Sexuality Happens

I haven’t gotten to review a harness in a while, so I have to thank the lovely feminist sex toy store (in Canada) Trinity Romance for this chance to review the Velvet Vibrating Corsette Harness.

As far as harnesses go, I love love love my Spareparts Joque harness. There is nothing quite like it. However, as has often been pointed out to me, even my custom made leopard print one is not quite as femme-y as some would like. Ergo, I have endevoured to finding a fat-girl-friendly, femme-tastic, dual strap harness.

This one is pretty damn close. The promo pictures show the harness making your ass look pretty good, and in real life, it comes pretty close. Here is a picture of me in the harness, with my ass nicely framed (thanks Q for taking the photo!)

Ok. So ass looks good. Check. Plus size friendly? The straps fit up to a 60″ waist. This meant that even as a big girl, I had a LOT of extra strappage going on. A lot. To the point where I might cut them, and burn the ends so they don’t get in the way as much. So big girl fit-able? Hell yes.

Now, I have the black one, but this also comes in purple, if you’re like me and like to coordinate. It also comes with a vibrating bullet that fits in a pocket in the front and THREE adjustable O-rings. I really appreciated that; most adjustable O-ring harnesses don’t actually come with other O-rings for you to switch out.

The vibe? Meh. I could have don’t without it. Didn’t have much oomph to it, and like most small bullet vibes, it dies quickly, and has expensive batteries to replace. However, if you have a smaller rechargable vibe, like the Lelo Mia, you can use that in the same place, which is nice.

The harness looked pretty damn good on me, and fit quite comfortably, and I loved the tie-up in the back. My one issue with it is that if you choose to use a bigger cock, either thick or long, it’s going to be heavy, and honestly, this harness is not meant for heavier cocks. The velvet and stretchy rubber O-rings just don’t provide enough support. This means you might end up with a bit of a limp dick, or even worse, your cock popping out into your partner. I’m awkward, yes, but that earns a total awkward calamari from me.  Also, because the front part is solid (unlike the Joque, or the Sportsheet Bare as You Dare), you cannot use it to support toys like the Feeldoe, Nexus and Share.

All in all, this is a great, sexy harness, that fits people of all sizes, is an awesome vegan harness, a bit femme-y, and with adjustable O-rings. If you’re looking for a first time, or occasional use harness, this would be perfect. On the other hand, if you’re rocking the cock (femme cock or otherwise) on a regular basis, I’d suggest something a bit more sturdy!

Thanks to Trinity Romance for this lovely harness. If you live in B.C., Canada, tell them to bring me in for a class — I’d LOVE to teach there!

-Essin’ Em

I have been asked to write a paid review of the sex toys website Discreet-Romance.com.

First impression? The site needs a bit more of a face lift on the front. It’s incredibly busy, and has issues with word combos like “man sex toys” and “vaginas and dolls.” I had a hell of a time trying to find an “about” sections. Returns policy? Yes. FAQ sections? Yes. A whole hell of a lot of different vibrator options, and a variety of adult toys? Yes. However, I was never able to find a mission statement, or even an about section. So really, I can’t tell you much about who owns/runs the site, what their views are on sexuality and sex positivity, etc. There is an “about our store” section on the front page below the blog, but it is not informative, and is full of typos, which annoyed me.

First thing I always do when reviewing a sex toy/adult toy site is to search the site for anal eaze. Yes, they do indeed carry it. HUGE black mark in my book. They also carry shrink creams, which is a big no-no to me. Moreover, they have really racistly-named shrink creams, which I have huge beef with. Not impressed with their selection.

As far as body-friendly items, they do carry the full line of Tantus silicone (and aluminum items), including butt plugs, dildos, harness kits and vibrators.They also have the line of Lelo toys (some of my favs as well). On the other hand, they do NOT have any Vixen, Jimmy Jane, Liberator, etc. If you’re looking for high end toys, this is not the site for you.

However, if what you want is cheap toys, you may have found your match, Each page displays lots of sale items, including rabbit style vibrators for under $20, bullet vibes for under $5, etc. If you know what you’re looking for, their search button is ok, but I find their left hand menu of items very difficult to search, and it’s extremely hard to find the few body-friendly and quality items in the mess of everything else.

On the front page, they do have a blog, that unlike many of these one-off toy sites, seems to be updated on a fairly regular basis. The writing isn’t amazing, and I personally don’t agree with many of the topics/advice given, but I do appreciate that they have one, unlike many similar sites.

All in all, I say meh to Discreet Romance. I don’t approve of many of their products (anal numbing creams, shrink creams, etc), and find the navigation fairly difficult, especially if I’m looking for a decent toy. However, their prices are low, and they actually have a sexuality blog, which is more than I can say for most of these sites that sell adult toys.

-Essin’ Em

You’ll note that this review is very different than my average one.  I usually review sex toys, or books, or lubes. However, the other day, I was in Fascinations, and was talking to one of the associates, and she told me that this shot worked really well for her. Given that my poor sex drive has pretty much been out the window since my cancer scare back in January, I’ve gotten to the point where I’m willing to try pretty much anything, as long as I know it’s not medically harmful. Ergo, I bought this shot, the Rock On for HerFemale Sexual Enhancement shot/drink.

Now, I will tell you that I don’t seem to do well with supplements. Caffeine (whether in coffee, chocolate, tea, or otherwise) has never affected me. I could drink a Crowbar (4 shots of espresso, coffee and chocolate syrup) in college, and fall asleep shortly there after.  When I was working for the evil corporate gym on overnight shifts, I tried a 5-hour Energy shot one night, and promptly fell asleep at the desk. So I didn’t have much hope for it.

It tastes gross. Like, face making, gag noise making gross. However, I drank the whole thing, and then Q and I went and had sex. Did it work? I don’t really think so. I mean, we already were planning on having sex, it didn’t at all make me feel more sexual (basically, I’m all good with fucking Q, and find that really hot, but am not so hot with being sexual myself), and I certainly wasn’t buzzing with horniness.  Would I use it again? No.

That said, I have now spoken to several women of various orientations and ages that swear by this. Is it snake oil? Maybe. I’m not sure how well L-Argenine works when used internally/ingested, however, we do know it works in creating extra sensation topically. It’s possible that my body just doesn’t react well to supplements. Who knows.

Next on my list; clitoral arousal gel. Again, these aren’t normally things I’d like to try, but I’m getting desperate, just like many women out there, looking to reclaim and take control of their sexuality. I’m happy to share my experiences around this, in hopes that it’ll help others.

Want to try the shot for yourself? Click here to get a bottle. If you *do* try it, please let me know via comment or email what you thought – I really would love to know!

-Essin’ Em

What do we have here? Its a vibrator that is a little different than what you’d expect. It’s a vibrator that is a little off the beaten path. No, it’s not Jaws vibrator, and an Abominable Snowman vibe. It’s just not quite your run of the mill vibrator.

What makes this vibe so incredibly different? Well how about that it is made of ice. Yep, you heard me, MADE OF ICE. Is that not cool or crazy or ridiculous or awesome or all the the aforementioned? What toy is this that I’m talking about? Why, its the Ice Vibe by Touche. The body of the toy is 100% medical grade silicone, the freezing cup is plastic, it comes with a little traditional bullet vibrator, and of  course, the actual part that winds up vibrating  is made of ice. I think this is the perfect toy to use in the summer to cool down when your love life is getting a bit heated up. I put more thoughts into the video about the ice vibe. Check out my video review.

As usual, a big thank you to Fascinations for the toy in exchange for a review, as well as video guy Matt who made the awesome video. The video is a bit old, but is never seen before, and now that it’s summer, what better time to share the Ice Vibe with you, right?

-Essin’ Em

I love vibrators. I love rechargable vibrators. Ergo, when I was given the offer from a certain sex toy store to review the Bsoft Rechargable Vibrator (in return for a review), I most definitely took them up on their offer.

Looks wise, it’s a pretty nice, aero-dynamic, streamlined toy. This is good. It’s also very light weight. Now, some people prefer their toys to be light weight, but I actually find it to be a bit unerving, and often times the sign of a not-so-good toy. I went in a bit of a sceptic, as all sex toy reviewers should (unless you’re buying an Njoy or a Lelo – no skeptism needed).

It’s an ok toy. Not bad, by any means. It’s made of a hard plastic, so it’s phthalate free/body friendly, and can be washed with antibacterial soap and warm water. However, note that it is not, in fact, sterilizable, and so should be a one vulva/one person toy. Because it’s plastic and not silicone, you can use either water based lube or silicone based lube with it, depending on your personal preference.

Charging was fairly easy, and I really do appreciate that they didn’t go totally overboard with the packaging. The box is small, just like the toy.

The problem was the toy itself. Well, I shouldn’t say problem. It’s a decent toy, especially for its price range. It’s hard to find a decent rechargable toy that is body friendly for under $70, and this one certainly is all of that. However, there just wasn’t much power or oomp behind it, and that’s a pretty important part of vibrators for me is something that can really provide power when needed, and be a lower level for Q as needed.

So as a beginner toy, yes, or one for someone that likes light stimulation, this is good. For anyone who has experience with vibes, it might come off a bit iffy or weak, and I’d suggest something with a little more power to it.

Want one of your own? Click here to get YOUR very own Bsoft Rechargable Vibrator!

-Essin’ Em

This toy is quite new and quite different than your average version 2.0 double dildo (think the Share by Fun Factory, or the Feeldoe by Tantus). Why? Because it has adjustable angles, using a little silicone piece to change things up.

Like the other toys in this overarching category, it’s 100% silicone, meaning you can clean it with soap and water, or sterilize it with a 10% bleach solution, dishwashing it (top shelf, no soap), or boiling it 3-5 minutes. However, litter crevices make it a bit harder to clean than some of its counter parts. Only use water based lube please!

For the most part, I was pretty impressed with the Mantric Sysil Double-Dildo like toy, and even made you a shiny video review for you to learn a little more about it, see it in action, etc. Check it out:

Thanks again to Matt and Fascinations for the video action and toy-ness.

Click here to get your own Sysil Mantric and begin the angling action!

-Essin’ Em

Thanks to AdultSexToys.com for this sex toy to review. What is it? Why, the Vixen Outlaw of course (made of Vixskin). This is the biggest (length wise, and probably girthwise) silicone dildo available on the market.

Now, I love me some dildos, even the big ones, but when I saw the size of this (almost my forearm), I knew exactly who should review this toy; my lovely moose Evey. She is a size queen extrodinaire, and this was THE perfect toy for her to try out. So I’ve gifted it to her, and the review the follows is from her. It’s 100% medical grade silicone, so you can sterilize it (10% bleach solution, top shelf of the dishwasher with no soap, or boil it 3-5 minutes), but make sure you only use water based lube with it. It comes in vanilla, chocolate and caramel, so you have a nice color selection (if only they were flavored that way!

And with no further ado, the review from Evey.

-Essin’ Em

When Essin’ Em handed me my new toy to review, I couldn’t put it down. I probably held it for a good 20 minutes until I finally let go. I’d heard a lot of hype about the Outlaw by Vixen Creations, how it was HUGE and too big for some people. It is a staggering 8 ½ inches long and 2 inches thick of 100% sterilizable, silicone goodness. I was so ready for the challenge when she asked me to do the review for her! I’ve never met a cock that was “too big”. I’m a purebred size queen, through and through. Squeezing, stroking and touching it, it felt so realistic in my hands. It had give and felt like it pushed back to my firm grasp just like a real cock does you hold on tight. All of a sudden, I understood why everyone loves VixSkin so much. I loved how thick and substantial it felt in my grasp. THIS was a
cock I could fuck.

The first time I took it for a test drive was my second night back home in Denver. I was stressed from the beginning to what was starting to look like a long, challenging work schedule and hadn’t had sex in weeks. So I sat down on my couch, my trusty netbook full of porn and pink pocket rocket by my side. I don’t often use non-vibrating toys, and never alone that I can recall. I lined up a few videos and began warming myself up. Once I’d gotten close, I figured I was ready. I grabbed the Outlaw and slowly began pushing it into my pussy and it took a while. But once in, I pressed the tip of my vibrator into my clit and began fucking myself with the Outlaw. I had been edging and coming down for a good 20 minutes when I was ready to cum. So, I fucked myself harder as the vibrations on my clit started sending me over the edge. What happened next was completely unexpected and something that I’ve never done before. As I was cuming, the muscles in my pussy clamped down (which IS usual.. I’ve been known to push guys out with my orgasms). I responded by pounding the Outlaw into myself even harder and faster. Finally, the cock pops out of me and a gush of liquid shoots across my couch. It was such a release! I quickly shoved the Outlaw back into my pussy- because getting fucked really hard after my orgasm is one of my favorite parts of sex. No less than 10 seconds of more hard fucking and I had pushed it out again and sent another gush onto my cushions. I did this about 5 more times before I stumbled off the couch and grabbed a towel to clean up. I have squirted EVERY TIME I have used it.

But wait… there is MORE. Not only is the outlaw one of the best cocks I’ve had in me. Oh no- it’s also become my new favorite impact toy. I was at one of my local fetish clubs the weekend after I got home from Phoenix and had started an impromptu spanking scene with The Redheaded Slut. I got bored with my canes and paddles so I pulled out my cock (freshly sterilized and ready for play!). The look on her face when she looked over her shoulder to catch a glimpse of whichever toy I’d pulled out next was priceless. I proceeded to cock slap the shit out of her ass and, being the naughty little slut she is, she loved every thuddy moment of it!

I’m so excited to finally get to try the Fun Factory Tiger Dildo, thanks to Fun Factory themselves (thanks y’all!).

As many of you know, I have a lot of sex toys. Like a lot. And while of course I have my favorites, it’s always a challenge trying to find a vibrator for me that will top the Hitachi Magic Wand for external, and the Gigi for internal (although I’m psyched to try out the G-Ki). Q, now, hates the Hitachi, but loves the Onye and the Ina, so we’re pretty set on vibrators (although we’re always trying new ones; who knows which new vibe may turn out to be the holy grail?!).  Ergo, we’re always on the look out for new and fun dildos, and the Tiger was certainly no exception.

I love black and red sex toys, and had a hard decision, as the Tiger comes in BOTH black and red options.  After some thought, I decided to go with black, because it matches everything, and is just super sexy.  Like all Fun Factory toys, it’s 100% body safe, phthalate free, and happens to be made out of 100% medical grade silicone. This means that in addition to washing it with soap and warm water, you can sterilize it as needed (for sharing, going ass to vulva, etc) by boiling it 3-5 minutes, wiping it down with a 10% bleach solution, or running on the top rack of the dishwasher with no soap.  Keep in mind that because it’s made of silicone, you can only use water based lube with it; I recommend Maximus or Eros Aqua (sometimes marketed as Pjur Aqua).

And now down to the toy itself. It’s a pretty toy; almost a work of art. I say almost, because when I looked at it, I was more focused on who it was going to go into first, as compared to where I should place it to look nice. I particularly wanted the Tiger because of its stripes, and it was time to put it to the test…

We love it. Period. Both of us. Usually, one of us likes a toy, and the other, while they enjoy using it on/with the liker, is more ambivalent. Not in this case. Both of us LOVED the Fun Factory Tiger. I venture to say it may be one of the best dildos we own…and we own a lot. It looks sexy, but the ridges? Out of this world. Just amazing.

Now, you definitely need to warm yourself/your partner up. I went it to quick with Q, and even with lube, the sheer size of this Tiger (and it’s pretty big, in both length and girth, although it doens’t appear to be so thick) hurt a little. However, after a longer warm up, this Tiger first made her growl, and then brought forth jungle like sounds from me. It’s bloody awesome!

It’s really long, which is excellent for use in a harness, but if you’re fucking your self or someone else holding it in your hand, realize that you might not need the *entire* length, as it can get uncomfy. However, I’d rather have more and not use it, than not enough and be wanting more.

I cannot speak highly enough of this Tiger dildo. Both of us give it 5 stars up, and it has earned a place in our night stand!

-Essin’ Em

Click here to try out the Tiger Dildo, by Fun Factory.

***Cross Posted on ShannaKatz.com***

Thanks to Q, I had the opportunity last Wednesday night to go check out the new movie with Annette Benning, Julianne Moore and Mark Ruffalo, entitled The Kids Are Alright.

Now, the basic plot, as advertised, is that there is a lesbian couple, who have an 18 year old daughter and a 15 year old son. The son convinces the daughter to get in contact with the sperm donor that provided said sperm to create the kids (each mom carried a child). They meet him, and now the family dynamic changes, and the movie ensues.

Voila. It’s supposed to be cool and trendy and did super well at Sundance. I had some hopes for this movie, in that it was showing an LGBTQ family as a REAL family, not as hot and sexy lesbians, or those with issues coming out, or any of the other many ways lesbians have been portayed. They have kids, they have a dining room table, and a house, and conversations and the same issues that every other type of family has with communication, and teenagers, and so on…

And now, for the spoilers. If you don’t want to hear about the actual movie, stop reading now.

Ok, so basically, you have fairly happy family. Some issues, like all families, but there are two teenagers, and two moms, and everyone seems to communicate fairly well and get along, although the moms definitely could have used a couples counselor to help them work through a feel control/free-flowing hippy issues.

Then suddenly, the sperm donor (Paul) is brought into their lives. Jules (Moore) is a more woo-woo, free flowing femme-ish type, and is open to him. Nic (Benning) is a bit more andro/butchy, and seems to be nervous (understandably) about letting this guy into their kids’ lives. Long story short, Nic starts doing Paul’s (Ruffalo) landscaping and BAM. They kiss. And if that wasn’t enough, they start having sex, and the noises she makes with him are waaaay different and seemingly “better” or “more satisfying” (according to the movie) than the sex she has with Nic.  She tells him she’s married, she’s gay, she loves Nic, but then, more sex between Paul and Jules.  Jules keeps it a secret from Nic until they have a family dinner at Paul’s place (Nic is willing and trying to get to know him better), and Nic goes to the bathroom and finds Jules hairbrush…and hair in the drain (like at their home), and then in his bed. The movie ends with them removing Paul from their lives and getting back together and talking about how marriage is tough, but they love each other and will work through it.

My beef? It’s two fold. First of all, this movie perpetuated lesbian stereotype right and left, from the drinking massive amounts of wine to the butch/femme to the station wagon of sorts to the watching gay-male porn, to the being woo-woo and wanting hugs in unison (you’ll have to see it to get it). It made a big deal out of Jules not shaving her legs (gasp!). And worst of all, it perpetuated the stereotype that lesbian relationships don’t work out not because of family/relationship/communication/wants and needs issues, but because truly, all every woman, lesbian or not, wants is OBVIOUSLY a man. Every woman must have a penis in order to feel fulfilled. It also perpetuates the idea that lesbian (or gay or queer) relationships are not as “real” as straight marriage; Paul seems to glaze over the fact that Jules is married to Nic, and even suggests that he and Jules start a life and family together at one point, as if her 18+ year marriage to Nic was completely invalid. Way to give the anti-gay movement fuel for their fire about how dysfunctional lesbian families are.

Issue two? The fact that I feel that this movie is going to stir up even MORE biphobia in the queer community. For some reason, we as a community tend to exclude bi folks as being queer, as if them having a relationship with a cis-man (bi women) or cis-woman (men) makes them “less” queer. Now, while Jules never openly identified as bi, her sexuality was clearly a bit more fluid that just “lesbian/gay,” as she openly enjoyed sex with Paul. So basically, we have a queer or bi acting woman on screen, cheating on her lesbian wife with a man. Which seems to be the issue that is ALWAYS brought up when biphobia rears its ugly head; don’t date bi-women, because they’ll leave you for a man.

Now, I know that this generalizing statement is bullshit. As if dating a lesbian-identified woman will somehow protect you from cheating/being cheated on. Infidelity hits ALL types of relationships, regardless of the gender or orientation of the partners. Period. However, movies like this seem to reinforce this misnomer, that bi-women of any sort will always end up going for a man. NOT FUCKING TRUE.

So in the end, I AM glad that their is a movie bringing lesbian visibility to the big screen, as I think this movie will be a hit. I did like that it was a lesbian family, with gender presentation diversity in the two women. However, I have a LOT of reservations about how the content of this movie will be used against the LGBTQ community by those who are against it, as well as the issues surrounding bisexuality that this movie may serve to worsen.

And those, dear readers, are my thoughts on the upcoming movie The Kids Are Alright, to be released July 16th at an Indie theatre near you.

-Essin’ Em

I don’t use condoms as often as some people, it’s true. Sometimes I use them to cover sex toys, others I used to use on my Hitachi (that is, before I got the amazing Off with Your Head Hitachi Cover), and of course, I often use them to present. Not really enough to need to carry them around in my purse, or so one might think. So why is it, exactly, that I am carrying around a Just in Case Condom Case (other than it fundraises money for YouthAIDS with each purchase)?

Why? Because A) it can also fit little foil lube packs folded in half, which is brilliant, because really, doesn’t everyone need lube at some point?  B) While I don’t need condoms very often, other people do. I get asked if I have an extra condom running around almost as often as I get asked if I have an extra tampon or pad, which is fairly often. I have an epic reputation as being super prepared, and this, of all things, should definitely not be an exception. Always happy to help. And C) this particular condom case is different than most of the others I’ve seen/owned (and I’ve owned a few in my time). The reason is that it opens in two ways; one of the condom(s)/lube, and one for the mirror — it not only LOOKS like a compact like most condom cases; it actually IS one.

Now, it does come in other colors, like gold, but obviously I like the red better. It’s a sassier color, plus with the purchase of each Just in Case RED condom cases, they donate a percentage (not sure quite how much) to YouthAIDs, aiding in the fight against AIDS. Just by getting a condom case to keep you, your friends, your family and loved ones safe, you’re working against AIDS. How awesome is that?

It’s a little pricey, yes, but it’s fairly good quality, and condom cases tend to last a while. I still have the one I got when I was sixteen at my high school graduation. Get one, keep it, use it, pass it on, and enjoy!  Five stars (out of five). I really liked this concept, this case, and this whole line.

Click here to get your very own Just in Case Condom Case, and give back to the fight against AIDS.

-Essin’ Em