Sexuality Happens

Re-posted from Good Vibrations Magazine

If you’ve been following pretty much any conversation on sex toys, you’ve probably heard about phthalates in toys, how they can be dangerous (or at least allergy causing), and how there are all sorts of awesome and amazing materials that are in fact phthalate-free.

Good on you. You’ve chosen to take charge of this part of your sexual health and pleasure, and you’ve bought a toy made of high quality plastic, steel, aluminum, silicone, ceramic, glass, wood, marble, granite, or another phthalate free material.  It probably cost slightly more than the cheap jelly toys we have all grown accustomed to buying, but you know it’ll be worth it.

But what happens when you want to clean this toy? Or just as importantly, when you want to share it with a new partner (or multiple new partners)? Most people can’t afford to buy new toys for each new lovers, but our Health Education teachers never taught us how to clean and how to sterilize our sex toys.

Cleaning them is easy. If you’re just wanting to clean the toy for use with yourself, or a fluid bound* partner, you can wash pretty much all sex toys with water and anti-bacterial soap.  The soap part is important, even if it’s just for yourself, or with a fluid bound partner. Why? Bacteria grows in your body and its fluids, and everyone has different bacteria. You even have different bacteria day-to-day. If you have a yeast infection, and don’t properly wash your toy, you can give it to your partner, or even give it back to yourself. 

After washing them, you can either air dry them, or try them with a towel (this may leave some lint on your toy, so you might want to rinse your toys off before using them). Remember not to put your toys into closed spaces while wet, especially not ziplock bags – this can cause mold to grow, and that is just gross.

Now, if you’ve made it through kindergarten, you’ve learned that sharing is caring.  If you are caring enough to share your toys, please make sure you’ve sterilized them first for any non fluid bound partners.

How, you may ask, do you sterilize toys?  Not all toys can be sterilized.  Jelly, plastic, acrylic and stone toys can NOT be sterilized. If you choose to share them, use a condom/glove to cover them.  Wood is debatable – I personally don’t share my wood toys, because I think it’s slightly porous despite the coating, but others will disagree with me.  Silicone, steel, aluminum, glass and ceramic are 100% sterilizable.

There are three ways to sterilize your toys.  Number one; wipe them down with a 10% bleach solution (mix bleach to water 1:10), then rinse them off before drying.  This is especially great for silicone vibrators, such as the Gigi and the Lily. Number two; boil your toys in plain ol’ water for three minutes.  I particularly like this for silicone dildos, as I can boil them all at once, like a stew of pretty colored cocks. You can use this method for any non-vibrating toys, including glass. Number three; this requires having a dishwasher. If you happen to have one, you can put all your sex toys on the top shelf, and run it with no soap/detergent.  In order to not waste water, I save them all up and run them at once, often with vases, and other dusty items.

As far as storing them, it’s always good to keep them away from dust (and in my case, epic amounts of cat hair).  You can put them in plastic bags, wrap them in non-linty fabric, or even invest in a sex toy storage case.

And that, dear readers, is the best way to take care of your toys, while sharing them with those you love and/or lust after.

*Fluid Bound means having made the decision with your partner(s) that you have both/all been tested for STIs, and feel comfortable sharing fluids with each other with using barriers (condom/dam/glove). Fluid bound partners can be non-monogamous, but generally choose to use barrier methods with their other partners.

 “Sex 411: The Sex Ed You Never Learned in School” is about educating people on all types of sex and sexuality…not just preventing pregnancy and STIs. For information on discussions, workshops, sex coaching, play parties, body-healthy sex toy parties and more, please visit www.ShannaKatz.com.

Written by me for my new series “Sex 411: The Sex Ed You Never Learned in School.”  Reposted from Good Vibrations Magazine. 

Lube. Maybe you love it, maybe you don’t, but I’m willing to bet a fair amount of money that you never learned about it in your middle/high school sex education classes.  Hell, maybe you still have no idea about it. Many people don’t.

I am a huge proponent of lube. In fact, I even have a button that I wear proudly; lube is love. Perhaps you are asking why I’m such a lube lover. Let me give you the lowdown on why lube is so great.

First of all, lube can make things easier.  You know when a ring is stuck on someone’s finger and they put vasoline or butter on it to help slide it off?  Or when you’re trying to get a bullet vibe in or out of a dildo, and a drop of lube helps it pop right out (or in)?  Lube helps to pave the way.  Let’s say you’re trying to stick something (penis, dildo, cock, fingers, etc) into something (usually a vagina/cunt/anus). Why WOULDN’T you want to make it a smoother entry? To slide right in instead of having to force something is one of the great things about lube.

Now, you might be thinking “but my/my partner lubricates fabulously all on their own.” Great!  Perhaps you don’t need a little extra help. However, natural lube can dry up fairly quickly, plus there are so many reasons someone might not be lubricating much (or at all); antihistamines (any allergy meds), hormonal birth control, a plethora of other medications and medical conditions, stress in your/their daily life, hearing kids running around in the other room, etc. Plus, some people just don’t have a lot of natural lube. And that’s perfectly ok. Easiest solution to this is to grab some lube and add it to your sex life.

Talking about adding lube — anuses, although pretty spiffy, are not able to lubricate on their own. At all. Period.  Ergo, if you are putting things in a butt (your own or someone else), PLEASE use lube.  Even if it’s just spit, use something. If you’re trying for some hot anal sex, and haven’t ever done it before, use lube. It’s really hard to slide something big into something small if you’ve got a ton of friction going on.

Let’s speak to condoms for a moment. Poor condoms get such a bad rap. However, one little trick to making them feel better for all parties involved is lube!  Put a small drop…and when I say small, I mean small, inside the condom before the wearer puts it on.  Then, put a little more lube either on the outside of the condom or wherever the condom is going to be going.  Voila! Less friction equals more sensation, and you’re still having safer sex.

How much is the right amount? Start out with a little, as you can add a little more and a little more until it feels just right…kind of like a pervy goldilocks.  Too much, and soon you’ve turned sex into a slip n’ slide; not enough, and it totally defeats the purpose of using lube. 

What happens when you’ve been going at it for a while, and your lube starts to dry up a bit? Instead of adding more and more and more and turning it into a sticky, goopy mess, most lubes reactivate with a little bit of water.  This can be spit, sprinkling some water from a drinking glass, or my personal favorite; using a squirt gun. Get creative.

There are, for all intents and purposes, three types of lube; water based, silicone based and oil based.

Oil based lube (such as boy butter) are great jack off lubes. They stick around a long time, are very slick, and well, they’re designed for wanking.  However, they are NOT ok to put inside cunts, and there is a great debate as to whether oil is butt friendly. Granted, people have been using Crisco for years, but if you want to be sure of being body-friendly, don’t put oil based lubed inside you. Additionally, oil of any kind dissolves latex…meaning oil based lubes and any latex condoms/gloves/dams are mortal enemies.  Safer sex and oil based lubes don’t belong together.

A good amount of the lubes available, especially at your local drug store, and many sex toy providers, is water based. This means the main ingredient is water, and that it will wash off easily. It doesn’t have the staying power of oil based or silicone based, but it is definitely vagina/cunt/anus friendly, is easy to get off when you’re done, and reactivates with a little water. Additionally, it is latex friendly AND will not harm silicone toys.

Silicone lubes are available primarily online – you’ll be hard pressed to find them at the drugstore, although your local sex toy/adult store might carry it. It does not wash away very easily, making it good for sex in the shower/pool, or if you’re planning on going at it for a while. The number one thing to know about silicone lube is that you CANNOT use it with silicone toys.  It may melt them, or turn them into a Swiss cheese consistency, etc. Keep them separate. However, silicone lubes IS latex friendly, and although there are a few dissenting voices, it is generally considered friendly for vaginas/cunts/anuses.

Some of the water based lubes contain glycerin, and quite a few people have negative reactions to it, including getting yeast infections — since glycerin is made from glucose, which is sugar.  If you’re having problems with your lube, or you KNOW that you’re prone to yeast infections, make sure your lube is glycerin (and paraben) free.  Some good glycerin free, water based options are Maximus, Sliquid, Probe and O’My.

As a note, some (although not all) flavored lubes do contain sugars of various types. Sugars + cock = not an issue. Sugars + vagina/cunt = yeast infections. Read the ingredients, and know what you’re putting in your body!

Lube is love, folks. There are so many choices out there, and so many great reasons to use it, from exploring new territory to increasing sensation, and much more. With all the positives and the lack of negatives, why not give lube a good college try?

-Essin’ Em