Sexuality Happens

I’m creating a list. A list of sex/relationship/LGBTQ/kink/social justice/feminist/humanist bloggers who have put up at least one post that has made you stop for a moment and think. Perhaps it was about sex and gender, or about your views of relationships, or some privilege you have that you hadn’t realized that you had yet. It can be anything that made you think, analyse, re-examine, say “oh!” — whatever it is that made you stop for a moment and step outside of your own view of the world.

Often, sex bloggers get boxed into a, well, a box. We’re suppoed to write reviews, erotica, and post pictures. Lots of people who are called “sex bloggers” don’t even identify as such. However, just because someone isn’t writing about the sex they are having, but rather about navigating relationships, combating sexual violence or struggling with gender, this doesn’t mean they they aren’t an amazing blogger that can really make you think.

This list is for all bloggers who write in the field of sexuality and social justice. When posted, it will not have a numberical order — rather, it will just be in alphabetical order, because I don’t know how you can really judge the quality of someone’s writing, as everyone has such a different style.

The few rules:

*Please don’t nominate yourself.

*Blog must have at least 15 posts on it, preferrably at least 6 months old (younger blogs often disappear, and then many of the list links are dead).

*Please comment with: The blog URL, the blogger’s online name, and at least ONE link to a post that made you think. You don’t need to explain why, but please include at least one think-worthy post.

*You can nominate up to 10 bloggers. Please do one comment per blogger, for ease of actually creating the list.

*Bloggers must be somehow related to the fields of sex, sexuality, relationships, parenting, kink, poly, monogamy, social justice, equality, etc.

You have until November 30th at 11:59pm to nominate. Feel free to post about this on your blog, tweet/facebook about it, ask to be nominated, just remember that you cannot nominate yourself. Please grab the button above (made by the AMAZING Dangerous Lilly) — just please host it yourself (thanks!).

And so it begins…

-Essin’ Em

I support sex education. Obviously. And I’ll be participating in this carnival over on ShannaKatz.com this Friday. However, I think it’s important that EVERY share their stories of sex education (good, bad and non-existant), and support this amazing resource that provides FREE sex education and answers to questions for teens, youth, and anyone that needs information. I donated to support Scarleteen – what about you?

-Essin’ Em

The Scarleteen Sex-Ed Blog Carnival is set to run October 15th through November 15th and we’d love if if you’d take part. We’re featuring posts about your experiences with sexuality education and the importance of the kind of positive, inclusive and trustworthy information Scarleteen provides to young people.

***Find a list of participants and banners for use on your site here!***

We probably don’t need to tell you how important good, accessible sexuality education is, nor how important a safe space for young people to talk about sexuality is, particularly in light of the tragic events in the last month that showed too clearly how some  young people are still all too unsupported, and many young people’s lives could be improved or saved if the level of sexual education they receive was more compassionate, truthful and positive.

Throughout the month expect to see posts from a selection of amazing writers from the sex-positive, feminist and skeptical blogosphere. Also, Heather Corinna will be publishing advice columns written by herself and guest authors every day of the month on Scarleteen.

What Scarleteen Needs: Last year, Scarleteen needed increased donations in order to get through the end of 2009 and into 2010, in large part because private donations for a few years previous had been so low and left us in a very financially precarious position. We increased our financial goals to reflect the need for a minimum annual operating budget of $70,000. Thanks to generous contributions from our supporters in response to that appeal, while we were not able to reach that level, we were able to raise what we needed to not only get through 2009, but were able to use the funds wisely to sustain the organization through 2010.  Our goal now is to continue to work toward that annual operating budget. Ideally, we would like to see a minimum of $20,000 in individual donations each year to combine with funding from private grants. In order for that to happen, we need for current donors to keep giving, and we also also need to cultivate new donors.

This minimum budget is exceptionally cost-effective for the level of service we provide, especially compared to other organizations and initiatives whose budgets are far higher, including those which do not match our reach and our level of direct-service. If you would like more details about our budget and expenses, just contact us via email and we’ll gladly share that information with you.

I love both Courtney and Tina (and have shot them both), so am happy to help them in promoting their AWESOME new project!

-Essin’ Em

ARE YOU A QUEER PORN STAR? WE THINK SO!

QueerPorn.TV is a new community-driven, edgy, hardcore XXX porn project from award-winning feminist, queer pornographer/porn star Courtney Trouble and porn star/kink expert Tina Horn to be fully launched in late fall 2010

QueerPorn.TV is hosting a contest to promote the launch, and everybody wins a prize! We are looking for folks over 18 of all genders, sexual identities, and styles to come out and say “I Am A Queer Porn Star!” You don’t actually have to be famous, have performed in porn, or even turned on a camera in order to enter the contest. In our minds, everybody is a queer porn star – and we’d like to prove that by making a fabulous YouTube video of hundreds of people saying “I Am A Queer Porn Star!”

QueerPorn.TV is ready to reward you for helping us make this video. Everyone who enters the contest and appears in the final video project will get a very special, top secret beta membership to QueerPorn.TV and access to all of our content and features before the official launch.

TO ENTER

Film a clip of yourself saying, signing, writing, or somehow expressing “I Am A Queer Porn Star” – we MUST be able to read, hear, or see that exact phrase in order to include you in the video and the prize.

E-mail your clip (around 10 seconds maximum please!), your model release, and identification scan to info@queerporn.tv with “I am A Queer Porn Star” in the subject.

DUE DATE: October 15th, 2010

Acceptable Video Formats

MOV, MP4, or anything from an iPhone or Apple’s Photobooth program. No AVI – Standard Quality is prefered, but footage from a FlipCam HD will be accepted.

Model Release

Digital Model Release for QueerPorn.TV

I, ____________________, ceritify that I am over the age of 18 at the time of filming this sequence for QueerPorn.TV’s “I Am A Queer Porn Star” Video Contest, and release my image, likeness, and name to QueerPorn.TV for marketing, advertising, entertainment, and promotional purposes. I understand that my video might be edited for length or to improve quality, and release all ownership of this content to QueerPorn.TV.

Digital Signature: ___________
Name: ___________
Date: ____________
Date of Birth: ___________
E-Mail: _________________
Phone: _________________
Address: _______________

Your personal information will not be shared at all.
Please attach a scanned JPG of a photo ID that proves your age.

Content Guideline

One 10 second color video clip that must include the phrase “I Am A Queer Porn Star” in any way. Must be “YouTube Friendly” – ie, no explicit nudity, no exposed breasts, no genitals on any gender. You can do whatever else you like as long as you say “I Am A Queer Porn Star!”

I’m sure that you have all heard about the recent rash of tragedies regarding anti-LGBTQ bullying, and the teens that felt the only way out was to take their own lives.

This is not my most eloquent video. I have no script. I mess up a few times. But it’s from my heart. It’s part of both the It Gets Better push, as well as the Make It Better Project (LGBTQ youth empowerment). We need to stop the bullying as well as stop the suicides, depression and all of the effects of such a horrible climate.

-Essin’ Em

Other resources:
Scarleteen
Trevor Project

Many people are talking about the It Gets Better campaign. I myself am filming a video for it.

However, I think that it is also important to create change in the schools now, rather than just put a band aid on it until they grow up. BOTH are important messages. There is another organization now called the Make It Better Project, which is using social media, videos, the web and more to empower youth to create change in their own communities right now.

Please check it out and pass it on to any you feel might find it relevant.

-Essin’ Em

Funny story. Today is Sexual Freedom Day, and tonight, I’m going to be teaching people about communication with their partners and cunnilingus. I think teaching people how to have better sex definitely falls under sexual freedom.

But that’s not the only way I’m celebrating sexual freedom day…

I’m going to write about it. Because I am lucky enough to have the freedom to write/blog/share about my sexuality, about my own journey, about sexuality education and more.

Why is sexual freedom important? Because you probably don’t have as much of it as you think you do. Many states still have laws on the books outlawing sodomy — which is usually defined as anal sex, but sometimes includes oral sex. Yes, that’s right. Depending on where you live, it may be illegal to suck your partners cock, go down on your lover, or even do it in the butt.  Granted, these laws are not enforced usually, mostly due to Lawrence vs. Texas…however, they are still on the book.

What about if you live with your partner, but choose not to get married. You may have just as committed relationship as a married couple, but you are denied the same rights. And what if not getting married isn’t a choice? Yeah. No recourse.

How about kink? Do you know in some states, I can’t teach kink classes, because flagellating (usually flogging, but can be definine as spanking, whipping, etc) someone for money…even if it I’m making it as a class fee, and am flogging a demo bottom, is considered illegal? I’m sorry, but this is ridiculous.

Not to mention sex workers. Who is a sex worker? Phone sex operators, porn stars, escorts, pro dommes, sex surrogates and more. Some of their activities are legal, some of them aren’t. However, most sex workers I know file taxes, volunteer in their communities, and are upstanding citizens…yet are treated differently by the rest of society because somehow the work that they do (that oh so many people enjoy) is not “real work” or is unacceptable.

Sexual freedom is not being scared of being fired if someone finds out you’re kinky. It’s having equal rights, regardless of gender/orientation. It’s passing a law that makes it illegal to fire someone for being LGBTQ or having a non-traditional gender identity/presentation. It’s taking stupid anti-sex laws off the books. It’s creating a climate where people can come out from their pen names and handles, and talk about sex in a positive light. Sexual freedom is not policing people for their identities, jobs, or actions.

We are a long way away from this sexual freedom utopia, but every step you take, every time you speak up, speak out…we’re creating change.

So tell me, what does sexual freedom mean to you, and how are you trying to achieve it?

Thanks to The Woodhull Foundation for putting together this Sexual Freedom Blog Carnival. Check out the Woodhull Foundation and their work towards increased sexual freedom.

-Essin’ Em

Hey all!

If you’re in NY, or any of the surrounding areas, or want to meet a bunch of sex bloggers, sexuality educators, porn stars and more, all in one place at one time (while supporting sexual freedom), then read on. Well, read on any ways. I’m one of the calendar models this year — here is a picture from my shoot (although not one IN the calendar):

Photo Credit: Marty Carstens

Hope to get to meet you in NYC!

-Essin’ Em

New York, NY (September 10, 2010) – Tied Up Events enlisted a group of the most dynamic online sex-positive writers, models and porn stars from across the nation and Canada, along with a stellar group of photographers to create the 3rd Annual New York Sex Blogger 2011 Limited Edition Calendar.

This year’s calendar will raise funds to support Woodhull Freedom Foundation. Woodhull is a national organization whose mission is to affirm sexual freedom as a fundamental human right.

Woodhull envisions a world that recognizes sexual freedom as the fundamental human right of all individuals to develop and express their unique sexuality; to be personally autonomous with regard to bodily integrity and expression; and to enjoy sexual dignity, privacy and consensual sexual expression without societal or governmental interference, coercion or stigmatization.

Woodhull is dedicated to expanding the national dialog around sex and sexuality and to being the resolute national voice that consistently raises the interconnections between various identities, communities, and the issue of sexual freedom as a fundamental human right.

Portraying Visions of Sexual Freedom in the calendar are Bad Bad Girl, Brandon B, Coy Pink, Dangerous Lilly, Essin’ Em, Gloria Brame, Jiz Lee, Lillith Grey, Luna, Matthew Lawrence, Max Lagos, Mollena Williams, Nina Hartley, Radical Vixen, Sadie Smythe and Sovereign Syre. A full biography of each calendar model is available at http://www.sexbloggercalendar.com/2011-models/.

The calendar launch party will be held on Friday, October 1st, 2010, at Fontana’s, 105 Eldridge St, NYC, from 6:30 – 9:30. Not only is the party free but the first 200 guests will receive FREE gift bags stuffed with $10 gift certificates from Fascinations, fun items from Bachelorette.com, Pearl Drop vibes from Good Vibrations, cock rings from Professor Oni and Sugar and Crystal Delights, free porn cards from Hot Movies for Her, pens and a special surprise from Whore Magazine, Eros Lube courtesy of Tabu Toys, a coupon for a free vibrator from Pleasure Chest and much more.

One of the highlights of our parties has always been our raffle with its phenomenal prize packages and this year is no different. Our sexy raffle prizes include the ultimate sex toy – the Njoy Eleven, an erotica libraries donated by Alison Tyler for Pretty Things Press and by Cleis Press, photo shoots by several notable photographers including JM Darling, a bible purse and three year membership from Kink Academy, a rope kit and gift certificates from Maui Kink, a gift bag full of hand-made sensual goodies from Williamburg’s Shag, a leather collar, cuffs, leash, flogger and sexy t-shirt from Stockroom, romance baskets from My Pleasure, OhMiBod and Vibrators.com, a silky, sensual Lelo blindfold and Evolved vibrator from Tabu Toys, two (2) all access passes to Cinekink, the kinky film festival, a gift basket from Good Vibes, and, because our generous supporters keep adding items every day, more.

Our party would not be a Tied Up Events production without some sensationally sexy performances. Produced by NYC’s one and only, N, of Crimson Kitty Productions and Auralfixia, there will be spoken performances by Carol Queen, Nina Hartley and Dylan Ryan, sensual belly dance by Luna and burlesque performed by Lillith Grey of Gloryhole Girls and, of course, N. Go-go dancers will also be weaving and shimmying their way through the crowd. Also featured will be Professor Oni, the founder of Lifestyle Images and the first and only “Endorphin Engineer” brings his Bakushi (Japanese Rope Bondage Artist) talents to the party in a unique “Decorative Micro Bondage Salon”. Using rope as fine as 1mm in diameter, he creates custom designs on hands, feet, bodies and even hair. This bondage is not for restraint, but rather for relishing and releasing the beauty within and without each and every body

If you are unable to attend the launch party, you can still buy your limited edition copy of the calendar directly through the Sex Blogger Calendar website.

About the NYC Sex Blogger 2011 Limited Edition Calendar:
For the latest news, a complete list of bios of each sex blogger featured in the calendar, our sponsors, and our Community of friends, please visit the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar Website (http://sexbloggercalendar.com).

This is an older picture, back from when I lived in Philly. I used to love love love these fishnets. I think they were originally called pothole fishnets, and I wore them for everything. I loved them. However, like all clothing items I love, it went the way of the dinosaurs, and was eventually deemed extinct.

If anyone sees a pair of fishnets like this, in plus size, I’d love you forever if you pointed me in this direction. I love love love these fishnets and would almost kill for another pair. I mean, look how sexy my legs look in them!

Happy HNT all!

-Essin’ Em

This is part of my 30 Days of Letters blog endeavor. Today marks the 9th day (for those new, I’m not doing them all back to back, but rather scattering them, in order), in which I’m supposed to write to someone I’d like to meet.

This is hard. In the past four years, I’ve met most of the people I’ve been dying to meet; Audacia Ray, Jamye Waxman, Tristan Taormino, Nina Hartley, Belladonna, Jiz Lee, Shine Louise Houston, Megan Andelloux, Dylan Ryan, Courtney Trouble, Madison Young, Midori, Mistress Saskia, May May, Mollena, Graydancer, Ducky Doolittle, Cunning Minx, Sequoia Redd, Sabrina Morgan, Tina Horn, etc. I know, I’m a very very very lucky pervert. I’d definitely like to meet Candia Royalle, but I think that’s going to happen October 1st at the Sex Blogger Calendar Release Party, so that’s kind of moot.

I’m going to write this letter to the person or company that will eventually (I hope) want to pay me to produce porn for them.

Dear person/company/someone in the adult industry,

We haven’t met yet, but when we do, I hope you’ll be so bowled over by my eye for interesting sex on film that you’ll want to hire me on the spot. More likely, we’ll meet multiple times through various people in our networks, and eventually, you’ll give in to my constant emailing about producing a movie with me, and we’ll make a movie.

It’ll be amazing, I tell you. If I can film what I’ve done (five really incredibly hot 45 minute scenes) with essentially no budget, and only people I can find here in Arizona, imagine what I could do with a little bit of money, and a larger pool of soon to be porn-actors?

I want to to create hot, sexy porn with real chemistry. I want it, like so many of the newer porn companies, to be diverse. That includes diversity of gender, orientation, color, size, age and ability. I want there to be incredibly hot connections between the stars, something I seem to have almost no trouble finding when I help put people together to shoot for me.

I want there to be some sweet and sensual bits, and lots of hardcore, to the wall fucking. I’d love to do an educational line, with a video on masturbation, a video on how to use a strap on, a video on how to incorportate sex toys, and much more.

I’m an incredibly dedicate worker, a bit OCD, so things will be done definitely by deadline, if not before, and all of the forms and pictures will be in perfect order. I could do so many awesome things for you, but you don’t even know me yet.

Who are you? I don’t know yet. Perhaps Good Releasing? Perhaps Vivid Ed? Perhaps a completely new company looking for an up and coming sex educator/pornographer to rock their world. Whoever you are, I can’t wait to meet you!

Just wait. One day, our paths will cross, and you and I will be an epic ethical porn team, creating super hot movies for the masses. I know it will happen, because it just has to!

Looking forward to finally getting to meet you,

-Essin’ Em

For those of you who don’t know, or who are new here, I am a survivor of sexual violence. And sexual assault. And sexual harassment. I’ve met very few people who are not survivors of something surrounding this. Every April, I republish my story, and parts of my recovery, in honor of Sexual Assault Awareness month. I encourage people to donate whatever money or time that they have to give to RAINN (Rape and Incest National Network), or whatever local sexual violence prevention and survivor assistance organization(s) they care about or can find.

Here is another way. Instead of sharing your story (although I highly encourage people to do that), you can share your feelings of hope, of light, of survival with other survivors and victims of sexual violence.

Thanks to Holly for bringing my attention to this.

As a side note, this is for women and transfolk, but please remember that people of all genders are survivors of sexual assault.

-Essin’ Em

Call For Submission

Dear Sister, edited by Lisa Factora-Borchers, is an anthology of letters and other works created for survivors of sexual violence from other survivors and allies. It is a collection of hope and strength through words and art.

The pathway for a survivor of rape and sexual violence is an unlit road of pain, isolation and doubt. In the weeks, months and oftentimes, years following, the healing process can be difficult to navigate without a community surrounding her. Imagine a compilation of literary arms bound together to offer words of understanding, solidarity and love. Dear Sister is an accessible and inclusive offering of hope, voice and courage; seeking writers and artists who wish to light a piece of that road and lift up other women in her healing.

It is an impossible task to write a letter to every survivor of rape, to every woman who lives with an invisible scar. Instead of thinking of the face of the person you are writing to, reflect on the image of an unlit path, a road with no clear footing. Your offering will be one light, among many, to make visible what was previously unseen, to illuminate what was hidden. You are providing a few more steps for someone to walk steadily toward their own recovery. Your words can be an anchor, a meditation, a prayer, a strong embrace or a gentle touch. The purpose of this anthology is not to retell stories of assault, but to help others regain a sense of balance and wholeness.

Mindfully move beyond what is commonly said and reflect upon radical companionship. Write what you wish for her to know and never forget. And if you lose focus, look deep into a mirror and reflect: What would you want to be told if you were in the darkness?

Information

Dear Sister primarily seeks letters but will accept poems, prose, essay and drawn art that can either be scanned for entry. Maximum word count is 1,000. Deadline for submission is November 1, 2010.

Women and transpeople of any race, creed, background, citizenship or non-citizen, ability and identity are encouraged to submit their words and work to uplift others in the healing stages of post trauma and violence. Both English and Spanish are accepted. All questions can be directed to dearsisteranthology@gmail.com.

Submissions can be emailed as an attachment with “Dear Sister Entry” in the subject to dearsisteranthology@gmail.com.

Hand written letters can be address and mailed to:
Dear Sister Anthology
P.O. Box 202468
Cleveland, OH 44120

Note from the Editor

Rape and sexual violence thrive in the silence of our homes and communities. Outreach must be wide and intentional if we seek to hear from those who are silenced. Please forward this to as many individuals, groups, organizations, listserves, websites and agencies that come to mind