Sexuality Happens

So here’s the deal folks.

Buy one day, send me a copy of your confirmation at EssinEm at Gmail Dot Com, and you get a little erotica poem from me to you (custom).

Buy three days,  send me a copy of your confirmation (see above), get a custom sexy picture (tell me your favorite body part/colors/etc).

Buy five days, send me a copy of your confirmation (see above), get 2 pictures and a custom piece of erotica written about you.

Buy anymore than that, and I’ll give you all the above, PLUS send you a “prize!” Perhaps lube, perhaps edible body paint, perhaps kegel balls, perhaps a toy…depends on how many days you buy.

To get all of these (or any), just head on over to the Sex Blogger Calendar page and purchase your day(s) — don’t forget, you can buy me days as presents too (I’d love love love that!). Then email me at EssinEm at Gmail dot com with a copy of your confirmation of purchase, and a little bit about you so I know what to write/take pictures of (if you bought more than 5 days, I need your address too!).

Proceedes go to the Woodhull Foundation to support sexual freedom — how can you argue with that?

That’s all – go forth!

-Essin’ Em

Hey all -

As you may know, Rori over at Between My Sheets always puts together (with help from independent judges) a list of the top 100 sex bloggers every year. I was #11 in 2008 and and #25 in 2009. I would love your support to continue to be on this top sex bloggers list.

If you read my blogger (long time reader, or relative newbie), I’d love it if you’d head over and nominate me. All you have to do is comment on this post, and make sure you use the correct URL (Essin-Em.com) You can nominate multiple bloggers as well. Need new blogs to read? Check out previous lists, or read my blogroll.

Please don’t feel obligated, but if you like what I have to say, I’d love your support in this. The rules regarding who you can nominate are below. And so off we go!

-Essin’ Em

Rules are:

To nominate bloggers for this list, just leave a comment on this post. You can also email me at rori@betweenmysheets.com or DM @SweetRori if you want to keep you nominations private. The rules are pretty simple:

1. No nominating yourself. Feel free to post about nominations on your blog to encourage readers to nominate you.

2. Each nomination should include the blog url. I don’t know everyone, and some bloggers have the same names.

3. No porn aggregation sites. Legit blogs only!

4. Blog content can be anything sex related -pictures/videos, erotica, sex ed/advice, opinion, poetry, personal journal. As long as the content is related to sexuality at least half of the time, it’s eligible. Nothing illegal, obviously. Straight, gay, bi, poly, D/s, vanilla, feminist, trans…everyone is welcome here!

5. The blog can’t be protected. It’s ok if a few of the posts are protected, but the entire blog can’t be behind a password that you have to request to read.

6.  The blog should be at least a year old, but anyone who’s been blogging since at least Jan. 1, 2010 will be considered. Special exceptions will be made for someone who has recently moved to a new blog, but was previously blogging somewhere else.

7. You can nominate as many bloggers as you like, but please try to limit to your very favorites.

8. The blog must be active, which means that the blogger posts at least once every week or so. When we judge in August, any blog with no posts during July or fewer than five posts since June 1 will be eliminated.

9. You can nominate bloggers who were on the list last year.

NEW FOR THIS YEAR: After listening to your comments, I’ve decided to go ahead and retire any blogger named in the top ten three years in a row. This will allow fresh faces to get on the list, keeping alive the spirit of the list’s original purpose – to help bloggers/readers connect and get to know one another. Every year, I’ll also list retires, so they’ll still be a part of the list as long as their blogs are active!

Nominations close on July 31. I recommend nominating your favorites right now so you don’t forget. You an also come back and leave an additional comment with more nominations if you think of someone else who deserves to be on the list.

If your comment doesn’t show up right away, please be patient. I have to moderate comments if you’ve never commented here before, and some comments need to be weeded out of the spam folder. Feel free to email me if you don’t see your comment posted within a week.

A fabulous reader of mine turned me unto this project, and I think it’s amazing. Similar to the concept of Queer Eye Candy, whose goal was to present visible queer people to the world, this project is reclaiming and celebrating queer bodies as what they are. 

This whole project is done by a undergrad student named James, who is running this project to collect pictures of queer bodies, however they may be; butch, femme, boi, grrl, different abilities, different sizes, different gender presentations, etc. Here is a little info from the queer bodies project page about the project:

Queer communities counter, reject, and reinvent ideas of family, home, love and beauty. We try to make spaces for ourselves: for bodies and desires and lives other than those we were taught. Our bodies become our stories of assimilation and resistance and redemption and gender and love. They bear the scars and stretch marks and laugh lines of lives in progress, and I feel such love and pride for each of us, these queer bodies, these people who are so marked.

I want to document the variation and ferocity of queer experience. I don’t want to situate queers in opposition to straight people. This isn’t about them. We do not need to justify our existence. We are people, and that is enough. I want to paint people who are making and working and loving and becoming whole, happy, and healthy. I chose portraits because I know that there is no one person or image that shows the whole of queer experience, it is different for each person. There are only small snippets, pieces of the greater picture, that can be found in each individual queer life.

I’m collecting images of queer people to paint so that I can document some part of queer experience. 

I think this is a brilliant idea, and I highly encourage everyone who is willing, to partcipate and bring more visibility to queer bodies.

-Essin’ Em

Here is my queer body…Photo by Michael Barone

I just found out this past week that one of my pictures has been selected to be part of the 2011 (New York) Sex Blogger Calendar. Unline in previous years that featured only NYC bloggers, this year they did a model search that was national…and models this year include people from CA, WA, AZ, and more! Way to represent.

I’m only one of many sexy and awesome bloggers who will be on the calendar.  See the list here. (Did I mention Jiz Lee and Nina Hartley are also models?!?!)

What is this calendar for?  It’s a fundraiser. In the past, proceedes have gone to many groups, most towards Sex Worker Awareness and Advocacy.  This year, they go to the Woodhull Foundation in the pursuit of sexual freedom.

Why is this important? Because we all rely on having sexual freedom, regardless of whether your monogamous or poly, kinky or not, queer, straight or something else. The fact that there are still states that have laws criminalizing the purchase and/or sale of vibrators, and laws regarding sodomy (did you know in many states, blow jobs and cunnilingus are technically illegal, although these laws aren’t often used to prosecute people). Because lots of students are graduating high school having never heard of a condom, none the less a dam. Because queer youth have an incredibly high suicide rate, and represent more than 25% of homeless youth, despite being 10% of the population. Because people are hated on for expressing their sexuality (what they wear, how they act, holding hands down the street). Because everyone should have the right to be free to be who they are, without fear of intolerence, opression, legal reprocussions, etc.

Sexual freedom affects you when you go to buy contraception/birth control (hormonal, condoms, etc). Sexual freedom affects you when you place your relationship status or “interested in” on facebook. Sexual freedom affects you when you choose to get married or not, or want to get married, but legally can’t. Sexual freedom affects you when your insurance won’t cover a presecription related to sexual health (BC, for STIs, vulvar pain disorders, etc). Sexual freedom affects you when your child’s school refuses to teach them anatomy or even basic safer sex. Sexual freedom affects you when you feel like to have to cover up a facet of yourself.

We HAVE to protect sexual freedom, as it affects each and everyone of us. Without groups like Woodhull and the NCSF, you probably wouldn’t even be able to read this blog.

What can you do? Soon, you’ll be able to purchase days on the calendar. Your birthday, your favorite masturbation day, your blogiversary, your lover’s birthday, the day you adopted your pet, whatever day you’d like. They’re incredibly cheap, and a great way to both support sexual freedom AND advertise yourself/your blog/celebrate life at the same time.  Then, come this fall, you should buy a calendar (and maybe one for each friend?), and possibly even come to the calendar release party in NYC October 1st to meet all the models (including Jiz Lee and Nina Hartley!), get them to sign their page, meet bloggers and educators, and more.

But for now, hold tight, and just think for a moment what sexual freedom means to you. I smell a contest coming up!

-Essin’ Em

The other day, I twittered something about how I was having trouble finding the right red corset/skirt/bustle combo, and jokingly suggested that I go onto a certain wedding show on TLC to have them help me find the perfect dress, and say YES to it. Some of my followers thought it was a great idea, and so I half-jokingly applied online, making it clear that I am a queer, plus size woman who does NOT want a white dress, but have my heart set on a red dress. I made my application a bit political, telling them I thought it was important for them to have more orientation and size diversity.

You can imagine my surprise when I actually heard back from them. They loved my story, and wanted to know more about me and Q (my partner), and get more pictures of me, and of the two of us. I sent them.

The casting producer seems to really like me, and Q and I were actually getting really excited. However, I had only budgeted $500 for my outfit, and while we could probably save $1000 for it, that was it. The dresses at the store on the show (which is on TLC) start at $1500. Ergo, my budget needs to be $1500-2000 to get to go on the show.

At first, I was like “this is crazy. Spending over a grand on a dress that will only be worn once (or a few times, for costume parties, etc, in my case) is out of control. I guess I just won’t go on the show.” But then everyone I talked to pointed out the importance of having a plus size woman on TV, and a queer woman (with a gender queer presenting partner), on NATIONAL TV.

So I’m going to try to do it. Many people offered to put a few dollars towards the dress. I’m going to use my frequent travel miles to get there, and stay with my partner’s family. So the cost is all the dress. Ergo, I’m trying to raise as much as I can towards the dress, and hope to bring attention both to size diversity and same-sex marriage on national TV.

I just spoke to the producer, and my filming date is June 12th in NYC.

If you’re willing to help me find the perfect red dress, and queer weddings shows on TLC at the same time, and have a couple of bucks lying around, I’d love it if you’d be willing to donate. If not, I completely understand. Just please don’t threaten me (one person on twitter said he’d like to shoot me in the head for being a queer plus size woman trying to get on TV). If it’s $5 or $50 (or $500? *looks around hopefully*), every little bit counts, and I would appreciate it very much. Please don’t donate anonymously — if for some reason this doesn’t go through, I want to make sure everyone gets their money back.

So without further ado, here is the donation button to get a queer, plus size (disable) woman on national TV trying to find her wedding dress. Please, and thank you, and please pass it on if you’re willing.

Thanks,

-Essin’ Em

This is a question I got in my email from a reader, and my answer. I’d love to hear other people’s ideas, experiences, suggestions, etc.

-Essin’ Em

I started following your blog this year and really love the stuff you post.  I’ve asked this question to a few people who I would think know a grounded answer, such as my school’s Sexual Information Center staffers and the staff at my school’s Student Health Center, but I think the first just didn’t have enough background knowledge and the second actually tried to make me feel stupid, asking if the lubricant I used was food when I specified and repeated that it was meant for sex.  I also asked a few friends, but they all came up blank.  Anyhow, I was back on your site and remembered that you work as a Sex Educator and seem lovely and smart and are maybe more knowledgeable on the subject matter.

So, my question….I had a vaginal yeast infection a few weeks ago, which is all cleared up (I did a follow-up appointment and everything, cuz I was slightly paranoid). My favorite lube is Probe, which has vegetable glycerin and I was wondering whether or not I should continue to use it.  I’d been using Probe for months before I got my yeast infection and hadn’t had any problems.  When I was diagnosed at a Planned Parenthood, I apparently had one of the mutant strains that’s more resistant to OTC treatment and home remedies and also presents differently, which they think is why I didn’t know I had one until it got really bad (my main symptom was dryness and I barely had any discharge until I was seen).  They think it could have possibly started in January when I went on antibiotics after I had my wisdom teeth extracted even though I was taking an acidophilus supplement and eating yogurt.  Damn mutant yeast.  Also, the two glycerin-free lubes I’ve tried since, Pink Water and H20 both make me sting, which is weird and concerning.  Nothing on either bottle says that there should be any sort of “warming sensation”–which I avoid because I think it’s a little weird on it’s own.  Advice? The lubes that sting me are getting chucked or given away, cuz I don’t trust them.

Sorry for the super long email.  Good luck with the blog!  Also, you can feel free to post this as a question from a reader on your blog to get a survey answer.

Me:

Odd answer for you, but have you had them check you for bacterial vaginosis?  Because I’ve had that before (right after a yeast infection, so it didn’t get diagnosed), and I had similar symptoms of burning/stinging/warming with my favorite lubes…but no itching or fish smell (usually present with BV). However, once they tested me, they found out I had it.  It’s happened now a total of 3 times…they have no idea why, but I don’t get the normal symptoms, but have the lube issue, and when I get tested, I have had BV. BV is one of those weird things you can get randomly, even if you’re not having sex, and sometimes can be a pain in the cunt to get rid of.
 
Otherwise, I’d try something organic (like sliquids organic) or more gel like and still glycerin free (like Maximus).
 
I hope that advice helps…

As some of you know, this year the New York City Sex Bloggers Calendar is going national in their search for models. I really really really want to be a part of it.

I need your help times 2.

A) I’m trying to figure out a good “pose.”  As their site says, it should represent sexual sexual freedom, what it means to you, how you express it.  I had several ideas, from doing a blind lady justice thing with scales and hand cuffs and rainbows, to being suspended in rope with my cane. I just don’t know.  I express sexual freedom by being me; by being open and honest and educatory and transparent and loud and stubborn everyday. How do I express that visually? I’d love any ideas you may have.

B) I’m in need of a photographer.  I love love love working with Michael Barone, and I think this is right up his alley. However, he lives in Pennsylvania, and I won’t be going there before May. I also contacted a local photographer I’ve met here in Phoenix who I think does excellent work and would get the whole sexual freedom thing, but she hasn’t responded to me.  This is where you come in; do you know someone in the Phoenix/Tucson area that would be interested and does great photography?  Or someone in RI (I’ll be there March 15th and 16th) or NY (I’ll be on Long Island April 1-4th)?

Any advice, suggestions, support, etc would be very much appreciated!

<3

-Essin’ Em

This showed up in my inbox, and I thought the best way to get the word out would be to put it up.  Please feel free to repost, talk it up, take it, etc.

-Essin’ Em

Hi everyone,

I’m editing a book and would love your help finding transgender/genderqueer people, as well as their parents and partners for a survey. The answers will appear as quotes in the book, similarly to Our Bodies, Ourselves.

Want to be part of a resource guide for transgender and other gender-variant people?

Trans Bodies, Trans Selves features a line-up of wonderful transgender and genderqueer authors, and they’re looking for your help to make the book amazing.

Take the survey and your thoughts could appear in the book!

Go to http://www.transbodies.com/Survey.html for surveys designed for:

-Transgender/genderqueer people

-Parents of gender-variant children

-Partners of transgender/genderqueer people

Please forward widely.

YOUR VOICE is greatly appreciated!

Laura Erickson-Schroth, MD, MA

Editor, Trans Bodies, Trans Selves

transbodies@gmail.com
http://transbodies.com

Look! Look! Finally someone is doing some research oon same-sex couples who are engaged to be married/committed. Granted, I’m sure there are others out there, but look! Someone cared enough to tap into the queer blog community to find more couples, and to do their research and all that.  So hurray!

Please show the academic world that we care. If you recognize us, we will help you. If you fit the criteria and are willing, please let this researcher know you’d like to be involved. Feel free to repost.

-Essin’ Em

Engaged same-sex volunteers needed!

I am looking for volunteers for a study of attitudes towards marriage and parenthood among engaged couples.  The study consists of a 25-30 minute online survey. To qualify for the study, you must be 20-35 years old, live in the U.S., and plan to marry or have a commitment ceremony within the next 365 days. You and your romantic partner must not have children, and this must be the first marriage for both of you.
You can:

-Help a doctoral candidate;
-Increase the pool of scientific knowledge;
-Support research on marriage and families; and
-Spend some time thinking about your relationship!

I am working with Dr. Charlotte J. Patterson, a Professor of Psychology at the University of Virginia.  This study has been approved by the University of Virginia Institutional Review Board #2009025800.

If you and/or your romantic partner are interested in participating or want further information, please email me at survey.couples@gmail.com.  I will send you a link that you can use to access the study.

Thanks!

Cristina Reitz-Krueger
Doctoral Student
University of Virginia
(434) 243-8558
survey.couples@gmail.com

Ok, I’m assuming that everyone read about my blogiversary contest.  If you didn’t, just click the link.

There were some outstanding entries, both in the accuracy and creativity divisions. The accuracy one is much easier to judge. While a few of the answers have a bit of a spectrum, most are correct or in correct.  However, I’m having a hell of a time judging the creative side!  Remember, this is not about correctness of answers, but about the awesome creativity and uniqueness of delivery. This is where you, dear readers, come in. I have three entries I’ve selected as the most creative. I need you to watch/click through/read the three, and let me know which one YOU think deserves Prize Pack Two:

A FYN Foot long case in BLACK from For Your Nymphomation

A two month long, level 2 CrashPadSeries.com membership from Pink and White

A Bed Bindings restraint kit from SexToy.com (winner will need to pay shipping)

A Goliath Silicone Dildo from Vibe Review

A Zeus Electrogasm from Extreme Restraints

A Thigh Harness from Babeland

To vote, just leave a comment here for either Andrea, Jexibitionism, or Heather by the 28th, and I’ll have all three winners posted on the 30th.

Thanks,

-Essin’ Em

Andrea, FROM GERMANY, made me a freaking youtube video of the answers, as shown here (with fabulous music choices including Goldfrapp and Goddes and She!!):

And then, there was Jexibitionism, with an awesomely photoshopped entry (my favorite part? Kali rocking out on the Liberator Scoop, which is so true to life!).

On the other hand, Heather_Daisy from FetLife entered with a creative writing sample, as seen below (because who doesn’t want to be viewed as a sex savvy super hero? COME ON!):

Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s…Essin’ Em, the sex-positive superhero! Traveling throughout the world, she shares toys, lube and knowledge to make the world a happier, more sex-filled place.

VITAL STATS

Alter Ego: Shanna Katz

Age: 23

Education: Before donning her superhero garb, Shanna received a bachelor’s degree in Sociology and German and a master’s degree in Human Sexuality Education.

Last Known Whereabouts: Recently seen in Colorado, Essin’ Em has also been spotted helping spread the joys of sex in the six states of New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Colorado, California, and Washington as well as Germany.

Primary Ability: While her ability to come copiously is well-known, Essin’ Em’s superpower is communication. Although the fact that she can roll her tongue is worth noting.

Primary Weapon: The Hitachi Magic Wand is this supergal’s most powerful tool to help one of her favorite body parts – the cunt. Some of her other favorite doodads in her arsenal against bad sex include Lelo, Smartballs, Thigh Harness, Pjur’s Body Glide, and vampire gloves.

Trademark Outfit: Dressed to kill in cat’s eye glasses and her flame corset (featuring fave colors red and black), Essin’ Em eschews the traditional spandex for something a little bit more conducive to some of her kinkier activities, including fire play and forced orgasms. Unlike other sexy superheroes, she does not wear pink.

Identifying Marks: Essin’ Em might be one of the few tatooed superheroes (most people have never seen the skull and crossbones tattoo on Wonder Woman’s inner thigh). She currently has 5 tattoos, including a femme spiral, a pig with wings, a crescent moon w/ stars and tears, an ‘all who wander are not lost’ quote, and two people embracing. While some bystanders have sworn that the tattoos physically leave her body and aid her in her fight against phthalates, no current photo or video recordings exist to prove this urban myth.

Sidekicks / Known Associates: Essin’ Em has been romantically linked with a number of other delightfully deviant perverts, including K, F, J, M, L, S, and her current partner, Q.

Essin’ Em belongs to The League of Extraordinary Bloggers, which are like the Superfriends, but with more sex. Some of these bloggers that Essin’ Em has been known to pal around with include Audacia Ray, Jamye Waxman, Lolita Wolf, Sasha Sappho, Fivestar, Always Aroused Girl, Vera Worthington, and Sinclair Sexmith, who has also been nicknamed “the Femme Finder” for her ability to help young lesbians find their identity.

Kali and Kinsey, two feisty cats, occasionally accompany Essin’ Em and help her review the non-sexual benefits of Liberator furniture.

BRIEF BIOGRAPHY She isn’t an alien from another world. She wasn’t bitten by a radioactive spider. She didn’t see her parents killed by an evil villain. Essin’ Em is just a girl trying to bring a lot of joy…and a lot orgasms…to the good people of this little blue planet.

Essin’ Em entered the kinky superhero world via her first job in the “adult industry,” as a reviewer for EdenFantasys. This led her to work with a variety of organizations to help battle bad sex, including popular toy producers For Your Nymphomation, Liberator, Babeland, Extreme Restraints, and Good Vibrations as well as porn producers Crash Pad, GoodDykePorn, and NoFauxxx.

When she’s not lusting after Jiz Lee or trying to make the world a better place by fighting for homosexual, animal and gender rights, Essin’ Em spends her time giving advice via The Lesbian Lifestyle, Out Front Colorado, and her Facebook fan page, which was set up by The Kinky Librarian.