Sexuality Happens

As some of you know, this year the New York City Sex Bloggers Calendar is going national in their search for models. I really really really want to be a part of it.

I need your help times 2.

A) I’m trying to figure out a good “pose.”  As their site says, it should represent sexual sexual freedom, what it means to you, how you express it.  I had several ideas, from doing a blind lady justice thing with scales and hand cuffs and rainbows, to being suspended in rope with my cane. I just don’t know.  I express sexual freedom by being me; by being open and honest and educatory and transparent and loud and stubborn everyday. How do I express that visually? I’d love any ideas you may have.

B) I’m in need of a photographer.  I love love love working with Michael Barone, and I think this is right up his alley. However, he lives in Pennsylvania, and I won’t be going there before May. I also contacted a local photographer I’ve met here in Phoenix who I think does excellent work and would get the whole sexual freedom thing, but she hasn’t responded to me.  This is where you come in; do you know someone in the Phoenix/Tucson area that would be interested and does great photography?  Or someone in RI (I’ll be there March 15th and 16th) or NY (I’ll be on Long Island April 1-4th)?

Any advice, suggestions, support, etc would be very much appreciated!

<3

-Essin’ Em

This showed up in my inbox, and I thought the best way to get the word out would be to put it up.  Please feel free to repost, talk it up, take it, etc.

-Essin’ Em

Hi everyone,

I’m editing a book and would love your help finding transgender/genderqueer people, as well as their parents and partners for a survey. The answers will appear as quotes in the book, similarly to Our Bodies, Ourselves.

Want to be part of a resource guide for transgender and other gender-variant people?

Trans Bodies, Trans Selves features a line-up of wonderful transgender and genderqueer authors, and they’re looking for your help to make the book amazing.

Take the survey and your thoughts could appear in the book!

Go to http://www.transbodies.com/Survey.html for surveys designed for:

-Transgender/genderqueer people

-Parents of gender-variant children

-Partners of transgender/genderqueer people

Please forward widely.

YOUR VOICE is greatly appreciated!

Laura Erickson-Schroth, MD, MA

Editor, Trans Bodies, Trans Selves

transbodies@gmail.com
http://transbodies.com

A friend of mine, Audacia Ray, is doing some great research along with some other researchers in regards to what people can access at public libraries on the internet, including both websites and using search terms.  It’s really sad that in many places, things that are put in place to “protect” us then wind up hindering us from finding important information. I remember in High School, the library blocked the term breast as pornographic, so you couldn’t look up breast cancer, or anything about self exams. On the same note, when I was in a class where I had to do a presentation on contraception, and one on Tay-Sachs, I couldn’t find a lot of the information I needed, as many search terms were block. 

Many people cannot afford their own computer or internet access in their place, so they use public libraries to ascertain information. By blocking them from getting information about abortion decisions, anal health, and transgender/transsexual identities, we are doing the public a HUGE disservice.  Below is information on the study; all you have to do in order to help out is go to your local library, type in www.infoandthelibrary.org and fill out the survey on the site.

I hope if you have a free moment, you participate in this very important research.  It’s an easy way to give back and help support sex positivity with very little time and no financial obligation.

-Essin’ Em

We are investigating the use of content filters on public library computers with Internet access. The priority research areas are access to information about sexuality and sexual reproductive health. We need help with this work, and request that people all over the United States visit their local public library and do some simple searches. In places with filters, the items that are filtered are not standard across systems. Filtering today cannot be fine-tuned to exclude only pornographic or violent content rather than health information. For example, in a large east coast city, only the word “anal” seemed to be filtered, which prevented people from gaining access to information about anal cancer as well as any potential sexual content. www.infoandthelibrary.com

Am I getting annoying about this yet? If so, I apologize.

I’ve made it to be a finalist for the Lezzy blog awards in the category of Sex/Short Story/Erotica.  I’ve got good company; Sinclair (Sugarbutch) and Scintillectually Yours.

Lots of my favorite bloggers made it on there; I’d suggest voting for Lady Brett Ashley (of Don’t Let’s Talk) for best engagement/wedding blog; she’s interesting, a deep thinker and really just awesome at combining daily life with ponderous topics.  I’d love for Sinclair Sexsmith (Sugarbutch Chronicles) to win Lifetime Achievement.  Plus, Just Like Jesse James is up for not one, but TWO awards! Feministing is also in the finalist group; congrats to the whole blogging staff (I wrote a toy store review for them once, so I feel kinda sorta doubly cool only not)! Last but not least; Fit for a Femme is a great blog in the culture/entertainment category.

So if you like this blog, if you like what I write, if you think it’s cool that I talk about gender and orientation and fluidity and write not just hot erotica, but also sex fail, and that I open myself up as much as I feel that I possibly can, and you enjoy reading/commenting/questioning/wondering about my writing, please go to www.TheLesbianLifestyle.com and vote for me (or whoever you feel deserves it).  You can vote once a day until March 2nd — just please remember to click on the confirmation link in your email, or else your vote doesn’t count. Please feel free to twitter/facebook/text etc, and tell people.

And if you don’t like me, or like someone else more, that’s fine too.  Just head over there and check out all the awesome lesbian/queer written blogs out there!

Thanks (in advance) for your vote, and your patience in me bugging you with this.

-Essin’ Em

Since moving to Arizona, I’ve tried to get involved in many communities, including multiple facets of the kink community here in Phoenix.  Within the first two weeks, we’d joined three groups, been to a kink carnival and orientation, and a women only play party, not to mention a munch or two. I tried to meet people, to make things work, to fit in.

While we made a few select friends, for the most part, we didn’t fit. There are very few queer identified people out and about to start, and even less in the kink community. In several groups, we’re the only queer identified couple.  At the women’s only event, I received a little bit of femme bashing, and Q felt incredibly out of place. And queerness aside, we felt very out of place because we not attach a D/s dynamic to our relationship, and it seems as though almost everyone here is very staunchly identified as top or bottom, Dom(me) or sub, and we don’t.  We don’t even identify as switches.  While occasionally she’ll call me Mistress during sex, or I’ll call her Sir while all tied up, we don’t play with power much. We’re just kinky, and that doesn’t seem to be an option.

I decided to start a new group here; AlternaKink. For those of us who don’t play within the typical power structure of BDSM, those who are queer or have different gender presentations and don’t feel comfortable in the current spaces, for those who like to laugh while playing, and who are alternative.

And cue the storm of “oh my god, you’re a horrible person, you’re not community oriented, you’re fracturing the community.”  Never mind that I specifically noted that I respected the other groups, planned to stay of member of them, and was just trying to create a safe space and additional options.  There aren’t even parties every weekend here, none the less a choice of “should we go here, or here.”

Apparently, everytime someone has tried to start another group here, they’ve been shouted down, told that they’re community wreckers, and been sabotaged in a variety of ways. Well, that actually comes after the guilt trip; I had comments, messages and wall posts telling me that the current (and only) public dungeon in Phoenix IS a safe space, is queer friendly, has no problems, and that I should just shut the fuck up (essentially). Then, there where the offers of having my new group meet at and rent space from the current (and only) public dungeon.  Why branch out? Stay here, with this dungeon, in the community. Don’t do your own thing. Don’t create a space. Here, come, drink the kool aid.

Please don’t tell me a space is safe if I don’t feel safe there. If I, who am stubborn and annoying and go out of my way to meet people, feel uncomfortable, judged, and unwelcome, don’t tell me that is invalid. If when I suggest going to a play party, my partner tells me she does not feel comfortable going there, do not tell me that I’m just “making things up” or “haven’t tried.”

Communities thrive when there are lots of branches of the same tree. In this anaology, the tree is kink. If there is only one big branch weighing down the whole tree (said public dungeon), nothing new grows, nothing thrives, and eventually, the tree falls over and dies.  If there are lots of groups, that create new opportunities and spaces (both physical and conceptual), their is constant growth, and the tree continues to grow and thrive over time. New buds come (new members joining the community), old buds bloom, and everything is well and good. I can be a member of and support a community by creating a new place for people who feel they don’t fit in the old one.

Sometimes I meet people who have been to one kink event, and hated it. They don’t want to go back because they don’t identify as D/s, or as part of a leather family, or because they got stared at for having full sleeves, or short hair cuts, or for appearing gender queer.  Instead of just telling these people (myself included) to fuck off and kick them to the curb, why not create a new space in the community, and welcome them with open arms.  While they may not be on the same main branch of the tree, they are at least IN the community, instead of feeling like outsiders.

I know, I’ve set myself up for a lot of crap coming my way. Yes, it’ll be a struggle. But our first coffee/tea meet up is tomorrow, and I have hope.

Why? Because I WANT to be part of this community. I don’t want to feel like I don’t fit in. I want to grow and change and have fun and play and light people on fire and beat them up, and hope is what makes change happen.

Hey all –

Someone was kind enough to nominate me for a Lezzy, which is an award for lesbian authored blogs. I’ve been nominated in the  Sex/Short Story/Erotic blog category.

I didn’t post this before, because I don’t really identify as a lesbian; I identify as queer. However, I get where they are coming from with this, and would love to make it to the top three.

How do I do this? I need more nominations. You can nominate one blog (URL) per category per 24 hour period. All you do is fill out a little form, and then click on the email to confirm (the email part is important, or else it doesn’t count).

If I don’t make it into the top three, that’s fine. My happiness doesn’t rest on this. However, I think it would be awesome if I did a) because it’s awesome, b) because I’m a lot of different things (kinky, queer, disabled, non-mongamous in some counts, femme, Jewish, alternative, fat, etc) and would love to get to rep all of that and c) because it would be nice to have a queer person win and explain WHY I don’t identify as a lesbian.

If you’re up for helping me out, please CLICK HERE to nominate me, or just type in TheLesbianLifesyle.com whenever you get a chance. Remember, you can vote once a day!

Thanks in advance for your support!

-Essin’ Em

Wondering what to get someone for Valentine’s Day?

Don’t worry, I’m gonna put together a cute little idea guide for this weekend.  However, I, Essin’ Em, desperately want a Vulva Puppet.

As most of you know, I’m a sexuality educator who does workshops on a variety of things regarding sexuality at places around the country.  While it’s do-able to present these classes with a Sasha Grey deep penetration pussy (which  I use because it actually has some hair on it), I would much much rather do it with a vulva puppet.  Oh Megan and Jamye Waxman have their own puppets and love them deeply.

They have big, full sized ones here on the original vulva puppets page, for $125 a piece.  Then, for those, like me, who are less endowed on the financial end, they have a series of mini vulva puppets for only $35.  Personally, I’d love either the Lilith, Venus or Bast.

Q and I don’t really celebrate V-Day.  I got her a binder last week because I know she’d really been wanting one. But how do I tell her I’ve really be wanting a vulva puppet?

If someone out there loves me a lot, has some extra $$ and wants to spoil a hard working sex educator with a vulva puppet (I’d prefer full size, but even a mini-one would be far superior to cyberskin vagina with no clit), I’d love you forever and ever.  If you’re interested, shoot me an email at EssinEm at gmail dot com, and we can talk about bartering (online/phone sex coaching, erotica, etc) and I’ll let you know where you could send it.

I know everyone (including Q and myself) is deep in debt, and I totally don’t expect it. But I mean, come on, how cool would it be to get a vulva for V-Day?

-Essin’ Em

Look! Look! Finally someone is doing some research oon same-sex couples who are engaged to be married/committed. Granted, I’m sure there are others out there, but look! Someone cared enough to tap into the queer blog community to find more couples, and to do their research and all that.  So hurray!

Please show the academic world that we care. If you recognize us, we will help you. If you fit the criteria and are willing, please let this researcher know you’d like to be involved. Feel free to repost.

-Essin’ Em

Engaged same-sex volunteers needed!

I am looking for volunteers for a study of attitudes towards marriage and parenthood among engaged couples.  The study consists of a 25-30 minute online survey. To qualify for the study, you must be 20-35 years old, live in the U.S., and plan to marry or have a commitment ceremony within the next 365 days. You and your romantic partner must not have children, and this must be the first marriage for both of you.
You can:

-Help a doctoral candidate;
-Increase the pool of scientific knowledge;
-Support research on marriage and families; and
-Spend some time thinking about your relationship!

I am working with Dr. Charlotte J. Patterson, a Professor of Psychology at the University of Virginia.  This study has been approved by the University of Virginia Institutional Review Board #2009025800.

If you and/or your romantic partner are interested in participating or want further information, please email me at survey.couples@gmail.com.  I will send you a link that you can use to access the study.

Thanks!

Cristina Reitz-Krueger
Doctoral Student
University of Virginia
(434) 243-8558
survey.couples@gmail.com

Good For Her Emerging Filmmaker Award
Good For Her Feminist Porn Awards: April 8th and April 9th,2010

• Filmmakers must be 19 years old and must submit proof of age with application (Copy of valid Drivers License and/or Passport)
• Filmmakers must not have won a previous FPA award
• Filmmakers must not currently have a distribution deal.
• Filmmakers must submit a written personal statement out lining their current and/or proposed creative project(s). Personal statements must illuminate the ways in which the proposed work will contribute to feminist porn as a genre.  We want to know what you are planning on doing, how you plan to do it and why you think it’s sexy!
• Good For Her will ask for material from winner to be shown at Awards Ceremony which may or may not include video acceptance speech, current project reel and/or clips. Written statements and image to be provided by winner for use in online and print promotional material for Good For Her and sponsoring companies.
• All applicants will be notified by e-mail when material is received by Good For Her and winners will not be announced to the public until the Awards ceremony on April 9^th, 2010. Should the winner of the EFA be unable to attend the awards, Good For Her reserves the right to request a video acceptance speech prior to the event, to be submitted by winner no later than February 15, 2010.
• The costs of sending the DVD will be covered by the film-maker. We will not accept deliveries that have not been paid for. We will not be able to send any submitted work back, so do not send any masters/originals.
• The filmmaker also agrees that clippings of the film (up to 40%) may be shown on TV or online in press coverage of the event without further agreements.
• The film-makers have to confirm that neither Good For Her nor the sponsor can be sued by third parties regarding the rights of this film and accept full liability for the submission of this film which is under their copyright.
• The film-maker agrees with the submission of the film and submission form that they (the applicant) accept the rules of this competition.

The Fifth Annual Good For Her Feminist Porn Awards will be held on April 8th and 9th in Toronto Canada.