Sexuality Happens

HNT Courtesy of Margaret at They Belong to Us

Welcome to e[lust] - your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #10? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Start Without Me – It’s for when one of us is too tired, or not in the mood, or out of town, or the other of us is too horny to wait. But now, here, right in front of me, you’re touching yourself, playing yourself, and it is the fucking hottest thing I’ve ever seen.

Wicked Tongues - There are so many different ways that a mouth can connect themselves with my cunt. And so many partners, each with their own way of connecting with me.

“Vanilla” Bigotry – I effectively retired my personal usage of the word “vanilla” when one of these sick fucks told me that he hated that term. He said it was condescending, and the implication that kinky people have any idea what goes on in other people’s bedrooms just because they aren’t fucking around in a dungeon was ridiculous.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Audible – More hushed giggles, more kissing sounds. A gasp followed immediately by a quiet, restrained moan. I had to make up the images in my head, try to picture what caused that gasp, who’s mouth was on what body part. Or was it even a mouth?

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Swing Shift Volume 33- We’re “Sexually Festive!” – What I do know is that I love Veronica now more than ever, that we choose our extra-marital partners with care and respect, and never fail to remember that our primary relationship is the most important one. If we’re considered sluts or promiscuous by others, so what?

See also: Pleasurists #66 and #67 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Babeland Store Dream

Spend an Evening with Madison Young and Help Support the Arts

Partner rape, cryptids, and other crazy myths

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Anal Sex for Beginners

Choosing the right partner in poly relationships

Controlling or Petty?

Dating and Fucking

In response to: Gang Bang Curiosity

Intoxicative Healing

Reflection

Status Uterus Orgasmus

Therapy – Two Years

The Lost Art of the Hand Job

Time and Punishment: Some dynamics of male chastity in marriage

We Don’t Need No Education?

You Make My Tummy Funny

Kink & Fetish

Another Friday Story Time

BDSM — Abuse and Consent

Creating Space in Kink

Discovered

Ferocity

I am in trouble

Method: Episode Two

Nightly Spanking

Orgasm Control

Sex And Sadness

The Hands of a Goddess

The Day…

Wake-up call

What About the Children

Erotic Writing

Art Wednesday

Are You Watching Me? (3rd and Final Part)

An Afternoon Delight

Back To My Old Tricks

Climax At Midnight #6

controlling the beast

Group Post: “The Day….”

Harmony

Local

No Sex: Need Sleep

Pack It Up…Pack It In

Performance

Solo Session with B

Slam

The Good Kind of Wake-up Call

That Kind Of Girl…Who Gets Off In A Crowded Bar

The Hammer

The Threesome

The Golden Goddess

The Stranger

The realest thing

Wicked Wednesday: Date Night

When I was in San Francisco, I had four classes and one reading planned. The reading went off without a hitch, and two of my four classes (Vaginal Fisting for One and All and SexAbility) had particapatory, albeit small audiences, and were awesome.

However, two classes just failed. My BDSM 101 class failed because no one had shown up, and I’d gone through all the trouble of lugging floggers, canes, crops, knives, vampire gloves, wartenburg wheels and more from Phoenix to San Francisco, and then from the hotel to Femina Potens.  Alas, these things happen.

But what has shaken my confidence a bit, and taken a while to get over was my Relationship Mapping/Poly 101 class schedule first, on Wednesday night. 

First of all, no one showed up to open the door till 5 minutes till 6. Which really didn’t matter, since no one had shown up by then.  Finally, two people, a couple showed up. I waited a little longer to get started, and then I did. With a class of two.  One of whom told me he’d been around paint fumes all day and was in not mood to be interactive or participate.  Which was great, since this is the class where we all draw relationship maps of our own lives, and figure out what they mean, how they change over time, etc. Ok, fine.  Q was there with me, so she, and I, and the volunteer, and the woman in the couple participated. And then! My friend from Denver who is now going to school in SF showed up. Yay! Another friendly face. I continued in my talk when suddenly, 25 minutes into my presentation, the woman stood up, said “this is way too basic for us. I mean, maybe if you’d been here last year, we’d have gotten something out it, but we’re not interested.” And she and her partner walked out after taking my handouts (that I save for the end of the class).

I sat there in shock for a moment, and then, to my chagrin, I burst into tears.  Thank goodness for the volunteer, and Q, and my friend, and the next speaker, Catherine Toyooka, who all comforted me, and said that they were clearly just looking to pick up another poly couple, and that they were rude, and that some of the questions they had asked indicated they might be a bit homophobic.  None of these answers made me feel much better, but having a little group of people, only half of whom I knew, trying to comfort me, that in and of itself was comforting.

Did it shake my confidence? Oh yes.  I have NEVER had anyone walk out of a class/workshop before…regardless of whether there were 50 people or 5.  I was a little angry, because purposely put 101 in the class name, so that people who have all the basics don’t accidently show up (likely why no one came to my BDSM 101 class). But more so, I was hurt.  Was I really that bad a presenter that people couldn’t even hang on till the end of the presentation to leave? Was I so bad it was worth being rude to me?

The next day, I did my fisting demo.  I had almost 15 people, which again, while small, created an interactive and intimate audience that was wonderful. I was a little nervous and shakey to start, but I had Q and the lovely Alphafemme in the audience, and a plethora of strangers asking great questions and being really engaged. I felt revitalized and excited and so happy to be educating again.  It helped that Roxxie of Cyber-Dyke was my brilliant demo bottom.

So where do I stand now? I fly to Brown University on Sunday to present 4 classes/workshops on Monday and Tuesday.  I’m doing a cunnilingus class here in Phoenix in April. I was on Kink on Tap last weekend and felt that Sarah Sloane and I rocked the casbah. So clearly, some people/groups like me and want to hear what I have to say.

But every time I present now, I know I’ll have that tiny little worry of “what if?”  What if people walk out? What if people want to walk out but are too polite to and just sit through a horrible class? What if I can never “make it” as a sex educator?

And that, my dear readers, is my most recent story of sex educator fail.

-Essin’ Em

Last month, I presented a workshop at one of the Fascinations stores in Phoenix entitled “What’s In Your Toybox?” It was recorded, and now is online for everyone to see, in case you missed it, don’t live in Phoenix, etc. Enjoy!

-Essin’ Em

(Special thanks to Matt at Fascinations for rocking out with the video stuff!)

Was linked to this picture below via a friend who found it on this here blog.

Half of me finds it really funny. Why? Because I’d heard all of these, and had all of them done to me/used on me.  Far more often than I’d like to admit.  And I think that in many cases, humor catches people, starts conversation, etc.

The other half of me wants to find a better name for it. Because not all straight men (not even all stupid straight men) say these things…and honestly, dykes say really bigoted things too, like knocking down “breeders” and kink people often tell “vanilla” people that they just haven’t found their kink yet. I wrote about this type of discrimination here on my professional site.

So yes, it’s funny.  But I think that when we share funny things like this, we also need to have some sort of discussion about how we can change this, and how we can ourselves not be discriminatory to other groups because we hold on to our own identities so strongly (as do the “stupid straight men” represented here).

Just my two cents…

-Essin’ Em

As some of you know, this year the New York City Sex Bloggers Calendar is going national in their search for models. I really really really want to be a part of it.

I need your help times 2.

A) I’m trying to figure out a good “pose.”  As their site says, it should represent sexual sexual freedom, what it means to you, how you express it.  I had several ideas, from doing a blind lady justice thing with scales and hand cuffs and rainbows, to being suspended in rope with my cane. I just don’t know.  I express sexual freedom by being me; by being open and honest and educatory and transparent and loud and stubborn everyday. How do I express that visually? I’d love any ideas you may have.

B) I’m in need of a photographer.  I love love love working with Michael Barone, and I think this is right up his alley. However, he lives in Pennsylvania, and I won’t be going there before May. I also contacted a local photographer I’ve met here in Phoenix who I think does excellent work and would get the whole sexual freedom thing, but she hasn’t responded to me.  This is where you come in; do you know someone in the Phoenix/Tucson area that would be interested and does great photography?  Or someone in RI (I’ll be there March 15th and 16th) or NY (I’ll be on Long Island April 1-4th)?

Any advice, suggestions, support, etc would be very much appreciated!

<3

-Essin’ Em

The name of this product alone makes me want to get all sassy and say “you go girl…”

What is it?

It’s the Go Girl, provided to me for inspection and review by Babeland.

It comes in Camo (above, which we got) or pink.  Not so much my thing. What is it? It’s a STP (stand to pee) device, useable for all sorts of things from gender varient people wanting to use urinals to going camping or even rocking out at musical or Pride festivals. It’s an easier way to pee standing up.

Now, I’ve tried something similar before, also from Babeland last fall; the P style (read my review). I was excited to see what made this one different, and hopefully better, and even chatted it up on twitter with the lovely Nina Hartley.

This review may turn into a comparison of the two. Sorry, but I think that is more helpful.

The Go Girl wins for transit, that’s for sure. It’s flexible, so you can roll it up, put it in this cute little tube it came in, put said tube (and TP if you want) in the little Go Girl plastic bag it came with and done. It’s tiny – you can put it in your purse, pocket, back pack, even sock.  Contrast this to the long and fairly rigid P-Style, and Go Girl wins out on transportable-ness.

How about usability? P-Style wins. Hands down. Both Q and I tried the Go Girl….it aims well, yes, and fits fairly well in the crotch-al region. However, we both had our own issue; when she was using it, she over flowed the cup part, and had to work on slowing down/stopping her urination stream, which is not easy to do.  Mine seemed to be ok as far a speed/quanity was concerned, but I somehow wound up dripping it down my leg (perhaps it was trying to use it while wearing a skirt?). Contrast this with the P-style, which was easy to use, didn’t overflow, and was no drip. Plus, with the P-style, the harder surface can be used to wipe excess pee off in a forward motion much more easily. P-style wins on action.

Both are fairly easy to clean, both can be wiped down easily, both have color options.  All in all, I’d say take the P-style if you have room (they make cute little baggies for it), but the Go-Girl if you have a space/packing issue. One last thought; I think Go Girl is a really stupid name to market something that will be very useful to gender variant folks.  Q certainly doesn’t identify as a girl (nor do I for that matter), and I can’t see a lot of trans men and genderqueer people being like “let me just grab my go girl” with it’s pink packaging.  Marketing could certainly have done better on this part.

5 stars for the concept for Go Girl, but only 3 for actual function.

I wonder what Nina thought of it…

Click here to get a Go Girl of your own, or click here if you’re more in the mood for the P Style.

-Essin’ Em

This past week, while in San Francisco, I went to the pier with the adult part of They Belong to Us. While there, we stopped at this awesome sock store, where I got ranbow socks with little cat paw prints (which I may have lost already — we’ve unpacked and I can’t find them!), rainbow knee socks, the above rainbow leg warmers, and red/black/grey argyle socks with little skulls. The latter are a bit to small for my oh-so-msucled calfs, so I have to figure that out.

Anyways, it was all rainy and drizzly on Friday, and of course I wanted to wear a skirt anyways. So, in order to keep my legs dry-ish, and add a spash of color to my ensemble, you can see the above rainbow awesome-ness that was worn with a grey skirt, purple top and snow leopard scarf.  Yeah, I’m that queer.

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

-Essin’ Em

This showed up in my inbox, and I thought the best way to get the word out would be to put it up.  Please feel free to repost, talk it up, take it, etc.

-Essin’ Em

Hi everyone,

I’m editing a book and would love your help finding transgender/genderqueer people, as well as their parents and partners for a survey. The answers will appear as quotes in the book, similarly to Our Bodies, Ourselves.

Want to be part of a resource guide for transgender and other gender-variant people?

Trans Bodies, Trans Selves features a line-up of wonderful transgender and genderqueer authors, and they’re looking for your help to make the book amazing.

Take the survey and your thoughts could appear in the book!

Go to http://www.transbodies.com/Survey.html for surveys designed for:

-Transgender/genderqueer people

-Parents of gender-variant children

-Partners of transgender/genderqueer people

Please forward widely.

YOUR VOICE is greatly appreciated!

Laura Erickson-Schroth, MD, MA

Editor, Trans Bodies, Trans Selves

transbodies@gmail.com
http://transbodies.com

A friend of mine, Audacia Ray, is doing some great research along with some other researchers in regards to what people can access at public libraries on the internet, including both websites and using search terms.  It’s really sad that in many places, things that are put in place to “protect” us then wind up hindering us from finding important information. I remember in High School, the library blocked the term breast as pornographic, so you couldn’t look up breast cancer, or anything about self exams. On the same note, when I was in a class where I had to do a presentation on contraception, and one on Tay-Sachs, I couldn’t find a lot of the information I needed, as many search terms were block. 

Many people cannot afford their own computer or internet access in their place, so they use public libraries to ascertain information. By blocking them from getting information about abortion decisions, anal health, and transgender/transsexual identities, we are doing the public a HUGE disservice.  Below is information on the study; all you have to do in order to help out is go to your local library, type in www.infoandthelibrary.org and fill out the survey on the site.

I hope if you have a free moment, you participate in this very important research.  It’s an easy way to give back and help support sex positivity with very little time and no financial obligation.

-Essin’ Em

We are investigating the use of content filters on public library computers with Internet access. The priority research areas are access to information about sexuality and sexual reproductive health. We need help with this work, and request that people all over the United States visit their local public library and do some simple searches. In places with filters, the items that are filtered are not standard across systems. Filtering today cannot be fine-tuned to exclude only pornographic or violent content rather than health information. For example, in a large east coast city, only the word “anal” seemed to be filtered, which prevented people from gaining access to information about anal cancer as well as any potential sexual content. www.infoandthelibrary.com