Sexuality Happens

I haven’t gotten to review a harness in a while, so I have to thank the lovely feminist sex toy store (in Canada) Trinity Romance for this chance to review the Velvet Vibrating Corsette Harness.

As far as harnesses go, I love love love my Spareparts Joque harness. There is nothing quite like it. However, as has often been pointed out to me, even my custom made leopard print one is not quite as femme-y as some would like. Ergo, I have endevoured to finding a fat-girl-friendly, femme-tastic, dual strap harness.

This one is pretty damn close. The promo pictures show the harness making your ass look pretty good, and in real life, it comes pretty close. Here is a picture of me in the harness, with my ass nicely framed (thanks Q for taking the photo!)

Ok. So ass looks good. Check. Plus size friendly? The straps fit up to a 60″ waist. This meant that even as a big girl, I had a LOT of extra strappage going on. A lot. To the point where I might cut them, and burn the ends so they don’t get in the way as much. So big girl fit-able? Hell yes.

Now, I have the black one, but this also comes in purple, if you’re like me and like to coordinate. It also comes with a vibrating bullet that fits in a pocket in the front and THREE adjustable O-rings. I really appreciated that; most adjustable O-ring harnesses don’t actually come with other O-rings for you to switch out.

The vibe? Meh. I could have don’t without it. Didn’t have much oomph to it, and like most small bullet vibes, it dies quickly, and has expensive batteries to replace. However, if you have a smaller rechargable vibe, like the Lelo Mia, you can use that in the same place, which is nice.

The harness looked pretty damn good on me, and fit quite comfortably, and I loved the tie-up in the back. My one issue with it is that if you choose to use a bigger cock, either thick or long, it’s going to be heavy, and honestly, this harness is not meant for heavier cocks. The velvet and stretchy rubber O-rings just don’t provide enough support. This means you might end up with a bit of a limp dick, or even worse, your cock popping out into your partner. I’m awkward, yes, but that earns a total awkward calamari from me.  Also, because the front part is solid (unlike the Joque, or the Sportsheet Bare as You Dare), you cannot use it to support toys like the Feeldoe, Nexus and Share.

All in all, this is a great, sexy harness, that fits people of all sizes, is an awesome vegan harness, a bit femme-y, and with adjustable O-rings. If you’re looking for a first time, or occasional use harness, this would be perfect. On the other hand, if you’re rocking the cock (femme cock or otherwise) on a regular basis, I’d suggest something a bit more sturdy!

Thanks to Trinity Romance for this lovely harness. If you live in B.C., Canada, tell them to bring me in for a class — I’d LOVE to teach there!

-Essin’ Em

Ok…so this contest is mostly for the boyz. When I say boy/boi, I mean someone who has a body part that they’d like to use the freaking awesome Tenga Egg on (or a partner for such). On the other hand, it’s been pointed out to me on the Tenga Egg page at Babeland.com (contest sponsor!) that you can even turn the egg inside out and use it on a Hitachi as a fun bumpy cover, so really, it is for anyone and every one.

It’s simple to enter. Just comment and tell me your favorite food/story/word that involves eggs. Think humpy dumpty, eggs benedict, who knows!

Deadline: Friday, August 27th at 11:59PM PDT.

Shipping included for US residents. Must be 18 or over to win. That’s about it for the small print.

Here is a picture of the different individual insides of the Tenga Eggs, whether you use them as male masturbators or Hitachi Magic Wand covers.

And that’s all for now folks. It’s a pretty EGG-citing contest, so comment away!

-Essin’ Em

This is a letter I wrote back yesterday to a company that I had never before heard from, who wanted me to put up a graphic above vibrator use (explaining men’s sex toy use versus women’s sex toy use…with blue and pink “men” and “women”) along with a link to their site. In fact, they were even so kind to include the code to their site, so it would be that much easier for me to link to them and provide content for my users create better, free SEO for them.

I’m not going to link to them, because that’s what they wanted in the first place. However, this is not the first company I’ve had beef with. Here are a few thoughts, all based on real letters I’ve gotten.

*If you post a ridiculous comment on my blog that doesn’t make sense, just to get your link in the comment/on my page, I WILL delete it.

*When you email me asking to set up a phone call with your CEO, please explain exactly what you’d like us to talk about. I’m oh so easily confused by lack of information.

*I do not do link exchanges. I have that all over my site. If you’d like to advertise, I have a page with all the info. Or email, and ask for the info. This is not some recently started blogspot site — this is part of my livelihood.

*It’s ok to ask for a deal on long term ads. It is not ok to try and cut my offer in half, or even more. I will refuse you. I work with other bloggers, and when one of us agrees to ridiculous ad terms, it hurts us all.

*I am not an idiot. Telling me that a link on your site, which has a way worse Alexa and PR rating than mine, will improve my traffic and make me famous, is bullshit. And just because you send me the code doesn’t mean I’ll link to you, like a little sheep.

*Asking me to re-review a toy I already own and link it to your page is ridiculous.

*Asking me to make up a review of a toy I don’t have and link it to your site is un-ethical and ridiculous.

*Asking me to join an affiliate program that has a video that won’t shut up, and graphics of huge dollar signs (ala the 80s and 90s) is silly. Continuing to bug me about it after I’ve politely decline is just plain rude and stupid.

*Please don’t offer me crappy ass jelly toys. I understand if you can’t offer Vixen or Lelo, especially if you don’t know me/my reviews yet. However, if I tell you I only review glass/silicone/medical grade plastic/metal/ceramic/wood toys, and you offer me a butterfly kiss or something similar, it means you’re not listening. Grrr.

*Complimenting my video reviews, and saying you’d love to work with me doing more reviews, videoed classes, etc, is sweet. Then telling me that you’d charge me to do so, while you made the money off of them, is just rude, ridiculous, and pisses me the fuck off.

*It’s ok if you want to advertise and haven’t read my blog. However, regardless of why you’re emailing me, don’t tell me you love my blog if you don’t, or that you’ve read it if you haven’t. Telling me that my blog would be a good match with an all gay male site is pretty silly, and shows me you haven’t read my stuff. Same goes for his and her pheremones, sex supplements, etc. It just makes you look like an idiot.

Summation: I’m not an idiot. Please don’t think you can fool me into posting your link, or bargain me down to a ridiculous price for advertising, or into paying you for services that I’m usually the one getting paid for, or into thinking that you actually know who I am/are a reader of my blog. I’d rather you just deal with me respectufully and business like. Otherwise, you get a snippy email and a big ol’ delete. Unless you really piss me off, and then I warn other bloggers about you.

The end.

-Essin’ Em

What do we have here? Its a vibrator that is a little different than what you’d expect. It’s a vibrator that is a little off the beaten path. No, it’s not Jaws vibrator, and an Abominable Snowman vibe. It’s just not quite your run of the mill vibrator.

What makes this vibe so incredibly different? Well how about that it is made of ice. Yep, you heard me, MADE OF ICE. Is that not cool or crazy or ridiculous or awesome or all the the aforementioned? What toy is this that I’m talking about? Why, its the Ice Vibe by Touche. The body of the toy is 100% medical grade silicone, the freezing cup is plastic, it comes with a little traditional bullet vibrator, and of  course, the actual part that winds up vibrating  is made of ice. I think this is the perfect toy to use in the summer to cool down when your love life is getting a bit heated up. I put more thoughts into the video about the ice vibe. Check out my video review.

As usual, a big thank you to Fascinations for the toy in exchange for a review, as well as video guy Matt who made the awesome video. The video is a bit old, but is never seen before, and now that it’s summer, what better time to share the Ice Vibe with you, right?

-Essin’ Em

I love vibrators. I love rechargable vibrators. Ergo, when I was given the offer from a certain sex toy store to review the Bsoft Rechargable Vibrator (in return for a review), I most definitely took them up on their offer.

Looks wise, it’s a pretty nice, aero-dynamic, streamlined toy. This is good. It’s also very light weight. Now, some people prefer their toys to be light weight, but I actually find it to be a bit unerving, and often times the sign of a not-so-good toy. I went in a bit of a sceptic, as all sex toy reviewers should (unless you’re buying an Njoy or a Lelo – no skeptism needed).

It’s an ok toy. Not bad, by any means. It’s made of a hard plastic, so it’s phthalate free/body friendly, and can be washed with antibacterial soap and warm water. However, note that it is not, in fact, sterilizable, and so should be a one vulva/one person toy. Because it’s plastic and not silicone, you can use either water based lube or silicone based lube with it, depending on your personal preference.

Charging was fairly easy, and I really do appreciate that they didn’t go totally overboard with the packaging. The box is small, just like the toy.

The problem was the toy itself. Well, I shouldn’t say problem. It’s a decent toy, especially for its price range. It’s hard to find a decent rechargable toy that is body friendly for under $70, and this one certainly is all of that. However, there just wasn’t much power or oomp behind it, and that’s a pretty important part of vibrators for me is something that can really provide power when needed, and be a lower level for Q as needed.

So as a beginner toy, yes, or one for someone that likes light stimulation, this is good. For anyone who has experience with vibes, it might come off a bit iffy or weak, and I’d suggest something with a little more power to it.

Want one of your own? Click here to get YOUR very own Bsoft Rechargable Vibrator!

-Essin’ Em

A Single Tail

I have tried a whole bunch of different fairly “traditional” kink stuff. I mean, the stuff you see being bandied about on an average dungeon play night. I’ve bottomed to almost everything you see on a regular basis, and learned to top on most of these things too. I’m talking rope play, bondage, fire play, violet wand play, flogging, TENS unit e-stim, spanking, punching, caning, piercing/needle play, service, fisting, orgasm control, humiliation play, paddling, rope suspension (haven’t topped with this), etc. 

One of the few things that I see on a fairly regular basis, that I have never ever tried, is a single tail. They scare the hell out of me. I mean, you spank someone wrong, and they’re going to have trouble sitting for a week (and some sore ligaments).  You humiliate someone in a way they don’t like, and you probably never play again (and they made need therapy).  But you fuck up with a single tail? You can literally flay someone in half and kill them.  And there are a lot of people in the kink scene who say they know what they’re doing, and don’t; that is how many many many accidents of all types of play happen.

For a while, my moose was dating someone who was actually pretty good with single tail, whipping in general. He had a lot of them, he’d gone through training by many people (including members of my kink family), and lots of people I trusted also trusted him. I told him more than once that if I ever decided to try out a single tail, he’d be the one I’d let do it to me.  And then he did somethings during his relationship with Evey that I didn’t find particularly trust worthy, or ethical, and decided that I was never going to let him touch me with his whips.  This was an activity where I needed a lot of trust, and I just didn’t have it in him.

So I’d put single tails out of my mind for a good, long time. I decided I wasn’t anti-single tails, just anti single tails for *me.*

And then, at Thunder in the Mountains, I watched an amazing single tail scene. It wasn’t about pain, or leaving bloody marks; no no. It was almost a dance. This woman, who I’d never seen before, and probably might not have noticed in any other context, was dancing, almost in an entrancing manner, as her partner single tailed her. She stared him in the eyes as she walked towards him, making him back up. Then she swayed into the hits, almost rhythmically taking them. She danced as he hit her, and she made him dance as he lashed out against her. While not particularly attracted to either member of this couple, nor to the type of play at hand, I thought it was one of the most beautiful scenes I’d ever watched, almost a dance rather than a scene.

Does this mean I’m ready for someone to bust my single tail virginity? Not yet, no. But it certainly put it in a whole new perspective for me.

-Essin’ Em

This toy is quite new and quite different than your average version 2.0 double dildo (think the Share by Fun Factory, or the Feeldoe by Tantus). Why? Because it has adjustable angles, using a little silicone piece to change things up.

Like the other toys in this overarching category, it’s 100% silicone, meaning you can clean it with soap and water, or sterilize it with a 10% bleach solution, dishwashing it (top shelf, no soap), or boiling it 3-5 minutes. However, litter crevices make it a bit harder to clean than some of its counter parts. Only use water based lube please!

For the most part, I was pretty impressed with the Mantric Sysil Double-Dildo like toy, and even made you a shiny video review for you to learn a little more about it, see it in action, etc. Check it out:

Thanks again to Matt and Fascinations for the video action and toy-ness.

Click here to get your own Sysil Mantric and begin the angling action!

-Essin’ Em

Inspired by the Slutty Friend, I’ve decided to make a list of things that turn me on, that make me say “oooh” or “ahhh” or “mmmm.” These are in no particular order.

-Essin’ Em

*Ties (especially gender queer/butch people wearing them)

*Q, especially when dressed up, and properly mohawked

*Eyeglasses

*Lighting

*Massages

*Thunder

*Dark Chocolate

*Ice Cream

*People passionate for social justice

*Corsets/Cinchers

*Gender queer-ness/Gender fuckery

*Other people packing

*The Hitachi Magic Wand

*Duct Tape on my Moose

*Kisses on my neck

*Knives

*Vampire Gloves

*The smell of books (especially old books)

*Black nitrile gloves

*Vaginal Fisting

*Queer Porn

*Introspective Tattoos

*Train rides

*Hotel beds

*Hot tubs

*Pools

*Being submerged

*Snow/rain/fog

*Fire

*Lilac/magnolias/lily of the valley/gladiolas scents

*Leopard print

*Certain music

*Pedicures (this is new, as of last week)

*Having my head pet

*Cuddling

*Grasshoppers (the drink)

*Breasts

Thanks to AdultSexToys.com for this sex toy to review. What is it? Why, the Vixen Outlaw of course (made of Vixskin). This is the biggest (length wise, and probably girthwise) silicone dildo available on the market.

Now, I love me some dildos, even the big ones, but when I saw the size of this (almost my forearm), I knew exactly who should review this toy; my lovely moose Evey. She is a size queen extrodinaire, and this was THE perfect toy for her to try out. So I’ve gifted it to her, and the review the follows is from her. It’s 100% medical grade silicone, so you can sterilize it (10% bleach solution, top shelf of the dishwasher with no soap, or boil it 3-5 minutes), but make sure you only use water based lube with it. It comes in vanilla, chocolate and caramel, so you have a nice color selection (if only they were flavored that way!

And with no further ado, the review from Evey.

-Essin’ Em

When Essin’ Em handed me my new toy to review, I couldn’t put it down. I probably held it for a good 20 minutes until I finally let go. I’d heard a lot of hype about the Outlaw by Vixen Creations, how it was HUGE and too big for some people. It is a staggering 8 ½ inches long and 2 inches thick of 100% sterilizable, silicone goodness. I was so ready for the challenge when she asked me to do the review for her! I’ve never met a cock that was “too big”. I’m a purebred size queen, through and through. Squeezing, stroking and touching it, it felt so realistic in my hands. It had give and felt like it pushed back to my firm grasp just like a real cock does you hold on tight. All of a sudden, I understood why everyone loves VixSkin so much. I loved how thick and substantial it felt in my grasp. THIS was a
cock I could fuck.

The first time I took it for a test drive was my second night back home in Denver. I was stressed from the beginning to what was starting to look like a long, challenging work schedule and hadn’t had sex in weeks. So I sat down on my couch, my trusty netbook full of porn and pink pocket rocket by my side. I don’t often use non-vibrating toys, and never alone that I can recall. I lined up a few videos and began warming myself up. Once I’d gotten close, I figured I was ready. I grabbed the Outlaw and slowly began pushing it into my pussy and it took a while. But once in, I pressed the tip of my vibrator into my clit and began fucking myself with the Outlaw. I had been edging and coming down for a good 20 minutes when I was ready to cum. So, I fucked myself harder as the vibrations on my clit started sending me over the edge. What happened next was completely unexpected and something that I’ve never done before. As I was cuming, the muscles in my pussy clamped down (which IS usual.. I’ve been known to push guys out with my orgasms). I responded by pounding the Outlaw into myself even harder and faster. Finally, the cock pops out of me and a gush of liquid shoots across my couch. It was such a release! I quickly shoved the Outlaw back into my pussy- because getting fucked really hard after my orgasm is one of my favorite parts of sex. No less than 10 seconds of more hard fucking and I had pushed it out again and sent another gush onto my cushions. I did this about 5 more times before I stumbled off the couch and grabbed a towel to clean up. I have squirted EVERY TIME I have used it.

But wait… there is MORE. Not only is the outlaw one of the best cocks I’ve had in me. Oh no- it’s also become my new favorite impact toy. I was at one of my local fetish clubs the weekend after I got home from Phoenix and had started an impromptu spanking scene with The Redheaded Slut. I got bored with my canes and paddles so I pulled out my cock (freshly sterilized and ready for play!). The look on her face when she looked over her shoulder to catch a glimpse of whichever toy I’d pulled out next was priceless. I proceeded to cock slap the shit out of her ass and, being the naughty little slut she is, she loved every thuddy moment of it!

Hey all!

Good Vibes is letting me giveaway this fabulous Fancy Me Kit, complete with bubble bath, massage oil, massage lotions, a massage candle and more. I mean, as we hit the middle of the summer, who doesn’t need a little help creating sensual relaxation, either by themselves, or with a partner/lover/fuck buddy/friend. Take care of yourself, mind, body and soul, and it all begins with a little pampering of yourself.

How to enter? Two ways!

1) Leave a comment here. Tell me what amazingly delicious fantasy you have around using this kit. Perhaps it’s a day alone in the bath, away from work and kids and all of those distractions. Or maybe, a romantic getaway with your love, and it involved an evening of sensuous pampering. Just leave it here.

2) Post in on twitter. Needs to include a link here, my twitter name (@EssinEm) and the GV twitter name (@GoodVibesSF).  Here is an example:

Win a Fancy Me Kit for relaxation from @EssinEm and @GoodVibesSF. http://essin-em.com/2010/07/giveaway-fmk/ RT to Win!

You can tweet once per day.

All comments and tweets will be entered now through July 20th, at 11:59 PM PST. Winner must be contactable (via email or twitter), and be willing to give their mailing address to Good Vibrations in order to have their item shipped. Must be 18 or over to win (which you SHOULD be if you’re reading this blog).

Ready? Set? Relax!

-Essin’ Em