Sexuality Happens

Essin' Em at the AVNs

Check me out at the AVN awards, wearing a sassy blue dress (my first ever One-Strap Dress), and the awesome 3-D glasses for the 3-D segment of the awards. Yep, I’m that cool.

Like last year, lots of queer and sex positive movies were nominated for the awards, including CrashPadSeries.com for best alternative website, Courtney Trouble’s Seven Minutes in Heaven for Pro-Am, Dangerous Curves for best niche movie (starring April Flores, directed by Carlos Batts), Good Releasing for best company, Jamye Waxman’s Sex Positions for Couples, etc. None of them won, sadly (although Good Vibrations and Babeland did win the two categories that Fascinations was nominated for…if we had to lose, what great companies to lose to!). JeJoue won both best small toy company and best toy for women with the JeJoue G-Ki.

Also, I got an Njoy Eleven. Get ready for my entire life to change. Well, I mean, at least the sexual part and art collector part of it. I also now have a La Palma harness from Spareparts to try, which I am super excited about, and a sample of one of Buck Angel’s new AWESOME glass toys! I can’t wait for his whole line to come out.

Smitten Kitten threw a fabulous party on Thursday night, and I am incredibly grateful to them. In this field, it can be extremely hard to be a sex positive person, particularly since many of us are the only people in the industry in our area. We are often alone in Arizona, Colorado, New Mexico, Wisconsin, LA, or wherever it is we happen to be. Outside of San Francisco and New York, there are not many groupings of sex educators, sex positive toy store owners, etc. However, attending this party was like coming home, meeting all sorts of other awesome people in the field, sharing triumphs and tribulations, asking questions that related to our own ethical views of certain toy lines, talking about the latest this, and the most interesting that. My hat goes off to Smitten Kitten for organizing such a great event (and with such delicious vegetarian and organic food/drink options to boot!) and helping to connect sex positive people in the adult/sex industry in a way that rarely has happened before. Plus, their crew is awesome.

Sometimes, I feel like I’m straddling the mainstream world and the sex positive world, and I don’t quite fit either. Where I work is sex positive, but we also have 16 stores and a website, so we do things very differently than a small company with just one or two stores. On my own, I am as sex positive as I can possibly be, but when I’m seen as part of Fascinations, I feel like I’m sometimes shunned from the sex positive community for having chosen to work with a more mainstream company, and that the literally dozens of free classes we offer, sex educators we employe, products we choose to carry (and not carry) don’t even matter, because it’s not my own store, or a well know store in the sex positive world. It’s tough. I felt that same way working for HotMoviesForHer, because at the time, few people were ok with the fact that many women DO like porn, and like more than just super touchy feely couples porn at that. I’m always feeling a little like a black sheep…but at least black is my favorite color, and I think sheep are cute. I do look forward to moving back to Colorado for many reasons, and one is being closer to other sex positive people in the adult industry, and the folks at the Denver SK are awesome.

That’s it for now…I’ll try to get back to posting more regularly from now on.

-Essin’ Em

Hey everyone!

Many people have ask me for suggestions for great ideas/suggestions for sexy gifts to friends, family and loved ones this holiday season. Here are some of my favorites that I recommend to you.

I’ve really gotten into sensual massage with soy wax massage candles. I particularly LOVE the Jimmy Jane Afterglow massage candles or Afterglow Sampler Set. Babeland also offer the candle together with the stone massager as a perfect massage kit:

Then of course, there is my all time favorite bedroom accessory, the Fascinator Throe by Liberator. This is a beautiful blanket (lots of color and pattern option) that is soft on one side, smooth on the other…and has a waterproof layer in the middle. What does this mean? Ejaculation, lube, food, sweat, wax, etc doesn’t make it through to your sheets/carpet/couch/wherever you have sex. And then it’s washable and tumble try. FREAKING BRILLIANT! I also love my Liberator Scoop as far as sex furniture goes.

Let’s talk vibrators. I love the Hitachi Magic Wand for people who like power, the Fun Factory Layaspot for first time vibrator users and/or people who want to share, the Lelo Gigi and the JeJoue G-Ki for perfect G-spot stimulation, the Lelo Ina for a rabbit style toy, and the Lelo Siri for a rechargeable clitoral vibe.

For dildos, I think the Tantus Vamp is still pretty popular, what with Twilight coming out. Anything by Vixen Creations is great, but I know that the HUGE Outlaw will be respected by some while other prefer the pretty sparkles of the Champlette. I know that the Njoy Eleven is sure on my holiday wish list! Anyone want to get it for me? And don’t forget to add in a super comfy harness like the Spareparts Joque to help your gift-ee strap it on!

Looking for someone who is in to anal? A Crystal Delights Plug to help them bling their bottom will be appreciated, as would any of the very many Njoy line of butt toys (Fun wand is great for anal AND g-spot). Just starting out? Try the Fun Factory Flexi Felix beads or the Ryder butt plug by Tantus.

For the penis possesser on your list, the Fleshlight is a must have for every penis. Does your lover/friend like prostate stimulation? Aneros prostate stimulator is a GREAT toy for the backdoor.. Don’t forget fabulous cock rings like those by Lelo Tor and the C-Ring from Tantus!

Don’t forget to add lube to all toy gifts! Water based lube is compatible with everything; I recommend Sliquid Organics or Pink Water for everything, but Maximus is PERFECT for anal, fisting, jacking off and more. If you’re not playing with toys, get your lover/friend/family member some silicone lube; Pjur Bodyglide and Gun Oil are the best! As far as stimulation gels, Sliquid’s Stimulation O Gel is my favorite!

Gifting to someone on the kinkier side? Try a nice set of restraints, a flogger color coordinated to their other toys, or maybe a sassy paddle to get them going. Stockroom is the place to go for all your kinky gift needs!

Have a nerdy type on your list? How about Ceiling Cat boyshorts, or even “I Can Haz Buttsecks” panties?

Want to help someone help themselves? I’d suggest a book or DVD.

Opening Up is wonderful for people looking at consensual non-monogamy.

The Guide to Getting It On is the end all, be all, general overview of all types of sexuality book.

I <3 Female Orgasm is a great gift for college age women looking to explore a bit of female orgasm.

Rope books like Midori’s Guide to Japanese Rope Bondage or Two Knotty Boys Show You The Ropes are fabulous as well.

Looking for porn? Try anything from Reel Queer Productions, or Heartcore Productions. Want something for someone who spends lots of time online? How about a membership to the Crash Pad Series or Good Dyke Porn? As far as educational stuff goes, Tristan Taormino makes a bunch of awesome sex ed guides that have info AND hot sex scenes!

Hope this has helped! Sexy and sensual gifts are almost always welcome, so it’s hard to go wrong, especially when you shop the retailers I’ve linked to. I’m also happy to recommend based on individual circumstances. Just email me at essinem at gmail dot com!

-Essin’ Em

From 8am MST to Midnight MST TOMORROW (November 20th), every single item on the Fascinations site (Funlove.com) is 25% off. A One Day Sale for sex toys, lubes, romance gifts, books, DVD, lingerie and more!

What does this mean?

25% off the Njoy Eleven!

25% off all the lube you can use!

25% off educational DVDs!

25% off erotica AND sex ed books!

25% off bath/body gift baskets and the Kama Sutra Collection!

25% off sexy lingerie!

25% off ceiling cat panties!

How can you argue with this? Go forth! Enjoy! And don’t forget upcoming holidays, birthdays, etc — this is the time to stock up! Head on over to Fascinations, November 20th ONLY for the One Day Sale!

Today’s review is courtesy of the great sex positive company Babeland. It’s of another rechargable clitoral stimulator/rechargeable vibrator the B Curious.

As we know, I love the option of having rechargeable vibrators, because not only is it less annoying than having to find random batteries at the last minute when your batteries in your vibe die in the middle of sex, but also because they are easier to travel with and are far more sustainable. 

However, the problem with many of the rechargeable vibrators is that they are pretty expensive — many of them break the $100 price point. Are they worth it? Mostly yes, especially the Lelo line. On the other hand, lots of people cannot afford to stop $150 on a single toy, so I really was excited when this toy came out, as its price point is under $75, yet is still rechargeable. Love it!

Regarding the color choice that they went with (there are not color OPTIONS, there is only the one that it comes with), I love the black, but dislike the pink. Is anyone surprised?

Charging it was easy, and it actually packs a decent amount of vibration for its size and weight. It was actually WAY lighter than it looked — I’m used to more heavy/hefty vibes, so it took some time to get used to. However, for the price and size, I was actually pretty impressed. It’s very similarly shaped to the Fun Factory Layaspot (a GREAT first timer’s vibe), but unlike the Layaspot, it is rechargeable and a bit more light weight.

It’s much better (as far as shape) for use on yourself than trying to hold and use on others — it’s shaped oddly for that, and is hard to hold if you’re trying to put it on a partner. Can you make it work, yes, but it’s not ideal.

I think that this is a great first time vibrator, or even a first time rechargeable vibrator for someone who likes the Layaspot and wants it to be more sustainable, or for someone who wants the Lelo siri, but can’t yet afford it.

Click here to get your own B Curious Vibrator at Babeland.

-Essin’ Em

So, taking a break from the more traditional sex toys like vibrators and the like, I thought I’d get me a set of the newest Lelo pleasure objects; the Lelo Boa Pleasure ties. Of course, although they come in many colors, I went for black.

They are made out of this beautiful satin (or satin like) material, and have D-rings (like those nylon webbing belts that you used to love), and then apparently little “pearl sacks” on the end to provide weight. As far as how they looked, they certainly looked beautiful, luxurious, and like some naughty fun. They came in a more traditional Lelo box, which was great for arriving, but I had a hell of a time getting them to fit BACK in the box. I wound up storing them in one of my collection of sex toy storage boxes, for ease of storage.

Now…I’m sorry to say it, but as far as practical use, these sucked. Period. I mean, you don’t want to tie knots in the fabric, because then they are hard to get out, or if you can get them out, they leave kinks in the nice fabric (and not the hot and sexy kind). Sooo…once you get someone’s wrist or ankle in them, pull the fabric through the D-ring…you know have someone’s limb secured, but no way to actually secure it to anything else. And the pearl sacks (which are just an odd concept to begin with) don’t actually provide more than a few ounces of weight, so I’m not sure what they are supposed to weight/hold down/counter balance. I wasn’t impressed, to be honest. I think we tried using them 2 or 3 times, and just gave up. It was much easier to use cuffs and ties that were actually meant to be used, instead of designed for look and not for action.

Instead, I’d recommend these sexy cuffs with under bed restraint system if you’re really looking to tie someone up, or even just this cheap cotton black Japanese rope for a little bondage action.

Nice try Lelo — these ties look beautiful and elegant, but honestly, just don’t cut it for more than sittin’ pretty. Stick with your amazing vibrators — you have yet to go wrong there!

-Essin’ Em

This is a newer vibrator on the American market — the Chippendales Diva vibrator, availabe in either Black or White. Obviously, I went with black, as I love it when toy companies take heed of my words, and make sexy black toys, or red toys. Plus white gets too visbility dirty.

I loved the packaging. I personally like having both a satin bag AND a nice, good quality box option for storage purposes. Q does not feel the same way, and finds the box to be really annoy and taking up to much room. Each to their own I suppose.

It came with the box, the bag, the toy, and a little booklet. Simple, elegant, I actually really liked the design of the toy. However, once I saw that this took AAA batteries, I knew it was not for me. I personally like weapons grade sex toys, like the Hitachi Magic Wand. Luckily for me, and for you, gentle readers, Q likes less intense vibrators, and was quite willing, once we were finally able to find a AAA pack of batteries (we tend to use either rechargable or toys taking AA batteries), to try it out of the good of the blog, and report back to you her thoughts on the vibrator.

So now, without further ado, I present my guest interview of the Chippendales Diva Vibrator from my partner Q.

Thoughts over all: It was ok. I didn’t like the box it came in, because I think it’s too bulky. However, I know you like it. The toy itself looks nice and sleek, and when I started using it, I thought it was going to be awesome. The problem was that neither the vibration level or the frequency were what I needed.

Would you use it again?  No. I used it for a bit, but couldn’t get off with it, and found it frustrating. Wound up having to finish up with the Onye, my good ol’ back up hitter. I wanted to like it, since it looked sleek and inviting, but honestly, I can’t say that it really worked for me.

What would you suggest they try to improve it? More power. Different vibrational frequency. Less on the packaging and more on the toy itself.

All in all, it seems like the Diva offers lovely packaging and a beautiful design, but doesn’t quite have the power needed to back up the rest of the stunning toy. I’m hoping they’ll refine it, and come back with another version, as I really do love the sleek and sexy black design.

Click here if you’d like to try it for yourself.

-Essin’ Em

The middle of this month celebrates my FOURTH year of blogging about sex, sexuality, erotica, gender, identity, nudity, rights, politics, sex toys, silly things, my relationships, sex tips, others’ relationships, and more. Yes, the Sex Blogger Calendar says three- that’s a mistake. It’s been four full years folks.

And what better way to celebrate than with some EPIC giveaways…and I’m talking EPIC. I’ve gotten almost a twenty companies that I’ve worked with over the past four years (or am working with now/in the near future) to donate items for this contest, and from porn to sex toys to accessories, I promise that these prizes are AWESOME!

What can you win?

We start with a gift from HotMoviesForHer.com, a female-run porn site that was the start of my career in the more “adult” industry. What are they offering? TWO 100 minutes packages of porn. That’s a LOT of minutes of porn!

Fascinations, who employes me as their residential sex educator, has been kind enough to offer up a $100 gift card, which is enough to get either a Pure Wand…or a Lelo Siri…or a whole bunch of other awesome sex toys!

Pink and White, whom I love dearly, is offering a Two Month, Level Two memberships to CrashPadSeries.com (I’m on it!) and a Two Months, Level One membership to their new gay boy site, HeavenlySpire.com.

NoFauxxx, the awesome queer porn company run by Courtney Trouble, is putting up a FULL YEAR’s membership to NoFauxxx.com. I’m also on here!

Babeland, one of the first sex positive toys stores and educational places is offering a Mini Morgasm kit — complete with their new book Moregasm, as well as a Fukoku vibrator, a massage candle, Babelicious lube and a Sonic cock ring!

Crystal Delights, creators of those beautiful new crystal plugs (and so to be released wands) is giving me a beautiful Champange crystal butt plug for this!

Good Vibrations, a feminist and sex positive store with shops in CA and MA, and a sex toy website, is donating not one, not two, but THREE rabbit pearl vibrators (made of vinyl)!

NippleCharms.com is offering ONE set off non-piercing needed Nipple Rings, as well as TWO stick on Bindi Charms.

Trannywood Pictures, hot guy on guy porn (with both cis and trans men) is giving away a copy of their BRAND NEW film, Trannywood Gone Wild!

MyPleasure.com is offering up a beautiful vibrator from the Vida line; the Lussuria. It’s supposed to be pretty awesome!

SexToy.com and the lovely Domina Doll are putting together a special giveaway pack for this contest. I have no idea what is inside, but I know it’ll be awesome!

Liberator, the make of amazing sex furniture is thowing a Jaz into the ring. Heck, *I* don’t even have one of these!

More porn from Early to Bed – a rocking feminist sex toy store in Chicago! They’re giving away Special Delivery, a locally made dyke porno…I want to see it!

Also donating a set of rocking Nipple Clamps is the fabulous feminist store Our Enigma in Salem, Oregon!

We’ve got a lovely donation from the Kama Sutra Closet, who is kind enough to provide a Shiri Zinn RED Ceramic dildo to give away! 

Can’t leave out one of my favorite toy makers, the wonderful Vixen Creations. They’ve offered up TWO TOYS! One Caramel Tex and one Purple Johnny. Hurray!

Aloha from Maui Kink, who as graciously given me 3 Toy Bag Guides (Playing with Taboo by Mollena Williams, Clips and Clamps by Jack Rinella and Canes and Caning by Janet Hardy) AND 2 x 15ft lengths of Natural Hemp Rope with Shears

This just in: Lelo is putting in a pair of their silky and smooth Etherea Cuffs, from their brand new accessories line!

Another last minute addition! Stockroom, that fabulous kink site, has thrown a pair of cuffs, and a beautiful flogger into the ring!

Another set of awesome items is dontated from Je Joue — a Sasi and a G-Ki! Each of these vibrators is amazing!

Instead of choosing just one winner for all of this, or trying to make packages, etc, I’m going to just use the random number generator to choose a winner for each item. If someone enters a lot in various ways, they may win multiple items. This way, I can pass on the sex-tastic love to as many people as possible! So there could be 20 winners, or even more!

How do you enter? The contest goes through October 31st (11:59pm PDT). There are lots and lots of ways to enter! For each entry, please post a comment below with a link to it (or your twitter name, FB name, FetLife name, etc), as I’ll be using a random generator to choose the winners. If you already follow/friend/fan me, just post below a comment with the name you use. Free shipping is included for  US winners only (obviously a moot point for the porn memberships/minutes) — international shipping must be paid by the winner.

1. MANDATORY: Please comment here with the top three items above that you’d like to win most! (1 Entry)

2. Become an Essin’ Em fan on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/EssinEm. (1 Entry)

3. Comment on my Essin’ Em fan page. (1 entry per day)

4. Follow me on Twitter. (1 entry)

5. Tweet about this contest on twitter — must include my @ name and a link here. (1 entry per day)

6. Friend me on FetLife. (1 entry)

7. Update your status on FetLife with a link to this page. (1 entry per day)

8. Write a blog post about this contest (5 entries, only one per person).

9. Visit the above sponsors’ sites and tell me what your favorite thing that they sell (besides what they’re giving away) is. (1 entry per sponsor, total).

10. Donate to my paypal, buy me something off my amazon wishlist, send me a present, etc (15 entries, and my eternal gratitude).

Contest begins now, so get started, and don’t forget, there are so many ways to enter, so get going!

-Essin’ Em

As you may remember, earlier this year, I reviewed the Ophoria Beyond 1 vibrator/dildo like toy. I liked it, but I had some problems with it, most notably that while I love love loved the shape of it, when I was using it either on myself or a partner, the bloody thing would go slipping and sliding. Any lube (which I put down as a must have) made it impossible to grip.

And so, I am excited to tell you that I have now gotten to try the Ophoia Beyond 3 Dildo, which is pretty much exactly the same shape, just without the vibrations. And guess what? It ROCKS. I love that it has a little loop/handle like thing at the end…it doesn’t matter how ridiculously lubricated my fingers get — I can still hold on to it like a bucking bronco.

My Beyond 3 was red. Beautiful. The options for this dildo? Red and black, my two favorite colors, making it hard to decide. It was so nice not to have to choose between pink and “whatever the other option” is. Thanks Ophoria for providing diversity in dildo colors!

The shape of the toy, as mentioned before? AWESOME. I love using it on myself, and when I use it on my partner, I can angle it so that not only is it penetrative, but that it hits alllll the good bits on the way out. Score.

I like the matte silicone (similar to what Fun Factory uses, although not exactly the same), as with lube, it doesn’t drag, but isn’t toooo slick, like I’ve had in some toys. The handle is beyond brilliant, although I wish they’d made it just slightly bigger, in order for me to be able to fit two fingers. One and a half just does not cut it.

Like all Ophoria toys, it’s 100% medical grade silicone. You know the drill; soap and water by day, 10% bleach/dishwasher/3-5 minutes in boiling water to sterilize it. Keep it away from other silicone (toys and lubes). Take good care of it, and it’ll take good care of you…oh will it.

Not my absolute favorite dildo (not harness compatible) or g-spot toy, but definitely makes the top five list for each. Four strong stars, that may eventually lean towards being five as I get to use it more and more. Bonus points for gift-friendly packaging.

Want your own? Click here to get a Beyond 3 Dildo for yourself (or lover!)

-Essin’ Em

Ok vampires, you may have met your match. Behold:

Not really, but I think it’s still a great idea. What is it? Well, Tantus made a new sex toy called the Vamp. It’s basically a 100% silicone dildo. What makes it vampire like?

First of all, it’s a much harder silicone than many of their toys. It feels quite firm, like the alabaster like penis possessed by a certain vampire written about by a certain member of the LDS church.

But it gets better, and even more Edwardian, if you will; if you take it out in the the sunlight, it sparkles. I’m not even kidding. Full on sparkly goodness, just like E.C. Does it sparkle under regular light? Not at all, which kind of makes it even more awesome.

Third thing to make this a vamp-tastic sex toy, almost Cullen-esque? You can freeze it, to make it cold, just like Edwards naughty bits.

Now, can you free any silicone dildo? Yes. But the rest of them aren’t as firm, and they certainly don’t sparkle in the sunlight, making this really a unique item in the Vampire Sex Toy craze (think I’m crazy? Have you seen the vampire fleshlight? Yeah – it’s called the Succu Dry).

What about what I thought of it? Well, I liked the suction cup like base, that seemed to work pretty well on the side of the bathtub until I wanted to take a picture of it, and then of course, it wouldn’t stick, not for love nor money. Le sigh.

I like the silliness around it. I LOVE sex toys with stories behind them. However, I wasn’t that impressed with the actual toy itself. It’s fairly true to penis shape (which is good — Tantus hasn’t had a ton of realistic cocks before, so I’m happy they did it with this one), which my own body parts don’t happen to be a fan of. And the silicone? A little bit too stiff for my own personal taste. It didn’t really hit the G-spot, which is pretty important to me, and so I was kind of let down by the actual use.

However, I am a sex toy collector, and actually have tons of unopened toys that I’ve collected just because they’re cute (like the whole “I Rub My…” line — I just need the penguin and the fishie, and my life will be complete!). I totally will be boiling the Vamp, and putting it out on display, like the amazing Vampire Parody Penis that it truly is. It’s a MUST HAVE for any serious vampire or sex toy collector.

As a side note, some other reviewers have love love loved this toy. I didn’t. Please make sure you read lots of reviews before you decide whether it is or isn’t worth it, as opinions vary.

-Essin’ Em

Toy was given to me, for free, in exchange for an honest (and pervy) review. Ta-da!

While spring certainly isn’t sprungy, and fall isn’t quite making its way into the hot and deserty state of Arizona, flowers are always welcome in my life…and that includes orchids! More importantly, that includes the Orchid G vibrator, which is a slim line vibe with an awesome bulb at the end for fantastic G-spot stimulation. And thanks to Babeland, I’m giving one away! Thanks y’all.

How do you enter to win an Orchid G vibe? I need you to help my blog bloom with flowers, because I love them so much.

1st. Be 18+ (which you should be if you’re reading this).

2nd. Know that shipping is free only in the US – other wise, winner must pay.

3rd. Comment below with your favorite flower or flower combo (1 entry)

4th. RT this on twitter and then post here to show you’ve done so(1 entry per day). Example:

@EssinEm’s blog is blooming with her Orchid G giveaway (from @babeland_toys): http://essin-em.com/2010/09/giveaway-an-orchid-g-vibrator/

5th. Post link to here on FB. Comment here that you’ve done so (1 entry per day)

6th. Post link to here on FetLife. Let me know here you’ve done so (1 entry per day).

Deadline: September 21st, 2010, 11:59pm PDT.

And it’s time to bloom!

-Essin’ Em