Sexuality Happens

So, Q and I like to play games. I know the kind you’re thinking, but we also really enjoy playing good ol’ board games like Scrabble, and fun more new fangled games like Apples to Apples. Ergo, when a certain sex toy website offered to let me review Dirty Minds, I jumped at the chance. I had some friends who used to love playing it back in college, but I’d never gotten the change to try it, and I was excited.

One chilling evening in Arizona (read: 45 degrees), Q and I cuddled up in bed, and decided that today was the day to play a fun sex-centric game. Now, note that this game is about dirty clues that lead to totally innocent words. It’s not a game to play in order to have sex, like Behind Closed Doors or Sex Casino, etc. Those games are usually very heteronormative, and not of much interest to us. However, Dirty Minds is a game that can be played by lovers, friends, family, you name it, and so out it game.

The game itself is silly for two people to play. The goal is to gain enough cards to spell D-I-R-T-Y (you start with two, and earn more depending on the quickness of your guesses/need for clues)…and in the two full on rounds we played, the game was over within three or four turns — not too much fun. However, then we took turns reading clues to each other, and guessing the word (without trying to collect the cards), and we had a lot more fun. It’s important to remember that you never have to follow the instructions of any board game; make it work best for you and your partner(s), however your imaginations may run.

Apparently, Q and I have equally dirty minds, as well as were able to figure out the non-dirty item from the clues pretty well. We actually wound up having a good deal of fun, and I can totally see busting this game out at another party we have. All in all, I was impressed. And happy to review something that wasn’t a vibrator – it’s nice to have a break as a sex toy reviewer as well. Upcoming reviews include another game, and a few books!

-Essin’ Em

This is a newer vibrator on the American market — the Chippendales Diva vibrator, availabe in either Black or White. Obviously, I went with black, as I love it when toy companies take heed of my words, and make sexy black toys, or red toys. Plus white gets too visbility dirty.

I loved the packaging. I personally like having both a satin bag AND a nice, good quality box option for storage purposes. Q does not feel the same way, and finds the box to be really annoy and taking up to much room. Each to their own I suppose.

It came with the box, the bag, the toy, and a little booklet. Simple, elegant, I actually really liked the design of the toy. However, once I saw that this took AAA batteries, I knew it was not for me. I personally like weapons grade sex toys, like the Hitachi Magic Wand. Luckily for me, and for you, gentle readers, Q likes less intense vibrators, and was quite willing, once we were finally able to find a AAA pack of batteries (we tend to use either rechargable or toys taking AA batteries), to try it out of the good of the blog, and report back to you her thoughts on the vibrator.

So now, without further ado, I present my guest interview of the Chippendales Diva Vibrator from my partner Q.

Thoughts over all: It was ok. I didn’t like the box it came in, because I think it’s too bulky. However, I know you like it. The toy itself looks nice and sleek, and when I started using it, I thought it was going to be awesome. The problem was that neither the vibration level or the frequency were what I needed.

Would you use it again?  No. I used it for a bit, but couldn’t get off with it, and found it frustrating. Wound up having to finish up with the Onye, my good ol’ back up hitter. I wanted to like it, since it looked sleek and inviting, but honestly, I can’t say that it really worked for me.

What would you suggest they try to improve it? More power. Different vibrational frequency. Less on the packaging and more on the toy itself.

All in all, it seems like the Diva offers lovely packaging and a beautiful design, but doesn’t quite have the power needed to back up the rest of the stunning toy. I’m hoping they’ll refine it, and come back with another version, as I really do love the sleek and sexy black design.

Click here if you’d like to try it for yourself.

-Essin’ Em

I’m not going to lie, I was kind of excited about getting this frou frou esque spa kit in the mail. I’m not usually a woo woo person, and aside from soy wax candles, I tend to go more for sex toys than I do for the softer, more sensual stuff.

However, when I heard I was getting the Kama Sutra Spa Pleasures kit, I was kind of excited. Why? Because Q and I have been talking a lot more about meditation and relaxation as of late. The whole meditation thing just does not work for me. It’s a bit of an epic fail. I tend to wind up getting headaches from trying it.

But relaxation? That I can work on. There is no one way to relax, and for me, I’ve found that relaxing my body (through massage, which I cannot afford very often) is one of the best ways to help my mind relax. Ergo, this kit seemed perfect. Candle? Check. Bath salts with a fancy schmancy shell to soop them? Yup. And a bottle of shower/bath gel to use after wards, as I like to shower after I bathe. Yes, I’m odd like that.

So I was excited. However, problem number one? I currently live in Arizona. By the time I got the package out of my mailbox, the candle had melted into one, big, unuseable mess. I don’t recommend shipping this to anywhere hot, particularly not in the summertime.

I liked the scent of this kit, but I felt the bath salts were a little too strong. Luckily, the nice thing about bath salts is that you can just put in as much as you want or need, adjusting the scent of the tub accordingly. The gel? That I like just plain and simple, the way it was meant to be.

Was this as relaxing as I thought? Nah. I’ll probably stick with the massage candles and massage stone, as well as a nice cup of tea and a good book. However, I think this would make a fabulous present; it’s well packaged, I love the shell scoop, and it’s just pretty overall.

-Essin’ Em

You’ll note that this review is very different than my average one.  I usually review sex toys, or books, or lubes. However, the other day, I was in Fascinations, and was talking to one of the associates, and she told me that this shot worked really well for her. Given that my poor sex drive has pretty much been out the window since my cancer scare back in January, I’ve gotten to the point where I’m willing to try pretty much anything, as long as I know it’s not medically harmful. Ergo, I bought this shot, the Rock On for HerFemale Sexual Enhancement shot/drink.

Now, I will tell you that I don’t seem to do well with supplements. Caffeine (whether in coffee, chocolate, tea, or otherwise) has never affected me. I could drink a Crowbar (4 shots of espresso, coffee and chocolate syrup) in college, and fall asleep shortly there after.  When I was working for the evil corporate gym on overnight shifts, I tried a 5-hour Energy shot one night, and promptly fell asleep at the desk. So I didn’t have much hope for it.

It tastes gross. Like, face making, gag noise making gross. However, I drank the whole thing, and then Q and I went and had sex. Did it work? I don’t really think so. I mean, we already were planning on having sex, it didn’t at all make me feel more sexual (basically, I’m all good with fucking Q, and find that really hot, but am not so hot with being sexual myself), and I certainly wasn’t buzzing with horniness.  Would I use it again? No.

That said, I have now spoken to several women of various orientations and ages that swear by this. Is it snake oil? Maybe. I’m not sure how well L-Argenine works when used internally/ingested, however, we do know it works in creating extra sensation topically. It’s possible that my body just doesn’t react well to supplements. Who knows.

Next on my list; clitoral arousal gel. Again, these aren’t normally things I’d like to try, but I’m getting desperate, just like many women out there, looking to reclaim and take control of their sexuality. I’m happy to share my experiences around this, in hopes that it’ll help others.

Want to try the shot for yourself? Click here to get a bottle. If you *do* try it, please let me know via comment or email what you thought – I really would love to know!

-Essin’ Em

As you may remember, I have very good things to say about the Jimmy Jane Form 6 (review), and I had high hopes for the Jimmy Jane Form 2. I mean, I loved the Jimmy Jane Massage Stone (review), as well as their absolutely amazing Jimmy Jane Afterglow Massage Candles (review).

We got this in pink, because that is what we were given (thanks for the toy Jimmy Jane!).  However, it also comes in a sexy slate black, as pictured above. Obviously, Q and I prefer the back, but a toy is a toy.

I was a little nervous going in, having read Epiphora’s post on the Form 2 Fail, and having heard many stories from various people about how their Form 2s seemed to eventually get a mind of their own.  I was determined to give it a good chance, as I love the Jimmy Jane brand.  We plugged it in, it charged well, and we took with with us to the hotel.

In the hotel, it was amazing. Q loved it.  It had a different type of vibration them I’m used to. Is it powerful? Oh yes, very much so.  But because of the shape, it more hugs the sides of the clit then doing a direct simulation of it (which I tend to prefer, as I am very much a Hitachi Girl). Q preferred that, because the Hitachi is often a bit too much for her (which is sad, because I love the Hitachi). We tried to replicate the issues that Epiphora had, but weren’t able to do so, making me think that maybe hers had been a fluke.

And then, Q used it while I was gone at AASECT. And when I came back, she told me the sad truth; it had started changing vibration randomly on her. Depending on the angle and the pressure, the vibration and type would suddenly change, and then go back, and then change again, and that is was incredibly frustrating. I’ve talked to other Form 2 owners, and have heard similar things from them, as well as from one woman who told me hers sometimes makes a screaming like noise as it changes vibration levels.

And if that wasn’t sad enough, we’re having a hell of a time recharging it. The cord doesn’t stay in the charge pad, and then when we force it in and are able to get it to stay, it’s so touchy to get it to charge. It has to stay exactly right on the pad to charge, otherwise, no light, no go.

It says it can be submerged, but we haven’t even gotten there yet, due to the issues. It IS, fabulously enough, made of 100% medical grade silicone (so body friendly and phthalate free), and can be sterilized with 10% bleach solution.

I love Jimmy Jane, but I think the Form 2 might need a little more refining before it’s as awesome as the Form 6.  Make your own choices, but I feel the Form 6 is a much better option right now.

-Essin’ Em

Click here to get your own Form 2, or try your hand at a sexy Form 6.

I love Lelo. Hands down, they are one of my top three favorite sex toy companies. Why? They make mostly vibrators (although they also have a vibrating cock ring, kegel balls, and a butt plug, plus the Ella dildo), and all of their vibrating toys are rechargeable. Yes, they are 100% rechargeable, so you don’t have to worry about batteries ever again. Plus, all of the different chargers fit into all of the toys, so you only need to have one around. Also, Lelo chooses to make only body friendly toys out of phthalate free hard plastic and 100% medical grade silicone.  

One of the only sex toys from Lelo I hadn’t yet tried was the Elise vibrator. I wanted it; it was black, big, and beautiful. It matched my sex toy collection, and I craved it. It was one that I didn’t have.

And now I have it.  It’s made of silicone, so it can be sterilized.  Since it has electrical parts, just wipe it down with a 10% bleach solution. Otherwise, washing it with water and anti-bacterial soap should do you fine.

To be honest, I was a little disappointed.  It was a great shape, great length, but the handle made it almost impossible to use. Q and I both liked the shape, but regardless of whether we were using it on ourselves or on each other, the handle was so small, hard to grip, and once we got lube involved? Yeah. There was no way to hold onto something like that.

Like all the other Lelo vibes, it has a great set of functions, from different levels and different types of stimulation. While we always enjoy trying all of these out (the on-off one, and the roller coster settings are pretty fun), we always end up back at the more traditional constant stimulation to really get the job done. Again, the shape is great, but it’s just so difficult ot actually use because of the handle size/angle, etc.

All in all, a good vibe. I’d give it 3.5 stars (more if you can figure out how to work the handle).  But if you’re going to invest in a Lelo toy, there are a whole bunch of better ones that I’d suggest, such as the Lelo Iris.

Click here to get your own Elise, but I think you’d be better with a Gigi or a Iris.

-Essin’ Em

I love love love massages. Not just for the relaxation, but massage is one of the few things I’ve found (aside from my epic amounts of seizure medication) that can significantly impact my migraines. I try to get one a month. Expensive? Yes, but it really helps cut down my migraines from 2-3 a week to 4-5 a month, which really really helps. I wish I could get them more, but they are too pricey.

Sometimes, Q will rub my shoulders and neck. She has strong hands, but I really need deep tissue massage to make a difference, and that takes a lot of oomph that is hard to get after a full day at work.

The Jimmy Jane massage stone has revolutionized my health. Really.

Why? It’s very easy to use/hold (it’s actually super disability friendly, as you don’t need to grab onto it tightly — you can just rest your hands on it and push it around…great for days I’m having nerve pain in my hands), so you don’t need to grip tightly, or even really exert that much energy to use it. It feels ok on just the plain skin, but add a little lotions (or oil from a massage candle), and suddenly, it’s almost like a professional level massage in bed, or on the couch, or wheverever you’re doing it.

I didn’t expect to love it, really. I thought it would be like the multitude of massagers I’ve tried that didn’t do diddly squat, and ended up in the graveyard of unwanted toys. I mean, it doesn’t even vibrate, so why would it do anything for me?

I don’t know, but it is AWESOME. Really. Q loves it too, both using it and having me use it on her back.  The coolness of it is super refreshing here in Arizona, but I also really likes how it warms up to the body.

I wish I had cons. You all know I always try to put cons in a review.  But I mean, the packaging was nice (and reusable to store it), the massager did the job it was supposed to, and did it far better than I could have imagined, it’s easy to clean (soap and warm water, or you can boil it/dishwash it as well). I just can’t find anything less than stellar to say about this piece of ceramic.

Oh! Maybe if it came in black, you know, to match everything else. There you go.

Five glowing stars for this toy/massager/thing of awesome. The end. Thanks Babeland!

Click here to choose one ofthe Jimmy Jane massage stones in various shapes!

-Essin’ Em

I was pretty excited to try out this game. Why? Because it was written by Susie Bright, who is awesome and cool and super fabulous, and I’m sick of games and romance-y things being all couples-centric in a hetero-centric lifestyle. I’ve played many a game, and while some have been at least pretty good, others have just stunk of hetero privilege.

This one? Awesome. The I Dare You game made very few assumptions. Questions were wide open, like “tell me three of your sexual experiences from the past” (as compared to “who were three people you had sex with in college?). I loved the questions and the dare, because I felt we could develop them to work for us, and there weren’t any I found (yet – we’re about halfway through it) that I couldn’t participate in due to my disability. That was also really nice.

It comes in a really nice box, which actually we’re now using to store an Onye. It’s the perfect size, and definitely worth keeping for storage. I didn’t like that each one was in a sealed envelope – I was hoping the envelopes wouldn’t be sealed, so we could reuse them. You know me, I like being a little sustainable, and having 30 envelopes I cannot reuse at all was kind of a downer.

That said, we loved the questions, loved the dares, loved the overall package (evenlopes aside) and loved that it could actually apply to us, instead of having to change pronouns, and all of that ridiculousness.  Of the couples games we have tried throughout the last year and a half, this is by far our favorite, and it certainly did spice up our sex life for that night; something that we desperately needed. So thanks Good Vibes and thanks Susie!

Click here to get your very own “I Dare You” game and have just as much fun!

-Essin’ Em

I like pretty. You know this, I know this, the whole world knows this. I’m really into matching things; red, black, white and animal print. Now, granted, I have some toys that fall outside this color scheme. When people send me free stuff, all I ask is that’s not pink; if it’s free, I know I can’t really be choosy. So I have a turquoise Form 6, and a purple Fun Factory Curve, and an orange Ina.  In the case of the Ina, they only make it in bright colors! 

However, these cuffs? They’re perfect. They are beautiful wrist restraints made in black with red scalloped edges. Not only that, but they have matching ankle restraints (and collars!). How cool is that? I’m all about looking sexy through color/style coordination, and Stockroom (who makes these) really knows how to make a submissive/bottom look sleek, sexy and sassy.

Let’s talk about the cuffs themselves.  I have a lot of kink/fetish products, but these are some of my favorites. They are absolutely goregous, fit a variety of wrist sizes (yay for fat friendly items), and just look stunning on wrists; mine, Q’s, or anyone elses. Plus, they are lined with fleece, to keep from rubbing and add a little comfort during play, if that’s your thing.

Now, Q and I have another pair of fleece lined cuffs we’ve used before, but they leave black marks on her wrists post sex because she sweats (I’m doing a lot to her — you’d sweat a lot too!) and then the dye comes off. Not a problem with these cuffs. They’re obviously VERY good quality, so no dye issues. However, they’re also still pretty affordable (get both wrist and ankle restraints for under $100!), which I love. I hate the concept that you have to be super rich to get a ton of kink toys.

What can you do with them? Let’s see. I put them on her, then tied her wrists together all tight and such with bondage rope and teased her with a variety of sex toys. Later, I attached the cuffs with snap hooks to my lovely Under the Bed Restraint System, cause their “restraints” suck, but the concept is brilliant, so I just use nice cuffs with it, and it makes it a much better, super awesome and totally not as pervy as the rest of my house set up.

I liked them a lot, and am considering getting the ankle ones as well, for a complete and beautiful set. Q liked them because they were comfortable, looked good, and could be worn for a long period of time.  We were both very impressed, and I’d give these lovely and affordable cuffs 5 stars (out of 5)!

Click here to get pretty wrist restraints, and click here to get pretty ankle restraints!

Behold, I have rope. More specifically, Japanese Bondage Rope, thanks to the folks at SexToy.com.

Why rope? Well, as we all know, I’ve always loved stuff of a kinker variety, and of all the BDSM/Fetish toys I’ve tried, I’ve never really done rope. Yes, I’ve review a few rope bondage “how-to” books like Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes and Midori’s The Seductive Art of Japanese Rope Bondage. I’ve tied up, I’ve even been suspended a time or two back in Denver…but honestly, rope has never held much of an allure for me.  I like things that get stuff going quickly (like pretty restraints) so that it is both fast and easy to get someone (usually Q) restrained, and then just as fast and easy to get them undone at the end.

But I like the look of rope in some of the decorative ways, and I really like that this rope is already black, so it matches everything I have, no dying needed. Plus, I recently attend Lee Harrington’s basic ropes class at Fascinations. And it was cool. And I wanted to learn more about ropes and playing with them, and all that jazz.

So while I usually review sex toys, this week, I’m reviewing rope.

The rope itself isn’t hemp or nylon and anything shiny and fancy like rope enthusiasts tend to love. That’s ok; I’m a rope newbie, and I’m not willing to spend $10 a foot for some rope of fancy-ness before I figure out if I even like the damn stuff.

It’s 32 feet long, which seems like an awkward number, since most of the rope books I’ve read require lengths of 10, 15, 25, 50 feet, etc. I haven’t seen a lot of “32 feet” or “16 feet” lengths required. So basically, I wish it had been 50 feet, so I could cut it into more useful and more managable lengths of rope. However, better 32 feet than some of the cheap-o rope I’ve seen for sale that is all of 8 or 10 feet, with which you can do very little.

My other problem was that the ends were fraying. Now, with my nylon rope, I just burn the ends, voila.  However, with natural fibers like cotton, it’ll just light up on fire. There is some special way to end ropes by wrapping string around them, but you know me; when it comes to bondage, I’m more of an instant gratification kind of gal.  Ergo, I just tied really small knots. Did this make it a little more difficult to actually use the rope? Yes. But it was easier and quicker and I just got the damn thing done.

As far as using the rope, I made some pretty gauntlets on my arm, and then I used it for quick bondage; speed cuffs, tying Q’s wrist restraints together, and those kind of things.

The rope is great beginner rope. Obviously, it’s nothing amazing, and so if you’re going to be a rope slut, I might go invest in some high quality, frou frou stuff. However, for someone just starting in? This rope is brilliant, it comes in black, purple or red, which I LOVE, and it’s a decent amount. I’d give it 3.5, or maybe even 4 stars, out of 5.

Click here to get your own length of rope!