Sexuality Happens

First, we have Drew Devereaux and Buck Angel talking about important health care exams for people who identify as trans.

And this one is 100% Buck Angel and his awesome-sauce-ness about trans guys, and their health care.

Thank you to both of these fabulous performers for bringing attention to such an important sexuality issue. Way to go you two – thanks so much for talking about trans men with cervixes, and trans women with prostates, and all sorts of other differences that might keep people out of the doctor’s offices, when they really need check ups just as much as anyone else.

If you have good suggestions for resource lists for doctors who are LGB and especially T and Q friendly, please feel free to share!

-Essin’ Em

Are you in the Denver Metro Area? Would you like to hear me talk about full spectrum sexuality and sensational sex toys? I’ll be speaking at the Fascinations in Arvada, CO tomorrow night at 7pm.  It is free to all attendees, and every one who sits through the class will get a $10 gift card, as well as refreshments and an entry in a raffle.

Sexuality is so much more than just sex acts, than identity, than why lube is love. It is all these things combined and so much more, and I hope to help you expand your knowlege of sexuality, and of course, what sex toys are designed for, which ones are body safe, and so much more.

Hope to see you there!

-Essin’ Em

As some (many) of you know, I’m a model for the 2011 Sex Blogger Calendar, scheduled to be released October 1st (in NYC — I’ll be there, so will all the models like Jiz Lee, Mollena and Nina Hartley!).

Right now, there are 180 (probably less by the time you read this) days for sale on the calendar. How does it work? Basically, it’s $25 for a day, 5 days for $100. You get to put 80 characters of whatever you’d like on that day.  Wish someone a happy birthday. Celebrate a blogiversary. Rock out with your cock out. Promote your company. Whatever it is you’d like to do.  All proceeds go to the Woodhull Foundation for Sexual Freedom. Also, if you pre-order now, it’s $40 for both a calendar AND a day, so you save $5!

Click here to order your days.

-Essin’ Em

Want to get me a day as present that gives towards sexual freedom?  Here are some ideas:

October 18th: My 5th year blogiversary

December 17th: Me and Q’s anniversary

October 9th: The day Q and I are planning to get married

June 9th: My half birthday! (which I totally celebrate)

May 2011: Us moving back to Colorado!

January 21st: The first time Q and I had sex

October 2nd: Day I got Kinsey

January 23rd: Day I got Kali

Nov 1st: Day Q and I moved in together

I don’t use condoms as often as some people, it’s true. Sometimes I use them to cover sex toys, others I used to use on my Hitachi (that is, before I got the amazing Off with Your Head Hitachi Cover), and of course, I often use them to present. Not really enough to need to carry them around in my purse, or so one might think. So why is it, exactly, that I am carrying around a Just in Case Condom Case (other than it fundraises money for YouthAIDS with each purchase)?

Why? Because A) it can also fit little foil lube packs folded in half, which is brilliant, because really, doesn’t everyone need lube at some point?  B) While I don’t need condoms very often, other people do. I get asked if I have an extra condom running around almost as often as I get asked if I have an extra tampon or pad, which is fairly often. I have an epic reputation as being super prepared, and this, of all things, should definitely not be an exception. Always happy to help. And C) this particular condom case is different than most of the others I’ve seen/owned (and I’ve owned a few in my time). The reason is that it opens in two ways; one of the condom(s)/lube, and one for the mirror — it not only LOOKS like a compact like most condom cases; it actually IS one.

Now, it does come in other colors, like gold, but obviously I like the red better. It’s a sassier color, plus with the purchase of each Just in Case RED condom cases, they donate a percentage (not sure quite how much) to YouthAIDs, aiding in the fight against AIDS. Just by getting a condom case to keep you, your friends, your family and loved ones safe, you’re working against AIDS. How awesome is that?

It’s a little pricey, yes, but it’s fairly good quality, and condom cases tend to last a while. I still have the one I got when I was sixteen at my high school graduation. Get one, keep it, use it, pass it on, and enjoy!  Five stars (out of five). I really liked this concept, this case, and this whole line.

Click here to get your very own Just in Case Condom Case, and give back to the fight against AIDS.

-Essin’ Em

Looking at my history, pre F and pre Q, I’ve realized that for the most part, I don’t have one night stands very often; I have two-night stands. And you know what? I find that I like the two night stands much better than one nighters.

Why?

When you have a one night stand, you only get that night to figure out what your new (and very short term) partner would like, what they enjoy, how the two of you are sexually compatible. When you have a two night stand (two nights of sex fairly close together, although they don’t have to be back to back), you get to have a bit of a learning curve. The first night, you treat like a one night stand; you’ve just met, or perhaps you’ve known each other forever, but it’s your first time having sex. You get to learn a little bit about what this partner likes, what you like them to do to you, what each of your communication styles are, etc. Then, you return for a second night. This time, you know the basics. You know some of these things they like, and don’t like. You know what you can improve on from the last night you spent together. You get to communicate what YOU’D like more of, less off, harder, softer, in a different way.

Then it’s over, like a one night stand. Maybe you’re on vacation, or maybe it’s a two-night doozy with a long time friend that just wouldn’t work as a relationship, or maybe you’re not interested in a long term relationship. Whatever it is, you’ve gotten the thrill and excitement from the concept of having a one night stand, but it’s also likely that you have much better sexual interaction than if you’d just done it for one night.

I had a two night stand with the hot one I met at Dinah Shore…the one who helped me discover both my queerness and femme-ness. 48 hours of what was up until that point the best sex of my life.  We explored by body, I learned how to orgasm with a partner, I learned how much I liked queer sex (and that it was more than just oral and a finger rubbing a clit). By the second night, this person knew my body so well, and I was coming dozens and dozens of times, like I’d never come before. Their learning curve? Ridiculously short.

When I hooked up with C in Philly, the first night was a lot of communication, a lot of talking, and exploring each others’ bodies. While there was sex, it was almost secondary to the connections we were creating. Then, the second night, I fucked her for hours, my last night in Philly, plus lots of hot make out time. Second night, yet again, better than the first.

With K, we played twice before I left Philly; once at the Submit party in New York, and then one day where he had me wear nipple clamps to the art museum, and tried out canes and paddles on me in New Hope. It was fun and light hearted, and far less scary than the first time we played.

When M was in Denver the summer I moved back, we hooked up twice…once, it was everything but sexual activity. Making out and grinding and desire. The next night, hot sex and lots of orgasms, all night long. Two night stand? Definitely a winner.

Then there was L. While we went on a few dates, we only made out/had grope-age twice, and the second time, far more comfortable and easy and enjoyable than the first time.

So I am a fan, a proponent, a supporter of the two night stand, the double hook up, the back to back boogie. I’ve found that it worked incredibly well for me, and like my rules of my manifesto, the two night stand has definitely led to better sex.

-Essin’ Em

I just found out this past week that one of my pictures has been selected to be part of the 2011 (New York) Sex Blogger Calendar. Unline in previous years that featured only NYC bloggers, this year they did a model search that was national…and models this year include people from CA, WA, AZ, and more! Way to represent.

I’m only one of many sexy and awesome bloggers who will be on the calendar.  See the list here. (Did I mention Jiz Lee and Nina Hartley are also models?!?!)

What is this calendar for?  It’s a fundraiser. In the past, proceedes have gone to many groups, most towards Sex Worker Awareness and Advocacy.  This year, they go to the Woodhull Foundation in the pursuit of sexual freedom.

Why is this important? Because we all rely on having sexual freedom, regardless of whether your monogamous or poly, kinky or not, queer, straight or something else. The fact that there are still states that have laws criminalizing the purchase and/or sale of vibrators, and laws regarding sodomy (did you know in many states, blow jobs and cunnilingus are technically illegal, although these laws aren’t often used to prosecute people). Because lots of students are graduating high school having never heard of a condom, none the less a dam. Because queer youth have an incredibly high suicide rate, and represent more than 25% of homeless youth, despite being 10% of the population. Because people are hated on for expressing their sexuality (what they wear, how they act, holding hands down the street). Because everyone should have the right to be free to be who they are, without fear of intolerence, opression, legal reprocussions, etc.

Sexual freedom affects you when you go to buy contraception/birth control (hormonal, condoms, etc). Sexual freedom affects you when you place your relationship status or “interested in” on facebook. Sexual freedom affects you when you choose to get married or not, or want to get married, but legally can’t. Sexual freedom affects you when your insurance won’t cover a presecription related to sexual health (BC, for STIs, vulvar pain disorders, etc). Sexual freedom affects you when your child’s school refuses to teach them anatomy or even basic safer sex. Sexual freedom affects you when you feel like to have to cover up a facet of yourself.

We HAVE to protect sexual freedom, as it affects each and everyone of us. Without groups like Woodhull and the NCSF, you probably wouldn’t even be able to read this blog.

What can you do? Soon, you’ll be able to purchase days on the calendar. Your birthday, your favorite masturbation day, your blogiversary, your lover’s birthday, the day you adopted your pet, whatever day you’d like. They’re incredibly cheap, and a great way to both support sexual freedom AND advertise yourself/your blog/celebrate life at the same time.  Then, come this fall, you should buy a calendar (and maybe one for each friend?), and possibly even come to the calendar release party in NYC October 1st to meet all the models (including Jiz Lee and Nina Hartley!), get them to sign their page, meet bloggers and educators, and more.

But for now, hold tight, and just think for a moment what sexual freedom means to you. I smell a contest coming up!

-Essin’ Em

I saw a copy of this painting in a local art gallery in Scottsdale.  It’s called the Chameleon, by an artist name Lumbars.

I love it. I want it in my house. No way I have the thousands of dollars to buy a re-production of it.  But they were kind enough to send me a small Jpg so I could look at it.

I think I like it because it brings together the outside and the inside, the self and the projection that you give to others.

This chameleon seems to embody sexuality and energy and beauty and self. 

What do you see?

-Essin’ Em

My friend Maren Bergeson (who doesn’t yet have a website, but is AWESOME) designed me this awesome piece (above) for promoting safer sex. If you like it, feel free to repost it. If you think it’s hilarious, you can get it on t-shirts, tote bags and more on my cafe press site.

I’m a big fan of safer sex, and I love that I now have a super fantabulous and awesome way to promote it.

Thanks Maren, for your super fanabulous and ridiculously awesome (and a little silly) design skillz. Oh yes, with a Z.

-Essin’ Em

Hey all!

As you may remember, I was working (and still am) on an anthology about sexuality and disability, tentatively titled Sexual Ability. I posted a Call for Submissions, I had people repost it, but got very few essays.

For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why. Similar anthology calls were getting dozens if not more pieces submitted. I’d made sure to mirror mine in a very professional, academic way, covering many of the topics, and all of the requirements.

And a few months back, a message I got on FetLife answered my question. And I feel so stupid for having not realized this.

Because of the subject matter, I was screwing myself over. I wanted people who had disabilites to write about their struggles with them, and how it was sometimes difficult fitting sexuality into their lives…in an academic way, with lots of thoughts and edits and _____.

There are many problems with this. First of all, it was a classist call. Why? Because not everyone has the background and/or ability to write an academically styled essay. If you didn’t have the opportunity to go to college (none the less grad school), how would you even know where to get started?

And secondly, I’m asking people for who (in some case) they may get completely drained just getting to the kitchen to put forth a huge amount of thought and effort. How unfair is that?

So I re-examined, re-looked at my concept, and have decided to do a survey of people with disabilities and their partners, where they can just fill in a sheet of questions when they feel up to it, as much or as little in the way of answers as they’d like. And then I will put this information I gather in this informal qualitative survey and put it together into a book celebrating sexuality and dis/ability. Thank you to Tristan Taormino for her suggestions on survey length, approaching people, etc.

So without any more rigamorale, here is the Sexually Able Call for Participants. Please feel free to re-post anywhere and everywhere. I’d love to get not only a large number of responses, but also a very diverse one.

-Essin’ Em

This is a repost from ShannaKatz.com for the most part. For those who don’t follow me on Twitter or Facebook, I’m heading to San Francisco this week. Q will be at a higher ed conference, and I’m going to put on some classes/workshops, as well as meet up with some of my favorite sex positive people.

Hope to see you there!

-Essin’ Em

I’m heading out to one of my favorite cities this week; beautiful San Francisco. While out there, I’ll be presenting not one, not two, not even three, but four classes/workshops AND I’ll be reading erotica with the lovely Rita Seagrave and dashing Patrick Califia.

What’s the 411 on what’s going on? Well, you can always check my schedule, but I’ll break it down for you here as well.

February 25th – I’ll be at the Center for Sex and Culture talking about Relationship Mapping and Poly 101. Click here to get more info.

February 26th – I’ll be presening my famous Vaginal Fisting for One and All at the CSC. Click here to get more info.

February 27th – Today is a busy day, as I’m part of Sizzle at Femina Potens. At 2pm, I’m talking about BDSM 101 (click here for info/tickets). At 4pm, I’m presenting Sexability, about sex and dis/ability (click here for info/tickets). Then at 8pm, I’m reading erotica (click here to get info/tickets).

There you go folks; 5 opportunities to come learn, chat, grown and talk about sex with me. I’ll be available after each class/workshop to talk more one and one, and I certainly hope to see many of you (of those in the Bay Area) at one or more of these events!