Do you want to make your D/s relationship the best it can be for you and your partners?

http://www.fhp-inc.com/passionatebonds.html

Instructed by Midori & Laura Antoniou
Join Marketplace series author Laura Antoniou and educator Midori for a special weekend intensive designed for people who enjoy authentic power dynamics and D/s, who want to consciously create quality relationships that suit their personal hungers & needs in the context of the real world

Event Dates: July 30th through August 1, 2010.
Location: Private Location, Downtown Toronto
Registration now open!
Cost: $450 first person in the order, $400 for each additional individual.
Class size will be strictly limited to allow for a unique quality experience emphasizing individualized attention. Through the unique curriculum and its innovative tools, each individual or relationship unit will create their own customized manual of effective protocol, rules, etiquette and codes of conduct.

Tired of searching for the ultimate guide to your D/s or SM relationship? Do you want to make your BDSM relationship the best it can be for you and your partners?

Join Marketplace series author Laura Antoniou and internationally acclaimed educator Midori for a special weekend intensive designed for real people who enjoy power dynamics and want bring a level of authenticity and quality to their relationships.

Students will learn about the many styles of relationships we enjoy, and, through guided lessons and exercises, will discover their own unique relationship needs and systems. The instructors work closely with each student to help them learn and explore, and there is plenty of time throughout the weekend for personal reflection as well as pure fun!

There are no requirements for experience or expertise; anyone who desires or engages in relationships in which dominance and submission or the expression of power exchange is welcome. Full engagement and participation in the workshop is required; communication and a willingness to fully explore the work is of vital importance. This weekend is excellent for those already involved in such relationships or households of 2 or more people; it’s also ideal for the individual who wishes to gain a clearer concept of their own needs and desires on a solo basis.

I am a bit sadistic sometimes. Not in the way that you hear/read/see about with serial killers. Not in an evil kind of way (although I do laugh a lot, which might make me seem a little bit more evil). I don’t like hurting people that don’t like being hurt.

When I play with my moose, I like to play rough. I get a little bit more sadistic. Why? Because she makes the most delicious noises when I run my knife across her smooth skin, when I smack my hand across her perfectly formed ass, when I rip the duct tape bonds from her…whenever I do something that I don’t think I’d much like on myself, she makes she squeaky, happy coo-ing noices. She laughs, she smiles, she makes me feel like I am fulfilling her.

When I am with Q, I am a different kind of a sadist. Q doesn’t like pain really, although she occasionally likes her nipples pulled. No, no, I’m much more of a situation sadist with her. Playing with her nipples is a) an instant way of making her horny, but b) is a great way of frustrating her…I like to play with them right before we leave the house, doing it sneakily while we’re out and about, play with her right before we fall asleep. Even though it’s not a pain situation, she makes these delicious moans and squeaks and tries to push me away and we tussle and I love trying to best her. She wins about half the time, I win the other half.

I never really thought of myself as a sadist. I mean, compare me to K, or someone who leaves someone bloody from time with a single tail. No, I’m not in that category.  But that doesn’t *not* make me a sadist per se. I can be sadistic (and very much ENJOY) being sadistic when in the right situation. When I’m teasing Q to the extreme and making her want me and know that she can’t have me at that point in time (because she knows that she can always have me in the end), I feel a rush. When I have my moose in front of me and I’m hitting her or biting her or tickling her, I feel a rush.

I’m not always ready for that side. It’s not always a part of me. It comes and it comes, and a lot of it is based on who I am playing with in that moment in time. Q and Evey (le moose) tend to bring it out in me more than anyone else ever has, and I’m slowly, but surely, learning to embrace this side of myself, this fun, amusing, laughing, fun loving, rush-filled sadistic at times side of me.

Photo Credit: Hawksdream

A cage, a cane, heels, my favorite red bra and a short skirt…

Does much more really need to be said?

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

-Essin’ Em

While we made a few select friends, for the most part, we didn’t fit. There are very few queer identified people out and about to start, and even less in the kink community. In several groups, we’re the only queer identified couple.  At the women’s only event, I received a little bit of femme bashing, and Q felt incredibly out of place. And queerness aside, we felt very out of place because we not attach a D/s dynamic to our relationship, and it seems as though almost everyone here is very staunchly identified as top or bottom, Dom(me) or sub, and we don’t.  We don’t even identify as switches.  While occasionally she’ll call me Mistress during sex, or I’ll call her Sir while all tied up, we don’t play with power much. We’re just kinky, and that doesn’t seem to be an option.

I decided to start a new group here; AlternaKink. For those of us who don’t play within the typical power structure of BDSM, those who are queer or have different gender presentations and don’t feel comfortable in the current spaces, for those who like to laugh while playing, and who are alternative.

And cue the storm of “oh my god, you’re a horrible person, you’re not community oriented, you’re fracturing the community.”  Never mind that I specifically noted that I respected the other groups, planned to stay of member of them, and was just trying to create a safe space and additional options.  There aren’t even parties every weekend here, none the less a choice of “should we go here, or here.”

Apparently, everytime someone has tried to start another group here, they’ve been shouted down, told that they’re community wreckers, and been sabotaged in a variety of ways. Well, that actually comes after the guilt trip; I had comments, messages and wall posts telling me that the current (and only) public dungeon in Phoenix IS a safe space, is queer friendly, has no problems, and that I should just shut the fuck up (essentially). Then, there where the offers of having my new group meet at and rent space from the current (and only) public dungeon.  Why branch out? Stay here, with this dungeon, in the community. Don’t do your own thing. Don’t create a space. Here, come, drink the kool aid.

Please don’t tell me a space is safe if I don’t feel safe there. If I, who am stubborn and annoying and go out of my way to meet people, feel uncomfortable, judged, and unwelcome, don’t tell me that is invalid. If when I suggest going to a play party, my partner tells me she does not feel comfortable going there, do not tell me that I’m just “making things up” or “haven’t tried.”

Communities thrive when there are lots of branches of the same tree. In this anaology, the tree is kink. If there is only one big branch weighing down the whole tree (said public dungeon), nothing new grows, nothing thrives, and eventually, the tree falls over and dies.  If there are lots of groups, that create new opportunities and spaces (both physical and conceptual), their is constant growth, and the tree continues to grow and thrive over time. New buds come (new members joining the community), old buds bloom, and everything is well and good. I can be a member of and support a community by creating a new place for people who feel they don’t fit in the old one.

Sometimes I meet people who have been to one kink event, and hated it. They don’t want to go back because they don’t identify as D/s, or as part of a leather family, or because they got stared at for having full sleeves, or short hair cuts, or for appearing gender queer.  Instead of just telling these people (myself included) to fuck off and kick them to the curb, why not create a new space in the community, and welcome them with open arms.  While they may not be on the same main branch of the tree, they are at least IN the community, instead of feeling like outsiders.

I know, I’ve set myself up for a lot of crap coming my way. Yes, it’ll be a struggle. But our first coffee/tea meet up is tomorrow, and I have hope.

Why? Because I WANT to be part of this community. I don’t want to feel like I don’t fit in. I want to grow and change and have fun and play and light people on fire and beat them up, and hope is what makes change happen.

-Essin’ Em

1. Your role?

I know people want the answer to be dom/dub/mistress/switch/bottom, etc. I DO pro-domme, and then, I identify as Mistress. Otherwise, my role is as a pervert or kinkster. I like what I like, I wanna try new things, I like to pull duct tape off my Moose, and I like to tie Q up, and I love getting fire cupped and lit on fire and I love it when Q puts her hand over my mouth or around my throat. Ergo, no roles. Just kinkster.

2. Current relationship?

Mostly monogamous with Q. I play kink wise with other people, and I fist people for classes, and I shoot porn with other people. However, as far as having sexual and/or emotional relationships (other than close friendships), Q and I are currently exclusive.

3. Your favorite type of play?

Oooh.  Fire play or knife play. Maybe the violet wand, but I haven’t done it enough.

4. Your most hated type of play?

Not interested in trying roman showers at all. Ever. Either side.  Also, I’m against play involving bad grammar…so M/s or D/s relationships that involve typing W/we and Y/you.

5. The most annoying habit of your owner/slave/whatever you call your SO?

I call her my lover mostly. Or partner. Anyways…umm. Lately, she’s been to tired for sex. That makes me sad, although I completely validate it. Annoying? Hmmm. Not putting enough towels under me…I always soak the bed.

6. Your deepest fear?

Spending my life alone.

7. Your most memorable public experience (or what you would like to do in public)?

I like having public sex. Q does not.  Ergo, my favorite public experience is my fisting class at the Denver Sancuary in January. 50 people came to see me fist someone – standing room only! (visit ShannaKatz.com for more classes/workshops)

8. What gets you in the mood?

Anything to do with my neck. The sounds of a hitachi. Fire.

9. Favorite method of masturbation?

I honestly can’t remember the last time I masturbated.  Almost a year maybe?

10. Scariest thing you’ve seen or heard of in BDSM land?

People doing suspension involving neck ties because they were “edge players.”  Also, people putting things in butts that didn’t have a good base.

11. Number of hours you spend on Fet when you should be doing other things?

Too many.  Actually, it’s not really that bad. Are you my fetlife friend?

12. Thing that was hotter in fantasy than it was in reality?

Threesome. For sure.

13. Most longed-for experience?

Queer gang bang.  Preferrably on film.

14. Ouchiest toy?

Canes. I like hitting people with them, but do NOT want them to touch me. Period.

15. Book or movie that every newbie has to read/see?

Opening Up, by Tristan Taormino

16. Thing you’d like to change about yourself?

I’d have less chronic pain in my knees and body as a whole.

17. Thing you’re most proud of?

Continuing to hold my values and ethics as I become a professional perv.

18. Funniest dom name you’ve ever heard?

90% of scene names make me laugh.  I validate them, but SO not my style.

19. Do your family and friends know?

Yup. Everyone except my extended family in FL and Israel.

20. Is twenty questions too many?

Obviously not.

So please enjoy the reasons why dominants can’t play a simple game of cards together.

Thanks Mollena!

-Essin’ Em

She was nervous as we checked in, showing our brand spanking new APEX membership cards, and checked in.

She was nervous as we got brief introductions to all the people there; girls, women, butches, femmes, dykes, bisexuals, bois, grrls, etc. It wasn’t really a queer party per se, but I did feel like we fit.

She was wearing my favorite outfit of hers – a black shirt and a red and black tie, to match my flame corset perfectly. God, she is so god damn fucking hot.

She was nervous as we sat their, munching on cheese and pre-cut fruit platters.

She was nervous when I open the toy bag, selected a few floggers, a paddle, some black zipties, vampire gloves, a knife, a vibrator, a cane and 6 clothespins, which I clipped onto her tie for ease of access.

She was very nervous as I lead her into the jail cell room, until she realized no one was there.

She was only moderately nervous as I kissed her deeply, pulling first on her tie to bring her closer, and then on her hair, as I grabbed it and held her into me.

She seemed only a little nervous as I undid her shirt buttons and jeans, leaving her in only a black ribbed tank, boxes, and of course, her tie.

She was a bit more nervous as I bent her over the table, using the zipties to hold her arms in place as I pulled down her boxers. My hands gently slid over her as, until I began to spank her, giving her a warm up.  And then, I moved on to the paddle, and then, the cane.

I had to remind her to breathe.  We need to work on that, for both of us. Breathing is, shockingly, important.

She relaxed as I rand the sharp vampire gloves and knife over her ass and back.  Again, she tensed up as I hit her with the floggers…first, the smaller, more stingy one, and then, the larger, heavy, distinctly thuddy one. Red and black, of course.

I cut the tied, and brought her to the cross, removing her clothes completely.  I made use of the clothespins – a few on each nipple, and the vibrator, as I alternated it between nipples and cunt, all the while still kissing her, biting her, licking her, playing with the clothespins on her nipples. I slapped her face a bit when she forgot to call me Mistress.

She was only a smidgen nervous when I made her lie on the table, holding the vibrator to her clit. 

She wasn’t nervous at all when I slid my fingers into her…first two, then three, then four.

She wasn’t a bit nervous as I fucked her on that table with my left hand, reaching up to pinch her nipples with my right.

She wasn’t nervous, not in any sense of the word, as I fucked her silly, in my corset and short skirt, hand disappearing into her cunt, her moans making my own drip with anticipation.

-Essin’ Em

I’ve written about this new subject some over the past year, but I figured you can always write about it more.

When I moved back to Denver, I slowly edged my way into the scene, attending parties, munches, classes, etc.  Denver is lucky enough to have three public/membership dungeons, and one really really awesome pro-domination house/private dungeon that happens to throw really cool public parties a few times a month. While my first fetish party was at said pro dungeon, my first scene in Denver was at one of the dungeons…as a submissive. I played there again shortly there after, again as a submissive, even though I had started playing with F as a top, and then a switch, with us giving the power back and forth. Sadly, an incredibly frustrating and a bit of a heart wrenching break up with her made me feel uncomfortable going back to that dungeon, given some of her actions.

So then I started going to more parties at another public dungeon, and at the private one.  While I bottomed occasionally, such as when I had the lovely Mistress Saskia perform fire cupping on me, suddenly, people were asking me more and more to hit them, to top them, to beat THEM up.  I had done it before….before F, then with F. And I had a few skill sets – I’ve been going to BDSM educational classes/workshops for six years.  Ergo, in many situations, I did. I paddled and cropped and caned and flogged. I suddenly learned of the joy of sharp objects, and I began to use vampire gloves and knives as part of my scenes. 

It was odd.  When I identified as a submissive, most people (K was a noted exception) kept asking me if I was sure, if perhaps I wasn’t a switch.  People would tell me they just couldn’t see me as a submissive. It wasn’t that I talked back a lot, or that I “wouldn’t” submit.  They just didn’t get it.

But then, once I started topping people (and in the beginning, it was definitely topping – I wasn’t in the mental space to be dominating people at this point), no one asked me if I was sure I was a top. In fact, people I didn’t know started asking me to top them…quite odd for me, as I was still trying to figure out what was up with my submissive identity.

Since then, I’ve pushed and pulled on parts of myself. Trying to figure things out.  Q came into the picture, and I perverted her life up reeeeeal fast.  Luckily for me, she likes kinky shit. A lot. Not always to the public extent that I do (our first play party was the beginning of May – she didn’t go back with me again until sometime in July), but she humors me.

It’s interesting. I like it when she tops me…and sometimes, even if she doesn’t feel she’s dominating me, I slip into submissive space (yessir nosir, floaty, you know the spiel). However, that does happen very often.  In fact, our relationship has fallen into such a place that she calls me Mistress, I am her Mistress, and she is mine…about 90% of the time. It’s only a sexual thing – she’s not gung ho about service when we’re not sceneing or in a dungeon/club, nor do I want her to be.  She’s not super into pain, but has definitely pushed her limits for me. I’m going to write about this whole Mistress thing at some point.

But it’s not just with Q.  Other Tops/Doms/Dommes/Mistress/Masters let me play with their bottoms/subs/slaves/bois/girls/boys/etc. I’ve had them hand over their partners to me, telling me to cane/slap/bite/paddle/flog/so on them for a while. I personally like it best when they tell me to just do whatever I want to them. I get invited to FemDom socials. Most people in my community see me as a Top/Dominant person who occasionally bottoms.

When did this happen? I have no idea. The first time I fell into a top role, I was in an uncomfortable sexual situation, and that was the only way I could think of getting through said situation without having to take off my clothes (and it worked). From there, it seems to have been a snowball rolling downhill.

And me? How do I identify now? Well, on my Fetlife profile, I identify as a kinkster, because deep down, isn’t that what most of us tend to be? As far as me though, I don’t know. I’m Q’s Mistress, who occasionally bottoms/submits to my partner Q. I top many people at parties and whatnot. I, for a few months, had a house boy, and I was his Domme. I bottom to a select few people; Mistress Saskia, a wonderful man who does excellent fire play with me, Lady Arcayda, and a few others.  When K and I have played, I bottom to him.  So I suppose I’m a switch with dominant tendencies? But really, what does it all even mean?