Sexuality Happens

A cohort of mine from Widener University is behind this study, and I’m hoping to get lots of women and gender diverse people (who are/have been sexually intimate with women identified people) to participate. There is very little research done on queer sexuality, especially by people who recognize the difference between women, trans (men), gender queer and gender diverse. I’d love it if you’d support this great research by taking the survey if it applies to you, or at the very least (or if it doesn’t apply), passing it on, re-posting, etc. Thanks for doing your part in helping to create queer visibility and awareness.

-Shanna

This is a groundbreaking study about the lives of women and gender diverse people who are sexually intimate with women. Please participate and forward on to others who you think might be interested. Also, after you complete the survey, you can enter to win one of three $100 gift cards.

Are you a woman who is or has been sexually intimate with another woman?

—–OR—–

Are you gender diverse or trans and sexually intimate with women?

If you answered yes to either question, please take this survey

web.me.com/sexuality/

Who Can Participate?

You qualify if you identify as a woman who is sexually intimate with another woman OR a gender diverse person who is female-bodied, assigned female at birth and/or woman-identified and is sexually intimate with a woman. You must also be 18 years of age or older.

Purpose of the Study

The purpose of this research study is to better understand the sexuality of women who are sexually intimate with women, gender diverse people who are sexually intimate with women, and those who may not identify their sexual orientation and/or gender so narrowly. In this study, sexual behavior and sexual identity will be measured to better understand women, including gender diverse people who are female-bodied, assigned female at birth and/or woman-identified, who are sexually intimate with women and those with whom they partner.

Description of the Study

This study is about sexuality and identity of women and gender diverse people who sexually partner with women. The survey will take about 25 minutes to complete. The study is completely anonymous, meaning there will be no way to trace any questions or data back to you or your computer, and it is completely free to participate.

Win a $100 Gift Card

After you finish the survey, you will be invited to enter to win one of three $100 gift certificates to say thank you for participating.

Additional Important Information

The Widener University Internal Review Board (Protocol #38-11) has approved solicitation of participants. The Primary Investigator is Debbie Bazarsky, M.S., M.Ed. If you have any questions, you may email her at sexuality@me.com.

Despite it ending in a night of epic fail, the other night, while in Seattle, my friend asked me to quickly, off the top of my head, name 10 things that I love.

Here are my 10.  Do they surprise you?  Apparently they shocked her partner.  And now, give ME 10 things that YOU love. Snap decision style.

-Essin’ Em

1. Cats

2. Tea

3. Connection

4. Creativity

5. Performance

6. Hanging out in bodies of water (bathtubs excluded)

7. Books. Reading them, buying them, smelling them, organizing them, collecting them.

8. Laughter

9. Sleeping

10. Lighting people on fire/being lit on fire

After several conversations with friends at graduate programs around the country in various fields (social work, sexuality, medical school, etc), I’ve realized that there is an extreme dearth of information available in some of these programs about certain issues/terms/distinctions/privileges, etc from the queer and trans communities.  

Examples:

*My friend presented to her graduating social work class about cisgender privilege.  Her professor didn’t even know the meaning of the word.

*In my graduate program, I felt like a broken record trying to talk about pronoun preference, gender neutral pronouns, etc.

*Another friend is in medical school. She’s almost done, and neither the subjects of “partner” vs. husband/wife OR  transgender ANYTHING as been brought up, none the less talked about/discussed.

Ergo, I’ve decided to create a resource list of books (and websites too, but especially books) to provide to graduate (and undergraduate if they’d like) programs on these subjects. I mean, it’s ok if not everyone in the world has read Julia Serano’s Whipping Girl, but many people don’t even know about it, and it has some ground breaking information and thoughts within it. People should be able to find this information easily.

Obviously, I don’t know all the books out there. Wish I did. So I’m asking my friends to help.  Please either post here, or email me at essinem at gmail dot com with your suggestions for inclusions to the list. Also, please feel free to forward/repost as well.

I will definitely post the list when I have it “done” but also hope that it will be morpheous and people can continue to add to it.

-Essin’ Em

I did this last year, and had great success.  I got some cool sci-fi and fantasys books from Candy Poses, a beautiful chain maile necklace from Lady Brett Ashley, a fan-freaking-tabulous day in New York City with Audacia Ray (and a stop to see Jamye Waxman!), and a fun trip to see Sweeney Todd on Christmas with my Jewish Queer sister from another mister, Butterscotch Cripple.  I’m going to do it against this year, because it worked so well for me (don’t worry – I sent people things too!).  So please, read it over, and if you see anything you can help me with, I’d really appreciate it.  Also, please repost it on your blogs/social networking sites, and leave a link here so I can see what you’re fiening for :) 

I know I’m posting it kind of early, but my birthday is December 9th (see, holiday and birthday season double up for me), and I celebrate Channukah, so I thought I’d get it done early.

-Essin’ Em

Holiday givng-type meme: I’m all for it. Here’s the cut and paste:

Step One
- Make a post (public, friendslocked, filtered…whatever you’re comfortable with) to your LJ or Myspace or Blog. The important thing is to make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.
- If you wish for real possible things, make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it’s your address or just an email address at which you can be contacted by potential wish-grantors, real or imaginary.
- Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your post, so that the holiday joy will spread.

Step Two
- Surf around your friends list/blogroll/RSS feeds (or friendsfriends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list.
- If you see a wish you can grant, and it’s in your heart to do so, make someone’s wish come true. Sometimes someone’s trash is another’s treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don’t want or a gift certificate you won’t use–or even know where you could get someone’s dream purebred Basset Hound for free–do it.

You needn’t spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn’t to put people out, it’s to provide everyone a chance to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not–it’s your call.

There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just…wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you’ll have the joy of knowing you made someone’s holiday special.

Wishlist If you happen to want to send me any of this gifts, please email me at EssinEm at gmail dot com

1. Satin queen sized sheets and pillow cases, preferably red, black or burgundy, but blues, purples, greens, any color would do. NOT PINK. Any color but pink.

2. A fun night out on the town in Denver, CO, where I can get dressed up. Fondue? Matam Fez? Horse Drawn Carriage? I know I don’t seem like much of a romantic, but I’d love to get all gussied up and have a ball.

3. Total knee replacements on both knees. I can’t afford them, I don’t have insurance, I really need them badly. I can’t really even walk up stairs anymore, and have mega trouble getting in and out of my car.  I don’t know how the hell someone could give these to me, but if you could (I need them in both knees), you would make my life. Literally. It would give me back part of my life.

4. A nice cat tree/condo thingy. Something fairly big (my cats are 12 and 15 lbs…so they don’t fit in the cute kitten ones, and knock down the unstable ones).  I really want to give them something nice, but I can’t afford it.

5. A chest of drawers. Light-ish wood or semi modern looking would be awesome, but I’d take about anything in pretty good condition just about now. It needs to be in the Denver area, and fit either in a car, or have some way of getting it to me. I really need somewhere sturdy to store my clothes though. I have a ton of clothes that just don’t fit in my little wooden lingerie chest.

6. Plane ticket to Seattle. My best friend lives there, I want to visit her so badly, but have no way of getting there.  So if you have a ton of extra miles you’re not using.  Also would love to visit NYC, Philly, San Fran, Portland, Canada, Mexico or Germany…you know, if it’s easier or something ;)

7. A new-er car which is higher off the ground than my 2003 Dodge Stratus. I need to to be at least a 2003, and would be willing to trade Titania (my car) for it.  I just have issues getting in and out of a car so low.  

8. A weekend get away to the mountains, somewhere, sometime. I just need to get away (preferably with a friend) and relax and process and remember to start loving life again.

9. A way to get the two tattoos I want. The Femme Spiral, and the one that combines the feminist symbol and the gender spectrum symbol.

10. A way to go to the AVNs in Jan 2009. I’d need transportation from Denver, a hotel and a pass (I could probably afford the tickets, but that’s it). As always, the AVNs are in Vegas. Jan 8th-11th.

11. Sexy fuck me boots/platform boots/knee high boots/thigh high boots…in a size 10. With big calves, cause I have ballet dancer/figure skater/derby girl calves that pretty much never fit into boots. And most “wide calf boots” that I do find are fucking ugly, and/or have no heels/height.

12. Pretty eye make up.  Esp MAC and Urban Decay.  I also need a good, long last bright red lipstick. And Estee Lauder Beyond Paradise perfume.

13. My apartment is a mess, and needs to be organized.  I haven’t even finished unpacking my boxes, and I moved in July 12th. I need someone to help me cull things, and straighten up so everything has a place.

14. Any DVD from Pink and White. I want them all. I have none.

15. Leopard print seat covers/steering wheel cover/seat belt soft neck thingies for my car.  It’s a Stratus.

16. People to come visit me in Colorado! I miss my friends, and I want my sex blogger friends to come meet me and hang out!

17. Tickets to the Dec 30th Flogging Molly concert. Tickets to the symphony. Tickets to an Avs (NHL) hockey game. Tickets to a play – I miss seeing shows.

18. A digital camera. It doesn’t have to be super fancy…but mine is more than three years old, the screen is broken, it eats batteries, etc.  Anything would be awesome!

19. Tea at the Brown Palace.

20. A genius marketing plan so that I can make money talking about things I care about and am passionate for.  A way to get out my name and get hired more. A magical PR person of amazingness.

21. 10G plugs (I need four – two sets of holes) for my ears.  I’d really like either stone (hematite, onyx, amethyst, etc) or something with stars/leopard print, etc.

Also, any thing from my wishlist on the right.  As always :)

I was given this award by the lovely Jaded Hippy, who always has such wonderful and insightful things to say.  Thank you so much sweetheart!  This is what she had to say about my blog:

Essin’ Em, I love your blog! I am forever in your debt because you were the first person I’ve ever seen talk about their boyfriend’s cunt. My mind was blown and it’s never thought about gender the same way again.

So here’s how it works, as with all awards there are certain rules to follow:
1. Link to the giver. (done, above)
2. Nominate up to seven other fabulous blogs and link to them. (done below)
3. Leave messages announcing their rise to greatness. (will be doing so!)
**Note – You may have been given this already, so that means you are a GREAT blogger.

These are in no particular order…because I <3 pretty much everyone!

Sugarbutch Chronicles – Sinclair, I LOVE YOUR BLOG!  You have become my go-to Butch for pretty much everything. Gender discussion, flirting tips, hot sex stories.  If there is something there for everyone of my moods and needs, there is something there for everyone.  Plus, I thank you for so much of your help and encouragement in helping me find my own identity.

AAG’s Blog – Always Aroused Girl, I LOVE YOUR BLOG! You are such an inspiration, and you write about sex, family, life and more…making me feel better about doing the same. Plus, your beautiful photos always cheer me up, as do our g-chats.  <3s to you.

Don’t Let’s Talk – Lady Brett Ashley, I LOVE YOUR BLOG! You give me such food for thought, as well as laughs, and hopes, and validation.  You’re brilliant, plus I always love having a fellow nerd around.  Pictures, links, quotations, and more.  Everything is amazing.

(un)Scripted Sexuality – Sasha, I LOVE YOUR BLOG!  You are always so real, so open, so honest. And plus, your pictures are always so hot and enticing. I miss you so much, and am glad to have your blog to catch up with you.  Can’t wait till you’re back home in America! I miss you!

Curvaceous Dee – Dee, I LOVE YOUR BLOG! Your writing is so interesting, so intelligent, and it always makes me think.  You have taken me to so many new and different places, and have been instrumental in me helping figure out who I am. Plus, I love your HNT pictures!

Heart Full Of Black – Wendy Blackheart, I LOVE YOUR BLOG!  You have such an array of self-reflection, hot, kink, erotica, linkage, pictures, and more, and I’m always coming back to get more…plus, I kind of feel like we’re metaphysical twins in so many odd ways.  I <3 you!

Jiz Lee – Jiz, I LOVE YOUR BLOG! Your blog is the go to place for me about interesting queer things, porn things, and queer porn things.  Plus, you’re my biggest porn star crush EVER (more than Nina Hartley, and that’s been almost a decade, so that is saying a lot), and reading your blog makes you more accessible (is it weird that I still get excited/blush when you comment here, or respond to my twitter?).  Anyways, you’re such an asset to both the queer and the porn communities, and I love reading what you write.

Phew. Ok. I’ve accomplished MY part. Now it’s your turn!

Blog Love,

-Essin’ Em

I know I’m not the biggest at doing round up stuffs on the interwebs and from the blogosphere, but here are some interesting things of interest at the moment.

Dacia’s Love Machine is Audacia Ray‘s new short film…about what happens when she tries to sell her slightly used fucking machine on Craigslist. Dacia is brilliant and hilarious…you may have read her book, Sex on the Internet, or watched her directorial debut of the Bi-Apple.  Maybe you’ve heard her speak, or read her blog, or anything she’s written. Um. Ever. All over the place. Regardless, she’s back, and in full form with this hilarious movie.  It costs only $2.99 to download….so what the hell are you waiting for?

Tina Fey is Sarah Palin on SNL’s parody of a certain VP candidate. You should watch it. I find it quite amusing. I just needed a laugh, and this definitely provided it. It’s kind of creepy how similar they look.  But check it out, send it on, and all that jazz.

Also in the news is the New York City Sex Bloggers 2009 Calendar.  Basically, take all my favorite NYC peeps (except Wendy Blackheart), and stick them in one calendar. Jayme, Audicia, Tess, Sinclair, Twanna Hines, Rachel Krammer Bussel and more sexy people are all posing for this calendar…the proceeds of which go towards sex worker awareness!  And better yet? You can buy not only the calendar, but if you hurry over now, you can buy *days* on the calendar. I’ve already bought my birthday – December 9th, but if you’d like to buy a day for anything, including well wishes to me (just saying, my blogiversary is on October 15th…) or anyone else, head over there before October 1st!

There is a new post by moi up on the Femme’s Guide to Absolutely Everything about how Femme is What it Means to You.  Enjoy!

I’m still writing for the advice panel at The Lesbian Lifestyle.  The latest installment is is up, and the woman wrote me personally, thanking me for giving her such good advice (come on, communication is key folks!).  Check out the advice I gave.

Newer sex blogger Agent Ansley did an interview with me – check it out here!

This isn’t a website, but there is currently another lesbian research study going on.  Here is the info:

Are you a lesbian who has experienced an unusual, non-ordinary, transcendent or mystical state while having sex with a female partner?

Seeking lesbians over the age of 21 for a dissertation study, not including those experiences that occurred while using mind-altering drugs or alcohol, while practicing BDSM, or while practicing Tantra, Taoist or other esoteric sexual arts designed to create an altered state. (Involves a 2 hour STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL interview either over the phone or in-person).

This is research for a doctoral dissertation, which has been approved by an ethics review board at my school.

Write: Anne Little, PO Box # 34527, 1268 Marine Drive, North

Vancouver, BC,V7P 1T2, Canada, or email: TranscendentSex@aol.com

Also. As many of you know, in my life, I’ve lost my job due to injury. I’m finally healing, but am still having trouble finding work. I’m piecing together lots of little things, but sadly, most things sexuality related don’t make much money, and I’m getting worried about rent. If you happen to have more on the money side, and enjoy my writing, I’d appreciate a donation – I have a paypal donation box on the side, or you can go to www.paypal.com and donate to essinem@gmail.com. I’m not a big asker for things. But life is getting pretty tight, and anything you can donate would be mucho appreciated. If you email me and let me know, we could do writing in exchange; your own personal erotic story, or something to that effect.

A friend of mine forwarded this to me, and now, I pass it on to all of you.  Trans and gender discrimination is a huge and prevalent issue in our society, although it is not always visible (“check male or female” on pretty much every form ever).  This survey hopes to bring some of this discrimination to the light, and help us to be able to deal with it and confront it more.  It’s hard to do something about things that are hidden.  So please, repost. Please, forward to your friends. And please, if it applies to you, take a few minutes to fill out this survey.

-Essin’ Em

In the wake of one of the most violent years on record of assaults on transgender people, the National Center for Transgender Equality (NCTE) and the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force have teamed up on a comprehensive national survey to collect data on discrimination against transgender people in housing, employment, public accommodations, healthcare, education, family life and criminal justice.

To date, in 2008, several young gender non-conforming people of color have been murdered, including California junior high school student Lawrence King, who was shot in public during the school day. King’s murder, and the murders of Simmie Williams in South Carolina and Angie Zapata in Greeley, Colorado come in a year in which we are still working to include transgender provisions in a federal bill to protect lesbian, gay and bisexual workers from discrimination in employment.

Hate crimes against transgender people suggest multiple points of vulnerability, which can compound each other: discrimination in employment may lead to unstable housing situations that in turn can leave transgender people at the mercy of public programs and public officials who may not respond respectfully or appropriately to them. These stressors add burdens in a healthcare system that is often unprepared for transgender people’s needs. The list goes on. “We know that transgender people face discrimination on multiple fronts,” said Mara Keisling, executive director of NCTE. “This data will help us sort out the combination of forces that leave transgender people vulnerable to unemployment, homelessness and violence.”

Jaime Grant, director of the Task Force Policy Institute, noted, “There is so little concrete data on the needs and risks associated with the widespread discrimination we see in the lives of the transgender people we know. This data will help point the way to an appropriate policy agenda to ensure that transgender people have a fair chance to contribute their talents in the workplace, in our educational systems and in our communities.”

NCTE and the Task Force have partnered with Pennsylvania State University’s Center for the Study of Higher Education to collect and analyze the data. Applying rigorous academic standards to the investigation will strengthen any case made to legislators, policy makers, healthcare providers and others whose decisions impact the lives of transgender people. A national team of experts in survey research and transgender issues developed the questionnaire, which can be completed online at https://online.survey.psu.edu/endtransdiscrim.

As I read through other blogs, I have to say I loved this post about the Evolution of Subtleties by Wendy Blackheart.

So I created my own “evolution” of trying to hit on people. You know, at that point where you REALLY want to hook up with someone (whatever that definition of hook up means to you at the time). This is not the approaching people; none of the “so, where do you get your ink done” or “what do those cards mean to you?” This is the “ok, so now that we’re talked a lot/have been dating for a while/just need to have sex” pick up line.

Here is my evolution:

In High School: Hey, want to come watch a movie in my basement? (READ: come over, watch a movie we’ll never actually see because we’re making out the whole time)

College: Hey, want to go to a coffee shop, and wander around the local awesome sex toy shop? (READ: coffee is good for conversation, and if you can’t handle me in a sex toy shop, you can’t handle me. And if you can, it’s good foreplay and we can learn about what each of us likes)

Grad school: Want to come over and see my awesome collection/trunk of sex toys and/or porn? (READ: Come over, look at what I have, tell me what you’re into, and then let’s get it on!)

Current: So, um, what initial would you like to be on my sex blog? (READ: I’m going to write about you, regardless. I’d rather write about us having good communication and hot sex, but otherwise, I’m going to just write to process shit. So choose a letter, damn it!)

Granted, these are not used 100% of the time, and occasionally, I’ve used both. Also, I’ve totally gone to sex toy stores, and shared my sex toy collection with people I didn’t want to fuck. So it’s not completely accurate…but it’s as close as you’ll get.

And I’m am highly amused by this. If only it worked more often ;) I guess at least they’re still better than your stereotypical and tradition pick up lines!

What does your evolution look like?

-Essin’ Em

As you know, I’m not really into posting memes on here, but I found this one on the blog of a fellow advice giver on TheLesbianLifestyle.com’s Q & A Advice Panel, so I thought I’d fill it out. Plus I’m exhausted from moving…I need something mindless to do.

I’m not “tagging” anyone, but feel free to steal if you’d like.
-Essin’ Em

Meme #1

5 jobs I’ve had:
Sex Advice Columnist
Community Outreach Educator for a Sex Toy Site
Nanny (don’t laugh)
Summer Fellow for the ACLU-CO
Waitress at the biggest restaurant in the US (complete with 3 story waterfall and cliff divers)

5 movies I can watch over & over:
Shark Attack 3: Megalodon
But I’m a Cheerleader
Coming Soon
Love Actually
Rocky Horror Picture Show

5 places I’ve lived:
Lakewood, CO
Denver, CO
Philadelphia, PA
Lueneburg, Germany
Southampton, PA

5 TV shows I love:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Coupling
NCIS
Criminal Minds
The Tudors

5 places I’ve been on vacation:
London, England
Paris, France
Prague, Czech Republic
Ocho Rios, Jamacia
Yellowstone National Park (Wyoming and Montana)

5 of my favorite meals:
Vegetarian Sushi (with miso soup, and salad), iced green tea
Saag Paneer, naan and a mango lassi
Veggie fajitas or tamales or cheese enchiladas, gazpacho, chips and guac, mojito (or 2)
Gnocchi with vodka sauce, tossed salad, garlic bread, iced tea
Ethiopian food. Period.

5 websites I visit daily:
essin-em.com of course!
Gmail.com
MySpace.com
Facebook.com
Twitter.com (hmm…social network much?)

5 places I’d rather be now:
Germany
Canada
Pretty much anywhere in Europe
With a bunch of friends (in CO, but friends from everywhere)
On a cruise

Addition by Essin’ Em:
5 of your Favorite Books:
The Band Never Dances – JD Landis
Murder on the Orient Express – Agatha Christie
Selected Short Stories – Edgar Allen Poe
Xenocide – Orson Scott Card
Get Off the Unicorn – Anne McCaffery
(Gender and Sexuality books would need their own category)

Meme #2:

What’s your favorite Dr. Seuss book?
The Lorax (I’ve always been quite the environmentalist)

If you could live in any home on a television series, what would it be?
Umm. Wow. I have no bloody clue. I do know that I want the library from the movie version of My Fair Lady, what with the sliding ladder.

What’s the longest you’ve gone without sleep?
48 or 50 hours? Longer with just an hour or two of nappage

What’s your favorite Barry Manilow song?
Bandstand Boogie? I don’t listen to a lot of him…

Who’s your favorite Muppet?
Animal was always pretty freaking awesome. I also really liked the two old men that made snide comments

What’s the habit you’re proudest of breaking?
Hmmm…I don’t know that I have any I’ve broken. Probably speaking to people in German who had no bloody clue what I was saying…

What’s your favorite Web site?
Well. Depends. I have one for news, one for social networking, my favorite blogs in each subject, etc.

What’s your favorite school/office supply?
I’m guess computer doesn’t count. I love office supplies. Let’s see. I like high lighters a lot, multi-colored sharpies, good quality pens, name tags (for other uses), white out, etc.

Who’s your favorite TV attorney?
I don’t watch enough TV to have a favorite attorney.

What was your most recent trip of more than 50 miles?
Lessee. Maybe Philly —> CO. 1836 miles.

What’s the best bargain you’ve ever found at a garage sale or thrift store?
Good question. I got my sr. year prom dress for $6 at Goodwill, and then fixed it up the way I wanted. I got a brand new, $6 fondue pot at a garage sale. I got my hedgehog Sir Ambrose Spike (10 points for the reference!) on craigslist for free (which is like a virtual garage sale). I LOVE garage sale-ing and thrift store shopping — I used to go weekly with my dad.

Where were you on September 11, 2001?
At school. When the towers were hit, I was dressed in full cowgirl gear, including a hobby horse (it was the theme of the day for homecoming week), sitting on a couch in Sociology. Third period, I had to go deliver a pass to a kid to come to the office; his father was the pilot on flight 93.

What’s your favorite tree?
Oh, these are some excellent new questions. Evergreen, I like the ponderosa pine. Deciduous, I like aspens, weeping willows and maples.

What’s the most interesting biography you’ve read?
I liked the bio I read of Agatha Christie. And a lot of the holocaust bios I’ve read of my grandfather’s friends

What do you order when you eat Chinese food?
I don’t eat it often, it’s one of the few foods I’m not the biggest fan of. However, when I DO get it, I get sesame tofu, veggie dumplings, and/or veggie tofu soup.

What’s the best costume you’ve ever worn?
I had a pretty awesome Groucho Marx costume. Also, I hand sewed a beautiful cape to be Maleficent one year. Halloween is my favorite holiday

What’s your least favorite word?
panties. moist. vag.

If you had to be named after one of the 50 states, which would it be?
Alaska. Alaska Momma. (I’ll ask ya momma). Ok, need sleep. Seriously? I like Dakota ok. If I was a biker, Tex would be ok :)

Who’s your favorite Care Bear?
Regular or kinky? ;) I love bedtime bear, and grumpy bear

Describe something that’s happened to you for which you have no explanation.
All these random bruises? Getting hit in the head with a boomerang at temple? This is an odd question.

If you could travel anywhere in Africa, where would it be?
Togo or Tanzania.

What did you have for lunch yesterday?
Chipotle.

Where do you go for advice?
It depends on what kind of advice I’m looking for. (stolen)

Which do you use more often, the dictionary or the thesaurus?
Dictionary

Have you ever been snorkeling? Scuba diving?
Yes — I almost killed myself on some poisonous anemones when I got distracted by a sea turtle. And kinda — I took a scuba class in a pool, but never got farther than that.

Have you ever been stung by a bee?
Nope. Only a wasp.

What’s the sickest you’ve ever been?
When I had a bad reaction to vicoden after my second knee surgery, it was pretty bad. Or when I was in the hospital sophomore year of college with mesenteric adonitis (sp?) but they couldn’t figure out what it was. Whooping cough sucked too.

What’s your favorite form of exercise?
Sex or roller derby

What’s your favorite Cyndi Lauper song?
Time after time. My god, her hair and plaid pants amazing!

What did you do for your 13th birthday?
The actual day? I went to Dave and Buster’s with my best friend and parents. 8 months later, I got Bat Mizvahed and had a party.

Are you afraid of heights?
Very much so

Have you ever taken dance lessons?
Tap, jazz and ballet for 12 years. Pointe for 5. I used to teach swing dancing. I took salsa lessons too.

What’s your favorite newspaper?
The Onion.

What’s your favorite Broadway musical?
Music wise, Avenue Q. Movie version: Rent. Live stage: Wicked.

What’s the most memorable class you’ve ever taken?
My grad school ones, because they were the most recent, and all involved sex (rosebud massage anyone?). But in college, my Acting I class, intro to Human Sexual Behavior, and the Age of Goethe (in German)

What’s your favorite knock-knock joke?
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Duane.
Duane who?
Duane the bathtub! I’m drowning!

What’s your favorite commercial?
The one (European) where the girl is trying to save her goldfish, and they put it in a condom filled with water. Caption: “Condoms save lives!”

If you could go to Disney World with any celebrity alive today, who would it be?
I think going with Alanis Morissette would be a riot. (I loved this answer. I’m keeping it)

Do you prefer baths or showers?
Showers. Baths make me feel like I’m cooking in my own juices (hot tubs are a different story)

Does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?
I don’t chew gum

What’s your favorite breakfast food?
Pumpkin pancakes.

Who’s your favorite game show host?
Bob Barker; control the pet population!

If you could have a super power, what would it be?
To heal people’s emotional hurt.

Do you like guacamole?
OMG yes. Could eat it every day!

Have you ever been in a food fight?
A planned one.

Name five songs to which you know all the lyrics. (Better yet, sing them.)
All That Jazz – Chicago
Time Warp – Rocky Horror Picture Show
Barbie Girl – Aqua
Bitch – Meredith Brooks
Mr. Pinstripe Suit – Big Bad Voodoo Daddy

What’s your favorite infomercial?
That would involve me watching them to start with…which I don’t

What’s the longest you’ve ever waited in line?
A few hours at the DMV. 4 or 5 hours for the first Harry Potter movie (senior year of high school). That’s it.

What’s on the cover of your address book or day planner?
The one I’ve lost/packed away somewhere is black.

Have you ever taken a picture in one of those little booths?
I haven’t in years…I would like to do that now. That’d be something fun to do on a date perhaps. With someone I actually liked…

For those of us that like sucking cock of the more silicone variety, close your eyes, and imagine. Your partner’s cock is in front of you, you’re on your knees (or however it is you suck cock). Slowly, you take it into your mouth, running your tongue over it, their hands on your shoulders, gently (or more roughly) encouraging you. After a minute or two of warming them up, you then take the tip in your mouth and suck. And they moan. You suck in and out, creating different rhythms, and they moan in time with your ministrations. After some time of this, alternating your techniques, they come, and come hard. And for once, this blow job isn’t completely a mental thing.

There is a well known toy company that makes good quality silicone toys out there who is in the process of creating a sort of “blow job dildo.” Weird concept, I know, but isn’t it something we’ve been waiting for? There is a space at the base, indented, for the wearer’s clit/cock (just to explain, I’m not talking bio cock. I’m talking cock for those people who were assigned female at birth, and identify that as their cock, regardless of their gender or sexual orientation). Then, there is a hole at the tip of this cock, that goes all the way through to the indent. So when you suck on the head, the suction goes through, and provides suction to the clit.

When I first saw this toy at a friend’s house, I thought it was interesting, puzzling, and that there was no way it could work. However, I have it on good authority that it in fact CAN work. And does. And feels amazing (I’m waiting for my prototype to check it out).

However, the current prototype is NOT harness compatible. It can be tucked into your underwear (whatever that may be), and needs to be held in place (by either the sucker or the suckee). They are also working on a version that will be insertable on one end (kind of like the Feeldoe, the Share, or the Nexus), and still have the blow job capabilities as well.

Now, I’m opening this conversation up to you; you dykes, you queers, you transguys, you dommes, you peggers…anyone of you that might be interested in getting a blow job on a non-bio cock. Would you want something like this to be harness compatible? Or insertable? Or just able to tuck it in? Personally, I feel the harness compatible would be best, so you could “suck n’ fuck” (I may trademark that…just kidding), especially as many people I know (trans and cisgender) don’t want things in their cunts, (and others that do, but not while getting head). I see valid arguments for all three, but the company wants to hear what YOU, the people who would be using it, want in this toy.

So what do you think? Would you like to try something like this? What kind of base (reg, insertable, or harness compatible) would you want? What questions, concerns, thoughts, comments, etc, would you have about a product such as this?

All responses will be passed on to the company, so really, be honest. I know *I* can’t wait!

-Essin’ Em