Sexuality Happens

And so it begins. I think it was Sophia St. James that started this blog/tumblr thing, but voila:

The Femmes Holding Animals Tumblr

Contribute! Make it awesome! We, as fierce and FABulous Femmes need to represent. All animals are welcome.

I’ve looked high and low and since I’m usually taking the pictures, there aren’t many of me actually WITH the kitties, but I’ve talked to Q, and we’re going to remedy that…because honestly, who doesn’t love hot femmes holding cute animals? Just saying…

-Essin’ Em

A cohort of mine from Widener University is behind this study, and I’m hoping to get lots of women and gender diverse people (who are/have been sexually intimate with women identified people) to participate. There is very little research done on queer sexuality, especially by people who recognize the difference between women, trans (men), gender queer and gender diverse. I’d love it if you’d support this great research by taking the survey if it applies to you, or at the very least (or if it doesn’t apply), passing it on, re-posting, etc. Thanks for doing your part in helping to create queer visibility and awareness.

-Shanna

This is a groundbreaking study about the lives of women and gender diverse people who are sexually intimate with women. Please participate and forward on to others who you think might be interested. Also, after you complete the survey, you can enter to win one of three $100 gift cards.

Are you a woman who is or has been sexually intimate with another woman?

—–OR—–

Are you gender diverse or trans and sexually intimate with women?

If you answered yes to either question, please take this survey

web.me.com/sexuality/

Who Can Participate?

You qualify if you identify as a woman who is sexually intimate with another woman OR a gender diverse person who is female-bodied, assigned female at birth and/or woman-identified and is sexually intimate with a woman. You must also be 18 years of age or older.

Purpose of the Study

The purpose of this research study is to better understand the sexuality of women who are sexually intimate with women, gender diverse people who are sexually intimate with women, and those who may not identify their sexual orientation and/or gender so narrowly. In this study, sexual behavior and sexual identity will be measured to better understand women, including gender diverse people who are female-bodied, assigned female at birth and/or woman-identified, who are sexually intimate with women and those with whom they partner.

Description of the Study

This study is about sexuality and identity of women and gender diverse people who sexually partner with women. The survey will take about 25 minutes to complete. The study is completely anonymous, meaning there will be no way to trace any questions or data back to you or your computer, and it is completely free to participate.

Win a $100 Gift Card

After you finish the survey, you will be invited to enter to win one of three $100 gift certificates to say thank you for participating.

Additional Important Information

The Widener University Internal Review Board (Protocol #38-11) has approved solicitation of participants. The Primary Investigator is Debbie Bazarsky, M.S., M.Ed. If you have any questions, you may email her at sexuality@me.com.

Today, November 20th, is National (and International) Transgender Day of Remembrance. In the last few years (and this video is from last year, so there are more names and faces to be sadly added), over 100 people have been murdered for their gender identity/presentation. This doesn’t even take into account the hundreds and possibly THOUSANDS of people who are assaulted based on their gender, and tens of thousands more who are harassed each and every day.

Please watch this video. Again, it’s a year old, so many people are missing, but if you cannot take nine minutes out of your life to remember those who we have lost due to violence against the transgender community, what does that say? After you watch it, please think for a moment, or two, or ten, what YOU can do to create change in your community, in our community. How can we make it stop? This is completely unacceptable and heartbreaking. No one should have to be scare to leave their home due to their gender, and they should certainly not be scared of being killed. This is flat out wrong, and regardless of your politics, or religion, or moral views, is is NEVER ok to hurt and/or murder someone because of who they are. Ever.

If we don’t stand up and create this change, no one will. Stand up for people who are being harmed and whose voices are being heard. Create change, NOW. And always, always remember those we have lost.

-Essin’ Em

I did this last year, and think it’s worth re-doing…

-Essin’ Em

I got this idea from the brilliant site Feministing.com. Of course, now that I’m going back to try and find some of their examples of things they could do without, I can’t for the life of me find their posts. Bah, humbug.

Regardless, here is my snarky list o’ the week of things I can do without. They actually aren’t really in any particular order, just as I’ve thought of them.

10. The assumption that the average woman should be a 36-24-26, size 2, 36DD, blonde, etc, what have you. People are beautiful in so many different ways, different sizes, different colors. The average size in America is a 12-14. AVERAGE. Not a 2. 2 is a fine size. So it is 22. Let’s stop being so fucking ridiculous in our expectations and searches for perfection. People of ALL sizes, from 0 on up to 32+ are all beautiful people. The end.

9. The Tea Party movement, and I don’t mean Alice in Wonderland. Some of those people are really scary…like, they make George Bush look like a bedtime story.

8. Straight men who think that they can turn queer women straight. Straight women who thing they can turn queer men straight. Queer women who think they can turn straight women queer. Queer men who think they can turn straight men queer. Monogamous people who think that everyone should be the same. Non-monogamous people who think everyone should be the same. It’s just rude. Kinky people who want to kinkify non-kinky people. In every direction. Why are we so eager to change other people’s identities?

7. Hypocrites. Nuf’ said. They piss me off. A lot.

6. Those who do not recognize their privilege. I understand that you cannot change certain things (race, gender, age, ability, etc), and that you may not *want* to change certain things (class, appearance, etc). However, that does not excuse not recognizing that you HAVE that privilege. Do with it what you will, but at least own it.

5. Laundry. I really hate having to do it. And it takes forever, and I never have enough quarters, and our washer is broken, so I have to carry them to the laundry room, up stairs, and it’s just horrible. If I never had to do it again, I’d be estatic.

4. People who feel like they own the road/bad drivers. You *have* a turn signal. Please use it. Let people in occasionally, especially in heavy traffic, or when their lane is ending. Wave a little instead of flipping people off. Don’t go freaking 20 over, drive the wrong way down one ways, back up the street, drive over medians, etc. Really, it’s easy. Just don’t be a douchehat. Simple as that.

3. Violence as a solution. Violence NEVER has a reason to be the solution. Talk. Go punch a wall. Go have sex. Go eat a pint of ice cream. When I say violence, I mean everything from domestic violence to wars, road rage to genocide. It solves nothing. Period.

2. Spiders. Really. Ugh. I KNOW they eat mosquitos, so I can possibly amend this to “spiders that are inside” or “spiders that are where I are, and/or exist in my personal sphere of life.” But they are terrifying AND dangerous. Especially in Arizona, where we have TARANTULAS.

1. How society drives us to feel better by putting people down. We judge others on their bodies, what they where, what car they drive, where they shop, where they go to school, etc. This tears us apart. We call each other sluts, whores, fat, etc (in non-positive ways). How does taking other people down build us up? And why do we let society control us this way? I do not approve.

What are ten things YOU could do without?

First, we have Drew Devereaux and Buck Angel talking about important health care exams for people who identify as trans.

And this one is 100% Buck Angel and his awesome-sauce-ness about trans guys, and their health care.

Thank you to both of these fabulous performers for bringing attention to such an important sexuality issue. Way to go you two – thanks so much for talking about trans men with cervixes, and trans women with prostates, and all sorts of other differences that might keep people out of the doctor’s offices, when they really need check ups just as much as anyone else.

If you have good suggestions for resource lists for doctors who are LGB and especially T and Q friendly, please feel free to share!

-Essin’ Em

The other day, I tried to join a group on FetLife. In their “about us” section, they ask that all cisgender people email a moderator (despite this being Queer AND Trans group) before adding the group.  I don’t really identify as cis, since femme is my gender, and that breaks the binary, but I didn’t want anyone feeling that I was breaking the rules, as I visibly appear to be cis, so I messaged a moderator, little did I know what I was getting myself into.

I got a message back telling me that I was not “ready” for this group, as clearly I needed “Trans 101.” Why? Because I was sick of men messaging me with cock pictures asking if I wanted to play, so I directed all “bio/cis men” to my pro-domme site, telling them I didn’t have sex outside of my relationship with Q (and porn), and that if they wanted me to beat them up, I’d be happy to oblige. For money.

I purposely used the term bio in this context because most of the people messaging me on FetLife that fell into the cock-picture/play with me group would not understand the term cis or cisgender. I reached out to them where they were at. Apparently, this means I need Trans 101.

Their other complaint? I didn’t write enough about femme being my gender on my profile for it to be true. Clearly, I was just making that up. Because it’s not like I don’t write enough here and on the Femme’s Guide about Femme being a gender, and an identity, and so much more than just the feminine side of the spectrum. I ALSO needed to put it on a social network profile page for it to be true (please note, I don’t write about it on Facebook either. Why? Because I’d rather write about why I’m there, promote my blogs, and then have people come read my thoughts on gender in a blog format, rather than a note on Facebook or FetLife).

What I don’t think this person realized as they spat out hateful words towards me was exactly how much they’d hurt. I don’t identify as trans, no. I also don’t think anyone (trans or otherwise) can master gender. Why? Gender is ever constant, ever evolving. Anyone who said they know everything there is about gender is a liar, because by the time they say that, something else will have changed as people create and develop their own identities.

But for them to tell me I needed Trans 101?  Ouch. I like to think I have a fairly good grasp on trans and gender queer ettiquite, having had trans partners (and currently engaged to a person who identifies as gender queer), and having many friends of ALL different identities. I have personally chatted with Kate Bornstein as I drove her around Phoenix. I have shot for Point of Contact making sure people of all genders (including someone who identifies as a T-girl) were represented. I start the majority of my classes/workshops talking about how not everyone with a vagina is a woman, and not every woman has a vagina, etc. In smaller workshops, I ask everyone their pronoun preference before they begin. I’m teaching a workshop for TRANSform Arizona this fall on Safer Sex for Transfolk and Their Lovers (named as such by the trans organizers of this conference). I was always pointing out the difference between sex and gender, and the need to not make assumptions throughout my grad school program. I read gender theory on a regular basis. I try to change cisgender centric policies wherever I go, including aruging with local coffee shops and restaurants about creating gender neutral bathrooms.

I try to be as much of an ally as I can to ALL members of the queer community – this includes speaking out against biph0bia, validating those who are lesbian or gay identified (rather than queer identified), using my visible feminitity to educate those who might not listen to someone who presents differently, working to change policies/laws/rules to be more gender friendly, etc. For someone to tell me I need to take “Trans 101″ cut me pretty deep.

Should it matter? No. I have plenty of friends of all genders and orientations, and they were quick to tell me when this happened how much they appreciated me. However, after all my work in trying to support the T part of the queer community, and to educate myself and others, and to just be there to listen, it fucking hurts to have someone say that to me. I’m a member of the queer community too, and have just gotten a slap in the face. I, as a Femme, am apparently not queer enough to belong, unless I rub my Femme gender in everyone’s face (rather than just on here and the Femme’s guide).

And to that, I say fuck you. How dare you police my identity? How dare you tell me I’m not good enough? How dare you create a hierarchy of oppression within our minority community? You are doing us all a disservice. 

-Essin’ Em

A fabulous reader of mine turned me unto this project, and I think it’s amazing. Similar to the concept of Queer Eye Candy, whose goal was to present visible queer people to the world, this project is reclaiming and celebrating queer bodies as what they are. 

This whole project is done by a undergrad student named James, who is running this project to collect pictures of queer bodies, however they may be; butch, femme, boi, grrl, different abilities, different sizes, different gender presentations, etc. Here is a little info from the queer bodies project page about the project:

Queer communities counter, reject, and reinvent ideas of family, home, love and beauty. We try to make spaces for ourselves: for bodies and desires and lives other than those we were taught. Our bodies become our stories of assimilation and resistance and redemption and gender and love. They bear the scars and stretch marks and laugh lines of lives in progress, and I feel such love and pride for each of us, these queer bodies, these people who are so marked.

I want to document the variation and ferocity of queer experience. I don’t want to situate queers in opposition to straight people. This isn’t about them. We do not need to justify our existence. We are people, and that is enough. I want to paint people who are making and working and loving and becoming whole, happy, and healthy. I chose portraits because I know that there is no one person or image that shows the whole of queer experience, it is different for each person. There are only small snippets, pieces of the greater picture, that can be found in each individual queer life.

I’m collecting images of queer people to paint so that I can document some part of queer experience. 

I think this is a brilliant idea, and I highly encourage everyone who is willing, to partcipate and bring more visibility to queer bodies.

-Essin’ Em

Here is my queer body…Photo by Michael Barone

We all know how much I love the Crash Pad Series, so I’m using these pictures, the last of their hosted galleries this week to show you the hot action of Joie and Dorian. This couple is hot, steamy, and a little kinky…and of course, like all my eye candy, they’re queer! Enjoy the pictures from this super hot and exciting episode!

Click here to see the whole thing!

A friend of mine, who just so happens to be AWESOME, is working on an anthology of people who have genders that are non-conforming to society’s standards. I’m really freaking excited to read this book…the problem is, they are still looking for submissions to it.

So if your gender is non-conforming in some way, any way, get yourself up to write a submission for this so I can eventually read it in all of its coolness.  You can click here, or read below for more info.

Call for Submissions:

Working Title: Stalled
Editors: K. Bridgeman and A. Lee Crayton
Contact: stalled.the.book [at] gmail [dot] com
Submission Deadline: December 31, 2010

The range of gender non-conforming folks is broad.  We are men, women, genderqueers, two-spirits, trans women/transwomen, trans men/transmen, intersex, bois, grrrls, butchs, faeries, FtMs, MtFs, tomboys, drag queens, transvestites, transexuals, queers, none or maybe all of the above?*  In a society that preaches gender as rigid, fighting for gender self-determination can be challenging.  For some the process is finite, traveling from point A to point B, while others wade continuously through the mire or transcend altogether. But despite the trajectory of our own personal journey, we all experience the polarizing demands of the binary.

One way these demands are evident is in sex-segregated spaces: changing stalls, detention centers, restrooms, group homes, homeless shelters, locker rooms, and security checkpoints.*  These places can be hard to avoid, and interaction with them demands we make a choice about how we will present ourselves. With this anthology, we want to explore the sometimes difficult, layered, isolating, heart breaking, frightening, awkward, frustrating, challenging, funny, and/or queer experiences people are faced with in these settings. Stalled is a space for us to share our stories.

Gender-nonconforming individuals of all ages, published and unpublished, are encouraged to contribute to Stalled. We welcome submissions of all types: stories, poems, photos, art pieces; however you feel most comfortable expressing your personal experiences around sex-segregated spaces. Submissions should be non-fiction and based on actual experience. However, we respect the author’s prerogative to maintain characters’ anonymity.

*We recognize these descriptions are not exhaustive and are not intended to be restrictive.  We encourage and hope to engage a broad range of experiences and identities.

Submission Instructions:
• Submissions should be sent via e-mail to stalled.the.book@gmail.com.
• Written submissions should be 1500 words or less, and submitted as a .doc or .docx file with pages numbered. Illustrations should be submitted in jpeg format.

• You may submit up to 2 different pieces of work.
• We welcome both published and unpublished authors; however, if the piece you’re submitting has been published, please note where and when.
• In your cover email, please include Author’s Name, Pen Name (if applicable), Title of Submission, email address, and a brief Bio (150 words or less).

Submissions will be accepted throughout the year. The final deadline is December 31, 2010 (11:59:59 pm EST). All submissions will be responded to by the end of April 2011. Early submissions are encouraged.

I love sex toys.  It’s not a secret.  I mean, come on, I work at Fascinations. I love toys.

I also love watching how other people use toys.

One of the things I love most is watching how other people interacting with their cocks. Now, when I say this, I mean packing cocks, harnessed cocks, or even using cocks to fuck themselves.  Don’t forget, masturbation is sex too, and is pretty freaking awesome!

I love the word cock. I think it goes so nicely with CUNT. COCK AND CUNT. I could just scream them from the rooftops…and did so at some point in college. Cock to me, like cunt, holds power. And when I see someone strapped on, or pulling a packer out of their jeans, or fucking themselves into oblivion with a silicone cock (yes, I do discriminate against cocks based on material), I just get so turned on. It’s the reclaimation of the cock.

That said, I have nothing against flesh and blood cocks/pensises/dicks, etc.  But the fact that people who are not born with traditional cocks can strap it up, pack it in, or give it to themselves without a second thought of slamming the cocks in a drawer and walking away at the end of the day? That to me is an epic turn on. It’s sexual power that can be turned on or off. I feel instantly more powerful when I have a silicone cock strapped to me, and sucking my partner’s strapped on cock is infinitely hotter and sexier to me than any blow jobs on cisgender men were in the past (and let me tell you, I gave a lot of blow jobs, and I enjoyed them). I like that it provides options; “Oh, well, I can fuck you with my cock, or be fucked in my cunt, or fuck you in the ass, or the cunt, or let you fuck me in the cunt.”  It’s like a choose your own adventure of cock-y goodness!

And that, dear readers, is why, as Q would say, “I lik-a the cock!”

This post is part of the March of Cocks, sponsored by Furry Girl and her latest porn creation, Cocksexual.  I even have a piece up on Cocksexual about Femme Cock. As part of this month o’ cockyness, she’s allowing me to give away a ONE MONTH MEMBERSHIP to Cocksexual. That’s right, you can get pictures and video of some of my favorites (Jiz Lee, Miss Calico, Roxxie, Kimberlee Cline, Syd Blakovich, Bella Vendetta and more!) rocking out with their cocks out.

How to enter?

Comment here. Tell me your cock’s name (silicone, flesh or otherwise), and if it was a superhero, what your cock’s superpower would be.  That’s all. Oh so easy!

Deadline? March 31st 11:59 pm MST.  Make sure to enter before the March of the Cocks marches past!

-Essin’ Em