Sexuality Happens

Relationships are constantly and consistantly changing. Period. Anyone who thinks otherwise is deluding themselves.

When I say relationships, I mean everything from friendships to lovers, play partners to family, etc. Relationship means two (or more) people in relation to one another.

Think for a moment about your best friend from 1st grade. Do you still talk? Do you still have the same dynamic? What about your parent/guardian? Is your relationship the same now as it was last year, three years ago, five years ago? Or your last lover/hook-up/ex? How has that relationship changed since you are no longer together?

Relationship change, everyday. I don’t understand when people say things like “this is perfect– let’s never let our relationship change.” How is that possible? Even if both (or all) people didn’t want any change, change is inevitable. As other parts of our lives change, morph, grow, crash and burn, etc, this all has an effect on each and everyone of our relationships. Resisting change is futile; only when we can accept it and work with it can our relationships truly blossom and change.

Take my moose Evey. When we first met, her primary partner was essentially trying to convince me that she would be an ideal fisting partner. However, despite that move on his part, we wound up becoming more of play partners in the kink scene. At first, it was a bit more serious styled, and then we both discovered our love of silly, amusing scenes, and we went from there. At one point, we had sex (well, not according to formerly mentioned primary, but we did according to us), and decided that we didn’t think that’s where the relationship needed to go. We didn’t repeat that experiement.

Sometimes, she’s more a service moose, helping me get around, bringing me ice, planning things, bringing people to see me. Sometimes, she’s just a moose, and we talk in ridiculous accents and plan our scenes. Sometimes, she bottoms to me, letting me play tic tac toe on her arms, or beat her up while wearing a cape. Our relationship constantly changes, depending on where each of us are (physically, emotionally, mentally, and locale-wise).

Recently, our relationship changed again. We had some play time planned at Thunder, and in the middle of it, she realized that her submission to her primary, her Master, now made it very difficult, neigh on impossible for her to get into the right head space to bottom to or submit to other people. My moose decided that while she was still open to play with others, she planned to focus more on topping.

For a moment, I was sad. I now have a bunch of beautiful new custom canes, and no one to use them on (Q doesn’t like pain). I have no one to be a silly bottom to my ridiculous top. However, then as I sat for a moment, and really thought about, I saw that this is just one more change in our relationship, one more facet for us to figure out, one more branch of growth.

Without change, relationships can grow old, and stale, and wither. It is only with change, and embracing it, can we grown, both on our own, and in our relationships.

-Essin’ Em

Hey you - 

Are you in Portland, or the surrounding area?

Come see my FREE workshop tomorrow night.

The details:

Title: Let’s Talk Sex — Navigating Love: Relationship Mapping

Place: Fascinations
9515 SE 82nd Ave
Portland, OR 97266
Time: 7pm

Date: Thursday, May 20th

Cost: FREE

Description:

A basic training with resident sexuality educator Shanna Katz, M.Ed (that’s me!) on the basic types of relationships that people have (primary, secondary and tertiary) in their lives, how we can map them, patterns to look for, and what we can get out of these maps when we try to balance life, love, friends, work and more. Also, we’ll talk about polyamory/non-monogamy – its various facets, how to get into it, whether or not it is for you, and most importantly, how we can make it work when there are more than two people involved.

Food and drink will be served, and a free raffle will take place!

This class is in the series of Let’s Talk Sex workshops put on by Fascinations. Like other workshops in this series, they are all free, and 18+.

All attendees will get a FREE $10 gift card to Fascinations, just for showing up!

Hey all fellow Arizonians (more specifically, Phoenix peeps).

This Thursday (May 13th), I’m putting on a class for Fascinations, a free Let’s Talk Sex seminar entitled Navigating Love: Relationship Mapping. It’s at 7pm, at 14747 N. Northsight Blvd in Scottsdale, and is FREE for everyone 18+. Plus, everyone gets a free $10 gift card for attending, and we’ll have snacks and drinks.

What’s it about? We’ll talk about how to balance all relationships in your life (love, friends, job, family, and more), and how to figure out what types of relationships you do well in and can sustain without harming yourself. And for those of you wanting to learn a little about non-monogamy, we’ve got that covered too.

Not in AZ? It’ll be streamed live at 7pm PDT at http://ustream.tv/fascinations. Feel free to watch. Or, if you live in the Portland area, I’ll be doing this workshop next week on May 20th. Would love to see you at either!

-Essin’ Em

Q and I have been together almost a year and a half, tripling any previous relationship I’ve been in (she has me bested by a lot with three years). She was not changed me, but helped me find different and other parts of myself.  I never thought I’d want to spend any long amount of time with one person, want to live with one person, want to significantly share my life with one person. But I do.

Granted, I still have other play partners, and shoot partners, and of course, my loving moose Evey back in Denver. I’m not losing the kink side of my life, or the multi-partnered side of my life.

I never imagined I’d find someone who didn’t leave me when the pain was too high and I could leave the bed. I never imagined I’d find someone who would be  as silly with the cats, and sometimes even sillier. I never imagined I’d find someone who was as into social justice and rights for everyone as I was, but also wasn’t hoity-toity about the revolutionary politics, keeping people out. I never thought I’d find someone to whom my attraction never waned, but only grew as I got to learn more and more about them as a person. I never dreamed I’d find someone who would let me breathe pretend fire on them, and communicate in meow-talk. I never thought I’d find someone with whom I could share a bed and fall asleep in their arms and not feel awkward and uncomfortable throughout the night.

We’re officially registered as Domestic Partners in the city of Phoenix, so that I can share her medical benefits (until they get taken away in October, because Arizona is a conservative, queer-unfriendly state).

And today, at Pride, we’re participating in the mass commitment ceremony.  And this will be our engagement. We want to show the world that queer people are real people. We love, just like anyone else. We worry about what happens to our partners, and if we’ll be allowed to see them in the ER or the ICU (you don’t want to know how many forms I had to fill out to make sure she’d know if something happened to me during my surgery last October). We want to be recognized, just like anyone else.  Perhaps the relationships will end, perhaps we’ll drift apart, and perhaps we’ll stay together, just like anyone else.

We hope, that when we move back to Colorado, they will soon approve equal marriage rights, and we can get married there.  But for now, her titanium ring, and my onyx/boulder opal bracelet (I’m not a huge ring fan…may save that for the wedding) will show our choice to commit to one another, to be there for one another, to support one another.

I love her, more than I ever thought I could love. And she loves me back. When I’m with Q, I feel safe, and loved, and cared for and happy and silly and all of these things I’ve not ever really felt. I don’t have to make excuses for her drinking or drug use, or her flaking out on me, or her treatment of others (as I have in the past with other partners), because she is so on par with my values and ethics and morals and ideals, and that makes me one very happy panda.

I’m ready to commit to her. Not forever; I don’t really believe in forever. But for as long as the two of us can be happy and support each other, I’m there.

-Essin’ Em

I leave this afternoon to go speak at Brown University’s Sex Week. They’ve really loaded it up with awesome sex educators; myself, Oh Megan, Sarah Sloane and more!

What am I talking about while there?

Monday, March 15th

Strap-On 101 w/ Shanna Katz

Time/Location: 12:00pm @ Sarah Doyle Women’s Center lounge (26 Benevolent St.)

Come learn all about the joys and pleasures of strapping it on. Who said harnesses were just for girl-on-girl action? In this workshop, we’ll discuss double-penetration, “pegging,” using harnesses for cuckolding, “femmecock,” and so much more! Ever wonder what the difference is between a g-string and a dual strap? We’ll cover that too! You’ll learn how to properly work a strap-on, contemplate a plethora of positions, and learn about the pros/cons of different types of toys. This class is open to singles, couples and moresomes of all sexes and genders. Never used a harness before? That’s fine – we’ll start with the basics. Plus, everyone will get to try on harnesses with toys to get a feel for the different styles, as well as figure out what works best for them.

SexAbility w/ Shanna Katz (and potentially Marlene Chait, a Brown Post-Doc Research Fellow whose doctoral dissertation is ‘An Exploratory Study About Women with Physical Disabilities: Survey of Their Views on Personal Assistance Services (PAS), Sexuality Education, and Sexual Expression’)

Time/Location: 5:30pm @ Salomon 202

People of all ability levels are sexual beings. Sex is hard enough to navigate and negotiate when one fits in with society’s notions of what a sexual being is, but once you add in the concept of ability, it can become quite challenge. This workshop is discussion-based, and covers issues such as coming out to your partner(s), how to discuss ability levels, new things to try, correct terminology, negotiating sex play (including kink/BDSM play), and much more. Participants are encouraged to share suggestions, trade ideas, etc. Great for people of all ability levels (and their partners) who want to recognize themselves as sexual beings. This workshop hopes to challenge people’s viewpoints, foster discussion and conversation, and open doors towards a shift in the social constructions surrounding sexuality and disability.

Make it Work Outside the Box: Relationship-Mapping & Communication w/ Shanna Katz

Time/Location: 8:30pm @ List 120 (64 College St.)

Description: Communication is key, but how DO we communicate? More importantly, how does communication change (or not) once we break the boundaries of what are considered “traditional relationships”? In this workshop we’ll talk about the different styles of communication, the languages of love, types of non-verbal communication, why communcation is so important, and how to adapt all of this for kinky AND vanilla relationships. We’ll gain an understanding about the basic types of relationships that people have in their lives, how we can map them, patterns to look for, and what we can get out of these maps. Finally, we’ll talk about polyamory/non-monogamy – its various facets, how to get into it, and most importantly, how we can make it work when there are more than two people involved. Bring paper, pen, and an open mind. We will be raffling off two Tantus toys at this event, so make sure you arrive early and get a seat!

Tuesday, March 16th

Feminist Pornography (Out For Lunch) w/ Shanna Katz

Time/Location: 12:00pm @ LGBTQ Resource Center (3rd floor Hillel, at 80 Angell St.)

Are you one of those who has wondered exactly what it is that makes porn “feminist” or “sex positive?” Join us as we talk about definitions of pornography and obscenity, and how sexual pleasure can be recording in a feminist and sex positive way. We’ll discuss current companies who identify as sex positive, and what separates them (or not!) from current, mainstream pornographic productions. By the end of this talk, everyone will still have formed different opinons, but will be more educated as to what this sex positive porn movement is.

When I was in San Francisco, I had four classes and one reading planned. The reading went off without a hitch, and two of my four classes (Vaginal Fisting for One and All and SexAbility) had particapatory, albeit small audiences, and were awesome.

However, two classes just failed. My BDSM 101 class failed because no one had shown up, and I’d gone through all the trouble of lugging floggers, canes, crops, knives, vampire gloves, wartenburg wheels and more from Phoenix to San Francisco, and then from the hotel to Femina Potens.  Alas, these things happen.

But what has shaken my confidence a bit, and taken a while to get over was my Relationship Mapping/Poly 101 class schedule first, on Wednesday night. 

First of all, no one showed up to open the door till 5 minutes till 6. Which really didn’t matter, since no one had shown up by then.  Finally, two people, a couple showed up. I waited a little longer to get started, and then I did. With a class of two.  One of whom told me he’d been around paint fumes all day and was in not mood to be interactive or participate.  Which was great, since this is the class where we all draw relationship maps of our own lives, and figure out what they mean, how they change over time, etc. Ok, fine.  Q was there with me, so she, and I, and the volunteer, and the woman in the couple participated. And then! My friend from Denver who is now going to school in SF showed up. Yay! Another friendly face. I continued in my talk when suddenly, 25 minutes into my presentation, the woman stood up, said “this is way too basic for us. I mean, maybe if you’d been here last year, we’d have gotten something out it, but we’re not interested.” And she and her partner walked out after taking my handouts (that I save for the end of the class).

I sat there in shock for a moment, and then, to my chagrin, I burst into tears.  Thank goodness for the volunteer, and Q, and my friend, and the next speaker, Catherine Toyooka, who all comforted me, and said that they were clearly just looking to pick up another poly couple, and that they were rude, and that some of the questions they had asked indicated they might be a bit homophobic.  None of these answers made me feel much better, but having a little group of people, only half of whom I knew, trying to comfort me, that in and of itself was comforting.

Did it shake my confidence? Oh yes.  I have NEVER had anyone walk out of a class/workshop before…regardless of whether there were 50 people or 5.  I was a little angry, because purposely put 101 in the class name, so that people who have all the basics don’t accidently show up (likely why no one came to my BDSM 101 class). But more so, I was hurt.  Was I really that bad a presenter that people couldn’t even hang on till the end of the presentation to leave? Was I so bad it was worth being rude to me?

The next day, I did my fisting demo.  I had almost 15 people, which again, while small, created an interactive and intimate audience that was wonderful. I was a little nervous and shakey to start, but I had Q and the lovely Alphafemme in the audience, and a plethora of strangers asking great questions and being really engaged. I felt revitalized and excited and so happy to be educating again.  It helped that Roxxie of Cyber-Dyke was my brilliant demo bottom.

So where do I stand now? I fly to Brown University on Sunday to present 4 classes/workshops on Monday and Tuesday.  I’m doing a cunnilingus class here in Phoenix in April. I was on Kink on Tap last weekend and felt that Sarah Sloane and I rocked the casbah. So clearly, some people/groups like me and want to hear what I have to say.

But every time I present now, I know I’ll have that tiny little worry of “what if?”  What if people walk out? What if people want to walk out but are too polite to and just sit through a horrible class? What if I can never “make it” as a sex educator?

And that, my dear readers, is my most recent story of sex educator fail.

-Essin’ Em

This is a repost from ShannaKatz.com for the most part. For those who don’t follow me on Twitter or Facebook, I’m heading to San Francisco this week. Q will be at a higher ed conference, and I’m going to put on some classes/workshops, as well as meet up with some of my favorite sex positive people.

Hope to see you there!

-Essin’ Em

I’m heading out to one of my favorite cities this week; beautiful San Francisco. While out there, I’ll be presenting not one, not two, not even three, but four classes/workshops AND I’ll be reading erotica with the lovely Rita Seagrave and dashing Patrick Califia.

What’s the 411 on what’s going on? Well, you can always check my schedule, but I’ll break it down for you here as well.

February 25th – I’ll be at the Center for Sex and Culture talking about Relationship Mapping and Poly 101. Click here to get more info.

February 26th – I’ll be presening my famous Vaginal Fisting for One and All at the CSC. Click here to get more info.

February 27th – Today is a busy day, as I’m part of Sizzle at Femina Potens. At 2pm, I’m talking about BDSM 101 (click here for info/tickets). At 4pm, I’m presenting Sexability, about sex and dis/ability (click here for info/tickets). Then at 8pm, I’m reading erotica (click here to get info/tickets).

There you go folks; 5 opportunities to come learn, chat, grown and talk about sex with me. I’ll be available after each class/workshop to talk more one and one, and I certainly hope to see many of you (of those in the Bay Area) at one or more of these events!

I made one of these back in March. Some relationships are the same, many are different.  Here is an update as to who everyone is, letter-wise.

Q - Updated: Q is my primary partner, the love of my life, the daddy of my kitties, my rock and so much more.  We live together in a 2-bedroom condo in Phoenix, AZ. She’s really smart, witty, sweet, caring, nerdy and awesome.  I met her at the Strap On workshop I taught at Hysteria in December 2008. Hot damn if she doesn’t fuck me well…she does fuck like a siberian tiger. And when I can’t move and am in so much pain, she brings me pills and ice packs and lies in bed with me stroking my hair. I love her more than words can say.

F - F and I were primary partners. We were together most of fall and winter 2008. She and I had gone to HS together, but not really been friends…we re-met when I was on a date with L, and really hit it off. She started out as a total submissive who hadn’t gotten to play before, but morphed into an excellent switch. We had a lot of kink play, from bondage to edge play to breath play, spankings, caning, orgasm control, forced orgasm. For all of our other issues, we connected really well during sex, had good sexual communication, and fucked good and hard for hours.  Like more than two dozen orgasms at a time.  Also, the first person who has fisted me.  We’ve since broken up. However, as the Denver dyke scene is very tight, and the Denver kink scene is close knit, and we’re both kinky dykes, we ran into each other a lot, and we’re cordial.  She is now in AA, which I really support her for.

Ms. S – Local Denver Domme who owns a dungeon, and is hilarious and a ton of fun to play with. She’s the one who did fire cupping and some violet wand play with me. I like her a lot as a person. She also teaches at Hysteria. She jokes about being a creepy old lady playing with people in their 20s, but I feel much more comfortable her than I do with lots of kinksters my age.

S- A long time crush, interesting person with deep thoughts and lots of fun overall. We had some fun and amazing sex when I was in SF, and other fun and adventures. First (and only) person I ejaculated with, and there were other firsts. A really fun, really enjoyable and completely satisfying experience.

Miss P and Miss D – Friend of mine who have now become very good friend’s of F.  Both are part of a local female domination house, and I’ve played with both. I kind of feel weird now, since we played when F and I were together, and now they play with F, and Miss D and F shot a kink set (porn) for a site together, right after F backed out on me for CrashPad. So yeah. They’re really nice and fun though.

L – L is the lovely person I met and hit on at the DMV the first week I was back in Denver, channeling Sinclair to be forward and slightly suave. We went on a few dates (she’s the one I broke my foot with), and then actually, on the same date where I met F, she told me that she wasn’t ready to be dating people. We’ve become really good friends, and hang out a lot. I’m in the midst of perverting her (and the lady she’s currently dating…who went to HS with my sister…oy) – she likes fire and electricity play now, and is totally a switch…I just don’t know how much she knows it. She also plays bass in an awesome band – Speakeasy Tiger.

M - Turns out M and I knew each other for a hot second in HS (M was a freshman when I was a senior, but we met briefly through a friend), and we re-met one night at the local dyke bar. M helped me to test out the Shunga Chocolate Body Paint, and we had a nice make-out session. Then I took M to a local play party, and later that night we had enjoyable sex, and interesting/awkward conversation (such at the whole “My anus is bleeding!” interaction). M is now engaged, and M’s finace is really nice and adorable. We still talk, and I just got Kate Bornstein’s book My Gender Workbook back, which M had borrowed.

Sasha Sappho - Sasha and I went to middle school together, and have reconnected.  We played at Thunder in the Mountains in 2008, but otherwise, are just really good friends. She now writes for the GLBTQ magazine in Denver and is freaking awesome!

KW - KW stands for Kinky Whore (by her own choosing). She was a good friend who I had made in Philly who screwed me over and completely cut me out of her life, really hurting me. That’s all.

C – I met C through a friend of mine in Philly who used to be a pro-domme, and was involved with Roller Derby. We hung out a few times, chatted, danced, etc…and in the week before I left Philly to move back to Denver, we had two amazing nights of fun, enjoyable, really connective sex. We talk occasionally on the phone, but not that often.  Amazing person.

K - K is…well. He’s intense. He’s smart. He’s interesting. He’s fucking hot. He’s…well, he’s K. I met K when I interviewed him as my replacement for my position at EdenFantasys when I left.  Biggest lust crush ever. I would have let him do pretty much anything to me.  I tried to flirt, and failed mostly, as usual.  We finally got to play at the Submit party in NYC and it was an absolutely blast.  He also made me cry when I really needed to and couldn’t.  We still talk on G-chat regularly, and he was helpful in talking to when Athena died. We hung out and he hit me (in a good way) when I visited NYC in May 09. A very cool person, and I’m glad he’s in my life. He’s also a FTM Pro Dom.  Email if you’re interested in sessioning with him.

J – J and I dated for about 6 months in 2007. We met on Craigslist (oh yes). First time I had my heart really bruised was when we broke up.  There were lots of issues with this relationship, like long distance, and age difference, and J being a sophomore in college and into drinking/drugs when it really wasn’t my scene, and me being more OCD about planning, etc. However, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. J was the first person I loved, and we had a lot of fun, tried lots of new things, and I learned a fuck ton about myself during and after this relationship. Also, the first person I fisted.  We kind of stopped contact on and off for about eight or nine months, but have recently reconnected. She now identifies as a high femme.  My mind is still trying to wrap itself around this.

The Asshole – First and only cisgender guy I ever had intercourse with. He also told me that I hadn’t really been sexually assaulted – that it was only a misunderstanding. He told me that rape was only perpetrated by strangers, and that domestic violence was only physical, never emotional or threatening. I left his apartment in tears, and have not seen him since…this was about three years ago. He tried to add me on Facebook recently. I declined.

Julius – Julius had been my best friend from about 7th or 8th grade.  He went to most of the dances with me in HS, even though we didn’t go to the same HS. We spent hours every night talking for years. He was my second “real” kiss. He was the first person to tell me that he loved me. He came to see one of my shows in college, and we hung out when I got back.  Then, about a week before I moved to Germany my junior year of college, we hooked up.  I never heard from him again. He blocked me on facebook, he didn’t return my email or hand-written letter. When I called him in 2006 before moving to Philly, he answered my call “accidentally” and then pretended to be someone else.  Last year, I wrote him a note on myspace apologizing for whatever it was that I’d done, and wishing him the best in life. He read it, but never wrote back. That’s Julius.

I’m not sure if anyone watches Rachael Maddow (if you don’t, you should, and not just because she is incredibly witty and ridiculously hot). However, if you haven’t you should check out her site.

Last week, she had a couple of shows that talked about the anti-gay bill in Uganda, and Richard Cohen’s “gay fixing” program that inspired this whole thing.

This post isn’t about that.  However, his book/CD set title “Coming Out Straight” made me think.

I hate that coming out is specific only to what is currently minority populations.  One comes out as queer, as kinky, as non-monogamous. It’s very rare to come out as straight, as monogamous, as vanilla (unless your community is queer/non-monogamous/kinky, in which you ARE then the minority).

Why do we have this default of “you should only come out/express your sexuality if you’re not the norm?”  I mean, really, what’s wrong either with no one having come out, or having everyone come out? Why is it so specific?

I mean yes, I understand why people in the minority choose to come out.  Living your life as it is, instead of hiding things, is freeing.  As is strength in numbers. But what if we could just love who we wanted to love, and fuck who we wanted to fuck, and commit to who we wanted to commit to without having to fly our flag?

At Sex 2.0 last year, Sarah Dopp said something about not all people (I think specifically queers, but also talking about kinksters, etc) want to wave their flag high, and they shouldn’t be made to out themselves, or even stand up and be counted. Not everyone is for a cause — some people just wanted to be who they are and not have to fight the battle everyday.

Conversely, what if we started a bigger dialogue about sexuality, so that everyone was talking about their journeys, regardless of the type of sex they like to have, or who they’re attracted to. What if instead of the default of straight/monogamous/vanilla, we actually encourage people (kids, teens and adults) to think about their sexuality, and share it with their friends, partners, families (birth and chosen). 

I know I speak of a much more utopian society, and that many of my questions on this are rhetorical. If we live in a society where we continue to be unequal (as of late, think of New York and New Jersey), how can we ever expect to be anything other than the “other” (in contrast to the default/norm)? What is it about our society, our culture, about humanity that we have to box things in, segregate things out, make the normal and the other?

Just thoughts. I know there is no answer to any of these questions. But I would like to hear a dialogue about coming out as a non-minority. Have any of you done it? Told your friends/family/partners/co-workers that you’re hetero? Or that you’re monogamous? How was it taken? How did it feel?

-Essin’ Em

Tristan Taormino, Photo Source

Tristan Taormino is a rockstar of sex positivity, and a personal idol of mine.  I am hoping to be lucky enough to go hear her speak at the new Fascination in Scottsdale, AZ this Thursday, and finally meet her in person. Her book Opening Up is a brilliant look at the various types of non-monogamy, and her other book Down and Dirty Sex Secrets is a great all encompassing sex book for everyone.  Moreover, she has great videos that bridge the gap between educational and pleasurable/porn, from The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women to her Guide to Rough Sex, and of course, her awesome series Chemistry . She even has her own rocking butt plug! She was also the editor of Best Lesbian Erotica for many years – check out BLE 2009 for a sexy story about me written by Sinclair Sexsmith. If you live in one of the following places, I HIGHLY recommend getting out to see her! (And if you come to Scottsdale, make sure you say hi to me as well). For more info on Tristan, check out www.PuckerUp.com

That’s all for now,

Essin’ Em

Sunday, November 8, 5:00 pm potluck, 6:00 pm workshop
Santa Fe, NM
KINKY POSSIBILITIES: OPEN RELATIONSHIPS IN THE SCENE
People who practice BDSM and those who are in Dominant/submissive relationships face unique challenges in both designing their open relationships and making them work. Relationship expert and bestselling author Tristan Taormino offers practical advice and strategies for dealing with specific issues related to being open and kinky. We’ll cover: common open relationship styles within BDSM communities and how they can work best; creative ways for giving everyone a voice in the negotiation process; dealing with jealousy and other intense feelings; and practical conflict resolution skills. In the interactive facilitated portion of this workshop, participants will be encouraged to share their stories, issues, and solutions.
RSVP: see the Fetlife event page or email for details!
Location: see FetLife event page for location & directions, not on FetLife? email me!
Info: tristan (at) puckerup dot com

Monday, November 9, 7:30 pm
Albuquerque, NM
ANAL PLEASURE 101
In her most popular workshop, one she has taught around the world for over 9 years, Tristan introduces you to the world of anal pleasure. In this funny, education class, she covers a wide variety of topics, including: myths about anal sex; anal anatomy, the G-spot, and the prostate; basic preparation and hygiene; lubes, anal toys, and safer sex; anal penetration for beginners, and much more!
Location: Self Serve, 3904B Central Ave SE, Albuquerque, NM 87108
Admission: $30, register now to reserve your spot
Info: 505-265-5815
URL: www.selfservetoys.com 

Thursday, November 12, 7:00 pm
Scottsdale, AZ
“LET’S TALK SEX” with Tristan Taormino
Sex expert, author, and adult filmmaker Tristan Taormino will share her top ten ways to use toys and other accessories to take your sex life to the next level! She’ll tell you her picks for the best lube, vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, men’s toys, and more! She’ll talk about creative ways to use toys and other sexy goodies to transform your bedroom into an erotic playground. Plus, you’ll be able to ask her all your burning questions in a supportive, non-judgmental environment. Join Tristan as she takes you on a tour of all you need to know to have sensational, mind-blowing sex!
Location: Fascinations, 14747 Northsight Blvd., Scottsdale, AZ 85260
Admission: free and open to the public
Info: tristan (at) puckerup dot com

Saturday, November 14, 7:00 pm
Minneapolis, MN
ANAL PLEASURE 101
In her most popular workshop, one she has taught around the world for over 9 years, Tristan introduces you to the world of anal pleasure. In this funny, education class, she covers a wide variety of topics, including: myths about anal sex; anal anatomy, the G-spot, and the prostate; basic preparation and hygiene; lubes, anal toys, and safer sex; anal penetration for beginners, and much more!
Location: Smitten Kitten, 3010 Lyndale Avenue, South Minneapolis MN
Admission: $30, pre-registration is required
Save on tickets: sign up for multiple of Tristan’s in-store events and save!! Just $50 for 2 workshops, $60 for ALL THREE!
Info: 612-721-6088
Email: info (at) smittenkittenonline.com
URL: www.smittenkittenonline.com 

Sunday, November 15, 7:00 pm
Minneapolis, MN
G-SPOT & FEMALE EJACULATION
Whether you don’t know how to find your G-spot or you’re an experienced G-spotter looking for some new techniques, find out all there is to know about G-spot anatomy, how to find your or someone else’s G-spot and orgasmic G-spot sex. Also learn about myths and truths about female ejaculation-what it is and isn’t and tips and techniques to try out at home.
Location: Smitten Kitten, 3010 Lyndale Avenue, South Minneapolis MN
Admission: $30, pre-registration is required
Save on tickets: sign up for multiple of Tristan’s in-store events and save!! Just $50 for 2 workshops, $60 for ALL THREE!
Info: 612-721-6088
Email: info (at) smittenkittenonline.com
URL: www.smittenkittenonline.com 

Monday, November 16, 7:00 pm
Minneapolis, MN
DESIGNING YOUR OPEN RELATIONSHIP
Are you considering an open relationship? Does your current open relationship need some tweaking? In this interactive workshop, relationship expert and author of Opening Up, Tristan Taormino will explore common myths, real-life benefits and challenges, and how to decide if an open relationship is right for you.
You’ll learn to articulate what you want, identify and negotiate limits and boundaries, communicate with your partner(s) in productive ways, and create relationships that work for you.
Admission: $30, pre-registration is required
Save on tickets: sign up for multiple of Tristan’s in-store events and save!! Just $50 for 2 workshops, $60 for ALL THREE!
Info: 612-721-6088
Email: info (at) smittenkittenonline.com 
URL: www.smittenkittenonline.com 

Tuesday, November 17, 8;00 pm
Princeton University, NJ
Beyond Monogamy: The Case for Open Relationships
A Book Talk with Tristan Taormino
Relationship and sex expert Tristan Taormino offers a bold new strategy for creating loving, lasting relationships. Drawing on in-depth research, interviews with over a hundred women and men, and her own personal experiences, Tristan explores the real-life benefits and challenges of open relationships in her new book. With her refreshingly down-to-earth style and sharp wit, Taormino argues that we must question the fairy tales and challenge the myths we’ve been taught about love, sex, intimacy, and commitment- only then can we create relationships that are honest, fulfilling, and really work.
Sponsored by LeTS.
Location: TBA
URL: www.princeton.edu/lgbt/events
Info: tristan (at) puckerup dot com

Wednesday, November 18, Noon
Princeton University, NJ
Queer Sexualities
Lunch Talk with Tristan Taormino
What does it mean to be queer, sex positive, and sexually empowered? Join Tristan Taormino for an intimate discussion about queer sexuality. Society bombards us all with mixed messages about sex that are often confusing and contradictory. LGBTQ people are especially vulnerable to stereotypes and negative representations of our sexuality. How do we come to terms with feelings of shame, guilt, and anxiety about our desires? How can we learn to embrace and cultivate our erotic power in order to build confidence and create fulfilling relationships?
Sponsored by the LGBT Center and Women’s Center
Location: LGBT Center Rainbow Lounge (Frist 247), Princeton University
URL: www.princeton.edu/lgbt/events
Info: tristan (at) puckerup dot com

November 20-22, 2009
Worcester, MA
TRANSCENDING BOUNDARIES
6th Annual Conference
The Transcending Boundaries conference for bisexual/pansexual, trans/genderqueer, intersex, and polyamorous people and our allies. We are pleased to announce that this year’s keynote speaker will be renowned alternative sexualities speaker Tristan Taormino. 
The conference strives to foster community, provide safe space, educate ourselves, and overcome societal sex, gender, and sexuality boundaries! Join us for open mic and Transgender Day of Remembrance reception, dynamic workshops, parties and entertainment, and a keynote luncheon with Tristan Taormino. We welcome everyone, from local, regional and national leaders in the bi, trans, intersex and poly communities to newcomers and allies. TBC works hard to make our conference safe, affordable and accessible for all.
Location: DCU Center and the Hilton Garden Inn in Worcester, MA
Admission: Register online at www.transcendingboundaries.org