Sexuality Happens

Today, November 20th, is National (and International) Transgender Day of Remembrance. In the last few years (and this video is from last year, so there are more names and faces to be sadly added), over 100 people have been murdered for their gender identity/presentation. This doesn’t even take into account the hundreds and possibly THOUSANDS of people who are assaulted based on their gender, and tens of thousands more who are harassed each and every day.

Please watch this video. Again, it’s a year old, so many people are missing, but if you cannot take nine minutes out of your life to remember those who we have lost due to violence against the transgender community, what does that say? After you watch it, please think for a moment, or two, or ten, what YOU can do to create change in your community, in our community. How can we make it stop? This is completely unacceptable and heartbreaking. No one should have to be scare to leave their home due to their gender, and they should certainly not be scared of being killed. This is flat out wrong, and regardless of your politics, or religion, or moral views, is is NEVER ok to hurt and/or murder someone because of who they are. Ever.

If we don’t stand up and create this change, no one will. Stand up for people who are being harmed and whose voices are being heard. Create change, NOW. And always, always remember those we have lost.

-Essin’ Em

From 8am MST to Midnight MST TOMORROW (November 20th), every single item on the Fascinations site (Funlove.com) is 25% off. A One Day Sale for sex toys, lubes, romance gifts, books, DVD, lingerie and more!

What does this mean?

25% off the Njoy Eleven!

25% off all the lube you can use!

25% off educational DVDs!

25% off erotica AND sex ed books!

25% off bath/body gift baskets and the Kama Sutra Collection!

25% off sexy lingerie!

25% off ceiling cat panties!

How can you argue with this? Go forth! Enjoy! And don’t forget upcoming holidays, birthdays, etc — this is the time to stock up! Head on over to Fascinations, November 20th ONLY for the One Day Sale!

I did this first in 2007 and had great success.  I got some cool sci-fi and fantasys books from Candy Poses, a beautiful chain maile necklace from Lady Brett Ashley, a fan-freaking-tabulous day in New York City with Audacia Ray (and a stop to see Jamye Waxman!), and a fun trip to see Sweeney Todd on Christmas. Since then, I’ve done it each year…I don’t always get lots of things, but it’s fun to do, encourages others to do it, and I am always able to help grant other people’s wishes.

I’m going to do it against this year, because it is fun, and I enjoy the whole “wishing into the universe, give to others, and see what you get” aspect of it. So please, read it over, and if you see anything you can help me with, I’d really appreciate it.  Also, please repost it on your blogs/social networking sites, and leave a link here so I can see what you’re fiening for

I know I’m posting it kind of early, but my birthday is December 9th (see, holiday and birthday season double up for me), and I celebrate Channukah, so I thought I’d get it done early.

-Essin’ Em

Holiday givng-type meme: I’m all for it. Here’s the cut and paste:

Step One
- Make a post to your blog, tumblr, facebook, myspace, what have you. The important thing is to make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want and that people can see the post.
- If you wish for real possible things, make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it’s your address or just an email address at which you can be contacted by potential wish-grantors, real or imaginary.
- Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your post, so that the holiday joy will spread.

Step Two
- Surf around your friends list/blogroll/RSS feeds (or friends friends, or just random places ) to see who has posted their list.
- If you see a wish you can grant, and it’s in your heart to do so, make someone’s wish come true. Sometimes someone’s trash is another’s treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don’t want or a gift certificate you won’t use–or even know where you could get someone’s dream purebred Basset Hound for free–do it.

You needn’t spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn’t to put people out, it’s to provide everyone a chance to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not–it’s your call.

There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just…wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you’ll have the joy of knowing you made someone’s holiday special.

Wishlist If you happen to want to send me any of this gifts, please email me at EssinEm at gmail dot com or comment on here. Thanks in advance

• Size 6g ear jewelry in metal, glass, stone, or wood.  I don’t have any pretty ones at all, only what I used to stretch to 6g.  Since I’m planning on staying this size, I’d love some nice plugs, or dangly ones as well. My current plugs are cheap plastic.
• Watercolors and water color paper. I miss being creative/artistic. I used to love ceramics, but that’s a bit more of a set up than water colors. It’s fine if the paints are used, as long as they still have life in them.
• Heavy duty ice packs…the ones I buy at the drug store only last a year or so, and never stay cold long enough. Used for my knees and back. Again, used is fine.
• Massages – trade, gifted, gift cards, etc…they help my migraines SO much!
• Bookings at colleges/universities/centers/sex toy stores/dungeons, etc. I can only promote myself so much — it’s always nice to get contacted by places that already want to have me. More info at ShannaKatz.com
• A flight to Canada, Seattle, San Francisco, Mexico, Italy, Germany, Portland, etc.  Basically, if you somehow have a ton of extra miles, I’d love love love them, especially if you have enough for me to bring Q along.
• A membership to a gym with a pool, so I can actually exercise. Preferably one with locations in both AZ and CO, as we’re moving.
• Someone to design a new banner for this site, and/or a digital caricature of me for Shanna Katz stuff.
• Total knee replacements on both knees. I can’t afford them, I don’t have insurance, I really need them badly. I can’t really even walk up stairs anymore, and have mega trouble getting in and out of my car.  I don’t know how the hell someone could give these to me, but if you could (I need them in both knees), you would make my life. Literally. It would give me back part of my life.
• A job for Q in Colorado. As soon as she gets a job, we can move there. Q’s background is a Master’s of Social work with experience both in non-profits and higher education. More info to be provided if you have a lead.
• A violet wand (with or without fancy attachments). Yup. That’s self explanatory.
• An eroscillator, a Lelo Mona, NJoy Eleven or most Liberator shapes. These are really the only sex toys I currently am super craving.
• A weekend get away to the mountains, or somewhere, sometime. I just need to get away (preferably with Q or a friend) and relax and process and remember to relax and keep loving life.
• A way to get some of the tattoos I want. Next piece may be either a elemental chest piece, ivy vines on my legs, or another quotation.
• A good fire cupping cupping set (used is fine!).  Prefer glass or wood for fire cupping.
• Pretty corsets/cinchers — I’m a size 40 I believe, or XXL in some measurements.
• Pretty eye make up.  Esp MAC and Urban Decay.  I also need a good, long last bright red lipstick. And Estee Lauder Beyond Paradise perfume.
• Sexuality books. Fantasy Books. Mystery Books. I love to read!
• Someone to help me deep clean our place and/or pack it this spring for moving.
• Leopard print floor mats and rear bench cover for my car.  It’s a 2009 HHR.
• Tickets to a play – I miss seeing shows. Tickets to an NHL game. Tickets to something where we can get out and enjoy the variety of culture.
• A red or black, single breasted wool coat, size XXL.
• Leopard or zebra print ANYTHING
• A recumbent bike (stationary OR mobile).
• Victorian style low heeled boots for my wedding, size 10.
• Black wrought iron candle holders (all sizes) for the wedding.
• Gift certificates for restaurants, clothing (esp Torrid, Lane Bryant, Fashion Bug, etc) and/or department stores (Macy’s, Kohl’s, JcPenny’s, etc). Also, any thing from my wishlists on the right side bar.  As always :)

Thank you a caboodle in advance. Please don’t forget to post your list too, so I can try and grants some wishes too!

-Essin’ Em

Q and I will be participating, and if you’re engaged, I highly recommend you do as well. It’s important to participate in studies like this, to show the diversity of love and sexuality. It’s opened for engaged people of all genders and all orientations — you just have to not have kids, and be planning to have a wedding/ceremony/celebration of love in the next 12 months. Help a doctoral candidate out!

-Essin’ Em

Engaged volunteers needed!

I am looking for volunteers for a study of attitudes towards marriage and parenthood among engaged couples. The study consists of a 25-30 minute online survey. To qualify for the study, you must be 20-35 years old, live in the U.S., and plan to marry or have a commitment ceremony within the next 365 days. You and your romantic partner must not have children, and this must be the first marriage for both of you.

You can:

-Help a doctoral candidate;

-Increase the pool of scientific knowledge;

-Support research on marriage and families; and

-Spend some time thinking about your relationship!

I am working with Dr. Charlotte J. Patterson, a Professor of Psychology at the University of Virginia. This study has been approved by the University of Virginia Institutional Review Board #2009025800.

If you and/or your romantic partner are interested in participating or want further information, please email me at survey.couples@gmail.com. I will send you a link that you can use to access the study.

Thanks!

Cristina Reitz-Krueger

Doctoral Student

University of Virginia

(434) 243-8558

survey.couples@gmail.com

I’m super excited about the call for submission for such an awesome topic of an erotica anthology. I encourage you to consider submitting work, and at the very least, passing on the word. Thanks Sinclair for working on such a great book!

Essin’ Em

Call for Submissions: Lesbian BDSM Erotica Anthology [Title Forthcoming]
To be published by Cleis Press in fall 2011

Editor Sinclair Sexsmith is looking for hot, sexy, well-written stories about kinky sex between queer women, from bondage scenarios to power play to role play to sadism and masochism to sensation play, for a new anthology of lesbian BDSM erotica. Looking for characters with a range of age, race, sexual experience, gender identity and gender expression: butch, femme, genderqueer, gender-non-conforming, dapper, and others will all be considered. Cis women, trans women, and genderqueer characters who identify with the lesbian community are welcome. Stories should have strong literary voice, characters, tension, and rising action. All characters must be over 18, prose only will be considered. For examples of what I am looking for, see Tristan Taormino’s collection Best Lesbian Bondage Erotica.

Deadline: January 1, 2011

How to submit: Send your story in a Times New Roman 12 point black font Word document (.doc) with pages numbered of 1,500 to 5,000 words to lesbianbdsmerotica@gmail.com. Double space the document and indent the first line of each paragraph. US grammar required. If you are using a pseudonym, provide your real name and be clear under which you would like to be published. Include your mailing address and a 50 words or less bio in the third person. Publisher has final approval over the manuscript.

About the editor: Sinclair Sexsmith runs the award-winning personal online writing project Sugarbutch Chronicles: The Gender, and Relationship Adventures of a Kinky Queer Butch Top at sugarbutch.net. With work published in various anthologies, including the Best Lesbian Erotica series, Sometimes She Lets Me: Butch/Femme Erotica, and Visible: A Femmethology volume 2, Mr. Sexsmith also writes columns for online publications and facilitates workshops on sex, gender, and relationships. Find her full portfolio and schedule at http://www.mrsexsmith.com.

I found this site the other day — it’s called the Republican Sex and Marriage Advice show, which is a ridiculously dry, tongue in cheek parody of conservative responses to sexuality. Given what we’ve hear from people like Christine O’Donnell and the like, it’s nice to have something ridiculous like this that you KNOW is parody.

Don’t forget to vote today, and remember to think about how issues will affect not only you, but the entire community. Do you really want people like Sharon Engels, Christine O’Donnell and Jan Brewer (and one might at Chip Womack — as seen in the video above) creating change in YOUR community?

I know I don’t, and this video, while funny, also reminds me how dead serious some of these people can be on their anti-choice, anti-masturbation, anti-sex education, etc rants. And this is why we need to stand up and make a difference.

So check out the ridiculousness of Chip, have a good laugh at the Republican Sex and Marriage Advice, and then get out and vote. You can’t complain if you don’t vote. I turned in my mail in ballot two weeks ago–how about you?

-Essin’ Em

I got an email, assumably from someone’s agent (I’m not quite sure), promoting an article about labiaplasty. For those of you who don’t know, this is plastic surgery on the labia. To make them look like some fictional, non-existant norm.

Let me reiterate what I say in every god damn class I teach. Vulvas are like snowflakes; each is unique, and beautiful just the way it is. I hold up Vivianne, my vulva puppet, and explain that sometimes the outer lips are biggers, but sometimes the inner lips are bigger. Sometimes the lips (either set, or even both) can be uneven.

There is NO reason, aside from a painful accident, to EVER, EVER EVER. Get labia plasty. Period. You are beautiful just the way YOU are(or your partner/friend/lover is beautiful just the way THEY are). Some of these surgeries require epic amounts of money, time, recovery, sometimes being put under…and sometimes, (often) the clients are still not happy with their vulvas.

Well, it turns out this article is PRO-Labiaplasty. Someone, somewhere, put me on a press list for fucking PRO genital mutilation articles…because that’s what non-emergency labiaplasty is. Genital mutiliation. The end. So I wrote back, asking if they had send me this because how atrocious and ridiculous this article was, supporting women cutting up their genitals to have some sort of “perfect” or “ideal” vulva that just doesn’t even exist.

Her answer?

This article was sent with the belief that women are allowed to do what they want with their vaginas and that there are far more atrocious things that can be done to them than labiaplasty.  That said, we find the article and subject matter interesting, and wanted to pass it along.

Thanks,
Amanda Z***********

Globalpost

THERE ARE FAR MORE ATROCIOUS THINGS THAT CAN BE DONE TO THEM OTHER THAN LABIAPLASTY. Um. What? I mean, if you’re going to count sexual assault, then yet. It doesn’t happen specifically to a vulva though — it happens to the whole person. I can honestly not think of anything worse happening to a vulva specifically than having it cut up. For not reason other than some non-existant ideal. Possibly losing most/all sensation in said lips.

I’m sorry, but while I support everyone’s right to make personal choices, I do not support our society telling vulva owners that they aren’t good enough, and so need to cut up their area of pleasure to appeal to some made up, bull shit standard.

The article itself, in the Global Post, did have one redeeming paragraph (out of two freaking pages talking about porn stars vulvas (NOT vaginas, btw) being the models for women who come in wanting vulva surgery because they want to look “perfect.’  The paragraph?

Virginia Braun, a senior lecturer in psychology at the University of Auckland, has also railed against the trend.

“We came to believe that, despite claims that they are about empowering women and improving women’s sexual pleasure, these surgeries were being recommended out of a misogynist disregard for women’s genital diversity and a willingness to exploit women’s lack of knowledge and confidence about their genitals,” she wrote in a study called “The ‘Designer Vagina’ and the pathologisation of female genital diversity: Interventions for change,” published in Radical Psychology earlier this year.

Otherwise, fuck this. Anyone who tells me that their are many worse things that can happen to ANYTHING is making excuses and creating a hierarchy of oppression.

Well, she sure did give me something to write about, although I’m sure it’s not the way she expected.

Love every vulva. Irregardless. The end.

-Essin’ Em

I’m creating a list. A list of sex/relationship/LGBTQ/kink/social justice/feminist/humanist bloggers who have put up at least one post that has made you stop for a moment and think. Perhaps it was about sex and gender, or about your views of relationships, or some privilege you have that you hadn’t realized that you had yet. It can be anything that made you think, analyse, re-examine, say “oh!” — whatever it is that made you stop for a moment and step outside of your own view of the world.

Often, sex bloggers get boxed into a, well, a box. We’re suppoed to write reviews, erotica, and post pictures. Lots of people who are called “sex bloggers” don’t even identify as such. However, just because someone isn’t writing about the sex they are having, but rather about navigating relationships, combating sexual violence or struggling with gender, this doesn’t mean they they aren’t an amazing blogger that can really make you think.

This list is for all bloggers who write in the field of sexuality and social justice. When posted, it will not have a numberical order — rather, it will just be in alphabetical order, because I don’t know how you can really judge the quality of someone’s writing, as everyone has such a different style.

The few rules:

*Please don’t nominate yourself.

*Blog must have at least 15 posts on it, preferrably at least 6 months old (younger blogs often disappear, and then many of the list links are dead).

*Please comment with: The blog URL, the blogger’s online name, and at least ONE link to a post that made you think. You don’t need to explain why, but please include at least one think-worthy post.

*You can nominate up to 10 bloggers. Please do one comment per blogger, for ease of actually creating the list.

*Bloggers must be somehow related to the fields of sex, sexuality, relationships, parenting, kink, poly, monogamy, social justice, equality, etc.

You have until November 30th at 11:59pm to nominate. Feel free to post about this on your blog, tweet/facebook about it, ask to be nominated, just remember that you cannot nominate yourself. Please grab the button above (made by the AMAZING Dangerous Lilly) — just please host it yourself (thanks!).

And so it begins…

-Essin’ Em

I support sex education. Obviously. And I’ll be participating in this carnival over on ShannaKatz.com this Friday. However, I think it’s important that EVERY share their stories of sex education (good, bad and non-existant), and support this amazing resource that provides FREE sex education and answers to questions for teens, youth, and anyone that needs information. I donated to support Scarleteen – what about you?

-Essin’ Em

The Scarleteen Sex-Ed Blog Carnival is set to run October 15th through November 15th and we’d love if if you’d take part. We’re featuring posts about your experiences with sexuality education and the importance of the kind of positive, inclusive and trustworthy information Scarleteen provides to young people.

***Find a list of participants and banners for use on your site here!***

We probably don’t need to tell you how important good, accessible sexuality education is, nor how important a safe space for young people to talk about sexuality is, particularly in light of the tragic events in the last month that showed too clearly how some  young people are still all too unsupported, and many young people’s lives could be improved or saved if the level of sexual education they receive was more compassionate, truthful and positive.

Throughout the month expect to see posts from a selection of amazing writers from the sex-positive, feminist and skeptical blogosphere. Also, Heather Corinna will be publishing advice columns written by herself and guest authors every day of the month on Scarleteen.

What Scarleteen Needs: Last year, Scarleteen needed increased donations in order to get through the end of 2009 and into 2010, in large part because private donations for a few years previous had been so low and left us in a very financially precarious position. We increased our financial goals to reflect the need for a minimum annual operating budget of $70,000. Thanks to generous contributions from our supporters in response to that appeal, while we were not able to reach that level, we were able to raise what we needed to not only get through 2009, but were able to use the funds wisely to sustain the organization through 2010.  Our goal now is to continue to work toward that annual operating budget. Ideally, we would like to see a minimum of $20,000 in individual donations each year to combine with funding from private grants. In order for that to happen, we need for current donors to keep giving, and we also also need to cultivate new donors.

This minimum budget is exceptionally cost-effective for the level of service we provide, especially compared to other organizations and initiatives whose budgets are far higher, including those which do not match our reach and our level of direct-service. If you would like more details about our budget and expenses, just contact us via email and we’ll gladly share that information with you.