Sexuality Happens

I’m creating a list. A list of sex/relationship/LGBTQ/kink/social justice/feminist/humanist bloggers who have put up at least one post that has made you stop for a moment and think. Perhaps it was about sex and gender, or about your views of relationships, or some privilege you have that you hadn’t realized that you had yet. It can be anything that made you think, analyse, re-examine, say “oh!” — whatever it is that made you stop for a moment and step outside of your own view of the world.

Often, sex bloggers get boxed into a, well, a box. We’re suppoed to write reviews, erotica, and post pictures. Lots of people who are called “sex bloggers” don’t even identify as such. However, just because someone isn’t writing about the sex they are having, but rather about navigating relationships, combating sexual violence or struggling with gender, this doesn’t mean they they aren’t an amazing blogger that can really make you think.

This list is for all bloggers who write in the field of sexuality and social justice. When posted, it will not have a numberical order — rather, it will just be in alphabetical order, because I don’t know how you can really judge the quality of someone’s writing, as everyone has such a different style.

The few rules:

*Please don’t nominate yourself.

*Blog must have at least 15 posts on it, preferrably at least 6 months old (younger blogs often disappear, and then many of the list links are dead).

*Please comment with: The blog URL, the blogger’s online name, and at least ONE link to a post that made you think. You don’t need to explain why, but please include at least one think-worthy post.

*You can nominate up to 10 bloggers. Please do one comment per blogger, for ease of actually creating the list.

*Bloggers must be somehow related to the fields of sex, sexuality, relationships, parenting, kink, poly, monogamy, social justice, equality, etc.

You have until November 30th at 11:59pm to nominate. Feel free to post about this on your blog, tweet/facebook about it, ask to be nominated, just remember that you cannot nominate yourself. Please grab the button above (made by the AMAZING Dangerous Lilly) — just please host it yourself (thanks!).

And so it begins…

-Essin’ Em

Relationships are constantly and consistantly changing. Period. Anyone who thinks otherwise is deluding themselves.

When I say relationships, I mean everything from friendships to lovers, play partners to family, etc. Relationship means two (or more) people in relation to one another.

Think for a moment about your best friend from 1st grade. Do you still talk? Do you still have the same dynamic? What about your parent/guardian? Is your relationship the same now as it was last year, three years ago, five years ago? Or your last lover/hook-up/ex? How has that relationship changed since you are no longer together?

Relationship change, everyday. I don’t understand when people say things like “this is perfect– let’s never let our relationship change.” How is that possible? Even if both (or all) people didn’t want any change, change is inevitable. As other parts of our lives change, morph, grow, crash and burn, etc, this all has an effect on each and everyone of our relationships. Resisting change is futile; only when we can accept it and work with it can our relationships truly blossom and change.

Take my moose Evey. When we first met, her primary partner was essentially trying to convince me that she would be an ideal fisting partner. However, despite that move on his part, we wound up becoming more of play partners in the kink scene. At first, it was a bit more serious styled, and then we both discovered our love of silly, amusing scenes, and we went from there. At one point, we had sex (well, not according to formerly mentioned primary, but we did according to us), and decided that we didn’t think that’s where the relationship needed to go. We didn’t repeat that experiement.

Sometimes, she’s more a service moose, helping me get around, bringing me ice, planning things, bringing people to see me. Sometimes, she’s just a moose, and we talk in ridiculous accents and plan our scenes. Sometimes, she bottoms to me, letting me play tic tac toe on her arms, or beat her up while wearing a cape. Our relationship constantly changes, depending on where each of us are (physically, emotionally, mentally, and locale-wise).

Recently, our relationship changed again. We had some play time planned at Thunder, and in the middle of it, she realized that her submission to her primary, her Master, now made it very difficult, neigh on impossible for her to get into the right head space to bottom to or submit to other people. My moose decided that while she was still open to play with others, she planned to focus more on topping.

For a moment, I was sad. I now have a bunch of beautiful new custom canes, and no one to use them on (Q doesn’t like pain). I have no one to be a silly bottom to my ridiculous top. However, then as I sat for a moment, and really thought about, I saw that this is just one more change in our relationship, one more facet for us to figure out, one more branch of growth.

Without change, relationships can grow old, and stale, and wither. It is only with change, and embracing it, can we grown, both on our own, and in our relationships.

-Essin’ Em

Passionate Bonds: Creating EmPowered D/s Relationships

Do you want to make your D/s relationship the best it can be for you and your partners?

http://www.fhp-inc.com/passionatebonds.html

Instructed by Midori & Laura Antoniou
Join Marketplace series author Laura Antoniou and educator Midori for a special weekend intensive designed for people who enjoy authentic power dynamics and D/s, who want to consciously create quality relationships that suit their personal hungers & needs in the context of the real world

Event Dates: July 30th through August 1, 2010.
Location: Private Location, Downtown Toronto
Registration now open!
Cost: $450 first person in the order, $400 for each additional individual.
Class size will be strictly limited to allow for a unique quality experience emphasizing individualized attention. Through the unique curriculum and its innovative tools, each individual or relationship unit will create their own customized manual of effective protocol, rules, etiquette and codes of conduct.

Tired of searching for the ultimate guide to your D/s or SM relationship? Do you want to make your BDSM relationship the best it can be for you and your partners?

Join Marketplace series author Laura Antoniou and internationally acclaimed educator Midori for a special weekend intensive designed for real people who enjoy power dynamics and want bring a level of authenticity and quality to their relationships.

Students will learn about the many styles of relationships we enjoy, and, through guided lessons and exercises, will discover their own unique relationship needs and systems. The instructors work closely with each student to help them learn and explore, and there is plenty of time throughout the weekend for personal reflection as well as pure fun!

There are no requirements for experience or expertise; anyone who desires or engages in relationships in which dominance and submission or the expression of power exchange is welcome. Full engagement and participation in the workshop is required; communication and a willingness to fully explore the work is of vital importance. This weekend is excellent for those already involved in such relationships or households of 2 or more people; it’s also ideal for the individual who wishes to gain a clearer concept of their own needs and desires on a solo basis.

We’re back for Eye Candy this week with one of my favorite queer-tastic, kinky as fuck and sexy as anything queer porn star Madison Young. This red head runs her own kinky bondage site, but also models for other sites, such as Hogtied.com, which is where this week’s pictures are from.

I’ve been lucky enough to meet and hang out with Madison multiple times, and she is just as sexy in real life. Add that to her ridiculous sexy brain and cutting wit, and you’ve really got the full package. I’m in awe of her and her life in general, and this shoot just shows off how much she loves what she does, plus her incredible kinkability.

Click here to see the rest of the pictures and the video from this hot bondage shoot with Madison Young.

I’m back again with the super hot, super queer, super smart Loreli Lee.  Last week, I showed her on WaterBondage.com in a sexy and submissive kind of way. Today, I’m showing a little bit of her sexy, dominant, take control, Mistress side of her on MenInPain.com.

This blonde bombshell is beautiful incredibly delicious regardless of whether she’s being submissive or dominant, and I think the pictures from this men in pain scene are incredibly hot.

Click here to see the video and all the photos from this hot, queer, woman in charge scene where Lorlei totally dominants this muscular guy and shows him who is in control. Mmm.

Photo Credit: John Foley

It’s not often that I wear gags. I hate them hate them hate them.  I have epic TMJD, some wearing them hurts. Add to that my anxiety and panic at not being able to breath or swallow (which you can while wearing gags; it’s just more difficult), and I just choose not to wear them.

However, I recently did a fetish shoot, and he had a cool harness gag on hand. Q was there, so I felt less nervous having it on, ergo, I tried it for a few frames. And I really liked this over all picture, though I still don’t like gags, and think I look really silly in them.

So please enjoy one of the fruits of this shoot’s labor. And realize that you may never see me in a harness gag again!

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

-Essin’ Em

I found this lovely video through the rocking and pervy Mollena. I then proceeded to shoot iced tea out my nose when he bespoke of his uber dominant cock.

So please enjoy the reasons why dominants can’t play a simple game of cards together.

Thanks Mollena!

-Essin’ Em

She was nervous on the way there, and asked me to drive her car.  I did, although driving in a perfectly lace corset and 5″ heels is no joke.

She was nervous as we checked in, showing our brand spanking new APEX membership cards, and checked in.

She was nervous as we got brief introductions to all the people there; girls, women, butches, femmes, dykes, bisexuals, bois, grrls, etc. It wasn’t really a queer party per se, but I did feel like we fit.

She was wearing my favorite outfit of hers – a black shirt and a red and black tie, to match my flame corset perfectly. God, she is so god damn fucking hot.

She was nervous as we sat their, munching on cheese and pre-cut fruit platters.

She was nervous when I open the toy bag, selected a few floggers, a paddle, some black zipties, vampire gloves, a knife, a vibrator, a cane and 6 clothespins, which I clipped onto her tie for ease of access.

She was very nervous as I lead her into the jail cell room, until she realized no one was there.

She was only moderately nervous as I kissed her deeply, pulling first on her tie to bring her closer, and then on her hair, as I grabbed it and held her into me.

She seemed only a little nervous as I undid her shirt buttons and jeans, leaving her in only a black ribbed tank, boxes, and of course, her tie.

She was a bit more nervous as I bent her over the table, using the zipties to hold her arms in place as I pulled down her boxers. My hands gently slid over her as, until I began to spank her, giving her a warm up.  And then, I moved on to the paddle, and then, the cane.

I had to remind her to breathe.  We need to work on that, for both of us. Breathing is, shockingly, important.

She relaxed as I rand the sharp vampire gloves and knife over her ass and back.  Again, she tensed up as I hit her with the floggers…first, the smaller, more stingy one, and then, the larger, heavy, distinctly thuddy one. Red and black, of course.

I cut the tied, and brought her to the cross, removing her clothes completely.  I made use of the clothespins – a few on each nipple, and the vibrator, as I alternated it between nipples and cunt, all the while still kissing her, biting her, licking her, playing with the clothespins on her nipples. I slapped her face a bit when she forgot to call me Mistress.

She was only a smidgen nervous when I made her lie on the table, holding the vibrator to her clit. 

She wasn’t nervous at all when I slid my fingers into her…first two, then three, then four.

She wasn’t a bit nervous as I fucked her on that table with my left hand, reaching up to pinch her nipples with my right.

She wasn’t nervous, not in any sense of the word, as I fucked her silly, in my corset and short skirt, hand disappearing into her cunt, her moans making my own drip with anticipation.

-Essin’ Em

Some people love love love rope. They love the feel of it on their skin, the feel of being secured, the look, the process of getting there. Others love doing the tying – the rope running through their fingers, the beautiful designs that they create. People can spend hours with rope, getting in and out of different ties, wearing it around, etc.

I am not one such person. Rope frustrated me.  It takes so long to do, and it really tends to cut into my play time.  I’ve been suspended, but it took so long to get up, that by the time I was flying, all my joints hurt, and I was up for all of 4 or 5 minutes before I had to come down. I’d rather just use good restraints and a spreader bar.

However, I have decided that it’s important that I learn how to do SOME rope stuff. Not a ton, but some good basic ties. They will definitely come in handy.  I’ve taught myself the gauntlet/corset ties already, since I can do them on me, and don’t need someone to practice on. Next step is to find a willing Guinea pig who will let me try out some basic bondage ties on them. Hmmmm…

I have both Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes and Midori’s The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage. While I am completely broke, I would love to get Lee Harrington‘s Shibari You Can Use. If anyone else has any other suggestions on how to learn some basic basic basic rope stuff that even I can understand, I welcome any suggestions.  Otherwise, I’ll definitely update you as to how this…adventure of mine turns out.

-Essin’ Em

Liberator was kind enough to send me a smaller item to review this time…you know, until Q and I move in together and have more room for the items I’m dying for, like the Esse or the Buckaroo (hint hint, nudge nudge).

What did I get? A set of beautiful crimson silk binding sashes — two sashes of 14 feet a piece.  You can also get a set of two 7 foot sashes, OR a deluxe set of all four sashes.

I was a little apprehensive. I mean, the sashes are absolutely stunning.  I didn’t want to play too rough with them, for fear for breaking them, or lighting them on fire, or getting wax/bodily fluids on them, etc. I held off using them until I could show them off for everyone. You know, my Femme side coming out and all.

So I waited until Spanktrum (Denver’s new women and trans play party) that I hosted back in October.  Q and I went, and before I did a fabulous and fun fire scene, I tried tying her up in a variety of pretty ways.  Some worked better than others, but always, in the end, the silk wound up sliding down her arms, and the knots/bows tightened too quickly.

Then I was lucky.  A certain feisty Femme friend of mine wanted to be tied to the St. Andrews cross and have everyone in the party come kiss, lick, suck, hit and play with her.  Since she’s not into super tight/serious bounds, and she is into pretty things like I am, I decided to use the beautiful sashes to wrap around her arms and tie her into place. Let me just tell you, she looked even more stunning than she already did in her vintage style garter belt.

These are her arms:

Only problem?  After a while, the sashes tightened a bit, and I had to let her down earlier than planned. On that note, they’re not good for any serious bondage, weight bearing bondage, or long term bondage.  On the other hand, if you’re just getting into tying each other up, these would be a really great, and beautiful option for a new bondage lover, or someone just wanting to lightly tie up their lover. I do enjoy the variety of sizes and colors, and look forward for using this to help out newbies, while still being beautiful and classy.

Also, you can keep the sashes in the package that they came in, which is really nice. You wash them in cold water, and iron as needed.  They also can attach well to Black Label liberator furniture — in my case, I tried on the Black Label Scoop.  I’d say 4 stars overall (out of 5).

To get your own set of these stunning sashes (in any of three colors; black, red or “champagne”), click here.

-Essin’ Em