Sexuality Happens

Tomorrow, December 17th, is the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers, and I think it is important that as many people as possible know about it, participate, and pass it on. Much of this is taken from the Sex Worker Outreach Project. Let me remind you that sex workers are people. They are mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, offspring. They are friends, lovers, scared, excited, in love, loving, caring, hurting, sharing, and much more. I have been a sex worker, and often consider myself one as I work as a sex coach and a sex educator, teaching hands on workshops, and making my living by helping to improve others sex lives. Sex workers are people, like you, and her, and him. You probably know at least one sex worker, whether or not they are out to you. They are escorts and porn stars and phone sex operators and pro-dommes and street workers and sex surrogates and more. And sadly, sex workers have an incredibly high incidence of violence against them. Today, we need to think about what is it we can do to protect these members of OUR communities. Please, stand up and do your part.

-Essin’ Em

Read Stopping the Terror: A Day to End Violence Against Prostitutes by Annie Sprinkle from On The Issues Magazine.

December 17th is International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers. This event was created to call attention to hate crimes committed against sex workers all over the globe. Originally thought of by Dr. Annie Sprinkle and started by the Sex Workers Outreach Project USA as a memorial and vigil for the victims of the Green River Killer in Seattle Washington. International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers has empowered workers from over cities around the world to come together and organize against discrimination and remember victims of violence. During the week of December 17th, sex worker rights organizations will be staging actions and vigils to raise awareness about violence that is commonly committed against sex workers. The assault, battery, rape and murder of sex workers must end. Existing laws prevent sex workers from reporting violence. The stigma and discrimination that is perpetuated by the prohibitionist laws has made violence against us acceptable. Please join with sex workers around the world and stand against criminalization and violence committed against prostitutes.

TEN WAYS TO PARTICIPATE IN INTERNATIONAL DAY TO END VIOLENCE AGAINST SEX WORKERS

(EVERYONE IS INVITED)

1. Organize a vigil/memorial/gathering in your town. Simply choose a place and time. Invite people to bring their stories, writings, thoughts, related news items, poems, lists of victims, performances, and memories. Take turns sharing.
2. Organize or attend a candlelight vigil in a public place.
3. Do something at home alone which has personal meaning, such as a memorial bath, or light a candle.
4. Call a friend and discuss the topic.
5. Send a donation to a group that helps sex workers stay safer. Some teach self-defense or host web sites that caution workers about bad Johns. Donate to Sex Worker Outreach Project.
6. Read the Sex Workers Outreach Project’s web site, www.swop-usa.org, Do let others know about any planned Dec. 17 events by listing them on the site. (Although sadly this site is not current and I’m not sure if someone is following through on this.) There is also a wikipedia entry about Dec. 17 which you can read.
7. Spread the word about the Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers and the issues it raises; blog, email, send a press release, forward this text to others.
8. Attend a Dec. 17th Day to End Violence event/action/memorial. Everyone is welcome.
9. Organize a panel discussion about violence towards sex workers. Procure a community space and invite speakers like sex workers, police, and families of victims.
10. Create your own way to participate. People have done celebrations, Xmas caroling, protests at jails, lobbying at City Halls, naked women reading whore writings, performance art, visual art projects, and other creative, fun and moving things.

A cohort of mine from Widener University is behind this study, and I’m hoping to get lots of women and gender diverse people (who are/have been sexually intimate with women identified people) to participate. There is very little research done on queer sexuality, especially by people who recognize the difference between women, trans (men), gender queer and gender diverse. I’d love it if you’d support this great research by taking the survey if it applies to you, or at the very least (or if it doesn’t apply), passing it on, re-posting, etc. Thanks for doing your part in helping to create queer visibility and awareness.

-Shanna

This is a groundbreaking study about the lives of women and gender diverse people who are sexually intimate with women. Please participate and forward on to others who you think might be interested. Also, after you complete the survey, you can enter to win one of three $100 gift cards.

Are you a woman who is or has been sexually intimate with another woman?

—–OR—–

Are you gender diverse or trans and sexually intimate with women?

If you answered yes to either question, please take this survey

web.me.com/sexuality/

Who Can Participate?

You qualify if you identify as a woman who is sexually intimate with another woman OR a gender diverse person who is female-bodied, assigned female at birth and/or woman-identified and is sexually intimate with a woman. You must also be 18 years of age or older.

Purpose of the Study

The purpose of this research study is to better understand the sexuality of women who are sexually intimate with women, gender diverse people who are sexually intimate with women, and those who may not identify their sexual orientation and/or gender so narrowly. In this study, sexual behavior and sexual identity will be measured to better understand women, including gender diverse people who are female-bodied, assigned female at birth and/or woman-identified, who are sexually intimate with women and those with whom they partner.

Description of the Study

This study is about sexuality and identity of women and gender diverse people who sexually partner with women. The survey will take about 25 minutes to complete. The study is completely anonymous, meaning there will be no way to trace any questions or data back to you or your computer, and it is completely free to participate.

Win a $100 Gift Card

After you finish the survey, you will be invited to enter to win one of three $100 gift certificates to say thank you for participating.

Additional Important Information

The Widener University Internal Review Board (Protocol #38-11) has approved solicitation of participants. The Primary Investigator is Debbie Bazarsky, M.S., M.Ed. If you have any questions, you may email her at sexuality@me.com.

Lots of people are participating in the Holiday Wishlist activity. Please take a moment to check out these lists, and see if YOU can grant someone’s holiday wish or wishes. At the very least, it’s fun to see what people want…and at the most, you can really make someone’s holiday season with something you have just lying around.

My list is here: http://essin-em.com/2010/11/holiday-givinggetting-wishlist-2010/

True Pleasures’ List is Here: http://truepleasures.blogspot.com/2010/11/holiday-givinggetting-wishlist-2010.html

Dangerous Lilly’s List is Here: http://dangerouslilly.com/2010/11/holiday-blogger-givinggetting-wishlist/

Dusk in Chains’ List is Here: http://duskinchains.wordpress.com/2010/11/17/holiday-wishlist-2010

Mistress Kay’s List is Here: http://kinky-world.net/?p=4024

Julietta’s List is Here: http://juliettia.wordpress.com/2010/11/21/holiday-wishlist/

Screaming Violet’s List is Here: http://www.screaming-violet.com/2010/11/gift-giving-holiday-wishlists/

The Blogging Slave’s List is Here: http://thebloggingslave.com/?p=2200

Lucid Obsession’s List is Here: http://lucidobsession.wordpress.com/2010/11/23/holiday-blogger-wishlist/

Do you have a wishlist? Comment with the link and I’ll put it up here! Everyone can use a little extra sharing/extra love during this time of year.

-Essin’ Em

Today, November 20th, is National (and International) Transgender Day of Remembrance. In the last few years (and this video is from last year, so there are more names and faces to be sadly added), over 100 people have been murdered for their gender identity/presentation. This doesn’t even take into account the hundreds and possibly THOUSANDS of people who are assaulted based on their gender, and tens of thousands more who are harassed each and every day.

Please watch this video. Again, it’s a year old, so many people are missing, but if you cannot take nine minutes out of your life to remember those who we have lost due to violence against the transgender community, what does that say? After you watch it, please think for a moment, or two, or ten, what YOU can do to create change in your community, in our community. How can we make it stop? This is completely unacceptable and heartbreaking. No one should have to be scare to leave their home due to their gender, and they should certainly not be scared of being killed. This is flat out wrong, and regardless of your politics, or religion, or moral views, is is NEVER ok to hurt and/or murder someone because of who they are. Ever.

If we don’t stand up and create this change, no one will. Stand up for people who are being harmed and whose voices are being heard. Create change, NOW. And always, always remember those we have lost.

-Essin’ Em

I did this first in 2007 and had great success.  I got some cool sci-fi and fantasys books from Candy Poses, a beautiful chain maile necklace from Lady Brett Ashley, a fan-freaking-tabulous day in New York City with Audacia Ray (and a stop to see Jamye Waxman!), and a fun trip to see Sweeney Todd on Christmas. Since then, I’ve done it each year…I don’t always get lots of things, but it’s fun to do, encourages others to do it, and I am always able to help grant other people’s wishes.

I’m going to do it against this year, because it is fun, and I enjoy the whole “wishing into the universe, give to others, and see what you get” aspect of it. So please, read it over, and if you see anything you can help me with, I’d really appreciate it.  Also, please repost it on your blogs/social networking sites, and leave a link here so I can see what you’re fiening for

I know I’m posting it kind of early, but my birthday is December 9th (see, holiday and birthday season double up for me), and I celebrate Channukah, so I thought I’d get it done early.

-Essin’ Em

Holiday givng-type meme: I’m all for it. Here’s the cut and paste:

Step One
- Make a post to your blog, tumblr, facebook, myspace, what have you. The important thing is to make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want and that people can see the post.
- If you wish for real possible things, make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it’s your address or just an email address at which you can be contacted by potential wish-grantors, real or imaginary.
- Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your post, so that the holiday joy will spread.

Step Two
- Surf around your friends list/blogroll/RSS feeds (or friends friends, or just random places ) to see who has posted their list.
- If you see a wish you can grant, and it’s in your heart to do so, make someone’s wish come true. Sometimes someone’s trash is another’s treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don’t want or a gift certificate you won’t use–or even know where you could get someone’s dream purebred Basset Hound for free–do it.

You needn’t spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn’t to put people out, it’s to provide everyone a chance to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not–it’s your call.

There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just…wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you’ll have the joy of knowing you made someone’s holiday special.

Wishlist If you happen to want to send me any of this gifts, please email me at EssinEm at gmail dot com or comment on here. Thanks in advance

• Size 6g ear jewelry in metal, glass, stone, or wood.  I don’t have any pretty ones at all, only what I used to stretch to 6g.  Since I’m planning on staying this size, I’d love some nice plugs, or dangly ones as well. My current plugs are cheap plastic.
• Watercolors and water color paper. I miss being creative/artistic. I used to love ceramics, but that’s a bit more of a set up than water colors. It’s fine if the paints are used, as long as they still have life in them.
• Heavy duty ice packs…the ones I buy at the drug store only last a year or so, and never stay cold long enough. Used for my knees and back. Again, used is fine.
• Massages – trade, gifted, gift cards, etc…they help my migraines SO much!
• Bookings at colleges/universities/centers/sex toy stores/dungeons, etc. I can only promote myself so much — it’s always nice to get contacted by places that already want to have me. More info at ShannaKatz.com
• A flight to Canada, Seattle, San Francisco, Mexico, Italy, Germany, Portland, etc.  Basically, if you somehow have a ton of extra miles, I’d love love love them, especially if you have enough for me to bring Q along.
• A membership to a gym with a pool, so I can actually exercise. Preferably one with locations in both AZ and CO, as we’re moving.
• Someone to design a new banner for this site, and/or a digital caricature of me for Shanna Katz stuff.
• Total knee replacements on both knees. I can’t afford them, I don’t have insurance, I really need them badly. I can’t really even walk up stairs anymore, and have mega trouble getting in and out of my car.  I don’t know how the hell someone could give these to me, but if you could (I need them in both knees), you would make my life. Literally. It would give me back part of my life.
• A job for Q in Colorado. As soon as she gets a job, we can move there. Q’s background is a Master’s of Social work with experience both in non-profits and higher education. More info to be provided if you have a lead.
• A violet wand (with or without fancy attachments). Yup. That’s self explanatory.
• An eroscillator, a Lelo Mona, NJoy Eleven or most Liberator shapes. These are really the only sex toys I currently am super craving.
• A weekend get away to the mountains, or somewhere, sometime. I just need to get away (preferably with Q or a friend) and relax and process and remember to relax and keep loving life.
• A way to get some of the tattoos I want. Next piece may be either a elemental chest piece, ivy vines on my legs, or another quotation.
• A good fire cupping cupping set (used is fine!).  Prefer glass or wood for fire cupping.
• Pretty corsets/cinchers — I’m a size 40 I believe, or XXL in some measurements.
• Pretty eye make up.  Esp MAC and Urban Decay.  I also need a good, long last bright red lipstick. And Estee Lauder Beyond Paradise perfume.
• Sexuality books. Fantasy Books. Mystery Books. I love to read!
• Someone to help me deep clean our place and/or pack it this spring for moving.
• Leopard print floor mats and rear bench cover for my car.  It’s a 2009 HHR.
• Tickets to a play – I miss seeing shows. Tickets to an NHL game. Tickets to something where we can get out and enjoy the variety of culture.
• A red or black, single breasted wool coat, size XXL.
• Leopard or zebra print ANYTHING
• A recumbent bike (stationary OR mobile).
• Victorian style low heeled boots for my wedding, size 10.
• Black wrought iron candle holders (all sizes) for the wedding.
• Gift certificates for restaurants, clothing (esp Torrid, Lane Bryant, Fashion Bug, etc) and/or department stores (Macy’s, Kohl’s, JcPenny’s, etc). Also, any thing from my wishlists on the right side bar.  As always :)

Thank you a caboodle in advance. Please don’t forget to post your list too, so I can try and grants some wishes too!

-Essin’ Em

Q and I will be participating, and if you’re engaged, I highly recommend you do as well. It’s important to participate in studies like this, to show the diversity of love and sexuality. It’s opened for engaged people of all genders and all orientations — you just have to not have kids, and be planning to have a wedding/ceremony/celebration of love in the next 12 months. Help a doctoral candidate out!

-Essin’ Em

Engaged volunteers needed!

I am looking for volunteers for a study of attitudes towards marriage and parenthood among engaged couples. The study consists of a 25-30 minute online survey. To qualify for the study, you must be 20-35 years old, live in the U.S., and plan to marry or have a commitment ceremony within the next 365 days. You and your romantic partner must not have children, and this must be the first marriage for both of you.

You can:

-Help a doctoral candidate;

-Increase the pool of scientific knowledge;

-Support research on marriage and families; and

-Spend some time thinking about your relationship!

I am working with Dr. Charlotte J. Patterson, a Professor of Psychology at the University of Virginia. This study has been approved by the University of Virginia Institutional Review Board #2009025800.

If you and/or your romantic partner are interested in participating or want further information, please email me at survey.couples@gmail.com. I will send you a link that you can use to access the study.

Thanks!

Cristina Reitz-Krueger

Doctoral Student

University of Virginia

(434) 243-8558

survey.couples@gmail.com

I’ve been thinking…

It’s been four full years, plus a little, that I began this blog as a way to look at my sexuality…my journey of gender, orientation, kink, travels, sex education and much more. I never thought that so many people would read it, that I would grow so much, etc.

Now that I’ve come out almost completely from this pen name, and am also trying to do bi-weekly or tri-weekly posts at ShannaKatz.com, as well as run social media for Fascinations, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to put up a post every day here.

So the questions I have for your are;

Do you still read? Does it matter to you that I post?

Would you still read if I posted 2-5 times a week, instead of every day?

Do you read my posts on my Shanna Katz blog also, or only here? Would you read them there?

What SHOULD the future of this blog look like?

I’d love to hear from you. I’d certainly never delete it, but I’m trying to decide if I want to keep posting, if so, how often, and what types of things you’d like me to post when I DO post.

This isn’t going to be a decision that happens right away, but probably towards the beginning of 2011. I certainly have at least 2 months more of daily posts left in me!

Thanks for your feedback,

-Essin’ Em

I’m super excited about the call for submission for such an awesome topic of an erotica anthology. I encourage you to consider submitting work, and at the very least, passing on the word. Thanks Sinclair for working on such a great book!

Essin’ Em

Call for Submissions: Lesbian BDSM Erotica Anthology [Title Forthcoming]
To be published by Cleis Press in fall 2011

Editor Sinclair Sexsmith is looking for hot, sexy, well-written stories about kinky sex between queer women, from bondage scenarios to power play to role play to sadism and masochism to sensation play, for a new anthology of lesbian BDSM erotica. Looking for characters with a range of age, race, sexual experience, gender identity and gender expression: butch, femme, genderqueer, gender-non-conforming, dapper, and others will all be considered. Cis women, trans women, and genderqueer characters who identify with the lesbian community are welcome. Stories should have strong literary voice, characters, tension, and rising action. All characters must be over 18, prose only will be considered. For examples of what I am looking for, see Tristan Taormino’s collection Best Lesbian Bondage Erotica.

Deadline: January 1, 2011

How to submit: Send your story in a Times New Roman 12 point black font Word document (.doc) with pages numbered of 1,500 to 5,000 words to lesbianbdsmerotica@gmail.com. Double space the document and indent the first line of each paragraph. US grammar required. If you are using a pseudonym, provide your real name and be clear under which you would like to be published. Include your mailing address and a 50 words or less bio in the third person. Publisher has final approval over the manuscript.

About the editor: Sinclair Sexsmith runs the award-winning personal online writing project Sugarbutch Chronicles: The Gender, and Relationship Adventures of a Kinky Queer Butch Top at sugarbutch.net. With work published in various anthologies, including the Best Lesbian Erotica series, Sometimes She Lets Me: Butch/Femme Erotica, and Visible: A Femmethology volume 2, Mr. Sexsmith also writes columns for online publications and facilitates workshops on sex, gender, and relationships. Find her full portfolio and schedule at http://www.mrsexsmith.com.

I found this site the other day — it’s called the Republican Sex and Marriage Advice show, which is a ridiculously dry, tongue in cheek parody of conservative responses to sexuality. Given what we’ve hear from people like Christine O’Donnell and the like, it’s nice to have something ridiculous like this that you KNOW is parody.

Don’t forget to vote today, and remember to think about how issues will affect not only you, but the entire community. Do you really want people like Sharon Engels, Christine O’Donnell and Jan Brewer (and one might at Chip Womack — as seen in the video above) creating change in YOUR community?

I know I don’t, and this video, while funny, also reminds me how dead serious some of these people can be on their anti-choice, anti-masturbation, anti-sex education, etc rants. And this is why we need to stand up and make a difference.

So check out the ridiculousness of Chip, have a good laugh at the Republican Sex and Marriage Advice, and then get out and vote. You can’t complain if you don’t vote. I turned in my mail in ballot two weeks ago–how about you?

-Essin’ Em