoes, and worst of all, SOCKS, were still on.  I told her to figure out a say to take them off.  The punk tormented me by threatening to keep her socks on, and I told her fine, she was welcome to stay handcuffed with her socks on in my kitchen all night, at least till ten. The socks came off.

I teased her a bit more, then took her to my bedroom, lying her on her back on my leopard print sheets, her hands cuffed together above her head.

“Mmm. You look good against my sheets.” She laughed. “No, really, you do. You know, that’ a requirement. Match my sheets, and get along with my cats. Otherwise, you’re out.”  She told me she understood, and complimented my sheets. If nothing else, Q is a quick learner.

I continued to play with her…pinching, twisting, licking, nibbling and sucking her nipples, coming up to kiss her every once and a while. She moved her hands. “Every time you move your hands, that’s one more orgasm you’re going to have to give me.”  Nodding, she moved them back…but a few moments later, they were down again. “That’s two.”

We got to chatting. I like chatting during sex…I mean, when you have marathon sex sessions, keeping quiet would just be creepy.  She had told me that her chest bruise had almost acted like a cock block on her trip to NY. I used that information now to my advantage. “So, you got laid in NY then?”

“Yes.”

“How many times?”

“Just one.”

“So you’ve gotten to come more recently than I have. I think I should add one to your total.  That’s three times now. And you know, you were supposed to make me come once already, so that’s four.  You have to make me come four times before you get to come.” I am so fucking brilliant. She is one of those people that takes a while to come, and can only come once in a pretty long period of time. I don’t take very much time at all (especially after the first one, and now that she knows how I tick), and can come in the dozens of times.  Ergo, I employed fucking math, and currently, it was at a ratio of 4:1.

As this was going through my head, I had started to play with her cunt. God, she gets so god damn fucking wet, and it’s one of the hottest things ever. I’m talking like seeing her drip, and watch more ooze out of her to replace it.  I understand that she’s just someone who gets really wet, but in my mind, I see it as me really turning her on, and then that turns me on, and god DAMN.  So here I was stroking her cunt and playing with her nipples, and watching her squirm as I was trying to be all vanilla like, with out biting or pain or anything.

“So, you have to make me come four times.  Do you want to do it all now, get it over with, and just do the rest as they come up, or do you want to intersperse them, or do you want to wait until you’re just about ready to come, and do them all then?”  She looked at me for a second, and then her eyes closed again in pleasure. I hadn’t stopped my ministrations of her cunt, and was now very lightly rubbing her clit.  I love making people make decisions like this, especially when their brain is somewhere completely different. “Hey! I asked you a question. I mean, I can keep doing this, but you’re not going to get to come until I do at least four times, so you should probably answer me.”

“I can’t think right now. I mean, wait, can you repeat my options?” I laughed, and did.  She was so out of it already. I fucking love fucking Q. Mucho fun.  She’d keep starting to move like she was going to fuck me, and then get distracted, and go right back to lying on the bed, my fingers teasing her cunt.

Finally, she shook herself out of it.  ”Ok, I’m going to fuck you.”

“Great! Oh yes, I want you to do at least the first one with the handcuffs on.”  She looked a little put out at first. “Didn’t you say you enjoyed a challenge?”

“Did I say that?”

“I thought so. But I mean, if you don’t think you CAN get me off with them on…” I goaded her.

“I can do it. Fine.” She told me where she wanted me, and I oh-so-helpfully moved my cunt towards her.  Watching and feeling her try to kiss me, and play with my breasts while still holding herself up, her hands bound together by metal, was ridiculously hot. As was seeing her give up on foreplay, and begin to fuck me, the cool metal hitting my skin as it contrasted against her warm hands.

To be continued…

-Essin’ Em

My sexy kitchen set is up on NoFauxxx.com.  Want to see me as a rockabilly chick, figuring out ways to entertaining myself in the kitchen?  Sign up here! We did this set for Valentine’s Day…and I mean seriously, fuck Valentine’s Day – wouldn’t you rather watch me fuck myself???

Also, you can win a 3-month membership to NoFauxxx by entering my giveaway. It’s worth it folks – you can see me, and a plethora of other hot people (Jiz Lee, Syd Blakovich, Madison Young, Trouble, Kimberly Kane, Anna the Nerd, Judy Minx and more!) naked (and nekkid).

I love the pin-up style. Animal prints, polka dots, reds and black.  I love that this style/culture, you can be a curvy woman, and people actually enjoy your curves, instead of wanting you to cover it up.

Shooting with Trouble while I was visiting San Francisco was an absolute blast.  She (and her animals) were a ton of fun, and other than accidentally turning on the stove with my ass at one point, the shoot was awesome, and I would do it again in a second. NoFauxxx is sex-positive, queer positive, body positive, feminist, ethical, and just a really great site. I completely support them.

So go forth, join the amazing NoFauxxx.com community. Check out the site, contribute in the forums, and oh yes, enjoy some pictures of me masturbating in the kitchen with my Mia vibrator.

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

-Essin’ Em

I love vaginas. I love women. I do not see them as separate things. Women pay me to dominate them, to excite them, to make them come.

Sound like something I’d say? It will be.  It’s from the piece I’ll be doing in the Vagina Monologues, entitled The Woman Who Loved To Make Vaginas Happy (so fitting).

I’ve been involved in the Vagina Monologues before…three times before.  I will be involved in them again, as many times as I possibly can.  The Vagina Monologues are part of the V-Day Campaign.

What is the V-Day Campaign? The V-Day Campaign is a catalyst for mobilizing women and men to heighten awareness about violence against women and girls. By creating this global community, V-Day strives to empower women to find their collective voices and demand an end to the violence that affects one in three women in the U.S and around the world.

I am involved in this not because I am a theater nerd, and feel the call of the stage. I am involved in this not because I’m excited to moan and orgasm in front of tons of people.

I am involved in this because every day, there is violence perpetrated against women and girls. In Colorado, in the US, all over the word. Against cisgender women, against transwomen, against children.  Some of the violence is obvious; it’s physical violence, it’s genocide, it’s rape.  Some of the violence is less obvious; it’s girls not having the same educational opportunities, it’s the pay gap between what women get paid and what men get paid, it’s the sexism perpetuated against women in offices, schools, sporting events, etc.  I will do my absolute best to continue to be involved in this until the violence stops.  And if it never does, neither will I.

Please come hear the stories of women, of girls, of vaginas. Come Reclaim Cunt with us, come cry tears with us, come laugh out loud with up. Come support women. Come.

That’s all.

The Vagina Monologues will be playing in Boulder, Colorado on February 27th and 28th at the St. Julian Hotel, 900 Walnut Street, and March 10th at Boulder Theater, 2032 14th Street. All three shows are at 8pm.  To purchase tickets for the February shows, order them here. To get tickets for the March show, visit the Boulder Theatre. I hope to see you and your friends there.

-Essin’ Em

All Photos Courtesy of: www.CrashPadSeries.com

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

For those of you that don’t follow me on twitter, and missed some of the little hints I gave in previous posts, I did an incredibly fun and (in my oh so humble opinion) sexy shoot with the Crash Pad Series. My friend Rex flew in to shoot with me (and obviously, this happened over my visit to SF), and we had a blast with this shoot.  There are three levels of CPS membership – level 1 gets you the photos, level 2 is for photos and videos, and level 3 gets you the aforementioned PLUS the behind the scenes (which is my favorite part of Crash Pad, hands down). So yes – now YOU can see me fucking. Pretty hot, eh?

Here is just a hint of a tease of some of the things to come (besides me, of course);

And see, I’m a lover, not a fighter:

And because I really love the pictures from my bio page:

I have Crash Pad (and Pink and White…Lesbian Life: Real Sex San Francisco…and NoFauxxx) star Jiz Lee on my radio show tonight.  It’s on Radio Dentata at 9pm EST/6pm PST.  If for some reason you miss it, tomorrow (Friday), you can hear it at 9pm EST/6pm PST and 3am EST/Midnight PST. It’s totally worth it – Jiz talks about hir experiences in the porn industry, hir definition of queer and sex-positive, and also announces some amazing breaking news – an exclusive on Sexuality Happens. Plus, ze is incredibly smart, well written, ridiculously cute, and if you’ve watched any of hir movies, a Siberian tiger in the sack.  Why WOULDN’T you want to listen?

Listen to my show on RadioDentata.com

-Essin’ Em

Picture by Raven Sane Productions

About two years ago, I came out as queer. I’d identified as bisexual since I was 17, but I finally realized that the terms pansexual and queer fit me so much better.  I hadn’t had sex with a female bodied person until this time either…lots of making out and groping, but no sex.

So in two years, I’ve discovered a lot about my sexuality overall. I’ve worked hard on taking steps toward figuring out my gender identity and presentation…I’m a fiesty Femme who is allergic to pink, doesn’t wear lipstick, and enjoys packing upon occasion.  I’ve figured out my orientation; I’m attracted to a huge variety of people, and while they tend to be more masculine presenting, and while they tend to have cunts (by a variety of names), I refuse to limit myself in anyway (I kissed an XY guy at new year’s, and I liked it. So there).

I’ve also been extremely lucky in that I’ve had a variety of sexual partners, many of whom have been very open to experimenting and trying new things.

From my Dinah Shore affair, I rediscovered sex, and redefined its meaning. It was the first time I actually LIKED having sex. And wanted to have more and more.  We spend 12-14 hours in bed having sex…got up, went through our day, and did it again the next night. Then we woke up at 8am and had balcony sex. I discovered a lot of my Femme-ness. I started liking sex…A LOT. I discovered I could come with more than clitoral stimulation. I discovered that I loved g-spot stimulation. I discovered that I had quite an exhibitionist streak. I discovered that I am really loud when being fucked properly.

Then there was J. I had so many first with J, and other experiences that weren’t first, but I got to rediscover. I loved sucking his cock. It was my first time getting someone to non-semenally (new word) ejaculate – oh jesus, so fucking hot.  We tried anal fingering of each other…wasn’t my thing. I worked on stretching my cunt a bit (the few times I have had penis-in-vagina intercourse, the guy got sore.  When I had sex at Dinah shore, 2 fingers felt good, and 3 was pushing it)…with J, I got up to 4 fingers (with much time), and it felt good. I discovered how much I like being spanked. I discovered how much I like playing with toys with partners. I discovered how much non-monogamy works for me, so much more than monogamy. I discovered that I really like orgasm control and being made to bed in order to come (I also discovered that I hate gags. Even “breathable” ones. Ugh). I discovered I am really an exhibitionist; restaurants, parking lots, porches, you name it.

When I played with K at Submit, that was probably the most kink experience that I had had to date.  I was pierced, and hit…a LOT. And bitten, REALLY hard (causing hemotomas for a few months). I discovered how much I like having my hair pulled. I discovered that I really like edge play, especially knives. I discovered how cathartic piercing play can be, and that I like that. I discovered that I come that much harder with a hand around my throat. This is when I discovered that I was a lot kinkier than I thought I was. I mean, I knew I was kinky before…but this was now more than just a bondage thing.

With F…well. Let’s see.  Although I’ve always wanted to be fisted, this was the first time I was actually able to have that happen (going from 2-3 fingers to fisting in a year and a half? Hot damn!). I discovered that I like 3 fingers to warm up, and 3 or 4 to come.  I experimented more with breath play…and discovered that I still really like a hand around my throat. I discovered I like topping people a lot more than I thought I did (I’d topped a few people up until then, but never more than once, so it was nice getting to figure things out about what both of us liked). I discovered how much I like wrestling and fighting back. I discovered that I really like exhibitionism, and was frustrated that I didn’t get to play so much on that. I discovered that you need to spell things out when you negotiate open relationships…and that when things go wrong, sometimes they can’t just be fixed. I discovered my more dominant side, and my more submissive side.

With a variety of other partners, I learned other things. With C, I discovered that I really like having my cunt slapped, and can come that way. With my first woman partner, I discovered that I can have breast orgasms. With M (as well as everyone else), I discovered that I am really awkward, and have instituted a 20 minute post-sex get out of jail free rule. With S, I discovered that I *can* in fact ejaculate. With Miss P and S, I discovered that rope can be fun and not boring. With Miss D, I learned that there are different ways of looking at safewords and their use. With Sasha Sappho and Dana and F and another person I topped, I have discovered that I am a very emotional top, and have a way of bringing out deep emotions in people, and some how making them cry (not from pain, but more mentally). I discovered I like forced orgasms. I’ve discovered I like hot wax, and being flogged, and being punched. I discovered that I DO NOT like having my face slapped.  I’ve discovered I love vampire gloves. I’ve discovered I’m not very good at the traditional idea of romance. I’ve discovered that I function much better when I am consistently sexually active…otherwise, I get too horny to function.

I like learning things about myself, and about my partners for that matter.  I tried to learn at least one new thing about myself for every new partner I have, and sometimes I learn a lot more.

I would like to discover more about myself an anal sex. Interestingly (to me), I am much more apprehensive and picky about “losing” my “anal” virginity than I was about my first time having vaginal intercourse.  I feel like I might really like it, or it might be a take-it-or-leave-it kind of deal…but I want to explore. On both sides…I want to get fucked in the ass, and I want to fuck someone else in the ass. This is a goal…but with it will also bring discovery.

I want to explore and discover more about group sex. I kind of had a threesome last year…and would like to have more. I’d also like to be the recipient of a queer gang bang. Lots of cock sucking and spanking and fucking and hair pulling.

I want to discover more about topping men. You’d think I’d be better at this than I am…but I still get really nervous about it…I need to experiment more.

I want to experiment more with fisting, or with having two sets of four fingers inside me.

I am so excited to be at a place in my life where I can grow, and explore, and discover, and learn and change. And I thank all of my partners for being part of that with me…whether we were lovers, long term partners, a one night spiel…I thank you.

I raise my glass to discovery!

-Essin’ Em